


Blindsided

by ww713



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Avengers Compound, Avengers Family, Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark Friendship, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Domestic Avengers, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Love/Hate, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark has a sister, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 93,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26701054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ww713/pseuds/ww713
Summary: Penelope Stark rarely introduces herself as Penelope Stark. She doesn't care that her brother is an Avenger, except for when he shows up at her apartment at odd hours just to let her know that he's alive. She doesn't care about Captain America's star-spangled tights or Bruce Banner's terrifying alter ego. She is however, mildly interested in Thor's muscles, but who isn't? What she really doesn't care about is the man who murdered her parents and it's great because she doesn't have to. Until of course...she does."That's the beauty of it Tony, I don't have to forgive him because I don't have to deal with him."In which Tony forgives Steve shortly after Civil War and brings Bucky to the compound. Not compliant post Civil War.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 166
Kudos: 222





	1. Prologue: Snippets of Time

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my new fic! I had this idea in my head and wanted to try it out and see where it took me. I currently have two other fics going, one is nearing it's end, the other is still firmly in the middle, so I might be slow to update this one, but rest assured there will be updates. I'd love for feedback, thoughts, and opinions! 
> 
> As far as timeline goes, the only thing I really had to fudge was Tony's age a bit and the year in which Tony's parents died, which I think ended up being 1997 if I did my math correctly. I think that checks out. Anyway, enjoy and let me know what you think! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! If you've read this story before and are coming back to the beginning, I have changed a few things. I realized that I wanted this story to be in present tense, not past tense, so I've gone through and changed that completely. I have also added some things here and there throughout the story. Please enjoy! :)

Tony Stark isn't afraid of much, even less now that he has is Iron suit. First and foremost, he's afraid of ending up like his father. At present there is very little between himself and that fear becoming a reality, but he's pushed that thought down…because of course, that’s what his father would have done. Second , he is consistently a little but afraid of Pepper and Rhodey. That fear didn’t stop him from going on national television to announce to the world that he is in fact Iron Man though. Their reaction to his “completely irresponsible stunt” has been a little terrifying, but they’d cool off eventually. Third and most embarrassingly, he is and always will be afraid of his little sister. His much, much littler sister.

This fear, makes standing at her apartment door, trying to bring himself to knock, all the more difficult. He chuckles and shakes his head, he is Tony Stark, _the_ Iron Man for fuck’s sake. He isn't going to let some short, brown-haired miscreant scare him. The back of his knuckles rap lightly on her door. He waits, hearing a distinct “ _shit”_ and the clatter of bottles crashing to the ground. Her short stature isn't the only thing she’s acquired from Tony.

The door swings open and all of a sudden, he's looking into her father’s grey eyes. Her dark hair, same color as Tony’s, is bundled into a messy knot atop her head. The only thing about her that even remotely resembles their mother, is her soft mouth. When she smiled, Tony could so clearly see Maria in her. Unfortunately, she rarely smiles anymore. Maybe it's his fault...he pretends it isn't.

“Oh look, it’s Iron Man,” his sister says sarcastically. She turns away from him and collapses back onto her sofa.

Tony steps cautiously through the door. Her apartment stinks of booze and cigarette smoke. He purses his lips at her, hating that she's acquired some of his more...detrimental habits. She looks like she hasn’t showered in days, the brown flannel she has over her white tank top has a stain on the front. At a whopping twenty years old, Tony has to hope that she’ll pull out of this, hopefully not exactly in the same ways that he has.

“Really Pen?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at the empty beer bottles on the table. “You aren’t even old enough to buy booze yet.”

“’Kay well I will be in two months,” she says, looking at her phone instead of him, “and you can’t come in here and lecture me every six months on my drinking habits. It doesn’t work like that.”

He knows it doesn't work like that, but since their parents’ death, they avoided each other like the plague. A seventeen-year-old Tony has hardly knows what to do with a seven-year-old sister. Not surprisingly they drifted pretty quickly. He partied at MIT while she grew up basically alone, save for the various nannies and robots Tony has left her with. He regrets it now, but doesn't have much to change it with.

“I thought I told you to stop smoking these things,” Tony says, pointing to an ashtray that is littered with cigarette buds.

“You did,” she nods, “I ignored you.”

“What else is new?”

“I can think of a few things.”

She’s sitting up now, mostly to glare at him. Admittedly, he probably should have called her once he’d been rescued from Afghanistan, but he’d been just a tad bit pre-occupied. He is here now though, and that has to account for something right?

“Come on Penelope,” Tony says, “I’m doing my best here.”

“Don’t call me that,” she sighs, scratching her forehead in frustration.

“Fine, I won’t,” he says. He crosses his finger over his heart. She narrows her eyes at him, it’s a lie, they both know it. She stands again, moving towards him.

“The fuck is this,” she says, jabbing his arc-reactor.

“Ooh boy,” he says, “we have a lot to catch up on.”

“Tony, I thought you were dead for months. You didn’t even bother letting me know when you came back, I had to hear from Rhodey and Pep,” she says, glaring up at him furiously. “And now you’re what…flying around in a tin suit saving the world? I don’t have time for this…I have class in an hour.”

“Glad you’re still going,” Tony mumbles. He had ignored her rant entirely; he’s already heard it from Rhodey and Pepper about not going to see her upon his triumphant return. Frankly, he doesn’t need to hear it from her either, he doesn’t need to tell her that he’s messed up and to get ready, because he is probably going to do it again. “You are going to shower for that right?”

“Okay, so much fun seeing you, thanks for checking in,” she says bitingly.

“Before I go,” Tony says stopping in her doorway, “turns out Obie is uh…not really on our side this entire time. Guess Dad put his trust in the wrong guy.”

Penelope raised her eyebrows at him, her head bobbed up and down rapidly as she nodded at him. She isn’t surprised, of course she isn’t surprised.

“Yeah I could have told you that Tony,” she says, “he’s always been a dick and Dad isn’t always super perceptive. Also, you are aware that I watch the news, right?”

“Well why didn’t you say anything Pen?” Tony asks.

“You never ask my opinion on Stark Industries business,” she shrugs.

He nods, she has him there. To be fair, she has never shown much of an interest though, in fact she’s often shown a complete disdain for the company. This didn’t surprise him. Howard Stark isn’t the most attentive father, largely due to the time he spent working. He did however seem to have a little more time for Penelope, much to Tony’s irritation. Still, whatever time he had spent with his younger daughter, is limited at best. After it consumed her father, it consumed Tony, the only other person in the world she’d wanted attention from, beyond Mom and Dad. By the time Tony had figured it out, realized that maybe he should also be investing in the relationship with his little sister, she’d been burned too many times to trust him.

“Alright,” Tony says, “well I just…stopped by to check on you…and you seem to be doing fine so…great. I’m going back to Malibu tonight so…I’ll call you or something.”

“Great,” Penelope says, giving him a tight smile, “I love talking to Pepper.”

2011

“Message from Penelope sir.”

Tony sighs at JARVIS’ announcement. He pulls up the text that she’s just sent him and reads it, chuckles, tells himself he will respond later, then promptly forgets.

Penelope: Happy Birthday old man. Try not to die this year.

2012

“A nuclear bomb, through a wormhole to space? Are you a complete idiot or?”

Tony chuckles down at his little sister. Her apartment is significantly cleaner than the last couple of times he’s been there. The smell of cigarette smoke has almost completely disappeared.

“Hey, it saved your life too didn’t it?” he counters.

“So…what even is an Avenger? You all looked fruity as hell, especially that Captain America guy,” she says, indicating her head for him to follow her into her apartment.

“Yeah, well, he’s a little fruity,” Tony grins. “And you’re welcome by the way.”

“Is that really the guy Dad is always going on about?” she asks, making her way into the kitchen. Their meetings have become a little less hostile, mostly because Tony makes an effort to show up more often than every six months. She still keeps him at arm’s length, but she always at least offers him a glass of water whenever he shows up.

“One and the same,” he says, sipping the water she’s handed him.

He glances around her tiny studio apartment. There are textbooks scattered all over her bed, loose papers littered every corner of the room. He likes seeing those better than the beer bottles. Still, he doesn’t understand why she chooses to live in such a small apartment.

“You know, we can get you a bigger apartment Pen,” Tony says.

The flash of anger across her face makes him regret his words instantly. She is glowering at him as she storms over and snatches the glass of water from his hands. Penelope has her own, substantial amount of money left behind by their parents, but she rarely dipped into it. In fact, she’s always seemed frustrated by Tony’s lavish lifestyle. She is more practical, spending only where she needs and donating much of what she has. He knows it is a sore subject with her, still, he always finds himself bringing it up every chance he got.

“Well, it is lovely seeing you brother,” she says sharply. “Glad you didn’t die and stuff. Enjoy your new best friends.”

2013

T: Happy Graduation Day Pen, sorry I couldn’t make it. Proud of you for graduating early. I sent you a gift.

P: Wouldn’t expect anything less. Thanks for the car, the money I got from it is going to make a fantastic donation.

T: Penelope, tell me you didn’t…

P: By the way…blowing up all of your suits is a little dramatic don’t you think?

2015

“Come on Pen…pick up, pick up, pick up,” Tony mutters into his phone.

“What?” Penelope’s voice shoots through his ear.

“Well hello to you too, Penny Lane” Tony says cheerily. He hears her growl through the receiver at the nickname. She's always hated that nickname, almost as much as her real name. She has always hated any nickname he’s given her…save one. “You been watching the news?” he asks.

“Yeah, a murder bot, way to go,” Penelope says sarcastically. “You know I’ve been lying about my last name at the hospital? People ask too many questions once they find out I’m a Stark.”

“You could always tell them you’re a different…Penelope Stark,” Tony says, grinning against the phone.

“Right, because Penelope Stark is such a popular name,” she drawls. “What’s up? Why are you calling?”

“Can’t a big brother call his little sister once in a while?” Tony asks, teasingly.

“A normal one could I suppose,” she says flatly.

“How’s the residency?” Tony asks, ignoring her completely.

“It’s fine,” she sighs, “in fact, I’m on call right now, so I should probably go.”

“Wait!” Tony says. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m coming back to the city for a bit. Pep and I are going to renovate and repurpose the tower.”

“Cool, good to know,” Penelope says shortly. “Where are your little friends going to live?”

“Secret base.”

“The warehouse upstate then?”

“Okaaay, good talking to you Penny!”

2016

Penelope knows it is her brother knocking on her door, he has a very distinct knock. Plus no one else would show up to her apartment at one o’clock in the morning. She is about to say something quippy on the matter, until she opens the door. Tony stands in front her, looking like complete shit. He is also in a very beat-up Iron Man suit, the arc reactor has been ripped out of the middle.

“What the fuck?” she whispers at him, wide-eyed.

He pushes past her into her tiny flat and taps his suit. It opens with a loud crunching noise and he steps out of it, then collapses onto her sofa. Tony doesn’t normally come to her after fights, she stares at him in horror, wondering what has made this one different.

“You got any pain meds? Tylenol…Vicodin?” he mumbles, draping his arm over his head.

She purses her lips at him disapprovingly but goes to her bathroom to rummage around for a bottle of Tylenol. She chucks it at him lightly as she walks past him into her kitchen. When she comes back, she hands him a glass of water, then pulls up a kitchen chair to sit beside him.

“What the fuck happened to you Tony?” she asks, propping her feet up on her coffee table.

“Bucky Barnes killed our parents,” Tony says, popping back a handful of Tylenol.

“Who the hell is Bucky Barnes?”

“Steve’s best friend.”

“The bird guy? I mean…the other bird guy? The one who can actually fly?”

“No, no, no,” Tony says, waving his hand wildly in frustration.

“I was gonna say, he seemed really nice…and also you know…a little young to have killed our parents,” Penelope rambles. “So who the fuck is Bucky?”

“The Winter Soldier, Penelope,” Tony sighs. He is exasperated with her lack of knowledge about his mates.

“Tony, I’m sorry, but I have a super full life that doesn’t include superheroes and you know…evil villains, so I have no idea who the Winter Soldier is,” Penelope says, leaning back in her chair.

“Oh my god,” Tony snaps, “Roger’s childhood best friend. Believed to be dead, brainwashed by the super evil organization HYDRA to be their number one assassin, missing for two years, allegedly bombed the UN in Vienna. He didn’t by the way.”

“Wow okay, hold on let me process,” Penelope says, shaking her head in a daze. She remembers seeing the bombing on the news. Tony had said he wasn’t going to get involved, a lie, as usual. “So, this Barky guy killed our parents?”

“Bucky. Yes.”

“And I’m assuming Captain America knew about this and just…didn’t tell you?” she asks. She has never liked Captain America anyway. Not that she’s ever actually met him, he just has this…annoying “better than everyone else” way about him.

“He did,” Tony nods.

“But…Bunky is brainwashed?” she asks. “Is he un-brainwashed?”

“Bucky. And yes. Yeah, he’s un-brainwashed, but still, he killed our parents.”

“Did they beat you up Tony?” Penelope asks, looking at him wide-eyed.

“Yes!” Tony exclaims. He shoots upwards to look at Penelope. He thinks she’ll finally be on his side about something. Two against one is never a fair fight, she knows that.

“Well that’s just fucked up,” Penelope scoffs. “Why though?”

“Why…what?”

“Why did they try and beat you up?”

Tony cocks his head to the side, surely, she is joking. Did it actually matter why? Bucky has killed their parents; Steve has lied to Tony about it. Of course, Tony had to kill Bucky, there wasn’t another option.

“Penelope, he killed our parents! The man has to die…” Tony trails off. He sharply averts his eyes away from her wide, disapproving ones.

“Tony no,” Penelope gasps. “The man is brainwashed for what, seventy years?”

“He killed Mom!”

“I know! I hear you! I do, but Tony, come on, he’s probably a fucking mess,” Penelope protests. “I bet a CAT scan of his brain would be…absolutely wild,” she adds, mostly to herself.

“You’re such a little weirdo,” Tony says, watching her, shaking his head in awe. “I knew I shouldn’t have come here for help.”

“Well where’s Pep?”

“We’re uh…on a break,” Tony sighs.

“Wow that took her forever, good for her, no offense of course,” Penelope says.

“Oh yeah, absolutely none taken,” Tony says sarcastically.

“What about Rhodey?”

“He’s in the hospital Pen. This whole thing with Steve caused a big mess, the Avengers are over,” Tony replies, ignoring her quip about Pepper.

For the first time since Tony stepped into her apartment, Penelope shows a bit of real concern. He knows it isn’t because of him or the Avengers, but because of Rhodey. She absolutely adores Rhodey, probably because he acts like more of a big brother to her than Tony ever has. Rhodey actually showed up to her graduation…all of them. And he never forgot her birthday.

“Oh my god Tony, is Rhodey okay?” she asks quickly.

“No, Pen, he’s not okay,” Tony says sharply, “he’s completely paralyzed below the waist. He’ll probably never walk again. And exactly why are you not taking any of this more seriously?”

“Jesus Christ Tony,” Penelope exhales. “I am taking this seriously.”

She stands silently while he seethes on the sofa. He can hear her rummaging around in her bathroom. When she comes back, she takes a seat directly beside him and sets an open first aide kit in his lap. First, she takes some gauze and douses it in peroxide. He hisses as she holds it against his cheek.

“This needs to be stitched,” she says, rubbing the stinging gauze against the deep cut.

“Good thing my baby sister is a doctor,” Tony says dryly.

She snorts but starts prepping the coffee table with sutures and a needle. He clenches his teeth, growling at her as she digs the needle into the flesh of his cheek.

“You literally have Lidocaine right her Penny,” he says, waving the pain numbing cream in front of her face.

“Oh, oops,” she deadpans, pulling his hand down. “I’ve already started, so suck it up, you’re a big boy.”

“Has anyone told you that you need to work on your bedside manner?” Tony asks, through the corner of his mouth.

“No, generally my patients love me,” she smirks. “Look, Tone, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. Rogers completely betrayed your trust, and they shouldn’t have tag teamed you like that.”

“I swear to god if there’s a but-” Tony mutters.

“But,” Penelope says forcefully, “this Bulky guy had no idea what he is doing when he killed Mom and Dad. I mean…the amount of guilt he must feel…paired with confusion and fear. Honestly I kind of feel for the guy.”

“His name is not Bulk-never mind,” Tony says with a shake of his head. Penelope pulls back her hands and purses her lips at him. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

“Now Mr. Rogers on the other hand,” Penelope says, continuing on with her stitching, “fuck that guy. I never liked him.”

“You’ve also never met him,” Tony points out to her.

“I don’t have to, can’t trust a man in tights.”

Tony holds back a laugh, not wanting to mess up her stitching process. They are silent for a few moments while she finishes up. She sits back and looks at him, an indiscernible look on her face. He wonders if they could ever be close, or if he’s buried that chance too far in the ground.

“All I’m saying Tony, is you don’t have to be best friends with the guy, but forgiving him will only do you good,” she says, giving him a small smile. “Steve too. Take your time, hate him now, but don’t hold on to it. He fucked up in a big way, but you also created a murder bot that tried to destroy our planet and I seem to remember star-spangled man right there with you bringing him down.”

“I hear you Pen, but consider this, Barnes killed our parents and Steve covered it up,” Tony says, pressing his lips tightly together.

“Forgiveness Tony,” she says, her eyes brightly challenging him.

He has half a mind to bring up the fact that she still can’t seem to forgive him for being a stupid teenager and a reckless young man, incapable of processing his parent’s death and the new responsibility of taking care of a seven-year-old. He doesn’t though because he knows she would…eventually. Plus, he is tired, and not really in the mood to fight with the last person he has at the moment.

“So, you’ve just…forgiven Barnes for killing our parents then?” he asks, finding a different way to push back on her.

She laughs aggressively at him, then begins to clean up the mess around them. He watches her, an eyebrow raised, as she breezes past him to put her supplies in the bathroom. When she comes back, drops herself into her armchair and furrows her eyebrows at his look.

“Well?” he asks.

“Oh, I thought you were joking,” she replies. “Yeah Tony, the thing is, I don’t have to forgive Bunky or Steve. I don’t know them, and I probably never will. Your world is not my world.”

“Bucky,” Tony says again.

“Right, Bucky, whatever,” Penelope says with a shake of her head. “I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I don’t absolutely despise him for what he did to Mom and Dad, but that's the beauty of it Tony, I also don’t have to forgive him because I don't have to deal with him.”


	2. A Deal

There is a soft knocking at Penelope’s door. She ignores it, she knows who it is and honestly, her stupid big brother is the very last person she wants to see. Tony has never been one to take ‘no’ for an answer though and his knocking gets faster and louder. The throbbing in her head swells with the obnoxious rapping. From her spot on the couch, she throws an empty beer can at the door, hoping to shut him up.

“Not gonna work Penelope,” he says from the other side of the door, “open up, let’s go.”

She growls at his use of her full name. Penelope is just about the worst name a parent could give their child, especially with a prominent last name like Stark. There is absolutely zero hiding who she is, which is exactly how she got into the mess she is in now. The rapping turns to full blown pounding; he really is the worst. Sluggishly, she rolls off of her sofa, pulling her fuzzy black robe around her tightly as she trudges to the door.

It has been six months since she’s seen Tony. He had been on a roll with his check-ups, splitting his preferred amount of time almost completely in half, then his big blow-out with Steve happened and he went MIA for a few months. Penelope figures…hopes…he had been rekindling things with Pepper. She is entirely too good for him, but she makes him better, if only a little.

Tony isn’t here for a check-up though, that much she knows. Rhodey is her favorite person in the entire world, but he has one downfall, he always tells Tony everything. It doesn’t matter if Penelope has explicitly asked him not to tell Tony, he inevitably does. When she divulges to him that she’s lost her job, she knew that it would eventually get back to Tony. She suspects somewhere deep down, that she’s told Rhodey about her unemployment to avoid having to tell Tony herself.

“Hey Tony, yes, please come in,” she mumbles, opening the door. Tony bursts through the opening without any hesitation and stands in the middle of her living room, glancing around at her mess.

“I thought we were past this?” Tony says, indicating to the empty take out cartons and beer cans scattered about.

“Don’t remember agreeing to that.” She scratches her scalp. She can feel the grease clinging to her hair. Her last shower couldn’t have been _that_ long ago. Then again, she couldn’t exactly remember her last shower…so maybe it has been that long ago.

“Get your ass in the shower,” Tony says firmly.

“I’d rather just…take a nap?”

“Are you drunk? It’s 10:00 AM Penny, tell me that you aren't drunk.”

“Oh okay, because you have never been drunk at ten in the morning,” she scoffs. Tony watches her, a disgruntles look on his face, as she collapses onto her sofa again. “You know…Rhodey’s a real dick for spilling my shit. I'm not drunk by the way, just hungover."

“Yeah,” Tony chuckles sarcastically, “okay, here’s the thing Pen, when you lose your job and stop paying rent, I don’t _really_ need Rhodey to tell me. I co-signed your lease Penelope. They're kicking you out by the way.”

“Fuck,” Penelope hisses under her breath. She drags her hand over her face, her mind swimming with something to say. Tony has always been quicker than her, always.

How could she forget the small detail of her lease? She had been 17 when she found the apartment and begged Tony to let her live there. He was hesitant, she had everything she needed in Malibu, an entire wing in his mansion to herself. The truth was that she needed distance from her brother, not that he was ever actually around. She needed to branch out on her own and live life away from Tony and the Stark name. Unfortunately, a seventeen-year-old couldn’t sign a lease. It took forever, but finally Tony relented. Like her brother, Penelope also has a hard time taking ‘no’ for an answer.

Tony crosses his arms at her, opens his mouth to say something, then growls at her and turns to walk into the kitchen. He starts in, opening and closing cupboards, slamming them loudly each time the contents aren’t what he is looking for. Finally, he finds what he is looking for, trash bags. He pulls one out and loudly swishes it open as he makes his way back to her living room. Penelope can’t help but laugh as she watches him furiously clean up her mess. Tony does not clean.

“Get in the shower,” he says, glaring at her, “now.”

She almost fights back, but the look he gives her reminds her so much of the looks their father would give them whenever he was angry. A shiver runs down her spine as she stands and makes her way to her tiny bathroom. She takes her time in the shower, wanting to avoid Tony at all costs. He’s pisses, that much she knows, she’s seen it before. It isn’t a memory she enjoys reliving.

By the time she comes back out, Tony has completely finished up, and is seated on her sofa, looking disgruntles as ever.

“Thanks Tony,” Penelope sighs, scrunching her wet hair with a towel. She tosses the towel onto the armchair; Tony raises an eyebrow at her. Grumbling, she snatches it back up and carries into the bathroom.

“What happened Pen,” Tony needles her.

“The interns put two and two together and figures out that I am, indeed, _the_ Penelope Stark,” she replies flatly.

“They can’t fire you because of that,” Tony protests.

“No,” she says with a shake of her head, “they certainly can’t. One of the interns lost a sister in Sokovia though, and the hospital decided that I might be a distraction. Due to my namesake, they figured I wouldn’t have a problem finding a job elsewhere.”

“Okay my bad,” Tony says, nodding. "That one is really on me."

She glares over at him; this isn’t the first time that she’s suffered under the name Penelope Stark. She had to switch elementary schools so many times that eventually they had to pull her out for homeschooling. The amount of men who tried to date her just to get the chance to meet Tony is incredibly high. She’s stopped dating years ago because of it. Then there were the jobs, she could never really hold down a job, nor did she ever know if she is getting hire off of her merits or her name.

“You know you can’t stay here Pen,” Tony says, as she comes back into the living room. “You breeched the terms of the contract.”

“Or, I could just buy the building and be done with it,” she shrugs, tossing herself into the armchair.

“Actually Pen, you can’t,” Tony says. He licks his lips nervously, avoiding making direct eye contact with her. “I froze your accounts.”

“Tony that is my money,” Penelope growls.

“There’s almost nothing left anyway Penny,” Tony says sharply, “you’ve spent almost all of it. On what I’m not exactly sure,” he adds glancing around her bleak apartment.

“Med school isn’t exactly cheap,” Penelope mutters. He raises another eyebrow at her, challenging her for the truth. “Fine,” she groans, “I might have helped some people out with their own tuition. I travelled a bit…a lot…I tip big at restaurants.”

“Oh my god,” Tony says, tugging at his tires eyes. “Look, I’m sure mom and dad would be thrilled that their little girl is so noble, I sure am, but you still need to be responsible with your money Pen!”

“I didn’t want the money Tony, I wanted a big brother,” Penelope shoots back.

Tony laughs a short, bitter laugh as he shakes his head at her. “Well better late than never right Penny?” he asks.

“What are you talking about?”

“You need a job; we need a doctor. You need a place to live, I have rooms.”

“Oh no,” Penelope says shaking her head, “no way am I living on your freaky superhero compound, with Dr. Bi-Polar, Wannabe Robin Hood, that freaky girl with the mind powers. No way. I’m not doing it.”

“Well Star-Spangles Tights is back too, and Thor,” Tony says through a tight smile. “Nat’s there too, you like her. And you’re favorite, Rhodey.”

“Tony…that is your world…wait Thor is back?” she inquires, considering his proposal for a moment. She shakes her head furiously, “No, wait never mind I don’t care…wait _Steve_ is back?” Her head shot towards him, giving him an incredulous look.

“Wild that it took you that long,” Tony says. He blinks aggressively at her. “Yeah… I took what you said into consideration Penny.”

“You didn’t,” she gasps. Tony has never really taken anything she’s says into consideration. This is either a huge moment for them, or a blip on their very linear relationship.

“Don’t get excites,” Tony deadpans, “the man is still a major pain in my ass and I regret listening to you almost every day.”

A blip she realizes. She scoffs at him, shaking her head in disbelief, because even if it is a blip, Tony still did a big thing forgiving Rogers, huge even. Maybe his Avengers friends weren’t all bad, they did seem to be having quite the positive influence on him. Still, that doesn’t mean that _she_ wants to live with them.

“Well I’m proud of you for…you know being the bigger person for once,” Penelope told him.

“Right, for once, no, yeah I totally didn’t risk my entire life to fly through a wormhole and drop a nuke on space terrorists. That isn’t me,” Tony mutters, sarcasm coating each word.

“It loses it’s importance when you bring it up any time someone tries to give you a little constructive criticism.” Penelope rolls her eyes heavily at him. “What about his murder friend, Bonky? What’d you do with him?”

“Bonky? Okay, now I know you’re just making shit up,” Tony says with a short a laugh.

“Well who the hell is named Bucky?” Penelope furiously demands.

“It’s a nickname…kind of like Penny,” Tony smirks.

“A nickname for _what_? And Penny is cute, Bucky is…ridiculous really.”

“His full name is James Buchanan Barnes.”

“Oh! James Barnes!” Penelope exclaims. “Yes, I remember that name now, Captain America’s best friend. That's right, I did a whole unit on the Howling Commandos in the tenth grade. Pretty sure that woman you hired to homeschool me has a bit of an obsession with Captain America to be honest.”

“Oh boy,” Tony says, lifting his eyes skyward. They close as he presses his fingers against temple in frustration. “Anyway, he’s in Wakanda getting reprogrammed so that he’s not…you know, murderous.”

“Wakanda? How exactly? Wakanda is a developing nation,” she says, scrunching her face in confusion.

“Yeah, okay, we have a lot to go over,” Tony sighs, “come on, pack up some stuff. I’ll have movers come and take care of the rest.”

Penelope snorts at her brother. He is nothing if not persistent…and annoying…and absolutely insane. Familial traits no doubt, but she really didn’t think she is nearly as annoying as Tony. She hopes she’s inherited just enough of their mother to counter at the very least that.

“I still haven’t agreed remember?” she says, her eyes glinting with a challenge.

“You don’t have to agree, remember?”

“Tony, you guys already have a doctor,” Penelope presses. “You don’t need me. Besides, I didn’t finish my residency, I isn’t even halfway through it.”

“Cho lives in South Korea,” Tony tells her, “if there’s an emergency we need someone who is already there, someone we don’t have to fly in. And you'll be working with a super solider and a literal god. What better experience is that?”

“Tony, no,” Penelope says firmly. She crosses her arms over her chest, as if that is going to do anything to get him off her back. “We can think of an alternative. I’ll find another job, somewhere else.”

“You’re so stubborn,” Tony groans. “What if we made a deal?”

“A deal?” she asks, shaking her head despondently.

“Yeah, a deal,” he repeats. “You come work for me for…a year. If you still absolutely hate it, I will push through your residency and personally make sure that you have a job, wherever you want. I’ll even throw in living accommodations.”

Penelope considers him for a moment. It sounds like a pretty decent deal, she can handle anything for a year, even Star-Spangles Tights. There is something he isn’t telling her though. He’s always been more than happy to keep his and Penelope’s lives from intermingling. In fact, Penelope figures that his life would have been much less complicated if she hadn’t been in it at all, he’s never given her any reason to think otherwise. Now, he is trying, almost desperately, to get her to be a part of it.

“Tony, why are you pushing this?” she asks, eyeing him for potential tells.

The look he gives her is uncharacteristically serious. He doesn’t show her this side of himself, to be fair he didn’t really show her much of himself. He sighs heavily, taking a moment before he answers her question.

“I don’t know Pen,” he shrugs lightly, “maybe all of this avenging business has made me hyperaware of the fragility of life and my impending doom. Maybe I’ve come to the realization that it’s time that you and I stop pushing each other away. Maybe this is my incredibly unorthodox way of reaching out to you and trying to salvage this incredibly broken relationship.” He pauses, watching her take in her words, then he let a small grin spread across his face. “Or maybe I’m just incredibly desperate for a doctor who I know I can trust.”

She glares at him, pursing her lips. She chucks a cushion at him, he laughs as he blocks it from hitting his face. Of course, Tony wouldn’t have left it at that, he can’t. Tony Stark doesn’t do feelings; he especially doesn’t do feelings with his sister. But she knows his words are genuine, the fear behind his eyes when he spoke about his impeding doom had been blatantly visible. His tone has given her a pause for concern. The Tony she’s grown up with has acts like there is nothing in the world that could take him out. This Tony has seen too much and come to terms with his mortality. Maybe this Tony is one she could reconcile with, and if not, it is only a year.

“Fine Tony,” she sighs, pushing herself out of her chair. “It’s a deal. One year…one,” she adds, eyeing him cautiously.

“That’s all I’m asking,” Tony says, raising his hands up at her.

Good, she thinks, because a year is all he is going to get. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter- Penelope meets the Avengers :)


	3. Penelope Meets the Avengers

“Where’s Happy?” Penelope asks, standing beside Tony’s shiny red car. She has a box of her things; Tony drags a suitcase of her clothes behind him.

“He’s my head of security, not my personal driver,” Tony replies.

“Boy things change quickly in your world,” Penelope mutters.

“You got fired from your job, kicked out of your apartment, and are moving in with the Avengers in less than a week,” Tony says flatly. “Just…get in the car, will you?”

She watches him lift her suitcase into the backseat of the car and get into the driver’s seat. He looks unnatural doing it. Tony hadn’t exactly helped Penelope move ever or done anything remotely close to it. To see him help her in such a…domestic way is jarring to say the least. She drops her box of things in the backseat next to her suitcase, then climbs into the passenger’s seat. Glancing over at Tony, a small smirk forms across her face. Her stomach grumbl loudly; Tony looks over to raise an eyebrow at her.

“Cheeseburgers?” she asks.

Tony’s eyes glint for a single solitary moment. He bites back a smile; she knows his weaknesses. His face turns though, and he shakes his head at her.

“No,” he says, “bad for you.”

“You’re joking right?”

“I’ll make you a smoothie at the compound…or Rhodey will, whatever.”

“Oh my god is it too late to change my mind about this?”

“Sure is,” Tony grins.

Penelope groans and drops her seat back. She sleeps through most of the ride, which, to be fair is a difficult task what with Tony’s insane driving and blaring music. When they arrive at the compound a couple of hours later, Tony nudges Penelope awake. She turns over and opens an eye at him. He juts his chin out towards the building looming in front of them.

Rolling her eyes at him, she pulls the door handle, then kicks the door open with her foot. She stumbls to her feet and tugs nervously at the ill-fitting flannel she wore over a white tank. Looking down at her light wash, holey jeans, and beat-up Converse, she thinks briefly that she can have tried at least a littler harder with her image. Then she remembers that impressing these people is the least of her worries.

Penelope can literally feel the apprehension and regret leave her as she looks up to see Rhodey waiting for them right outside the entrance. He’s beaming broadly at her and holds up a paper Burger King bag. With a giddy laugh she runs to him. She throws her arms around his neck. He laughs too, hugging her warmly and lifting her off her feet.

“Hey Pip,” he says. He gives her one last squeeze before setting her on her feet. He places his hands on her shoulders, pushing her back a bit to get a better look at her. “You hungover?” he asks.

“How can you tell?” she asks through pursed lips.

“You have Tony’s eyes,” he smirks, “incredibly easy to read and just a little unfocused when drunk or hungover. Plus…the cheeseburger.” He hands her the bag and she takes it, excitedly pulling out a neatly wrapped piece of heaven.

“Traitor,” Tony says, narrowing his eyes at Rhodey as he approaches them. He snatches the cheeseburger from Penelope’s hand and takes a giant bite. Chewing triumphantly, he smiles at her, “You texted Rhodey…really?”

"Rhodey's got my back," she shrugs.

"My best friend," Tony says, pointing to Rhodes, "mine."

“I’m going to hate it here,” Penelope sighs to herself as she looks up at the compound.

“Oh, come on now,” Rhodey laughs. He nudges her lightly, “don’t set yourself up for that. It’s not all bad, you get to poke needles into Captain America and pop Tony’s bones back into place.”

“I guess I can get behind that,” Penelope nods slightly.

Tony gapes at her, half the cheeseburger in his mouth, the other half still in his hand. She winks at him, then knocks the burger from his hands. He watches it fall to the floor, eyes wide. When he looks back up at her, his eyes are narrowed angrily at her.

“If I don’t get it, no one gets it,” she shrugs.

Rhodey snorts beside them. Tony exhales fervently, then turns to walk into the compound. Penelope glances up at Rhodey. He shakes his head, still laughing, then places his hand on her back to usher her inside. She isn’t surprised by the modern, streamlined look of the place. Tony likes things to look neat and uncomplicated. Penelope preferred something a little homier.

She follows her brother and Rhodey through the grand terrace and up some stairs and into what seemingly functioned as the heart of the compound. At the center is a long table with chairs, used for super special superhero meetings no doubt. Next to it is a large kitchen with a dining area attached. On the other side of the conference table is a living room, equipped with cushy couches, chairs, and a giant flat screen television.

They are scattered across the room, the members of Tony’s team. As nonchalant as they tried to look, she knows that it is highly unlikely that every single one of them would be present all at once. They are of course, waiting for her, and that makes her nervous. She takes a tentative step forward and is abruptly cut off by a human being dropping down from seemingly nowhere. A scream escapes her and all eyes in the room are on her in an instant.

“Jesus christ, what the fuck?” she pants, clutching her chest.

“Sorry,” the young man says regretfully, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She pauses slightly; this one is a completely new face. Despite his height, pushing at least 6ft tall, he looks young. His mousy brown hair falls in a mess around his baby face. Penelope realizes immediately that he can’t be more than sixteen…maybe seventeen.

“I’m Peter Parker, I guess you'd know me as Spider-Man though,” the boy says brightly, offering her his hand. “Anyway, Mr. Stark has tells me a ton about you. I don't live here, but sometimes I stay over after trainings and such,” the boy prattles on.

“Mr. Stark?” she asks, raising an eyebrow at Peter. She shakes his hand, then turns to scowl at Tony. “A kid Tony?” she asks. He shrugs innocently at her, giving her an apologetic smile.

“That’s what I said,” comes a drained voice.

She spins back around to see Captain America walking towards her. He purses his lips and shakes his head lightly at Tony, as he walks by to stand in front of her. It is jarring to see him out of uniform. His black long-sleeved shirt is altogether too tight for him, and Penelope is surprised anywhere sold jeans in his size. His dirty blonde hair is perfectly coiffed, making him really look like the picture of perfection. Penelope knows better though and almost instantly despised him.

“Wow, okay,” Penelope says, looking up at him, “you are…pretty impressive in person. Although, I guess I thought you’d be bigger.”

He lets out an uncomfortable laugh and raises his bright blue eyes to meet Tony’s. Again, there is nothing for Tony to do except shrug. She knows she is embarrassing him. Serves him right, she doesn’t belong here, and she would prove it.

“I’m Steve Rogers,” Captain America says.

“Yeah, I know,” she snickers. “Penny,” she adds, shaking his hand. She instinctually grabs his upper arm and gives it a squeeze. “Oh, wow, okay so this is all real then,” she nods, “got it.”

Steve raises an eyebrow at her but is forced to take a step back before he can say another word. A massive hand clasps his shoulder and pulled Steve back slightly. Penelope is suddenly face to face with the arguably more impressive Thor. For as awkward as Steve looks in everyday clothes, she is surprised to see that a literal god wore them so well. The dark gray button up and black jeans that he wore fit him like a glove, she still wonders who makes clothes that big though. His long blonde hair is tied back, and he beams down at her. It is contagious, she can’t help but smile back.

“Little Stark!” he exclaims jovially. “Feel mine!” He bends down slightly and proffers his giant arm in front of her. She raises an eyebrow at him, which he returns with an encouraging nod.

“Wow,” she nods, squeezing his huge arm, “yes, this is…yep, you’re also, very impressive.”

The laugh he barks out causes Penelope to jump slightly, but she regains her composure quickly. He looks slightly down at Steve, giving him a wink. Steve joins his laughing, as he shakes his head and walks back to the kitchen where he’d started. Penelope breathes a sigh of relief catching sight of Natasha, standing in the living room.

“Oh, thank god,” Penelope says rushing towards her to give her a hug.

“What, I’m not as impressive as those two?” Natasha asks with a smirk.

“I think we both know that you’re far more impressive,” Penelope laughs.

“I think we _all_ know that she’s far more impressive,” Thor corrects from behind her.

His booming voice causes her to jump her again. Nat squeezes her arm reassuringly; she also knows how little Penelope wants to be there.

“Wait, how do you know Tasha?”

Penelope catches sight of two young men standing behind Natasha. The one on the left is tall and lanky, with sinewy forearms and sharp eyes. The man next to him is shorter and sturdier, African American, his deep chestnut eyes are bright, and his mouth is twisted into a smile. He is much friendlier looking than the blonde next to him. It is the tall blonde who has spoken to her though. He steps forward, to stand next to Natasha.

“Oh…you’re the bird boys,” Penelope nods, recognizing their faces.

“Pen,” she hears Tony groan in the distance behind her.

“Bird boys alright,” the shorter man says with a laugh. “You know Clint…I kind of like it.”

“You would,” the blonde smirks.

“I’m Sam Wilson by the way,” he tells her. “I’m the bird boy that can actually fly.”

“Okay,” the other scoffs, “your wings aren’t even real.”

“Barton,” Steve shoots behind them, “maybe you’d like to introduce yourself?”

“Oh, right,” the young man says, “I’m Clint. So how do you know Tasha?”

Penelope looks at Natasha and smiles, her eyebrow raises. Out of everyone she’s met so far, she thought that these two are actually people she can be friends with. Maybe it is because they are, for the most part, normal.

“Well back when she is pretending to be my brother’s personal assistant, she comes to my apartment to deliver a birthday present and takes me to lunch, since you know…my loving brother is just too busy,” Penelope explains.

“I was actually in the process of dying, but we can leave that part out, sure,” Tony mutters, interrupting her.

“Anyway,” Penelope says sharply, “she kept coming around and eventually tells me who she actually is, sometime before you all wrecked New York.”

“Okay, fair,” Clint nods.

“We did not _wreck_ New York,” Tony protests, “we saved it.”

“I seem to remember a lot of wreckage.”

The sarcastic yet timid voice comes from behind her in the kitchen. Penelope is getting overwhelmed by the onslaught of people. There is still the witchy girl and the terrifying looking robot/human hybrid that she’s yet to meet, though she is vaguely aware of their presence, also in the kitchen. Bruce Banner isn’t scary or intimidating though, at least not in this form. Other than Rhodey and Nat, he is also the only other person who Penelope has met before, albeit only once. He’d been at Tony’s Malibu house when she had briefly stopped by to drop off a Christmas present a few years ago. The fact that Bruce had been invited for Christmas and not Penelope had just been an extra dose of salt in her open wound. Tony has insisted that she was always invited, she left shortly after her arrival.

“Hi Bruce,” Penelope says with a small wave.

“Hey Penny,” he smiles.

It isn’t Bruce’s fault that her brother is a dick, she has to remind herself that. Penelope feels herself tense as the young auburn-haired woman moves from the kitchen counter towards her. Her features are soft, but Penelope knows what she is capable of.

“I’m Wanda,” the young woman says with a serene smile. She has a thick Sokovian accent. Penelope glances at Tony as Wanda reaches out her hand for her to shake. “I’m not going to bite, I promise.”

“Oh, I’m not worried about the biting,” Penelope says, crossing her arms over her chest, “I’m more concerned with the mind reading.”

“I only do that when provoked,” she replies, a smirk spreading across her lips. “Something tells me that you and I aren’t going to have that problem.”

Penelope’s eyes narrow at she considers the young woman. Slowly she raises her hand to meet Wanda’s, she gives it a small shake.

“Alright Wanda,” she says, “it’s nice to meet you.” Wanda smiles at her and bows her head in acknowledgement. Penelope turns to the last remaining member of the team, “I guess you’re next,” she tells The Vision.

He cocks his head and smiles lightly. His maroon face and mechanic looking eyes are a bit disorienting, but Penelope is used to Tony’s machines. This isn’t a machine though, not entirely; it isn’t entirely a man either.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Penelope,” he says to her. “You can call me Vision, or Vis if you’d prefer. Whatever feels more comfortable.”

She gasps at the sound of his voice, her eyes shooting over to Tony. It doesn’t even matter that he has called her ‘Penelope’, that is at the very back of her mind. Tony winces at her, waiting for her to unleash her confusion…her anger.

“Why does he sound like JARVIS?” she asks sharply.

“Oh, did I forget to mention that part?” Tony asks. Rhodey groans beside him, shaking his head at his best friend. “I can explain,” Tony says quickly, then he shakes his head, “no, never mind, it’s a lot to explain. Essentially Banner and I uploaded JARVIS’ programming into Vis…among other things, during his creation.”

“What happened to JARVIS?” Penelope asks.

The room goes tense around her; she can almost taste the tension on her tongue. Tony sighs, dropping his head forward. When he lifts it back up, his eyes are apologetic as they found hers.

“JARVIS as you know him is gone,” Tony says finally.

“Great,” Penelope laughs darkly, “you waited until now, in a room full of complete strangers, to tell me that my artificial intelligence babysitter is dead? Super cool of you brother.”

“You left your little sister alone with a disembodied voice?” Steve asks Tony disbelievingly.

“Whoa, stay out of this Rogers,” Penelope says sharply, “you are so not allowed to shoehorn yourself into Stark family matters after the shit that you pulled last year.”

Steve’s eyes widen, horrified at her meaning. He keeps his mouth shut though. She turns her back to Tony who is proudly smiling at her. He drops the grin as her fierce eyes turns towards him.

“Okay, admittedly, I should have told you sooner,” Tony says, raising his hands defensively, “and maybe not in a room full of people.”

“You think?” she asks sharply.

“If it’s any consolation,” Thor says from the kitchen, “this is small compared to things my brother has done.”

Penelope gapes at the large man, leaning into the corner of the kitchen counter. He is going to town on an untoasted pop tart, eagerly watching the entire thing unfold. It is actually comical how ridiculous he looks; Penelope can’t help but laugh.

“You know you’re supposed to toast those right?” Penelope asks raising an eyebrow at him. “Like…in a toaster?”

Thor’s mouth stops moving immediately, he looks down, agape at his pop tart. He brings his pop tart to the toaster and places it gently in one of the slots, then presses down the lever. Everyone is silent as he stares down at the small metal box waiting for his treat to warm up. He recoils only slightly as the toaster popped and gingerly retrieves his pop tart. Looking at Penelope, he bites into the pastry. His eyes widened and then close, he moans delightfully at his pop tart.

“Better?” she asks him, raising an eyebrow.

He nods, then his eyes snap open. He glares wildly around at everyone else in the room, holding onto his pop tart as though it is a prized possession.

“You people tell me nothing,” he growls at them, “I have been eating these wrong for months now!”

“I mean it’s really a preference,” Clint mutters from across the room.

“He’s right,” Sam nods, “a real personal preference you know?”

“Watch your backs Bird Boys,” Thor says, narrowing his eyes and smirking devilishly at the two young men, “we still have training later.”

“Looking forward to it,” Clint winks. Sam grins too, clapping his hand on Clint’s shoulder.

“We good Pen?” Tony asks apprehensively.

She sighs heavily; they are not good, not by a long shot. He is so desperate for them to be good though, and admittedly she is enjoying Thor and the Bird Boys. All she has to do is make it through the year. So, she nods at her brother.

“Yeah Tony,” she says, “we’re good.”

“Hey Steve, have you seen the keys to my bike? I’m starving and….oh...uh…what is everyone doing in here?”

“Fuck,” Tony whispers sharply.

The tension that filled the room before is nothing compared to the tension that surrounds Penelope now. Tony and Rhodey’s eyes have both gone impossibly wide. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Steve shake his head lightly at someone behind her. She doesn’t recognize the voice; she turns to see who it is, but she doesn’t recognize the young man’s face either. He isn’t very tall, but he looks bulky beneath his bomber jacket. His long, dark hair falls effortlessly around his face. He is shrugging lightly at Steve, his crystal blue eyes looking at him in pure confusion. It dawns on Penelope who this man must be. She can feel the heat rising in her as she whips back around to Tony.

“You said he was currently residing in Wakanda,” she breathes furiously.

“I did, I did say that,” Tony nods, “what I actually meant to say is that he had previously been in Wakanda and now he is residing at the compound. Maybe, you know what Pen, maybe we talk about this…you know, somewhere else?”

She takes in a sharp breath, weighing her options. It would be too much to make two scenes in front of the entire Avengers in less than an hour. On the other hand, she really did not want to go anywhere with Tony. What she wants is to go home or somewhere far away from exactly where she is now. Her heart races, saliva forms pools in the back of her throat, she might vomit. She glances around the room, knowing she has to consider her next move swiftly.

“Alright,” she says in a low, even voice, “someone needs to get me out of here. Now.”

There is a jangling sound behind her, she turns sharply on the man who murdered her parents. He is holding up a set of keys and he gives her a small shrug. It takes her a brief moment to process, Bucky Barnes’ offer, but no one else is stepping up.

“Found my keys,” he says shortly. “Guess they were in my pocket.”

“Bucky,” she hears Steve groan in her peripheral.

“Where’s your bike?” she says, jutting her chin out at him.

He steps forward, directly at her. Instinctively she counters back, and he hesitates for a moment. Then, slowly, he reaches out a black artificial hand, it is laced with gold and unlike anything Penelope has ever seen before. Her hand twitches as she considers taking it.

“Penelope wait,” Tony says warningly.

Tony’s voice is enough to send her over the edge. She wants to get back at him, for today, for every day before it. So, without another thought, she places her hand in the hand of James “Bucky” Barnes. He smiles at her, then pulls her past the Avengers, past Tony, and out of the compound altogether.

Rhodey has to physically insert himself between Tony and the door they leave wide open. Tony tries to push past him. He probably would have made it too, but Natasha also steps in to restrain him.

“Let them go Tony,” she says gently.

“That’s my sister,” Tony barks. He pushes himself against them aggressively. Rhodey gives one final push, causing Tony to stumble backwards. He takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his hair, trying to calm himself. “Fine…I’m fine.”

The room has cleared except for Steve. He closes the door and walks back over to Tony. Tony glares up at him, shaking his head.

“I thought you says he wouldn’t leave his room,” Tony snaps.

“Well, I didn’t think he would,” Steve sighs, “he hasn’t since we brought him here.”

“You should have told her Tony,” Natasha says sharply.

“Yeah, well that is painfully obvious thank you Natasha,” Tony says sarcastically. “The plan was to get her here and then break it to her.”

“What’s done is done,” Steve says, “hopefully he can pull out some of the old-fashioned Bucky charm that I’m praying is still in him.”

“Right,” Tony nods, “except…you know…he did kill our parents so that’s going to be pretty difficult to charm his way out of.”

“Out of the two of you Tony, she’s the reasonable one,” Rhodey says with a laugh. “I mean she is the reason you let him live here in the first place and the reason Steve’s back while we’re at it.”

“Alright give me some credit,” Tony says crossing his arms, “I did have to do the actual forgiving.”

“You’re right Tony,” Steve says with a soft smile, “I’ll never be able to repay you, you know?”

“Oh, I know,” Tony nods. “Does he know that she’s partly here to monitor him and make sure his brain is working properly?”

“I didn’t want him to know that we had reservations yet,” Steve says, shaking his head. “Does she know that?”

“Rogers, you dumbass, she didn’t even know he was here until thirty seconds ago,” Tony grumbles. “I’m such an idiot,” he adds.

“Unbelievable,” Natasha scoffs. “I thought you two would have learned that communication is key in maintaining a relationship of any kind.”

“So what…do we go after them?” Tony asks.

They all look up as they hear Bucky’s motorcycle loudly drive by. They’d be out of the complex soon enough, but that doesn’t matter, Tony has tracking devices on their phones.

“Not yet,” Steve says, “I think maybe we should just wait a bit…let this one play itself out.”

Tony hates agreeing with Steve, but he nods, admitting to himself that maybe giving them some space is the best course of action. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this update! Thank you for reading :)


	4. Cheeseburgers and Mythology

Penelope doesn’t know where James Barnes is taking her. In truth, she doesn’t care, although…the longer she sits on the back of his bike, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, the more aware she becomes of the man she has left with. When he finally stops, it is in the parking lot of a dingy looking burger joint in quite literally the middle of nowhere. As she pulls off her helmet and slid off the bike, she wonders how the place stays in business. She raises an eyebrow up at James Barnes.

“Really?” she asks.

“You looked hungry,” he shrugs at her.

“I looked hungry?”

“Okay I made that up, I’m hungry. Do you want anything?” She shakes her head as he held up a thumb towards the burger place. “Suit yourself.” He thrust his hands in the pockets of his jacket and walks off.

“Fuck,” Penelope sighs under her breath.

It is suddenly very evident that she is at some backwoods burger joint with no way out, accompanied by the man who murdered her parents, and she is hungry, very hungry. In a fit of frustration, she kicks James Barnes’ motorcycle. It does nothing more than send shooting pain up through her leg. She lets out a guttural growl and limps off to a wooden picnic table off to the side of the sad looking building.

Crawling over the bench to sit on the table, Penelope pulls out her phone, then groans, shoving it back in her pocket. Of course, there is no signal, because why on earth would there be signal. If only it were dark outside, then she’d be living in a literal horror movie. She watches James Barnes exit the restaurant and look confusedly at his bike. He scans the area and nods as his eyes fall on her. James Barnes is bulky, but he isn’t very tall, and he the way his face fell naturally made him look like he is always just slightly confused. Save his shaggy shoulder-length hair and the scruff around his face, James Barnes does not scream horror movie murderer, which Penelope finds amusing, seeing as he is the closest thing she’s met to horror movie murderer.

He walks over to her but doesn’t sit once he reaches her. He does place his brown paper bag next to her though and pulls out a cheeseburger. Penelope’s stomach growls and she mentally kicks herself for not asking him for anything.

“So,” he says, biting into the cheeseburger, “do I get to know your name or…”

He doesn’t know who she is. Either he hasn’t put two and two together, which is incredibly likely, or Tony and the others just hadn’t told him about her, equally likely. Either out of habit or fear of what he might do upon realizing she is a Stark, she feels it best to withhold that particular piece of information for the time being.

“I’m Penelope,” she replies, offering only her first name.

“Penelope?” he snorts, “that’s an interesting name.”

“That’s rich coming from someone named _Bucky_ ,” she says, glaring up at him. His head shoots up to meet her gaze, but he doesn’t ask how she knew his name.

“It’s a nickname,” he says curtly. “I’m James-”

“Buchanan Barnes, also known as Bucky, yeah I know,” she nods. “It’s a pretty ridiculous nickname.”

“Well, I am sure a name like Penelope lends itself to plenty of ridiculous nicknames,” he says, taking a bite of his cheeseburger.

“Are there fries in here?” she asks pointing to the bag. She doesn’t wait for his response before digging her hand in to pull out some fries. She isn't sure if they are actually the best fries she's ever tasted, or if she is just exceptionally hungry, but she unintentionally groans as she chews. 

“By all means, help yourself,” he laughs.

“Penny is the nickname people usually give me,” she says, shoving another handful of fries in her mouth.

“Sounds like a cartoon character.”

“Again, you’re called Bucky.”

“Point taken,” he says. “So, do you like being called Penny or can I call you something else?”

“Um.”

The question threw her. No one ever really asks her what she likes to be called. Penny is just the first thing that usually came to people’s minds and Tony has called her Penny for so long that she hasn’t even stopped to consider if she actually likes it. Rhodey of course has called her Pip since he met her, but that is different, only Rhodey is allowed to call her that. James Bucky Barnes looks up at her prolonged silence.

“Does I break you?” he asks.

“No,” she says sharply. “I’ve just never considered it. Throw me a nickname and I’ll see if I like it,” she says nodding her head out towards him.

“Well shit, you’re kind of putting me on the spot here Penelope,” he sighs, scratching his head with his free hand.

“You seem to be quick on your feet,” she replies. “I mean other than losing your keys in your pocket, you were fast enough to get me out of there.”

“Okay, I did not lose them in my pocket, I just forgot they were in there,” he says with a laugh, “and I was already on my way out. I don’t know, I actually really like Penelope?”

“Really?” she asks. “I fucking hate it.”

“It suits you,” he shrugs.

“You don’t even know me,” she challenges.

“Yeah,” he nods, “that’s true. It’s a good name though. Do you even know who Penelope is? In Greek mythology I mean?”

She raises an eyebrow at him. Never in a million years did she think that James Buchanan Barnes would know anything about Greek mythology. She shakes her head slowly, even if she had known she would have lied just to hear him tell it.

“Penelope is the wife of Odysseus,” he tells her. “she waited for his return for twenty years, refusing to marry anyone else. She has her pick of suitors, she could have married anyone, but she chose to wait.”

“Well,” Penelope scoffs, “that’s a little much, don’t you think? I mean what if he'd never returns?”

“Maybe it is a little much,” he shrugs, “or maybe she just couldn’t imagine loving anyone else. He does return though and they were reunited. She never gave up her hope for him,” he pauses here for a moment then finishes with, “I think that’s the important part.”

It comes as no surprise to her that James Barnes finds unwavering loyalty and unyielding faith in another person important. After all he’s been through, he probably needs to believe that those things exist in others. He is lucky that Steve Rogers is his best friend.

What does surprise Penelope, is how moved she is by his story. In some ways she can relate to the Penelope in this Greek myth. After all, she has spent her entire life waiting on Tony to be an actual brother to her. Even now, when everything in her told her to cut her loss and move on, she still can’t give up on him. If that doesn’t reek of unwavering loyalty, she doesn’t what does.

Then there is something in the way he says ‘Penelope’. She has always felt like it was an awkward name, too heavy on the tongue. When James Barnes says it, it flows out of his mouth with ease. He makes it sound whimsical, soft. It’s different and she likes it.

“Okay,” she says slowly, “you can call me Penelope.”

“Yeah?” he asks. She nods her response. “Alright then,” he says, smiling proudly to himself.

Their eyes meet briefly; his smile spreads to her. In spite of herself she smiles back. When he glances back down at his cheeseburger, she rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Stupid of her to allow him to call her by her full name. Stupid of her to actually find him amusing, charming even.

“So, Penelope,” he says, “why’d you want out of there so fast? Are you a new member of the team or something?”

She sighs; she’s known the questions would be coming. There was no way he was without them, and she probably does owe him some sort of explanation. Then again, does she really owe James Barnes anything? Probably not, but he has rescued her from Tony and the others when she really needed it, and she is at the very least, grateful for that.

“Well,” she says, taking in a deep breath, “not exactly. I’m the new on call physician.”

“You look a little young to be a doctor,” he says, glancing up at her.

“I am, I’m not even finished with my training,” she replies, “but my brother has a very difficult time taking no for an answer.”

Mid-bite, James Bucky Barnes pauses, his eyes widen as he processes her words. Slowly, he lifts his head to look at her. He hones in on her features, examining her face carefully. The pieces were clicking for him, she can see the recognition dawn on his face.

“Fuck,” he breathes.

She can see his body entire body tense and knew he must be going on the defensive. Suddenly she realizes that he is probably always going to be more afraid of her than she could ever be of him.

“Relax Barnes,” she says quickly. “Look at me, I’m 5’2 on a good day, there is literally no way I could take you out…even if I wanted to.”

“You should want to,” he says, ignoring her demand to relax.

“Well I don’t,” she says sharply. He jolts and moves backwards at her harsh tone. “Look,” she softens, “the truth is that I would be a bit of a hypocrite if I wanted you harmed or dead in anyway.”

“What?” he asks, shaking his head.

“I told my idiot brother to forgive you and Rogers,” she sighs, “and he does. So now you’re living with Tony…and I’m about to be living with you too.”

“You don’t have to forgive me,” he tells her, “I’m not asking for your forgiveness, I wouldn’t…ever ask that of you.”

She nods her head as she took him in. He is still on edge, but his words were sincere. It can’t be easy living among so many people he’d unintentionally wronged, Tony is far from the only person on the compound that Bucky has hurt. She knows Tony probably isn’t making it easy on him either. His ocean eyes watch her anxiously, and she wonders how many times he’s been in this exact situation. Facing someone who’d been victimized by his actions, actions that were always completely out of his control. Penelope hates herself for feeling sympathy towards him, but she can’t find it in her to feel anything else.

“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice shakes as he speaks, “about you parents…Howard was my friend and…I’m…I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am.”

Penelope slides off the table and moves towards him slowly. He counters her, taking another step backwards. He reminds her of a wild animal, corners and fearing for its life. There are two things she is sure they are both sure of; first, he can take her out swiftly and easily, and second, that under no circumstances would he even try.

“Bucky,” she says slowly, “I forgive you.” He stares at her, blinking in disbelief. “Also,” she adds cautiously, “I think we should be friends.”

“Friends?” he lets out a shocked laugh. “Are you insane?”

“I’m a Stark,” she shrugs. “Besides, nothing in the world would infuriate Tony more than us being friends. I know it.”

“I am not looking to infuriate Tony Stark,” Bucky says, raising his hands up and shaking his head.

“I am always looking to infuriate him,” Penelope smiles. She moves forward again, this time he lets her without taking another step back. “Here, let me take that for you,” she says, grabbing the rest of Bucky’s cheeseburger.

He opens his mouth to protest but isn’t fast enough. She saunters back to the table and bites into his half-finished burger, her wild eyes grin up at him. He laughs, not sure of what else to do.

“You really are insane,” he tells her, shaking his head.

“Here,” she says, lifting up the brown paper bag, “I left you some fries.”

Bucky snatches the bag of half-eaten fries from her and climbs up on the table to sit beside her. She can’t believe that she is sharing a cheeseburger and fries with the Winter Solider. As true as it is that she wants to drive Tony crazy, she also genuinely wants to be his friend. Something about James Bucky Barnes desperately makes her want to trust him. Maybe it is his eyes and how they beg her for forgiveness even though he himself wouldn’t, maybe it is because he helped her out of tough spot without knowing who she is, maybe it is just the way that he says her name; she isn’t sure, but it doesn’t really matter.

“This is weird,” James Barnes says beside her, eating his fries. He lets out a breathy laugh and shakes his head in disbelief.

“Oh yeah,” she nods, laughing with him. “Definitely weird.”

They both looks up at the sound of a revved engine and screeching tires quickly approaches. Penelope knows it is Tony before his car can even be seen. He pulls wildly into the parking lot and screeches to a halt. Penelope and Bucky watch as Tony scrambles to get out of the car. Rhodey, in the passenger’s seat, opens his door and got out a little more gracefully than Tony

“What the hell is that?” Tony hollers.

“You want me to get you out of here?” Bucky askes Penelope under his breath.

“No,” she says shaking her head, “I’m going to have to deal with him at some point.” He nods, she glances up at him and grins. “Thanks though,” she says, nudging her shoulder into him.

“Anytime,” he smiles at her.

“What is this? What is happening?” Tony yells furiously.

“Calm down Tony,” Penelope says. “You wanted me to meet everyone right? Well now I have. It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal? You got on the back of Barnes’ motorcycle and sped off without even knowing anything about him!” Tony protests.

“Technically I did the speeding off,” Bucky says casually.

“I knew a little about him,” Penelope says at the same time.

Tony stares at them; mouth agape. He shakes his head in disbelief as Bucky and Penelope snort together, at the timing of their words.

“No,” Tony says pointing an accusatory finger between them, “whatever this is, it is absolutely not happening. Pen, get in the car. Now.”

“She’s an adult Tony,” Rhodey calls from the car. “You can’t just order her around.”

“The hell I can’t!” Tony shoots back.

Penelope chuckles, Rhodey has probably not been invited to join Tony, but insisted on coming anyway for the sole purpose of keeping Tony in check. He rolls his eyes and removes himself from the side of the car to meet them all at the table.

“Pip, will you please join your brother and I in the car?” Rhodey askes nicely.

“Happy to,” Penelope says, sliding off the table.

“Barnes,” Rhodey says, turning his attention to Bucky, “get back to the compound ASAP. You know you can’t be out unsupervised for lengthy periods of time until after your trial.”

“Christ, he’s a person, not an animal,” Penelope says, looking angrily between Tony and Rhodey.

“Hey,” Rhodey says throwing his hands up defensively, “not our rules. Those are the terms he agrees to when he left Wakanda.”

“He’s right,” Bucky tells her with a tight, reassuring smile, “it’s not a big deal. I knew what I is signing up for coming home.”

“Until his trial, Barnes is still technically a criminal,” Tony tells Penelope. He has seemingly calmed down a bit and he speaks to her in a gentle tone, so as not to provoke her.

“Jesus Tony,” she says, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“No, Tony’s also right,” Bucky nods. “Tony has been far too generous with me. Agreeing to let me stay at the compound, hiring the best people to work my case, making me look good in the press.”

Penelope’s eyes trail from Bucky to her brother. He raises his eyebrows at her and nods his head slightly. It is big enough to let Bucky into the compound, but everything else is completely above and beyond. Tony’s opinion holds weight with much of the world, especially in the U.S. If he can come forward and vouch for the man who killed his parents, Penelope is sure Bucky would be okay. Still, she doesn’t like way Rhodey and Tony are treating him in the moment.

“Okay well, he isn’t unsupervised, he is with me,” Penelope protests.

“Right,” Rhodey nods, “which is why we let whatever this is play out for a bit. Unfortunately, there’s little to no cell service here, so we had to intervene.”

“Trust me Pen,” Tony sighs heavily, “it’s for his safety more than anything else. Now please, can we just go?”

“Fine,” Penelope sighs. “Thanks for the ride and the cheeseburger and fries Barnes,” she grins at Bucky.

“Yeah,” Bucky laughs with a nod, “all unintentional by the way.”

“Thank you anyway,” she shrugs. “I’ll see you back at the compound.”

“See you back there Penelope,” he winks.

Bucky turns to walk off towards his motorcycle as Tony and Rhodey stares in shock at Penelope. She shrugs at them and walks in the opposite direction of Bucky to Tony’s car. Tony glances at Rhodey, but all he can do is shake his head in disbelief.

“Penny did he just call you Penelope?” Tony asks, racing towards her. “You just…let him call you Penelope? You’re not gonna tell him off?”

“Tony,” Penelope sighs, turning to face her brother, “get in the car, will you?”

“Oh, you made a big mistake Tone,” Rhodey laughs, patting Tony on the shoulder as he passes him. “Big, big mistake.”

“Damnit,” Tony hisses. He storms angrily off towards the car, hoping that Rhodey isn't right about him making a mistake by bringing Penelope to live with them, but feeling like he probably is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the update! :)


	5. Deciding to Stay

Tony and Penelope sit across from each other in his office. Rhodey has seen them in stare downs before, but none as epic as this one. Steve, who has only just had the pleasure of meeting Penelope, glances up at Rhodey for some form of understanding; Rhodey just shakes his head in response. It is better not to engage them when they are in this state.

“You brought me here to babysit?” she growls through clenched teeth.

Rhodey is surprised that Penelope breaks first. Tony can rarely keep his mouth shut long enough to beat her in a stare down. Of the two, Penelope is more stubborn, which is, in Rhodey’s opinion, a mighty feat. Tony gives her a small smile, Rhodey knows it is a triumphant sort of grin, brought on by Penelope’s breaking their silent stare down first.

It has been a few days since Tony has dragged Penelope from her apartment and brought her to the compound. Tony has let her settle before dropping the Barnes bomb on her. The Wakandan princess, Shuri, has assured them that his programming had been completely removes and that the trigger words were longer be a problem. She also warned them that the road to recovery is a long one, and Barnes would almost certainly suffer from PTSD.

It had been Rhodey’s idea, bringing in Penelope, though he’ll never admit that to her. She is studying neurology and the Starks often came out on top in their fields. Additionally, she is patient, unlike her brother, and gentle, though admittedly not towards Tony. Tony on the other hand hasn’t been entirely convinced that bringing her in to work with Barnes is the best idea, mostly because the idea of helping Tony with anything set her completely off, as it has now. Also, because Tony didn’t think she’d be so quick to forgive Barnes. Truly, neither did Rhodey, but she’d proven them all wrong in that area.

“Well you seem to get along with him just fine,” Tony says, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms, “so I really don’t see what the problem is.”

“The problem is that I’m a doctor and Barnes is a fully grown man,” she says sharply.

“Tony,” Steve interrupts as Tony opens his mouth to counter, “she’s right, he doesn’t need a babysitter.”

“Alright, maybe you’re not that bad,” Penelope says, narrowing her eyes at Steve.

Steve chuckles lightly at her comment. He can pretend all he wants that her dislike of him doesn’t bother him, but Rhodey knows Steve well enough to know that he generally sought the approval of almost everyone he came in contact with. Her consolation comment is enough for him until he can properly find a way to win her over. He pushes himself off the wall he is leaning against and leans in, resting his hands-on Tony’s desk.

“They already did that hard work in Wakanda,” Steve tells her, “all we need from you is to make sure that his brain is working properly.”

“Look,” she says, turning back towards Tony, “I’m still grappling with the fact that Wakanda isn’t a developing country and that their king is one of you super people. I know nothing about what they did to him or how they did it, I told you I am not qualified for this shit but you never listen.”

“Penny we don’t need you to fix anything,” Steve says. “Bucky’s been through a lot, too much. He’s been complaining about migraines and there are other things that concern me. I just need to know that he’s going to be okay.”

There is a desperation in his voice that makes Penelope’s face soften. Rhodey knows they are close to breaking her. She already has a soft spot for Barnes, so Steve is on the right track there. Rhodey knows they need to play to her ego a bit too, she is after all a Stark.

“Pip, we’re not asking you to become an expert overnight,” Rhodey chimes in, “and we genuinely need you around. Not just for Barnes, but for the rest of us. It would be nice to have a friendly face to patch us up when we get back from missions.”

Penelope chews her lip as she considers his words. He can see her sharp mind working to find a counter to his argument. She doesn’t need to though because Tony is stupid enough to give her one himself.

“Tell me again what your focus is little sis?” Tony asks.

“Oh fuck you Tony,” Penelope scoffs.

Rhodey groans, swiping his hand over his face. Tony always knows exactly what to say to turn people against him. Steve glares down at Tony, crossing his massive arms over his chest.

“It’s neurology,” Tony tells Steve. “Which, and correct me if I’m wrong, is the study of the brain. So actually…you are perfectly qualified.”

“You know, maybe you should let me examine your brain,” she shoots, shaking her head, “it’s probably the most fucked in the building.”

Rhodey snorts back a laugh. Steve too bites his lips to hold back a grin. Tony is the only one who is unamused by her comment, even if she is probably at least a little right. His face slacks with displeasure as he stares her down again. This time Rhodey knows Tony would break first, Penelope has made her point.

“You owe me a year Pen,” Tony says, “that is the deal.”

“That was the deal before you had given me all the details Tony,” Penelope challenges. “I’m sorry Rogers, but I’m not the one.”

“Listen Pip, his trial is in a few weeks,” Rhodey cuts in, “all we need is for you to check him out, make sure he’s good, maybe help him out with those migraines.”

“Rhodey,” Penelope laughs, “I’m not one for false modesty, you know that better than anyone. When I say I am not qualified, I mean it. I don’t have any experience with someone like Barnes. It’s a ton of pressure, and does he even know about any of this?”

“Well…we haven’t exactly brought it up to him yet,” Tony mumbles.

“We aren’t sure how he is going to react,” Steve adds.

“You’re joking,” Penelope laughs in disbelief. “Jesus you guys treat him like a ticking time bomb. Steve this is your best friend we’re talking about. And Tony, what’s the point of helping him find any sort of redemption if you’re going to lock him up and treat him like some massive threat to humanity. You guys can’t be serious.”

She glances wildly around the room at each of them. Tony opens and closes his mouth a few times, unable, for once, to find an adequate comeback. Rhodey and Steve exchange a short look, they nod briefly at each other, knowing that she is right.

There is a knock on Tony’s office door. They all look up to see Bucky standing in the doorway. Tony clears his throat uncomfortably, but Bucky makes no indication that he’s heard anything Penelope has just said.

“Um, sorry to interrupt, I was just looking for Steve and I figured he’d be here,” he says as they all stares at him expectantly. “Steve…we still on for our run?”

“Oh, yeah Buck, I sent you a message letting you know I’d be late,” Steve replies.

“A message?” Bucky asks, scrunching his face in confusion. Rhodey holds up his cell phone and waves it lightly in front of Bucky. “Oh, the phone,” Bucky nods. “Yeah, you know I don’t know how to use that thing,” he adds with a laugh.

“Right,” Steve says, chuckling with him. “Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be free.”

“Okay,” Bucky replies. His eyes trail over to Penelope and he gives her a small smile. “Hey Penelope,” he says giving her a small nod of his head.

“Hi Buck,” she grins. “Hey, find me after your run, I’ll give you some cell phone lessons.”

“Thanks,” Bucky laughs.

He gives Steve another nod, then turns to leave. Penelope glances around at the three men staring at her. She shrugs at them in confusion.

“What?” she asks. “Why are you all staring at me.”

“He likes you,” Steve says, raising his eyebrows at her. When she laughs at him, Steve shakes his head at her, “I’m serious. He’s been here almost a month and he’s spent almost all of his time in his room until you showed up. I’ve seen him more in the past few days then I have since we are fighting together in WWII.”

Penelope chews on her lip, then glances up at Rhodey for confirmation. He shrugs, but nods, reassuring her that Steve’s words, are in fact true. She turns to Tony, who sighs heavily, but nods his head as well. He for one, isn’t thrilled that Barnes has decided to leave his room.

“Yeah Pen,” he says, “I hate to say it, but Steve’s right. Most of the time I forget he’s even here. Then you hop on the back of his motorcycle and suddenly he’s actually…around.”

“All I’m saying,” Steve tells her, “is that you might actually be the most qualified person to help us. Bucky doesn’t trust easy anymore. For whatever reason, he seems to trust you.”

“Whatever you said to him seems to have, I don’t know, broken him out of his shell,” Rhodey adds.

“Maybe I’m just the first person who didn’t treat him like he is a threat on sight,” Penelope deadpans.

“Alright well you got Zen Bucky not…you know…sleeper agent murder Bucky,” Tony sneers.

“Still,” Penelope retorts.

Rhodey shakes his head lightly, there is absolutely nothing the two wouldn’t argue about. Tony has a point though, Penelope has only known Bucky for five days max, and she’s never had the pleasure of meeting his alter ego. Rhodey hopes she would never have to. There is something to be said for her response too though. Bucky has wronged her in the most unbelievable way, and not only did she choose to forgive him, she chose to befriend him too.

“Let’s table this conversation,” Steve says, cutting the tension in the room.

“What?” Tony looks up at him incredulously.

Steve raises his eyebrows sharply at Tony. Tony grumbles and folds his arms, slamming himself back into his seat like a petulant child. Rhodey has seen big changes in Tony since becoming Iron Man, but he still fought hard with Penelope. It is something Rhodey hopes would change, having Penelope live with them. Perhaps they’d both finally see how much they genuinely care for each other.

“No one is making any headway here,” Rhodey agrees. “Pip, take some time, think about everything we’ve says, and we’ll come back to it later.”

“Fine,” Penelope sighed, pushing herself out of her chair. “I can’t promise I won’t tell Barnes about this though.”

“I’m with you. I think you should tell him,” Steve nods.

Steve ignores Tony and Rhodey’s disbelieving looks, instead he kept his eyes firmly on Penelope. She moves towards him and stood at his feet. The size difference is almost comical. She looks up at him, her eyes narrows suspiciously.

“You do?” she asks.

“Absolutely,” Steve nods. “Bucky should know. He won’t tell any of us how he actually feels about it,” Steve says, gesturing to himself and the other two.

“You’re his best friend,” Penelope challenges.

“I am,” Steve nods again, “but Bucky’s been deferring to my opinion lately. If it comes from any of us, he’s just going to agree. Coming from you, since it isn’t your idea, and since you’re so adamantly against it, we might be able to gauge how he really feels about it.”

“Okay fine,” she says slowly, “but I don’t trust you Rogers,” she adds. She pokes her index finger accusingly into his chest. “Ow, shit,” she curses, shaking out her finger, “you’re like fucking concrete.”

Steve chuckles as Penelope turns and walks out of the room. Tony and Rhodey are still watching him with confused looks plastered across their faces. Steve takes Penelope’s seat, Rhodey moves in, sitting on the edge of Tony’s desk.

“What are you playing at Rogers?” Tony asks, jutting his chin out at Steve.

“Bucky likes Penelope, he trusts her,” Steve says, “and as hard as it is to hear, I think she’s on to something when she says it’s because she’s been the only one to not treat him like a threat.”

“Okay,” Tony says slowly, “but the last thing we need is for those two to team up against us. You don’t know Penelope, she’s stubborn if Barnes is on her side, she wins.”

“Bigger picture Tony,” Rhodey says, comprehending what Steve is saying. “Bucky now has someone on the compound, other than Steve, who he actually enjoys having around.”

“When I tell him on our run that there’s a possibility that Penny leaves,” Steve adds, “something tells me he’s going to try and get her to stay.”

“Wow,” Tony says, looking at Steve in shock, “who knows you can be so manipulative. You’re usually so…you know act first think later.”

“Well Tony,” Steve grins slyly, “you must be rubbing off on me.”

Penelope had been half joking when she’s told Bucky Barnes to come find her after his run. Half joking in that she genuinely didn’t think that he would come find her. Steve, Tony, and Rhodey could talk all they wanted about his newly frequent presence around the compound since her arrival, but Penelope notices that he still spends a majority of his time away from the others. Whenever he did join in, it is only with one or two people, other than herself, at a time, and he always stayed pretty quiet.

She has retreated outdoors, with a blanket and book, to enjoy the sun, the lake, and some peace and quiet. The rays from the sun are warm, and they make Penelope sleepy and it isn’t long before she’s dropped her down and fallen asleep, sprawled out of her blanket. She isn’t the only one who had the idea of taking their daily activities outside though. Clint, Sam, and Peter are off in the distance throwing a football around, she can faintly hear them arguing over rules to their makes-up game.

When her sunlight is suddenly shadowed she pries her eyes open. Bucky stands awkwardly above her, blocking out her sun. He has showered and changed out of his running clothes, into a pair of dark jeans and a black v-neck. Bucky looks only slightly less awkward in regular clothes than Steve does, and although he isn’t nearly as big as Thor, his clothes are almost as tightly ill-fitting.

“Oh,” she says, smirking up at him. “Hi, I didn’t actually expect you to come find me.”

“Yeah, well,” he awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, “it is your idea. Can I sit?” He gestures vaguely at her blanket.

She smiles and nods, moving over for him to sit. Penelope notices that he is awkward as he moves to sit beside her, like he isn’t fully comfortable in his own body. He glances up at her shortly, then leans back on his hands, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“How did you find me anyway?” she asks, pulling her legs into a crisscross.

“Oh, yeah,” Bucky says with a laugh, “um…the voice…yeah honestly I don’t even know how to describe it, she told me.”

Penelope has to bite her lip to hold back her laughter. The last thing she wants is for him to think she is making fun of him. His crystal eyes glint up at her, watching her expression intently. He snorts, allowing Penelope to release her laughter too. She clutches her stomach as she doubles over.

“I’m sorry,” she breathes, lifting her head up to look at him. “I’m so sorry. She’s called F.R.I.D.A.Y. Man this must be so weird for you.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he shrugs, “it’s funny. But yeah, it is all a little weird.”

He combs his fingers through his hair, brushing it back. Penelope lets out another small laugh; he really does look like a confused fish out of water. His eyes fall on her book and he gestures to it. She nods and smiles, sliding it towards him.

“To Kill a Mockingbird?” he says questioningly, reading the title. “Never heard of it.” His eyes shut as he sighs heavily. “That is a stupid thing to say,” he chuckles, “I haven’t heard of most things at this point.”

“Most things?” Penelope asks, raising an eyebrow. “I know there’s a bit of a learning curve here for you and Rogers, but there is probably plenty of things you’ve heard of that the rest of us haven’t.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Try and make me feel better like that,” he says, laying back on the blanket. “I appreciate it, but it’s okay, really.” He crosses his hands behind his head and smiles faintly.

Penelope nods her head at him, observing him silently. She has learned something about Bucky in this moment, and that is that he didn’t want any sort of sympathy, from anyone. Penelope realizes that sympathy from her is probably even less appreciated.

“Alright,” Penelope says, laying down in the opposite direction beside him.

“So,” Bucky sighs, “Steve says you might be leaving?”

“Steve said that huh?” Penelope chuckles. “Of course, he did. Why do you ask Buck? You gonna miss me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous I don’t even know you.” She can’t see his face, but she can hear the grin in his voice.

“Well I haven’t decided yet to be honest,” she says. She links her fingers over her stomach, and breathes in heavily, knowing that she has to tell him. “Actually, um, the reason I is thinking of leaving, has to do with you.”

“That makes sense,” Bucky says. She didn’t miss the way his body tenses up beside her or the disappointment in his voice.

“Oh!” Penelope says, shooting upright. “No, that’s not why! No…your stupid best friend and my idiot brother and Rhodey brought me here to basically make sure that you’re not…you know…gonna snap or whatever. I’m…well I’m studying neurology and so I guess they decides that qualifies me. They just told me earlier, I had no idea.”

Bucky’s forehead scrunches as he listens to her spew out her story. He is silent for a long time and Penelope wonders for a moment if this is where he snaps. His face relaxes and he sits up, to face her, nodding slowly.

“It doesn’t not make sense,” he tells her.

“What?” She lets out a disbelieving laugh. “You don’t feel like maybe this is a little…I don’t know deceitful of them?”

“Oh no,” he nods, “it definitely is. But you’re a neurologist-”

“Okay not yet,” she interrupts.

“And, you’re Tony’s sister so they know that they can trust you.”

“Bucky,” she says, cutting him off, “they don’t trust _you_. Don’t that concern you? At the very least piss you off?”

“No, Penelope,” Bucky sighs, “not really. They have every right to not trust me, I barely trust me.” Her mouth drops open at his words. “I mean…but yeah, I guess it is mildly annoying that they didn’t tell either of us until after you got here. For all they know you are going to hate me…again…you should hate me.”

“Well okay,” Penelope says, “glad to hear that you have actual feelings about this.” She smiles at him and adds a shrug, “Makes me feel a little better. Can’t hate you by the way…I tried…it’s just not in the cards for you.”

He laughs lightly at her stupid joke and shakes his head. It isn’t entirely a lie though. After their burger joint adventure, it has slightly concerned her that she has forgiven him so easily. That night she convinced herself that she actually did hate him, then he came stumbling out of the elevator the next day and smiled at her, and the hatred was gone. He is just trying to get back some semblance of a life and she can’t hate him for it.

“I think you should stay,” he says finally. “And it’s not just because you’re the only person here besides Steve who doesn’t flinch when I enter a room.”

“Thor doesn’t flinch when you enter a room,” Penelope assures him.

“Thor doesn’t flinch at anything,” Bucky grins. “Anyway, it’s also because it just kind of seems like most people here like you. Which is honestly beyond me because you aren’t very friendly.”

“Wow okay Barnes,” Penelope laughs, pushing him against his shoulder lightly. “You aren’t exactly the friendliest person either you know?” she adds.

“Well yeah,” Bucky shrugs, “but I have reasons.”

“I have reasons,” Penelope challenges. Bucky scoffs disbelievingly. “Hey,” she says, pointing her finger at him, “My brother is Tony Stark. Trust me…that is reason enough.”

"Alright," Bucky smiles, nodding his head at her, "so...you're staying then right?" 

Penelope exhales and presses her lips tightly together. Bucky glances at her, his eyes plead mildly with her. The part he'd added about everyone else seeming to like her has definitely helped his case. Plus, as much as she would deny it, even to herself, she truly did want to fix or form the relationship between her and Tony. 

"Yeah, I'm staying," she grumbles. "You're gonna regret this though Barnes. I'm basically your keeper now...so you have to do whatever I say?"

"Seriously?" Bucky says, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Pretty much yeah," she nods vigorously, grinning broadly.

"Okay, good talk," Bucky says as he stands, "really...great talk."

"See you later Bucky!" 

She smiles as he grumbles and walks away. About halfway back to the compound, he turns to look back at her. He shakes his head at her cheery look and continues to walk off. She laughs lightly to herself, then looks over to Sam, Clint, and Peter. They have seemingly halted their game and are all watching her intently. She wonders how just how long they'd been watching.

"What?" she shouts towards them.

'"Nothing!" Sam says shaking his head.

"Yeah no, nothing!" Clint adds.

"Mr. Barnes smiles?" Peter asks. 

"Come on kid," Sam says, placing his hand firmly on Peter's shoulder. "Enjoy your book Little Stark!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! :) Please don't hesitate to leave comments or kudos!


	6. In Which The Avengers Get Their Blood Drawn

Bruce Banner is the first of the team to make an appearance in Penelope’s lab. She sent out a memo requesting that they each stop by so that she could get bloodwork and basic stats for everyone. Bruce is used to being pokes and prodded, generally by himself, but he doesn’t have any qualms with needles and testing, so he doesn’t hesitate.

Penelope isn’t exactly surprised that Bruce shows up first, but her nerves do get away from her slightly upon opening her door to the unassuming man. She fumbles awkwardly with her tools, as she prepares to draw his blood. It isn’t just that Bruce is the first one to show up, but he is also one of the scariest members of the team…well the Hulk is.

For the most part, Bruce is pleasant. He only teases her a little when he notices her nerves. Penelope figures that he is uses to people handling him delicately and also probably pretty sick of it. She almost feels bad for him and then he pretends to Hulk out as she slides the needle into his vein, causing her to have a mild heart attack. Luckily for him, she has steady hands, and his little trick doesn’t cause any major mishaps.

The second, third, and fourth persons to come into Penelope’s lab, are Wanda, Sam, and Clint. All at the same time, which turns out to be more of a relief than a hassle, as she had originally assumed it would be. Wanda moves to sit on the medical bed first, but Clint stops her, putting his hand out to stop her.

“No, no,” he says, voice full of bravado, “when it comes to needles, ladies shouldn’t have to go first.”

Wanda rolls her eyes at him, but stands back, as Sam smirks at his friend’s show of bravado. Penelope, who has seen enough in her time at the hospital, and knows that generally, men do worse around needles, simply raises her eyebrows at Clint and prepares her materials.

All things considered, Clint does pretty well. He whimpers mildly as Penelope pricks the needle into his vein, and although she only takes the bare minimum, he pales and has to lie down when she finishes. Sam, goes next, and since the bed is occupied, he sits in one of the cushy chairs Penelope has set up in her office. Penelope scoots her wheeled stool beside him.

“Doesn’t worry Penny,” Sam grins, “I promise I’m not as big of a pussy as this guy.” He tosses his head in Clint’s direction. Clint holds up his middle finger in response.

“Oh, I definitely believe you,” Penelope says, winking over at Wanda. Wanda laughs in return; Sam just glances wryly between the two of them.

He watches her as she cleans his arm with an alcohol dipped cotton swab. When she reaches for the needle his eyes widen to the size of quarters. He tears his eyes from her and focuses them up on the ceiling instead.

“Have you never had your blood drawn?” Penelope asks him skeptically.

“No, I have,” he shoots, “it just isn’t fun.”

“Wait a second,” Penelope smirks, “I thought you said you weren’t a pussy.”

“I never says that,” he shakes his head, “I just said that I’m less of a pussy than Barton.”

“Well, you’re finished, and it doesn’t look like you’re going to pass out,” Penelope says, eyeing him, “so I guess you are less of a pussy than Barton.”

“Alright you know what,” Clint shoots up furiously. He pauses, placing his hand to his head. Penelope snorts as his cheeks turns green.

“Lie down before you barf all over my office floor,” she demands.

Sam glances down at his arm as Penelope slowly removes the needle from his vein. He waivers lightly as she pushes a cotton ball to the tiny hole that is still producing blood. Penelope glances up at him, noticing the beads of sweat forming across his brow.

“Oh, come on Wilson,” she says, shaking her head reproachfully, “I thought you are better than this!”

“I thought I is too,” he gulps.

He stands and shakily makes his way over to the bed where Clint lay. Clint groans as Sam nudges his him to move over and climbed up onto the bed. Penelope and Wanda share a quick look, laughing as the two men struggles to share the tiny med bed.

Wanda pushes herself off the counter and flits to the chair that has just been occupied by Sam. She rolls up her sleeve and waits patiently. Penelope raises an impressed eyebrow at her as she cleans up Sam’s mess.

“Well look at you,” Penelope says, “you’re ready to go.”

“Needles doesn’t scare me,” Wanda shrugs.

“To be fair,” Sam grumbles, “I’m not afraid of needles. I just don’t love watching one come out of my arm like that.”

“Sure,” Wanda and Penelope say at the same time.

Wanda and Penelope laugh with each other. Penelope grabs a new needle and collection vial, then she wheels herself back over to Wanda.

“We don’t need this do we Clint?” Sam asks, nudging his friend. After a brief silence, Sam nudges Clint again, “Clint?” he asks. Clint lets out a loud snore beside him and Sam groans.

“That’s almost precious,” Penelope says, wheeling herself back to Wanda’s side.

Wanda smirks at her as she cleans the crook of her arm. Penelope is pleasantly surprised with the three of them. They are easy to talk to, fun even, and she feels like she’s been friends with them all along. They make her feel light and easy, the way Bucky does, but Bucky has been avoiding her, or everyone, she can’t be sure, and she refuses to take it personally.

Penelope presses the needle into Wanda’s arm, then glances up at her. She doesn’t flinch in the slightest, instead she gives Penelope a small wink. Penelope returns her wink with a slight smile and a raised eyebrow.

“I went through a lot of testing to get to where I am today,” Wanda says, tilting her head slightly. “I’m used to this.”

“Ah,” Penelope nods.

She understands what Wanda is telling her. Tony hasn’t divulged much to Penelope about their newest team member. Just that she had been a HYDRA experiment, just like Barnes, except that she’d volunteered and that’s how she got her powers.

“Well,” Penelope says to her, “your resolve is mildly terrifying and also…kind of a turn on.”

“Thank you Pen,” Wanda says with an airy laugh. “I am taken though,” she adds.

“Are you two _flirting_?” Sam mumbles.

“Taken,” Penelope says. She remembers that she’s seen the auburn-haired woman entangled with the terrifying humanoid version of JARVIS on more than one occasion. “Vision right?”

“Mhm,” Wanda nods.

“Yeah, I have so many questions,” Penelope chuckles, finishing up with Wanda.

Wanda lets out a laugh along with her, something that Penelope is profoundly grateful for. She doesn’t want to overstep and as soon as she says the words, she feels as though they are intrusive and judgmental. Like Tony, Penelope has a difficult time with thinking before speaking. Wanda doesn’t seem offended though, she must have been used to the questions.

“Well maybe if you comes out of your room or this lab every once in a while, I could answer some of them,” Wanda teases. Her eyes are serious though as they watch Penelope.

“I come out of my room,” Penelope scoffs.

“You come out about as much as Barnes,” Sam chuckles, turning his head towards them, “which…you know isn’t that much.”

“Okay I come out at least a little more than Barnes,” Penelope shakes her head.

“Fine,” Sam grins, “you come out a tiny bit more than Barnes does, but it doesn’t count if you sit away from us and avoid talking to us at all cost.”

“Yeah,” Clint grunts beside him.

“Oh, good morning Sunshine!” Sam exclaims. “Feeling any better?”

Clint gives him a wobbly thumbs up, to which Sam barks at laugh. Clint pulls himself up, Sam follows suit, and Penelope watches as the three of them head for the door. Before exiting, Wanda pauses and turns back towards her.

“Seriously,” she says with a smile, “you have to hangout with us more.” Penelope pushes out a heavy breath but nods her head at the girl. “Tony’s hardly around anyway,” she smirks.

Penelope knows that Wanda doesn’t have to read her mind to know that Penelope is often trying to avoid Tony. She is still furious with him for luring her to the compound under false pretenses. Also, they haven’t lived under the same roof since she was seventeen, it is strange. More than that, it is his territory, not hers. These are his people, his family, she hardly knows them.

Clint, Sam, and Wanda are all watching her with earnest eyes and hopeful smiles. Penelope has been alone for so long, pushing herself away from everyone…because of Tony. They already know Tony though, there is no way they are using her to get to him. No, they want her around because they actually like her.

“Alright,” she nods finally, “I’ll make more of an effort to hang around.”

“Tony, please get your progeny off my ceiling,” Penelope sighs, glancing upward.

Peter Parker has come in with Tony to get his blood drawn. Tony has gone first to prove that it isn’t a big deal. There is a lot of false bravado displayed by her brother, but he got through it, so she doesn’t say anything. Peter has seemed fine, he’d seemed eager and ready to go, but as soon as she pulls out the needle, he’d leapt up and attached himself firmly towards the ceiling.

“Sorry Miss Penny,” Peter says, glancing downward at her, “I swear it is just a reflex.” He lowers himself off the ceiling and sits back down on the medical bed.

“It’s fine Peter,” Penelope sighs, “you good now?”

Peter nods and offers her his arm. She smiles softly as she cleans it again, then she lifts the needle in front of him, so as not to take him by surprise. He nods again, assuring her he is fine. He is not fine. A moment later Penelope is across the room, her hand plastered to the wall beneath a layer of webbing. Tony stands in the corner laughing.

“I’ll kill you,” she growls at Tony.

“I’m sorry Pen,” he snorts, coming to her aid.

“I’m sorry too,” Peter groans. “It’s my stupid reflexes, I promise I’ll try harder.”

Tony pulls out a pocketknife and cuts her hand free from Peter’s web. Peter presses his lips into a super uncomfortable smile. He shrugs his shoulders apologetically at her and Penelope can’t help but laugh. She can see his appeal, he is a sweet kid, and incredibly respectful. Penelope could almost forgive him for his short sightedness when it comes to Tony. Iron Man, after all, is pretty cool to a teenager…and honestly to most adults, so she got it.

“You know what Kid,” Penelope says, “I doesn’t think I need a blood sample from you. Don’t worry about it, you’re good to go.” Her face twists into disgust as she peels the webbing from her hand.

“I can do it I swear!” Peter protests.

“Fine,” Penelope sighs. “Tony, you want to hold him down?”

“Yeah, I can hardly take the kid with my suit on,” Tony says shaking his head. “I’m certainly not going to try without it. I don’t need to take that hit to my ego…not today anyway.”

“You’re useless,” she tells her brother. Penelope turns back to Peter and sizes him up. “How old are you Parker?”

“Seventeen,” he replies, looking at her suspiciously.

“So, a lollipop won’t work then?” Penelope smirks, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Oh no,” Peter laughs, “that’ll totally work.”

Twenty minutes later, Peter left Penelope’s office, sucking on a cherry flavored Tootsie Pop. Tony requests on as well, but Penelope denies him his request. Mostly because, in her words, he is far too old to be praised with candy for sitting through basic medical procedures, but also just because she can.

Rhodey comes in without any problems and Natasha flat out tells Penelope that she would, under no circumstances, be giving Penelope any of her own blood. Nat’s statement sends chills down Penelope’s spine and she does not ask the assassin to elaborate but assures her that no blood is necessary from her at all. Thor comes in at the end of the week, and much to Penelope’s surprise, passes out after promptly seeing his own blood flow through the needle into the glass vial. Luckily, Steve decides to come in around the same time, and with Tony in his Iron Man suit, the two are able to haul Thor off to his room. Penelope decides to give Thor an entire bag of Tootsie Pops the next time she sees him.

There is something mildly intimidating about Steve, Penelope thinks, as she draws his blood in silence. He’s come back after helping Thor to his quarters and except for a few brief pleasantries, he doesn’t say much to Penelope. It isn’t because he is a massive human being, Thor is bigger than Steve, and although Penelope knows what the god is capable of, he also gives off the impression of a golden retriever. So size is not the issue. Maybe she doesn’t know Steve well enough, or maybe he can sense that he isn’t her favorite person in the world, maybe she isn’t his, she isn’t sure. All she knows is that something about his presence intimidates in her, in a way that drives her absolutely mad.

“Congratulations Rogers, you’ve officially makes the top three,” Penelope tries to ease the silence as she waits for the vial to fill.

He glances down at her, raising a quizzical eyebrow. “I know that’s not your top three favorite Avengers,” he says with a small smirk, “so which top three are you referring to?”

“The top three easiest Avengers to draw blood from,” Penelope says wryly.

“Well, I’ve been through it,” Steve shrugs. He shakes his head modestly at her. “Out of curiosity, who are the other two? I’m guessing Thor isn’t one of them.”

“Ha!” Penelope exclaims. “No definitely not, although he does get points for being the most surprising encounter. I mean isn’t his entire thing like…battling in epic space wars?”

“Yeah,” Steve nods, “but I mean, it’s different when it’s your own blood.” He raises his eyebrows, wincing at his odd statement. “Plus, the guy hasn’t had much experience with…you know…Earth doctors.”

Penelope snorts as she bobs her head up and down. She glances up at him and notices a bit of pink in his cheeks. Immediately any thought of intimidation drops out of her mind. Steve isn’t threatening, he is awkward. Penelope realizes that there is of course ground for his uncomfortable air around her. The man did beat her brother to a bloody pulp and although he had help, and Penelope has already forgiven the help, she hasn’t exactly forgiven Steve. Steve seems to not only to know it, but understand it as well.

“Wanda and Rhodey,” Penelope says, sliding the needle from his arm. She turns and reaches for a cotton ball, but by the time she’d turns back around the small puncture in his skin has essentially closed.

“Sorry what?” Steve asks, rolling his sleeve down.

“The other two,” Penelope says. “Bruce would have made the cut, but he kept making jokes about Hulking out on me, and then he actually pretended to Hulk out on me. Rhodey was in and out in five minutes and Wanda didn’t even flinch, meanwhile Clint and Sam are moaning and groaning on the bed here.”

Steve chuckles and presses his lips together in a tight smile. “Yeah, that sounds like them. Sharpshooters, both of them, and also two of the biggest babies I’ve ever met.”

“That’s funny,” Penelope muses, “I wouldn’t have expected it from them.”

“Just wait till you get to know them better,” Steve grins.

“Can’t wait,” Penelope laughs.

Penelope collects her things and stands to tidy up. As she puts her tools away, she becomes hyper aware of Steve’s presence, he still sits on the medical bed behind her. She turns to face him, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You’re free to go Rogers,” she tells him, with a light smile. She gestures her hand towards the door, but he stays put.

“Yeah,” he nods, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, “I…actually…I wanted to say something, if that’s okay.”

Penelope can’t fathom what Steve Rogers wants to tell her. His flushed cheeks and fidgety limbs make her anxious though. Honestly, she isn’t quite sure that she wants to hear what he has to tell her. There isn’t any need for them to be friends, or even anything other than cordial with each other. His eyes meet hers, full of earnest intent, and she sighs, indicating her head towards him to go ahead with whatever it is that he has to say.

“I appreciate what you’re doing for Bucky,” he says slowly, “I know this isn’t easy for you. Um…but I really do appreciate it.”

“Well, I can’t help him if he’s avoiding me,” Penelope says without thinking. Again, with the speaking before thinking. She doesn’t want to assume he is avoiding her, and she really doesn’t want Steve knowing that she thinks he is avoiding her.

“He’s not avoiding you,” Steve says with a small shake of his head. “I mean…okay he’s kind of avoiding you, but,” Steve breathes in, pressing his lips together as he searches for his words. “There’s a lot of trauma for him tied up in being pokes and prodded like this.”

Penelope groans and smacks her palm against her forehead. How she’d missed that is so far beyond her comprehension. They are idiots for asking her to do this, she is young, inexperienced, and obviously a complete idiot.

“I’m so stupid,” she sighs heavily. “Yeah…that makes complete sense. Oh, I’m such an idiot. Are you really sure you want me helping your best friend Steve? It’s entirely possible that I make things worse.”

Steve puffs out his cheeks as he releases a breath. “Yeah, I don’t think you’re going to make things worse,” he laughs, shaking his head. “He’s been kind of a mess over this. Actually, he’s really afraid that you think he’s avoiding you.”

“Please don’t tell him,” Penelope says. She pinches the bridge of her nose as her mind continues to race with thoughts of her own stupidity. “I’m just an idiot who totally doesn’t even think.”

“I’m not gonna say anything,” Steve tells her. “You’re not an idiot, just…try not to take anything Bucky does personally. His reactions to things don’t always make sense, but like I said, he likes you. I think you make him feel at ease.”

“Okay,” Penelope nods, still unsure of herself. “I mean, I would let him off the hook, but he’s kind of the entire reason I’m here. I’m going to have to do MRIs and shit,” Penelope rambles.

“Pen he knows that,” Steve reassures her, “I’m coming in with him tomorrow and we’ll just…see how it goes?”

“Yeah, okay,” Penelope replies nervously, “yeah. We’ll see how it goes.”

Steve and Bucky come in early, which is nice because Penelope’s nerves are eating at her and she doesn’t know how long she’s going to be able to take it. The funny thing is that she isn’t nervous about Bucky snapping and…well…trying to kill her or anything. She is nervous about making sure Bucky feels safe, because she isn’t confident that anyone can make Bucky feel safe in this situation. Not after all he’s been through.

“Hi,” Penelope smiles at them as brightly as she can when she opens the door for them. Steve smiles back at her, but his eyes are nervous.

“I’m going to leave if you two are going to be weird,” Bucky grumbles, glancing between them.

“Sorry Buck,” Steve nods.

“I’m fine, I’m good,” he tells Steve, a little too aggressively.

Penelope watches them exchange a series of looks. It is fascinating how they can hold an entire conversation completely without words. Finally, Steve nods shortly at Bucky and Bucky pushes past both of them into Penelope’s lab.

“Okay,” Penelope breathes.

“Don’t be weird Penelope,” Bucky reiterates cautiously. His icy blue eyes fall on hers, silently pleading with her to be normal. More importantly, to be normal with him. After all, it is what drew him to her in the first place.

“If I’m being weird it’s only because I haven’t seen you all week and then you barge in here demanding that I not be weird,” she shrugs, crossing her arms over her chest.

A small smile breaks across his lips and he nods slightly at her. She juts her chin out, indicating for him to sit in one of the armchairs. He complies, setting himself down, then turns his eyes back towards her. Steve hangs back behind her, leaning against her counter. Penelope feels as if they are all moving in slow-motion, too cautious to make sudden movements.

After she’s gatherers everything onto her tray, she slides it over beside Bucky, then kicks her stool next to him too. His eyes follows her as she sits down and twists her dark hair into a messy knot atop her head. Steve moves suddenly, pushing himself off the counter. His sharp movement causes Penelope to jump slightly.

“Really Penelope?” Bucky asks, narrowing his eyes at her.

“He moves very abruptly,” she hisses.

“Great, my doctor is afraid of sudden movements,” Bucky smirks sarcastically. “Makes me feel super safe by the way.”

“Okay you need to shut up now,” Penelope says, pursing her lips at him.

“I’ll move slower next time,” Steve teases.

She glares at him as he moves slowly to stand on the other side of Bucky. Bucky looks up at him and nods slightly. Penelope could only assume that Steve is positioning himself within grabbing distance of Bucky’s superficial arm. She suppresses a shiver, knowing it would just incite another snarky comment from Bucky.

“How do you want to do this Buck?” she asks gently. “Do you want me to walk you through it or-”

“I don’t know,” he replies in a low voice.

“Okay,” she says firmly. She grabs the alcohol swab and holds it up. “So, I’m just gonna clean your arm first,” she tells him. He nods slightly as she wipes the crook of his arm gingerly. When she finishes, she picks up the needle. His eyes look up at hers, slightly panicked. “It’s going to be quick, I promise,” she assures him.

He glances up at Steve and Steve pulls the other chair behind him, taking a seat in it. Then he places a hand on Bucky’s vibranium arm. Penelope doesn’t think about how firmly Steve’s grasp might be but focuses her attention on the veins in Bucky’s arm instead.

His entire body tenses as she slides the needle smoothly into his arm. He is staring blankly ahead, and Penelope can see the color draining from his face. His jaw clenches tightly and the fingers on Bucky’s prosthetic arm curls into a fist. She looks quickly to Steve and his eyes stray briefly from Bucky to nod reassuringly at her.

“Buck, remember that time that I had to get my blood drawn? We must have been…seventeen and eighteen, although I know I probably looked about twelve. You followed me, even when I insisted I could go alone,” Steve asks Bucky.

“You were such an idiot,” Bucky nods with a breathy laugh. “I had to carry your ass home on my back, people stared at us the whole way home.”

“Alright well to be fair,” Steve chuckles, “any amount of blood taken from me at the time was an excessive amount.”

Penelope swiftly removes the needle from Bucky’s arm and covers the pinprick with a cotton ball. She holds it there firmly for a moment and lets out a small relieves breath. He turns to look at her. The color has drained completely from his face and his eyes are anxious.

“You’re done Buck,” she says, smiling reassuringly up at him.

He nods his head at her, then crumples forward in on himself. Steve kicks the small wastebasket beneath him, and Bucky retches into it. Penelope stands behind him and pulls back his hair with one hand, the other she places on the back of his neck, scratching it gently.

After a few moments he pulls himself up, then slides down into the armchair, dropping his head back against it. His eyes remain closed; his body twitches as he tries to steady his breathing. Steve moves the trashcan out of Bucky’s vicinity.

“You good Buck?” Steve asks.

“Great,” Bucky breathes, his voice wavering slightly. Steve eyes him skeptically and although Bucky’s eyes are still closed, he assures Steve with, “It’s just a panic attack, it’ll pass.”

Penelope looks up at Steve and bites her lip, slightly concerned. He shakes his head at her and rolls his eyes in response. She realizes that while most people are truly terrified of their panic attacks, Bucky handles them as though they are an everyday, minor inconvenience. She feels a tugging in her chest as she thinks that this is most likely his reality.

She combs her fingers through his hair, pulling it gently back behind him. The corners of his mouth up tick slightly. She continues the repeated motion, until his eyes open, and he looks up at her.

“So, how’d I do?” he asks.

“Great,” she replies.

“Liar,” he grumbles. “In comparison to the others?”

“Well,” she laughs lightly, “you did worse than the kid but better than the God of Thunder so…somewhere in the middle.”

“Better than Wilson?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at her.

“A case could be made for it,” she says, shrugging her shoulders at him.

“Don’t pander to me Penelope,” he laughs.

“No really,” she says. “I mean he only almost threw up and he didn’t have a panic attack. However, he did act like a giant baby for absolutely no reason at all…so it is truly debatable.”

“Tell him I did better,” Bucky says, closing his eyes again.

Penelope and Steve glance at each other, laughing together lightly. She moves her fingers through his hair again and his breathing begins to steady. Penelope glances over at Steve again, he smiles at her and gives her slight nod.

“Thank you,” he mouths. 

She bends her head towards him in acknowledgement. Her shoulders relax as she realizes that she would not be having to draw anymore Avengers blood for the time being. There would of course be, broken bones and, probably, massive, gaping wounds that she'd have to stitch up. But for now, she can rest easy, for a little bit anyway


	7. The One Where Penelope Wins

“This is the dumbest television show I have ever seen,” Bucky mutters beside Penelope.

He is lying on his side along the long “L” shapes sofa in the living room of the compound, his eyes on the flatscreen television hanging on the wall. His head is propped up on a pillow and presses against Penelope’s hip. Penelope is sitting at the intersection, her legs stretched out in front of her. A smile breaks out across her face at Bucky’s grievance.

Penelope snorts at him, “How many television shows have you even seen Barnes?”

“We had television in the forties Penelope,” Bucky tells her flatly, “I mean, sure, I fell off a train before they really hit it big, but we did have them.”

Penelope has learned not to react to statements like these. Small, harmless jokes about his past are a bit of a coping mechanism for him. Responses from anyone other than Steve, tends to make him uncomfortable, especially if they were statements of sympathy. He doesn’t want sympathy, something he’s made abundantly clear the more time that she spent with him.

So, she doesn’t respond to his words, she does however drop her hand to his head, resting next to her and begins fingering his hair lightly. He never seems to mind when she reacts this way, probably because he doesn’t have to acknowledge it outwardly. Besides, Penelope and Bucky often find themselves in this situation, watching movies or tv alone while everyone else is training or on missions. Playing with Bucky’s hair isn’t new either, she does it often. Bucky isn’t the only one on the compound who has been starves of physical touch, it relaxes her as much as it relaxes him.

“Well Friends is a pillar of entertainment from the nineties and you wanted to get caught up,” Penelope says, “and I haven’t heard you complain for the past six hours, or…you know any of the other times we’ve spent watching it.”

“Six hours of Ross and Rachel is rotting my brain,” Bucky says, deadpan.

“Winter Man and Tiny Stark,” Thor rumbles from the counter behind them, “I am trying to listen to these friends banter…not you two banter.”

Bucky lifts his head to look up at Penelope, his lips presses tightly together as he tries to hold back a laugh. She meets his eyes and covers her mouth as she lets out a tiny laugh. Thor chuckles loudly from behind them along with the television laugh track.

“They’re so stupid,” Thor muses to himself. “Obviously they were on a break, it is stated by each multiple times!”

“Ross is an idiot,” Bucky argues.

He sits up and drapes his arm over the back of the couch as he glances up at Thor. Thor doesn’t respond immediately; instead, he raises an eyebrow as he sticks what has to be his eighth tootsie pop of the hour, back into his mouth.

“It doesn’t matter if they were actually on a break or not,” Bucky continues, “if Ross actually loves Rachel, he would have apologized, read her stupid letter no matter how annoying he found it, and taken responsibility for his actions.”

Thor nods his head slowly, pulling out his pop. He points it at Bucky, nodding his head still. Bucky glances over at Penelope with a confused look. Penelope doesn’t have any answers for him though and she is too distracted by Bucky’s passionate argument against a television character from a show which he has seemed thoroughly uninterested in up until now.

“What?” he asks, looking between Thor and Penelope incredulously.

“I just didn’t realize you cared so much about Ross and Rachel,” Penelope tells him, biting her lip to keep her grin from spreading.

“No,” Bucky says shaking his head firmly, “I do not care about this show or any of the characters. All I’m saying is that Ross is an idiot.”

“Uh huh,” Penelope nods, smirking at his obvious lie.

“I accept your argument Barnes,” Thor adds, “you made a very good point and your plea is noble and heartwarming.”

“Okay wait, there is no plea, I am not pleading anything!” Bucky ascertains. “I am just making an observation!”

“A true romantic at heart, this one,” Thor gestures his lollipop at Bucky again. “Who knew? Tiny Stark did you know?” Thor asks Penelope.

“Oh, absolutely no clue,” Penelope says shaking her head. Bucky narrows his eyes at her as she grins broadly at him. “I also didn’t realize he was capable of caring so deeply about a small group of fake friends.”

“Alright, now you two are just bullying me and I gotta say,” Bucky says with a breathy laugh, “I kind of hate it.”

“You’re a good man my metal friend,” Thor beams. He reaches into his bag of tootsie pops and grabs one, tossing it lightly towards Bucky. “Here, have a sugar pop as a treat.”

Bucky caught the tootsie pop in his vibranium hand and unwraps it as he lies back down. Penelope doesn’t say anything about the fact that this time he places his head directly in her lap, rather than just beside it. Instead, she smiles softly and begins running her fingers through his hair again. They watch their show quietly for a few more moments until Tony, who is casually walking by halts directly in front of them. Steve trails in behind him, his head down looking at his phone causing him to run directly into Tony.

“Tony, come on, what is going on?” Steve asks him sharply.

His eyes follow Tony’s to Bucky and Penelope, and he pushes out a long sigh, shaking his head. Penelope glances at her brother and shakes her head questioningly at his dumbfounded face. Thor has also turns his attention to Tony, watching the man with a bemused look. Bucky on the other hand is frozen, knowing exactly what Tony’s problem is. He is afraid if he moves it will draw even more attention to him and he absolutely does not want that.

“What is this?” Tony asks, gesturing between Penelope and Bucky. “What is going on here?”

“We’re watching Friends, Tony,” Penelope sighs. She doesn’t want to indulge her idiot brother’s behavior, so she turns her attention back towards the television.

“Why are you playing with his hair?” Tony practically shrieks.

“Tony,” Steve interjects, nudging his friend lightly toward the kitchen, “I thought you were hungry. I know I am…come on, let’s go.”

“I’m not hungry anymore,” Tony raises a hand to Steve.

“Tony, knock it off. Bucky has unusually soft hair,” Penelope shrugs, “and I hardly even realized I was doing it. So, you can…you know…stop with this weird protective older brother act.”

Bucky sits up and places himself at the other end of the couch. Penelope lifts the remote to the television to click the television off. What she wants to do is place her own head in Bucky’s lap in an act of defiance against her brother, but she knows that will make Bucky uncomfortable. Instead, she stands and slowly makes her way over to Tony. She shoves his shoulder lightly, turning him around, then drives her finger into his back pressing him forward and out of the room.

“What are you doing?” he grumbles, stumbling forward.

“We need to have a conversation,” she replies simply, “and I don’t want any witnesses.” As she adds the last tidbit, she turns and smiles brightly at the other three men. Steve and Thor are watching, mixed expressions of amusement across their faces. Bucky, however, has occupied himself with something on the sofa. Penelope drives her finger even further into Tony’s back, furious that he’s caused Bucky any kind of discomfort.

“Ouch Penelope!” Tony says, arching his back. “I’m going, I’m going!”

When they finally reach her room, Penelope slams the door harshly behind her. Her brother turns to her, glaring at her fiercely. He crosses his arms over his chest, clearly incredibly angry with her. Tony has never been a typical “protective older brother” type. He has his own methods though and it has made Penelope’s life Hell. If she doesn’t find out first that a potential friend or boyfriend is only interested in her because she is a Stark, Tony always swoops in with some other information from another one of his background checks. It has made forming relationships with anyone almost impossible, but she likes Bucky, and this time there isn’t anything he can tell her that would ruin that.

“What exactly is your problem Tony?” she asks sharply.

“You can’t just…canoodle with the Winter Solider, Penelope!” he shot. “He’s still the man who murdered our parents you know!”

She wants to throw her fist into Tony’s nose, for a number of reasons. Reason number one, she is not canoodling with the Winter Solider…as a rule Penelope does not canoodle. Reason number two, Penelope is well aware that Bucky is still the man who murdered her parents, she doesn’t think she would ever forget it. The last thing she needs is Tony throwing it in her face every time she interacts with Bucky.

“I wasn’t canoodling anyone Tony, I don’t _canoodle_ ,” she tells him, crossing her arms over her chest. He scoffs at her skeptically in response. “I was just helping him avoid a panic attack alright? The man is a fucking mess Tony. It’s the least I can do.”

“That is exactly why you can’t go around canoodling him!” Tony presses back. “Have you read Shuri’s notes on him?”

“Yes.”

“Then you know that he’s likely not entirely stable and might not be for years, maybe ever,” Tony says, eyeing her with a tired, worn-out look.

“Tony you brought me here for that exact reason!” she yells in frustration.

“To monitor him Penelope!” Tony barks. “Not plays with his hair and watch shitty 90’s television sitcoms with him!”

“Well, you can’t have everything your way Tony,” she says. “We’re friends, something I’m short on because of you.”

Tony laughs bitterly as he nods his head at her. “You know Pen, you have to stop blaming me for your lack of interpersonal relationships.”

“Then lets me have them,” she pleads.

“Not with Barnes,” Tony replies firmly. “I don’t trust him.”

“You don’t have to trust him,” she shrugs, “you just have to trust me. You have to trust that I trust him.”

Tony considers her for a moment. He slowly nods his head at her and Penelope has to resist from dropping her mouth open in shock. She couldn’t believe he hasn’t come back with some snide remark, but that he instead seems to actually be listening to her.

“Fine Pen,” he says slowly, “just don’t go falling in love with the guy yeah? Living under the same roof as the guy is hard enough…I don’t think I can handle Bucky Barnes as my brother-in-law.”

“Come on Tony,” Penelope laughs, exasperates by her stupid brother, “You know I haven’t dates in years. I don’t plan on dating anyone either, least of all Barnes. Like I said, the man is a mess.”

“Whatever,” Tony sighs shaking his head, “just don’t go around playing with his hair or ya know…”

“Canoodle?”

“Right, exactly,” Tony chuckles. “You play with his hair too often or canoodle too much, he might fall in love with you and then you’re really fucked.”

Penelope doesn’t think she needs to reiterate that she definitely isn’t “canoodling” with Bucky. In fact, she hopes that she never has to hear the word again. She also doesn’t feel like explaining to Tony that she knows from firsthand experience what it felt like to be touch starved, just like Bucky, and that she physically cannot stop herself from at least trying to rectify that a little for him. What she really doesn’t feel like getting into, is that in her time spent with Bucky, she’s come to learn that he is perpetually on the verge of a panic attack. He is so hyper-focused on keeping himself under control; it is virtually impossible that he even has a chance to think about anyone romantically.

“Get out of my room now Tony,” Penelope sighs, jutting her head towards the door.

Tony grins at his sister and gave her a small nod as he departs her room. She throws herself onto her bed and closes her eyes. Her mind races as she begins to drift off and she is on the verge of sleep when a knocking at her door forces her eyes open. She rolls over onto her side to see Bucky standing awkwardly in her open doorway; he is eyeing her apologetically, probably for waking her up.

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly, “I just um…I need to say something.”

“Come in Buck,” Penelope mumbles, not bothering to sit up.

“Penelope, I don’t want to cause any problems between you and Tony,” Bucky tells her. He ignores her offer for him to come into her room, lingering at the door instead.

Penelope groans and rolls onto her back dramatically. She presses her palms into her eyes hard enough for her to see spots of colors in her vision. Tony is a real pain in her ass and she wonders if he always would be. She also wonders how he got someone as cool as Rhodey to be his friend or as patient as Pepper to be his girlfriend.

“This is so unfair,” she grunts, pressing her palms deeper against her eyeballs.

She feels her bed depress slightly at her side, then Bucky’s hands wrap around her wrists. He gently pulls her hands away from her face. Her eyes adjusts as she blinks them out a couple of times and Bucky’s face slowly comes into view. His steel blue eyes watch her amusedly, the corners of his mouth were turned up slightly.

“What is so unfair Penelope?” he asks, tilting his head to one side.

“Nothing,” she sighs, “it’s just…my brother…our dynamic, it’s weird as fuck. I mean he somehow manages to completely disregard my entire existence, while still meddling in absolutely every aspect of my life.” Penelope pauses to take a breath and glance up at Bucky. He is listening to her intently, so she continues. “And it’s like…the minute I make a friend, here comes Tony to give me a list of reasons why I need to steer clear of them.”

Bucky presses his lips together and nods at her. He finally releases her wrists and she drops her hands to her stomach, resting them there lightly. His cheeks puff out as he releases a long, heavy sigh.

“I can’t say I blame him this time Penelope,” he says, wincing at her. “I don’t think he would have been upset if you’d chosen, oh I don’t know, anyone else to befriend. There is a long list of reasons why you should steer clear of me.”

Penelope narrows her eyes at him. The last thing she needs is Bucky agreeing with her stupid brother. Besides, it isn’t like she hasn’t befriended any of the others, they are just often busy, and Bucky is almost always around. It isn’t just Bucky’s consistent presence though that drew her to him, she feels comfortable with him, and it is hard for Penelope to feel comfortable around anyone.

She reaches over to grab one of her unused pillows. Bucky lets out a low laugh as she shoves the pillow into his face. He takes it from her and places it on her abdomen. The pillow bounces up and down as she giggles lightly.

“I’m not steering clear of you,” she tells him, “just so we’re straight.”

“Yeah, I figured you’d say that,” he nods. His eyes glances down at her and grabs the pillow off of her. Then he leans back, sprawling himself flat across her stomach, shoving the pillow beneath his head. She groans under the weight of him but laughs at his antics. “Of course,” he says after a moment, “I could always steer clear of you, since you’re too stubborn.”

Penelope’s chest tightens at his words, she wonders if he felt her body tense. He rolls his head over to look up at her. The thought of him avoiding her made her furious and also sad. She took Bucky’s vibranium hand and places it over her face, hiding her expression from him.

“You aren’t funny Barnes,” Penelope grumbles into his hand.

“I’m not trying to be funny Penelope,” he says, sliding his hand down to her cheek. He pulls it from her face and places it on his stomach, interlacing his fingers with the ones on his other hand. “It makes absolutely no sense for us to be friends. You should hate me as much as Tony does.”

“Bucky I’ve been alone for so long. I can’t make friends and when I do, Tony inevitably messes it all up. I don’t know what the fuck it is about you and maybe it’s some sick joke that the universe is playing on us, but for some reason, you make me feel easy and less alone. So, Tony can suck it the fuck up, because I desperately need a friend and Steve really can’t be your only one,” Penelope says in a flurry of words.

“What about Natasha? Or Wanda? You seem to get along pretty well with Sam,” Bucky counters.

“Why are you fighting this so hard?” Penelope pulls herself out from beneath him. She says with her legs crisscrossed in front of her.

He moves into a sitting position too, placing himself directly across from her. She notices his hand shake slightly as he lifts it up to pull it through his hair. Instantly she feels guilty for possibly pushing him too far. She hates to think that she could ever be the cause of a panic attack. When he finally meets her eyes, he gives her a sad, uncertain sort of smile.

“I don’t need your brother to hate me anymore than he already does,” Bucky tells her gently. His Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he gulps. “You might forgive me for what I did, but I’m not sure he has yet…I certainly haven’t forgiven myself for it.”

Penelope reaches out for his hand. It still trembles as she takes it in hers. The shaking subsides as she trails her fingers over his palm. He is right, she does have Natasha and Wanda, Sam, Clint, any one of them really. It is different with Bucky though. The thought of losing it, even if it is still so new, so fresh, makes her irrationally angry.

“I need this,” Penelope breathes. She doesn’t know if she is admitting more to him or herself, but it is the truth.

He nods his head slowly at her. “Yeah,” he sighs heavily, “I feel that too.” A groan falls from his lips as he turns to crash down again on her mattress. “Oh, Penelope Stark, what am I going to do with you?”

Penelope grins, lying down beside him. She turns her head to glance over at him, his eyes are closed, but a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. The tension slowly releases from her body; relief washes over.

“You know I am a walking disaster, right?” he asks. “Even with Shuri’s reprogramming I am constantly moving between remembering everything about my past and remembering absolutely nothing. Most days, it’s like an incessant stream of memories while I am simultaneously struggling to remember my own name.”

“Bucky,” Penelope says gently, “I know. I see you struggle.”

“So, I can’t promise you that a friendship with me will even be worth it,” he tells her. “I know it’s been fine for the past few weeks, but…I don’t know Pen, there’s just no guarantee with me.”

Penelope rolls over on to her side face Bucky. She props herself up on her elbow and rests her head on her fist. After a moment of silence, he turns his head towards her and looks up at her through one open eye.

“What?” he asks her.

“Do you do this to Steve?” she raises an eyebrow at him.

“No, not really,” Bucky laughs lightly, “but Steve is stuck with me. He doesn’t get an out.”

“Well Barnes, _you’re_ stuck with _me,_ and I don’t want an out,” Penelope says shaking her head. “So, can we please, for the love of god talk about something else now?”

Bucky lets out a deep laugh as he closes his again and lolls his head back. Bucky is doing a decent job of hiding the slow onset of an incoming panic attack, but the heaviness of their conversation hasn’t escaped her, and she knows it is affecting him. His shaking has stopped, but he is pale, and she can see his chest rise and fall erratically as his breath became uneven. Penelope lifts her head and drops her hand into his hair, stroking it gently. He exhales slowly at her touch, smiling slightly.

“You are too much for me, Penelope Stark,” he smirks. “I don’t understand you at all and I think you might be crazier than your brother.”

“There better be a ‘but’ after all of this,” Penelope mutters.

“But,” Bucky says, opening an eye at her. “I like having you around. Steve doesn’t play with my hair when I’m on the verge of a panic attack,” he grins mildly.

Penelope laughs and continues to stroke his hair. His breathing slowly begins to steady as her fingers moves gently through his dark brown locks. She keeps up the slow, calming movement, hoping that it is enough to help.

“Is it passing?” Penelope asks softly.

“Yeah,” he nods, “I think so. I don’t think it’s going to get any worse, so thank you for that.” He goes quiet for a few more moments, Penelope can see him focusing on his breathing, but he doesn’t look any better. “So,” he says finally, “do Ross and Rachel end up together or am I watching their back and forth for nothing?”

Penelope snorts, surprised by his question. “If the rest of the world has to wait ten years for that question to be answered, you have to at least watch every episode to find out,” she teases.

“I can just goggle it,” Bucky mumbles, giving her a lazy smile.

“It’s Google, you old man,” Penelope chuckles, “and I suppose you could, but that would require you knowing how to work your phone…or a computer.”

Bucky’s hands on his stomach move up and down as he laughs lightly along with her. His eyes stay closed, but he grins fully. Penelope smiles too, running her index finger down his forehead an along the bridge of his nose.

“I’m going to fall asleep if you keep that up,” he tells her, his speech slurring slightly from exhaustion.

“That’s the point Barnes,” she says, continuing the motion. “Panic attacks, even ones that don’t fully manifest, take a lot out of a person. It’ll be good for you to get some sleep.”

“My trial starts in a few days,” he mumbles.

Penelope isn’t completely surprises by the sudden change in subject. She knows that his trial starts in a few days, two to be precise, but she hasn’t been dumb enough to bring it up without his prompting. It hasn’t been something he has seemed to want to talk about until now. She knows he is nervous.

“Yeah,” she nods to herself, “I know…that unfortunately means I need to run some tests on you in the coming days.”

“I know,” he says, swallowing hard.

“Hey,” she says gently, “you’re going to be fine. Tony has this more than handles.”

“Right,” Bucky says with a nod of his head. He sounds unsure though. Penelope intertwines her fingers back into his hair.

“Lets’ not undo the work we just did avoiding that panic attack alright?” she asks softly. “Sleep Buck, get some rest, we’ll deal with it later.”

“Fine,” he grumbles, “but sleep is not really something I do. I mean...I just usually can't...so I don't."

Penelope rolls her eyes at him, despite his remaining closed. She trails her finger over the bridge of his nose again for a few moments. It isn’t long before Bucky is snoring lightly beside her. She slides herself out of the bed and throws the bottom half of her blanket gently over him. Bucky sleeps soundly in her bed for a long time, long enough for her to get some work done and for the sun to go down. When he finally does wake, he doesn’t mention to her that it has been the soundest sleep he’s gotten since he’s left Wakanda, but he doesn’t think he has to for her to know. 


	8. Distractions

Tony paces back and forth in the hallway in front of Penelope’s room. He knows Bucky is in there, because Bucky is often in there, and that may or may not be Tony’s fault. The issue is, Bucky’s trial starts tomorrow, and Tony needs to see him, he needs to see both of them really, but he doesn’t want to knock on her door.

“Tony…what are you doing?”

Tony rolls his eyes and turns to face Steve. Leave it to Rogers to show up and save the day, it is like the guy has a sixth sense for it or something. He is standing behind Tony, his lower half in uniform, top half in a plain light gray t-shirt, as always…too tight. Tony doesn’t remember Steve leaving for a mission, then again, he could have just been in an intense training session with Sam or Nat.

“Your dumbass friend is in my sister’s room and I need to talk to them,” Tony tells Steve. “Barnes’ trial is tomorrow, you didn’t forget did you Rogers?”

A smile spreads across Steve’s face; his blue eyes glinted brightly. “Of course, I haven’t forgotten Tony,” he tells his friend, “and why don’t you just…knock?”

“Good point Rogers…I hadn’t thinks of that,” Tony says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Okay well if you need help, let me know,” Steve nods. He bites his bottom lip to hide his growing grin, then turns away, knowing he is failing miserably.

“I mean what do you think they’re doing in there?” Tony snaps.

Steve turns back to Tony, grinning even wider before. Tony watches Steve swipe his hand over his face to cover the laugh that bubbles out of him. Tony crosses his arms over his chest and purses his lips at Steve. He is less than enthused with Steve’s nonchalant attitude towards Bucky and Penelope’s growing friendship. In fact, no one seems to think it is as weird as Tony did, they all thinks it is endearing. Not even Rhodey is on his side, which is beyond Tony’s comprehension.

“If I had to guess,” Steve says to Tony, “Penelope is probably at her desk, working, and Bucky is most likely asleep on her bed. It’s completely possible that they’re watching a movie or something, but Tony…whatever you're imagining...I don't think it's that.”

“Oh okay Rogers I is not imagining _that_!” Tony says, scrunching his face in disgust.

“They’re just friends Tony,” Steve shrugs, “you’re the only one who thinks it’s more than that.”

“Yeah, because I’m not an idiot,” Tony scoffs.

“Can you two shut the fuck up?”

Steve and Tony both jump at Penelope’s sharp whisper. Her head is poked out of her door and her face is furious. Tony makes a mental note to reinforce the soundproof feature on her door specifically.

“Sorry Penny,” Steve says through a smirk, “it’s just…Tony and I need to talk to you and Buck before his trial tomorrow. Do you two have a minute?”

Typical, Tony thinks to himself, Steve never misses an opportunity to be helpful. This time, Tony appreciates it though. He thinks that Steve’s presence might make it easier to get past her. She doesn’t like Steve, but she des respect him.

“Bucky isn’t even here,” Penelope says, shaking her head.

“What?” Tony asks, “Barnes is always here.”

“He’s not here right now,” Penelope says again, this time slower, punching each word.

Tony doesn’t have to look at Steve to know what the man’s facial expression is, but he does anyway. Sure enough, Steve is looking over at him, both eyebrows raised in disbelief at Tony.

“You didn’t check before you came up here?” Steve asks through an exasperated laugh.

“He’s always in her room!” Tony protests, gesturing fervently at Penelope’s open door.

“FRIDAY?” Penelope calls out. “Where is Bucky?”

“James Barnes is currently in his living quarters,” the AI tells her. “Should I alert him for you Miss Stark?”

“Yeah,” Penelope says, “tell him that there are a couple of idiots looking for him and to brace himself.” She smirks at Tony and Steve as she finishes her sentence. Steve laughs and shakes his head at her, Tony on the other hand doesn’t find her antics as funny.

“I’ll let him know,” F.R.I.D.A.Y tells Penelope.

“You’re very annoying, you know that right?” Tony sneers at his little sister. She tilts her head at him and nods slightly.

“Regretting brining me here yet?” she asks.

“No,” Tony says flatly, “get dressed and meet us in my office in ten minutes.”

Penelope rolls her eyes at her brother, then retreats into her room behind her closed door. Tony sighs and scratches his forehead lightly. He hates the look Steve is giving him, patronizing, with a hint of disbelief. Whatever is about to come out of Steve’s mouth, Tony knows he isn’t going to like it.

“You realize that the more you fight their friendship, the more persistent she is going to be about it, right Tony?” Steve asks.

“I just don’t get it,” Tony admits with a shake of his head. “She can’t be doing it entirely out of spite…I mean I’m not above something like that, but I always thought she was.”

“Walk with me,” Steve says, indicating his head for Tony to follow him. Tony begrudgingly listens and walks beside Steve. “I don’t know Penny very well, it’s none of my business but I’m not sure you know her very well either.”

Tony tries to argue with Steve, but he can’t. Steve is absolutely correct; he doesn’t know his sister very well and it is almost entirely his own fault. So instead, Tony shrugs and gives Steve a curt nod of confirmation.

“Right, so I don’t think either of us can say for certain what’s drawn them together, or at least what’s drawn Penny to Bucky. What it seems like though, is that Bucky doesn’t ask much of her. Maybe he makes it easy for her to be herself,” Steve says. He pauses, a grin forming across his face, “Although, I would be willing to bet that spite might have just a little something to do with it.”

“If she’s really a Stark, spite has a lot more than just a little to do with it,” Tony laughs.

Penelope stands in the corner of the conference room in the over-crowded library. Tony is no stranger to stupid ideas; this one though doesn’t seem half bad. He wants to expose the public to Bucky, get him some positive PR. As Tony put it, there is no better PR than doing heartwarming things for kids. So, he sent Bucky to the library to read to some kids. The Avengers Read program had been established months prior and was unsurprisingly incredibly successful. Tony and his team were always fighting off bad press, and the program givesthem a chance to connect with and regain the trust of the community. Penelope is surprised that Tony has come up with the idea and executed it so well.

Understandably though, Bucky isn’t convinced that anyone would let their kid in a room with a known Soviet sleeper agent. He is also incredibly adamant about the fact that he isn’t technically an Avenger. Tony, however, is not deterred. He pairs Bucky up with Sam, a favorite with the kids, and sends Natasha too, as added backup. Penelope is only there because Bucky has asked her, more than once. She should have told him no, there were a thousand and one things that she needed to be doing for his trial, but he kept bringing it up, and she found herself caving.

After no less than five minutes of interacting with the kids it is abundantly clear that he doesn’t need her there; he doesn’t need any of them there. The kids take to him instantly and Bucky and Sam are a dream team. Natasha and Bucky make a decent team too, their back and forth is amusing. She doesn’t stay with the two men for long though, just long enough to introduce them and wait to see how the kids reacted to Bucky.

Penelope straightens herself a little against the bookcase she is leaning on, as Natasha makes her way towards her. Penelope has always liked Natasha, but as the redhead walks over to her, an easy smirk playing across her lips, Penelope feels a twinge of jealousy towards her. The way she talks to people, related with the audience, it is all so easy for her.

“They’re great together aren’t they?” Natasha asks, nodding her head towards Bucky and Sam. She leans her back against the bookcase beside Penelope and crosses her arms over her chest.

“Yeah,” Penelope nods, “the kids are really taking to them. You were great too by the way, I didn’t realize you and Bucky got along so well.”

Natasha bites her lip as her head bounces up and down lightly in agreemant. “Well, we’ve known each other for a long time. That’s probably what you’re picking up on.”

Penelope turns her head towards Nat, surprised by her response. She is unsure of what Natasha means, but she desperately wants to know more. Nat’s eyes trail to the side, watching Penelope’s expression. She sighs a little, then turns her head fully to face Penelope’s.

“HYDRA,” Natasha tells her, “James…uh…Bucky helped train me.”

“James?” Penelope asks. She raises an eyebrow at her friend, trying very hard not to sound too put off by her use of his proper name.

Natasha’s mouth twitches, but she remains silent, her eyes set dead ahead. Penelope can’t help herself; she has to know more. She shuffles lightly beside Natasha, fixing her own eyes ahead on Bucky and Sam.

“I mean the chemistry you two have,” Penelope says, pushing out a false laugh, “it’s palpable you know?” She darts her eyes up at Natasha. The redhead doesn’t say a word. “Maybe you guys should…date, it would probably be good for him to go on a date,” Penelope presses, trying to stay inconspicuous.

Natasha’s eyes roll back as she breathes a heavy sigh. Her lips purse as she finally turns to face Penelope. Penelope gives her a cheery smile in response.

“You’re a little off aren’t you?” Natasha asks, raising an eyebrow at her. Penelope shrugs her shoulders and gives a slight nod. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, you are a Stark after all,” Natasha drawled.

“I resent that.”

“We did date Pen,” says Natasha. “A long time ago when we were both in HYDRA. He trained me, we fell in love, it was probably at least a little problematic.”

Penelope’s mouth hangs open in surprise. Whatever she was expecting, that definitely wasn’t it. Natasha’s lips twist into a satisfactory smile as she turns back to watch the two men playfully interact with the room full of kids.

“Well, that is…that uh…it makes sense,” Penelope sputters.

“Stop being weird Penny,” Natasha says, “it is a long time ago. We were there for each other in a time when we both needed it. I doubt it’s something he enjoys remembering, if he remembers it at all.”

“Do you still love him?” Penelope asks.

Natasha breathes a laugh and glances down at Penelope. Her lips form a thin line as she shakes her head ‘no’.

“Like I said Pen, it was a long time ago,” she says. She pauses for a moment; her eyes studies Penelope’s face. “Don’t worry, I won’t be getting in your way,” she smirks.

“Oh, yeah,” Penelope says with a laugh, “no. Whatever you’re implying is so not happening. I don’t date, and I certainly won’t be making exceptions for Barnes.”

Natasha’s mouth twitches again, this time to hold back a laugh. She nods her head at Penelope, but her eyes were skeptical.

“I’m serious,” Penelope says indignant. “Dating is not…well it isn’t for me.”

“Another Stark trait no doubt,” Natasha says slyly, “but Tony managed to find someone. You and Barnes seem to get along pretty well. He seems comfortable around you, which is honestly very nice to see.”

Penelope chuckles, but continues to shake her head. She glances over at Bucky. He is standing, his metal arm outstretched with four small children dangling from it. Sam is laughing and nodding his head with an impressed look across his face. Bucky looks up, his eyes meeting Penelope’s. His lips break out into a warm smile and Penelope can’t help but laugh along with him.

“He’s incredible,” Penelope says, “but I can’t date Bucky. And it isn’t just because Tony would murder me,” she adds with a laugh. Natasha furrows her brow at Penelope questioningly. Penelope sighs, realizing she has to explain herself. “It’s complicated Nat. Would I love to just mess up Tony’s life by dating Bucky? Yes, one hundred percent. But I couldn’t…sometimes it hitss me, so severely that he…well you know…” she trails off. 

She looks down, occupying herself with picking at her chipped nail polish. It is a difficult thing for Penelope to admit; she forgives Bucky, but ultimately, he had been the one to kill her parents and it is hard for to reconcile that. It makes her feel like fraud even thinking it.

“Hey,” Natasha says, bumping into her gently, “it’s a lot to unpack. Honestly, I think we’re all pretty impressed with how you handled him in the first place. I know Bucky appreciates it.”

Penelope nods, but she doesn’t feel any better. Her eyes trail briefly back up to Bucky, he is laughing easily as Sam popped his wings out for the kids. She pushes herself off the bookshelf, feeling that her presence is no longer needs. Bucky seems okay and she has things to take care of for his trial anyway. It wouldn’t hurt to give him some space either.

“I’m gonna head back,” Penelope smiles tightly at Nat. Natasha doesn’t try and stop her as she turns to leave.

A rush of air swirls past Penelope as she opens library doors. She wraps her arms around herself to keep warm as best she can, silently cursing herself for not bringing a bigger jacket. Cars zoom past her on the busy street ahead and she sighs, realizing she is going to have to get a cab home. Tony is going to threaten murder her for the fare cost, but he’ll get over it.

Another gust of wind hits her as she raises her arm high in the air to hail a cab. She jumps slightly as a firm grasp clasped against her shoulder. A bright yellow taxicab pulls up directly in front of her as she turns around to face a very confused looking Bucky.

“What are you doing Barnes?” Penelope asks, looking back at the library. “You should be inside, reading to small children.”

“I’m finished,” he shrugs, “Tasha took over for me. Told me I was good to go. Thoughts we could grab food or something, I’m starving.”

Penelope nods, her grey eyes narrowing to slits as she looks up at him. She tries to ignore the way he says Nat’s name, “Tasha”. It falls off his tongue with an ease and familiarity, similar to when Nat has calls him James. It puts Penelope off, though she tries her best to ignore it.

“Hey lady! Are you getting in or what?” the cab driver barks.

Penelope startles at his voice. She turns to glance at the driver, then back towards Bucky. He raises an eyebrow at her, clearly confused by her hesitation. Bucky doesn’t know that Penelope has decided to spend a little less time with him. Penelope has reasoned with herself that she is doing it for Bucky, to spare him from a fraudulent friendship.

“I…uh…,” she hesitates. “Buck, I have a lot to get done before your trial. Tony needs all kinds of data and information, I really should-”

“Please,” Bucky cuts her off softly. “I need a distraction.”

Her cheeks puff out as she blows out a long, heavy breath of air. His bright eyes have noticeably darkened at their brief interaction. He is anxious about his trial, he’s put on a perfectly good show with the kids and in front of Sam and Nat, but Penelope can see now that it is eating away at him.

“Yeah okay,” Penelope nods. She turns to the cab driver and waves him off, then she turns back to Bucky. “Come on Barnes,” she says, nudging him with her shoulder, “let’s get you distracted.”

“Thank you,” Bucky breathes. His face softens as his lips break into a relieved smile. 

The wind dances around them, causing Penelope to shiver slightly. She glances up at Bucky, but he stands still, staring wide-eyed at the pizza parlor in front of them. It has been about five minutes since they arrived, he hasn’t moved in as long. The time is long enough for Penelope to steady her breathing. She had laughed when he had suggested pizza in Brooklyn, laughed harder when he insisted they walk the entire way.

“Buck,” Penelope says gently. She reaches out to touch his arm, but he jumps, pulling it away before she came close.

“Sorry,” he grumbles, “I wasn’t actually expecting it to be open still.”

A small groan escapes Penelope; she throws her hand over her mouth to stop it. Bucky has caught it though, he looks down at her, a wry expression across his face.

“I’m sorry,” she says, lowering her hand, “but you had to know that this is a bad idea.”

He raises an eyebrow, but nods slightly, then turns his attention back towards the pizza place. She should have realized that “pizza in Brooklyn” probably meant a trip down memory lane, something she is pretty positive Bucky is not ready for. It hadn’t clicked though, she was too distracted, and Bucky had been so insistent, Penelope had caved almost as quickly as she had when he asks for a distraction.

“It’s been a while Stark, I really thought they’d be closed. Somehow this is so much worse,” he grunts.

Penelope flinches slightly at his use of her surname. He’s never referred to her in that manner before, but she knows instantly that she hates it. He is tense and for the first time since they have encountered one another, she isn’t helping.

She takes a step forward onto the concrete entrance steps in front of them. Bucky is forced to divert his focus onto her. He watches her cautiously, his lip twitches in annoyance.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Look Barnes, if I had realized that you wanted to roam about your old stomping grounds, I would have given you an incredibly firm ‘no’. But we’re here now, in fact, you mades me walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, without a jacket, in the middle of Fall, to get here. So, we are going to go inside and get a slice of pizza from that sweaty man behind the counter who definitely has no idea who you are and then, we are going to sit down and you are going to talk to me about the overwhelming memory dump that is happening inside your brain right now, or, if you don't feel like it, we can talk about something else, but first the pizza,” she tells him firmly.

He smiles slyly as he shrugs himself out of his dark grey jacket and tosses it to her. It is warm as she slides into and his scent accosted her nostrils. She gives a begrudging smile in response. He smiles, she smiles, like clockwork.

“I told you to bring a jacket,” he says as he breezes past her to open the door. He props it open and waits for her to pass through. “Hey, wait,” he says, catching her wrist as she moves past him. He reaches out and tugs lightly on a section of her hair. “Thank you, Penelope,” he says, tucking the hair behind her ear.

Penelope gulps, feeling her face flush. She smiles briefly, then turns away from him before he has the chance to see the pink in her cheeks. Bucky is always careful with her. For the amount of time they spend together, he more or less keeps his distance, almost always allowing her to initiate any closeness. This is different, more intimate than any interaction they’ve had before, and it seems to have taken Bucky by surprise too; he shuffles awkwardly behind her.

“Pineapple? On a pizza?” Bucky questions behind her. A distraction. “That’s a joke, right?”

Penelope is relieved at the diversion. She turns back around to face Bucky. He is staring up at the menu, his nose scrunched in disgust. His eyes trail down to meet hers as she snorts loudly at him.

“Not a joke?” he asks, raising a shocked eyebrow.

“Nope,” Penelope shakes her head. “It’s a very divisive topping, but I wouldn’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”

“Alright,” Bucky shrugs. “Why not? I don’t even remember what pineapple tastes like anyway.” He glances down at Penelope, who is staring at him, her mouth agape. “Stop,” he grumbles, “do not look at me like that.”

“Right,” Penelope says with a shake of her head, “sorry.”

They gather their pizza slices and make their way to an outdoor table in silence. For the first time, Penelope feels uncomfortable with Bucky. So, instead of engaging him in conversation, she focuses on the people passing by. No one really stands out to her, two young men in business attire, an older woman with silver hair and two bags full of groceries, a small blonde in athletics jogging her dog. Then a woman with fiery red hair strolls past them, into the arms of the man she is meeting. They laugh as they embraced. The man looks absolutely nothing like Bucky, and the only similarities between Natasha and this young woman is the red hair, but Penelope knows what is making her uncomfortable.

Jealously isn’t something Penelope is comfortable with, especially when it is aimed at one of her favorite people. She isn’t jealous of Nat for dating Bucky though. She’s jealous that Natasha got to experience this whole other side of Bucky, a side Penelope knows she’ll never see. Penelope blinks at the couple and bites her lip, then turns her eyes downward to her uneaten pizza slices. Bucky nudges her foot with his, she swallows hard as she lifts her head to meet his gaze.

“I don’t hate it,” he smiles, waving his half-eaten pineapple slice at her.

“I’m shocked,” she smirks, “pineapple on pizza is an absolute abomination, I really thought you were better than that Buck.”

“You tricked me,” he says, narrowing his eyes at her.

“No, I did not,” she shakes her head, “I withheld my opinion so that you could properly form yours. Didn’t want you going in with any biases.”

“You’re big on that aren’t you?” Bucky says, taking another bite of his pizza.

Penelope cocks her head to the side. She doesn’t know what he means by his statement, but it has piqued her curiosity. Noticing her questioning look, he put his slice down and presses his lips together, assessing his words.

“When we first met,” he starts slowly, “you didn’t tell me who you were right away, that you were Tony’s sister.”

“Oh,” Penelope laughs. She nods slightly, “Yeah, I guess I did kind of withheld that information from you for a bit there. I is sure if I tells you, you’d run, and I really doesn’t want that.”

“Yeah,” Bucky nods. He runs a hand through his hair, sweeping it back. It falls over his as he shakes his head slightly, “I don’t think I’ll ever really understand that.”

“Well if it makes you feel any better, I did have every intention of hating you until the day I died,” she tells him. He chuckles darkly, his eyes turning sad. “I don’t know Bucky,” she adds quickly, “you weren’t what I expected. You let me eat your fries and you talked about Greek mythology, and it was all so…soft.”

Bucky’s face twists into a look of pure shock. Penelope watches as his mouth opens and closes a few times as he searched for something to say.

“Did you just call me ‘soft’?” he asks finally.

“You were,” she smirks.

“No,” Bucky says with a firm shake of his head, “I am not _soft_.” He scoffs and leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

Penelope studies him for a moment, trying hard not to smile at his indignant protesting. His scowl morphs into a sheepish grin and he messes his hair up again, letting out a low, rumbling laugh. She is relieved to see that he’s finally relaxing a bit.

“Are you feeling better?” she asks him.

He sighs, squinting slightly as he gives her a short nod. “Let’s just say it’s easier to ignore the panic with you creating distractions,” he replies.

“Okay so more distractions,” Penelope nods. “How about the question game?” Bucky raises an inquiring eyebrow at her suggestion. “It’s pretty self-explanatory Barnes,” she laughs, “I’ll even let you go first.”

“Uh…okay…what’s your favorite color?”

“I’m an adult Barnes, I don’t have a favorite color.”

“Well, mine is grey.”

“Shocking….fine…I guess blue.”

“Original.”

She narrows her eyes at his sarcastic tone, but he just smiles and continues devouring his pizza. She laughs. Her hunger finally creeps back.

“My turn,” she says after taking a bite of her cheese pizza. It is mostly cold now, but cold pizza never bothered her. “What is your birthday?”

“March 10th.”

“A Pisces wow, okay,” Penelope nods.

“I have no idea what that means,” he says with a shake of his head.

“Well, Pisces men are notorious for being soft,” she smirks.

“I am choosing to ignore that because I think you are making things up now,” he says, “what is your birthday?”

“Also March,” she replied, “the 24th.”

“Does that also make you a…what is it? Pisces?”

“No, I’m an Aries. So, don’t cross me Barnes,” she winks.

“Yeah, I still have no idea what any of that means,” he laughs. “Okay my turn.”

“You just asked my birthday, it’s my turn.”

“That was not my question, it was your question, I just wanted to know your answer.”

“Oh fine, go ahead then.”

“Why don’t you and Tony get along?”

Penelope’s head shoots up from her pizza to gape at Bucky. He’s taken her game from lighthearted to deeply personal in no time flat. She doesn’t know how to answer the question. It’s such a loaded one, there isn’t just one reason. There is, however, a big reason, one that only a handful of people know. She surveys Bucky for a moment, he wouldn’t begrudge her if she didn’t tell him. She’s come to trust him though and she thinks it might feel better to say the words out loud.

“Wow,” she breathes, “um…okay…big question there Barnes. I was expecting something like…what’s your favorite animal or who is the best Avenger.”

“Thor, obviously,” Bucky says, fully serious, “the man can control thunder and lightning…I don’t even know why anyone else is on the team.”

Penelope laughs at his best attempt to lighten the mood. She appreciates his effort, but he still watches her, waiting for her answer to his question.

“Right,” she nods, “okay well…there’s a ten-year age gap, so you know…he was off doing his own thing for most of my life. That definitely played its part. I’m not sure he was fully equipped to handle the responsibility of a seven-year-old when he is only seventeen…to be fair I’m not sure anyone is.”

Here she pauses to glance up at him. They both know why Tony had been given the responsibility of a seven-year-old Penelope and she needs to see if he is okay. He avoids her gaze, looking down at the table instead. It dawns on her why he’s asked this question. Bucky needs to know if he has been the reason for their rift.

“There’s more to it though,” Penelope adds, “and it definitely isn’t all on him. There was an incident, something I did, and we never quite recovered from it.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Bucky says shaking his head.

“No, it’s okay. It is a while ago now, I was seventeen and I was stupid,” she starts. Her stomach churn as memories of the night flood her mind, but she was right. It feels good to share it “I qAs dating this boy I’d met at a club that I was far too young to be in. At the time I was doing anything and everything to forget I was a Stark. Living in Tony’s shadow has always been a bit rough,” she bites her lip thinking about it. “Anyway, Tony hated the guy…obviously…but it turns out that Tony was actually right about him, something he’d never let me forget. We went out one night, to be honest, I don’t remember much. He was drunk, I was drunk, and I got in a car with him, like an idiot.”

She pauses, taking a moment to pick at her pizza. Bucky is silent and unmoving as he listens to her story, she appreciates it. It has been years since she’s last talked about that night, the therapy Tony had forced her into had done little to help.

“Again,” she says, starting her story back up, “I don’t remember much. There are bits and pieces, his flipped car, the ambulance, and Tony…that’s pretty much it. I was lucky, I guess. A couple of broken ribs and a fractured spine. It’s been nine years and the pain in my back still flares pretty badly every now and then. My boyfriend was completely fine of course and luckily it was a tree he ran into and not another car. I never heard from him again though.”

Again, she pauses to take a moment. This time she allows herself to steal a glance at Bucky. He is watching her seriously, but his face is completely void of sympathy or blame, the two things she dreads most when telling her story.

“I had never seen Tony so panicked,” she says, “but the worry went away quickly, and the anger replaced it. He was furious with me. Our relationship, what little was left, completely dissolved. I moved to New York, he hardly fought it, actually…he funded the move. After that we barely spoke, he would call once in a while, ask how I was doing. When I told him that I wanted to go to med school he hardly reacted, I guess I was hoping for some kind of big response from him. I tried so hard to win back his approval, but by the time he started his whole Iron Man thing, I was over it. It’s weird to see him try so hard now, I don’t really get it.”

Penelope knows that Tony had pushed her away because he couldn’t handle losing her, her therapist told her as much. It doesn’t change how much it hurt. Bucky’s silence becomes excruciating, but she can’t force him to say anything, so she occupies herself again with passersby. When he exhales loudly, Penelope reluctantly brings her attention back to him.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Penelope says as he opens his mouth to speak.

“Oh,” Bucky nods. He shrugs slightly and gives her a soft smile, “I was just going to ask you what your favorite animal is?”

“Well, it isn’t your turn Barnes, it’s mine,” Penelope laughs lightly.

“Yeah, but since I asked a stupid question, I thought you might let me try again,” he smirks. He pauses for a short moment, then meets her eyes, his own eyes filled with apology. “I am so sorry Penelope, I had no idea. I didn’t mean to make you relive that.”

“No, it’s okay,” Penelope says with a shake of her head, “the truth is, I don’t talk about it…with anyone, ever. My therapist would probably say this is a good thing.”

Bucky smiles at her small quip. He won’t push her into unpacking everything, which is something that she is infinitely grateful for. She appreciates the way he’s handled her story, and she realizes that in many ways, Bucky is exactly the right person to talk to about it. A wave of guilt washes over her as she remembers her chat in the library with Nat, her big plan to put some space between herself and Bucky.

“You finished?” Bucky asks, snapping her out of her contemplative state.

“Yeah,” she replies.

Bucky takes their plates and throws them in a garbage can outside of the pizza shop. Penelope watches as he stands at the entrance of the tiny building, crossing his arms and giving it one last look. His shoulders move dramatically up and down as he sighs heavily, then he returns to her side.

“Thank you for indulging me Pen,” he tells her, “you ready to get out of here?”

“I am,” she says, standing. “You got any other places in Brooklyn you want to revisit? An ice cream shop maybe?” she teases.

“I think I’ve had enough Brooklyn for today,” he grins.

“Alright,” she nods, beaming up at him, “let’s get out of here.”

He walks beside her as she makes her way back towards the Brooklyn Bridge, matching his pace easily to hers. Casually, he slips his hand in hers, cupping her palm against his. For a moment, it takes her by surprise. But his hand is warm around hers, so she keeps it there. He squeezes gently and she reciprocates, then their hands release. It is a small gesture, a 'thank you' that she knows he can’t quite verbalize. In fairness, she doesn’t know how to put her own appreciation for him into words either. At the compound, she writes a small note and slip it into his jacket pocket. Bucky won’t find the note until days later, in D.C. awaiting another day of hearings. It says:

_Thank you for not running. -Penelope_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out! I was in the process of moving and it's been pretty stressful. But here it is, enjoy!


	9. Meditation and Movies

The trial of James Buchanan Barnes has taken a little over three weeks. Tony’s lawyers did most of the talking, Tony himself even stepped up to do some talking of his own. Bucky is grateful for that. He is even more grateful that Tony makes sure that Bucky doesn’t have to do much talking himself. Steve stays the entire three weeks; another thing Bucky is grateful for. Penelope came only once, to testify. He couldn’t talk to her and if she stayed longer than a day, he doesn’t know it. Still, her presence is a small comfort to him.

Others came on his behalf, the Princess of Wakanda, Shuri, Sam, Natasha, and to Bucky’s immense surprise, Vision. Then there were some who came to testify against him. Bucky recognized General Ross, but that is about it. He always knew that he’d made some pretty unfortunate enemies; not knowing who they were or why they hated him though was a lot to take in. When all is says and done, Tony works his magic and Bucky is free to go, conditionally of course. It isn’t a surprise; he knew there would be conditions, doesn’t mean he has to like them.

It is his first night back at the compound. He has tried to sleep, when that doesn’t work, he takes to roaming the halls instead, avoiding the one person he knows can help. Three weeks of having to hear about the worst things he’d ever done from the mouths of other people has left him raw and uncomfortable. Despite ending up in front of Penelope’s room, he feels like an imposition, going to her like this, especially after their lengthy time apart. So, he walks past her closed door and continues down the hall, in search of nothing in particular.

Natasha’s door is wide open. He sees her sitting on her bedroom floor as he walks past, her legs crossed in front of her and her eyes closed. A twinge of longing echoes in his stomach; images of their shared past littered his memory. She is just another thing he’s lost.

“Barnes.”

Her voice stops him dead in his tracks. He turns back and stopped, leaning his body against her door frame. She is so still on the floor in front of him that for a moment he thinks he might have imagined her calling his name.

“Come in, sit,” she says, her eyes still closed.

He does as he is told, sitting in front of her, crossing his legs as she does. A small smile forms across her lips as she takes a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

“What are you doing exactly?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at her.

“I’m meditating, you should try it sometime, it might help,” she replies.

She doesn’t need to elaborate on what he might need help with. Natasha knows better than anyone what Bucky has been through. Not only has she seen him at his worst, but she’d also been subject to many of the same horrors that he’d been subject to.

“Meditating?” he asks. He straightens his back and rests his hands on his knees, mimicking her posture.

“Yes,” she gives a firm nod, “close your eyes and take deep breaths, try and empty your mind.”

A snort escapes him, and Natasha glares at him through an open eye. He gives her a shrug, but he is sure there is no possible way that he can empty his mind. She closes her eyes again and restarts her deep breaths. Reluctantly, he follows suit.

They sit in silence together for a few moments, breathing deeply and emptying their minds. Bucky’s thinks, his memories, they are too loud to be silenced. Meditation isn’t entirely fruitless though; he is able to slow his mind at the very least.

“I remember us, Tasha,” Bucky mutters after a moment. Her silence has made him self-conscience and he slowly open his eyes. Natasha’s bright green eyes are ide as they bare into his. For a moment he doubts his own memory, his heart skips at the thought. The burning on his lips, where she’d once kissed him deeply, tells him this is something he can trust. “Just in case…you thought I didn’t,” he adds, brushing a shaky hand through his hair.

“Well,” she breathes, breaking her silence, “I definitely wasn’t expecting to have _this_ conversation anytime soon.”

Her full lips turn upward into her famous coy smile. That smile had saved him, countless times during their unfortunate stay with HYDRA. He chuckles lightly, shaking his head as he glances down at his hands. Loving Natasha had been his saving grace for a time.

“You saved me Tasha,” he tells her.

“Yeah,” she nods, “you saved me too James.”

He laughs darkly at her response. “I wish I could believe that,” he says.

“I don’t lie.”

Bucky raises an eyebrow at her. That statement is even harder for him to believe. It is her job to lie, they both knows that. She scoffs and rolls er eyes at him. Of course, she has never lied to him before. What they’d has was real, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Still, it was a long time ago, she has no reason to keep that up.

“I only lie when I have to,” she smirks.

“Well I appreciate that.” He gives her a short nod, still not entirely sure if he believes her.

“I’m sorry I left you,” her eyes cast downward as she says it.

“Hey,” he says, tucking his finger beneath her chin and lifting her eyes to his, “I’m not.”

Natasha furrows her brow at him, clearly confused by this response. He brushes his thumb gently across her jawline. Natasha, his Natasha. Only she isn’t his anymore. They havn’t belonged to each other for a long time.

“If anyone has to get out, I’m glad it is you.” He tries to smile as he spoke but fell short. His words come out shaky and broken.

Natasha presses her hand against his, keeping his palm against her cheek a little longer. Her eyes flutter shut as she takes a deep breath in and exhales. They both know that in her absence Bucky suffered more than he ever had. The physical punishments HYDRA placed upon him weren’t even the worst of it. To taste his humanity again, to begin to grasp glimpses of his old self, just to have it all ripped away from him. That was more painful than any torture HYDRA could put him through.

They pull away from each other at the same time. A realization, a confirmation that their time as lovers has ended. She smiles softly at him and turns back to her meditation, placing her palms upward upon her knees.

“Tell me about Penny,” she says. Her smile shifts into a knowing grin.

Bucky lets out a stark laugh. He shake his head lightly, hoping Natasha doesn’t notice the flushing he knows has spread to his cheeks. She does of course, her grin broadening.

“Penelope,” he corrects, “I get to call her Penelope.”

“I’ve noticed,” Natasha cocks her head to the side. “You’re lucky, I’ve yet to meet another with that privilege.”

“We’re just friends,” Bucky tells her, noticing a glint in her eye.

“Is that what you want?” Natasha asks.

Bucky sighs heavily. Natasha continues to be the most perceptive person he’s ever met. He’s always prided himself on being observant, until he met Tasha.

“I don’t know what I want,” Bucky laughs bitterly. “It’s what I need though,” he adds. “More than that, I get the feeling it’s what she needs too.”

“Maybe,” Natasha nods slowly, “but she likes you. More than she likes the rest of us anyway. Rhodey and I are trying our very best not to be bitter about it by the way.” Natasha smirks at him.

“I killed her parents Tasha,” Bucky says flatly.

“We’ve all made mistakes,” Natasha shrugs.

How morbid of them, talking so casually about death…murder. It is a coping mechanism for them both, he reasons. He can’t talk this way with anyone else. Natasha understands him on a level that no one else can, and vice versa.

“Yeah,” Bucky sighs, “somehow I doubt she sees it as just a ‘mistake’.”

“No, you’re right,” Natasha nods slightly, “it isn’t really a mistake is it? It is more like….being brainwashed and forced into doing something you would never actually do.”

Bucky meets her eyes, they are hard, determined. It doesn’t matter, she can say it a thousand times, Steve can say it a thousand times, anyone can say it a thousand times. James Buchanan Barnes has done horrible, unforgivable things, and nothing anyone says can change that. Then again, so has Nat.

“How do you forgive yourself?” Bucky asks softly.

Natasha pushes out a breath, slow and evenly. Her emerald eyes darts between looking at him and upwards at the ceiling. She lets out a brief, dark laugh and shakes her head.

“Yeah…that’s a big question Barnes,” she sighs. “I don’t know if I have…forgiven myself. I don’t know that I ever will. You learn to rely on the forgiveness of others,” she adds, seeing Bucky’s crestfallen look. “Let us take care of you,” she says, gently placing her hand on his, “let Penelope take care of you.”

“Thank you, Tasha,” Bucky nods. He gives her hand a gentle squeeze, then stands up and stretches. He reaches down and runs his fingers through her hair. “Really, thank you.”

“It’s good to have you around James,” Natasha grins. “And I’m serious about Penny, she’s good for you.”

“Yeah,” Bucky chuckles. “Good for me as a _friend_ ,” he emphasizes.

“Right, of course,” Natasha smirks.

Bucky laughs again. He pauses at her door. Natasha gives him a wink, then closes her eyes again and positions herself back into her meditation pose.

Bucky doesn’t wander this time. He does, however, hesitate again when he reaches Penelope’s door, lingering silently in front of it. Natasha’s words tumble around in his head and make him pause. “ _Let Penelope take care of you_.” It is a lot to ask, too much even. He drops his head against her door, then turns to walk away. He freezes hearing the door open behind him.

“Buck?” Penelope questions behind him. “Are you okay? It’s like one o’clock in the morning.”

“It’s eight thirty Penelope,” Bucky laughs, turning to face her.

She stares up at him, completely dumbfounded, wearing a pair of stretchy black shorts and a gray oversized sweatshirt, that hangs precariously off her shoulders. He snorts at her large wool socks, that make it almost all the way up to her knees. She seems too tired to notice. Her dark hair, which she usually has pulled back, swirls around her shoulders. She presses her palms into her eyes and rubs fiercely.

“No way did I fall asleep so early,” she yawns. “I was watching a movie…I must have fallen asleep.”

“Looks like you did,” Bucky smirks. “Did I wake you?”

“You’re not exactly light on your feet,” Penelope teases, leaning herself against her door frame. She drops her head, propping it up on the door frame as well.

“Doesn’t Tony have some sort of…I don’t know magical sound proofing…thing?” Bucky asks.

Penelope lets out a small laugh as she nods ‘yes’. He laughs with her. The modernity of the world around him, especially in Stark’s buildings, overwhelms him and usually frustrates him. It is easy to laugh it off, if Penelope is laughing too.

“Yeah Buck,” she says, “he does. But I asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to disable that feature. Something about being completely shut off to the rest of the world kind of freaks me out. Unfortunately, I am an embarrassingly light sleeper.”

“Well…I’m sorry I woke you,” Bucky says. “Go back to sleep, I was just…wandering.”

“Wandering?” Penelope asks, blinking up at him. She still seems dazed from being woken up abruptly.

“Yeah, I uh…ran into Tasha,” he tells her.

“Tasha,” Penelope repeats. Her brow furrows as she processes his words. She averts her gaze, fixing her eyes on the floor in front of her. He doesn’t quite understand her expression, except that he sort of does. The way he’s said her name has put Penelope off.

“Natasha,” Bucky corrects himself. “I was just…she is…we um…”

“Dated?”

It is his turn to avert his eyes as hers shoot up to meet his. He presses his palm to the back of his neck and laughs uncomfortably.

“Well…yeah actually,” he sputters, “how do you know that? Did she say something?”

“Oh, no, I mean yes,” Penelope says. Her fidgeting forces his eyes back to her. “Yeah, she did, at the library. I made a comment about the chemistry between the two of you. Um…why didn’t you tell me?”

Bucky is taken aback by the revelation that she knows of his prior relationship, he is even more taken aback by her question. It has never crossed his mind to tell her, he doesn’t even think Steve knows. Then again, she has shared things with him, personal things that couldn’t have been easy to share.

“It didn’t seem important,” he tells her, because truthfully, it hadn’t. “I mean,” he adds, running his tongue across his bottom lip, “it’s over now. The people we were then wanted…needed different things.”

Penelope nods her head slowly. Her shoulders relax and her arms that she’s crossed over her middle, drop to her side. She let out a small laugh and runs her hand over her forehead.

“Yeah…no of course, I don’t know why I asked you that, I’m sorry,” she says, shaking her head. “It’s not even any of my business and you totally don’t have to tell me things if you don’t want…what I mean is…you don’t owe me or um, well you know what I mean.”

“Right,” Bucky nods his head, “I uh actually…no I’m sorry I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh,” Penelope says, her eyes wide, “um…just that…you do not have to tell me about any part of your past if you don’t want to, least of all the parts that involve romantic relationships.”

“No I wasn’t...” Bucky groans. He sighs heavily as he runs a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t trying to keep it from you…I like telling you things. What is happening? Why did this get weird?”

“I don’t know,” Penelope chuckles, dropping her head against the door frame again. She watches him cautiously, biting her lip. “Do you want to come in and finish this movie with me?”

Relief rushes over him. He doesn’t think he can bear it if things stayed weird between Penelope and himself. An easy laugh escapes his lips, she grins up at him, seemingly relieved also.

“Depends,” Bucky smirks, “is it bad?”

“Define ‘bad’,” she says through a bright smile.

“Alright… is it ‘teenagers in poodle skirts and shiny cars singing thinly veiled metaphors about their sexual attraction to one another’ bad?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Grease is a masterpiece,” she scoffs, “those Pink Ladies changed my life.”

“Yeah, I’ll pass then,” he says teasingly. He turns halfway, having no real intention of leaving. It doesn’t really matter what she is watching.

“Wait Buck,” she laughs, catching his wrist. “Come on, I haven’t seen you in weeks. And you’re actually the best person in the building to watch movies with.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes,” she nods, “really.”

“Fine,” he grins, “but you should probably restart whatever it is, so I don’t bother you with inane questions.”

“You sure?”

“It’s not like we don’t have time,” he smirks, “it’s only 8:40 after all.”

“Ha, okay you’re hilarious,” Penelope rolls her eyes at him. She turns and makes her way into her room, leaving Bucky to trail in behind her.

“You know, you still haven’t asked me how everything went,” Bucky says, closing her bedroom door behind him. “I’ll let it slide since you did just wake up and all.”

Penelope laughs loudly as she straightens her blankets and climbs on top of her bed. Bucky hesitates by the door. He’s been in Penelope’s bed before, napped or watched something on her giant television while she worked at her desk. They have never been in her bed at the same time before. Perhaps, if Natasha hadn’t gotten in his head, he wouldn’t have thought anything of it. She has though and now he hesitates.

“Well, seeing as you were standing right in front of me, I assumed that you got off,” Penelope says, busy fluffing up her pillows. She turns and crashes her back against the mountain of fluff behind her, then glances over at him. “That is the most important part, the rest I figured you would tell me when you were ready.”

Bucky smiles and nods at her. He had originally, been teasing her about not asking. Her response is so genuine though, and another reminder of how easy she made him feel. She is consistently giving him the freedom to autonomously make the choice to talk. The Natasha incident had been a blip, even then she’d apologized and assured him that talking about his past is always his choice.

“You good Buck?” she asks, cocking her head to the side.

“Yeah,” he nods, “move over Penelope.”

She grins and scoots herself from the center of the bed. He slides his shoes off and climbs onto her bed next to her, leaning himself back against her headboard.

“What are we watching?” he asks.

“One of the greatest movies of all time,” she replies. He glances over at her skeptically and she laughs brightly. “It’s called Dirty Dancing.”

“That sounds dumber than Grease,” Bucky teases, clasping his hands behind his head.

“Oh shut up, at least my favorite movies are all in color,” she pokes back.

“Movies were in color before I fell off that train Penelope,” Bucky retorts. “I’m old, but I’m not _that_ old.” She turns to him and raises an eyebrow. “Okay so it was recent development, but still.”

“Old man,” she smirks.

“You are so rude,” Bucky chuckles. “Are you going to play this thing or what?”

“Yeah,” she says, nodding through a yawn, “unless you do want a chance to talk about your trial.”

“Oh,” he nods, “uh…yeah…it was rough. A lot of people really hate me, especially Secretary Ross. And I didn’t get off, not completely.”

“What?” Penelope asks, bolting upright.

“No, I mean it’s fine, I’m just…well working for your brother,” he grumbles. Her questioning look tells him he hasn’t been explicit enough and he sighs. “I’m an Avenger now. Under the watchful eye of Tony, Steve, and Rhodey. Ross doesn’t really trust Tony or Steve, but he trusts Rhodey at the very least.”

“Shit,” Penelope breathes.

“Yeah,” he says, agreeing with her sentiment. He pulls his hands out from behind his head and drops them in his lap. His jaw clenches as he looks down. “If I has it my way I would disappear somewhere and leave everyone to live their lives, but I shouldn’t get to take the easy way out. I know that.”

Penelope twitches in the corner of his eye; he keeps his gaze downward on his hands. His vibranium hand looks so glaringly out of place. What he wouldn’t give to have it removed, to never have to use it, to never have to fight again.

Then, Penelope’s hand is on it, resting gently on the black and gold vibranium. He snaps his head up to face her. Her grey eyes exude reassurance and warmth, she smiles softly.

“I’m sorry Bucky,” she tells him. “I know that nothing about any of this is easy for you, I wish I could do something to change it.”

“You are the last person who should wish that for me,” Bucky says, smiling bleakly at her.

“Yeah,” she nods, “you’re probably right. Still…I can’t help it.”

Bucky sighs, dropping his head back against the headboard. “You are far too nice to me Penelope Stark and you really, really should not be. You can’t keep pretending like I didn’t do what I did.”

“Bucky, I’m not,” she says, “you killed my parents. I know that, I couldn’t ignore it if I tried. Trust me, I am working through it. But you were a victim too and I can’t ignore that either. What would be really helpful is if we could stop talking about it, because it’s just as hard for me as it is for you, and I don’t think reliving it is helpful for either of us.”

She stares directly at him as she speaks, never breaking their eye contact. Bucky has to force himself to keep his eyes on hers, if she won’t break, then neither would he. Hearing her say the words ‘you killed my parents’ should have sent him into a spiral ending in a panic attack, but it is more of a relief to him than anything. Penelope has given him the grace to work through things on his own, he needs to let her do the same. Just because she isn’t talking to him about it, doesn’t mean that she isn’t dealing with it. He understands that now.

“Okay,” he nods.

“And,” she adds after a moment, “if it makes you feel better, there is a very large part of me that is happy that you don’t get to dip out into obscurity and leave us all behind,” she told him.

“Yeah?” he asks. “You sure about that?”

“I am,” she says firmly. “I think…and this is really embarrassing for me to say out loud, but I think you’re starting to become my best friend.”

“Wow, that is really embarrassing for you,” Bucky says playfully. He grunt as she shoves her elbow into his ribs. “I’m joking,” he grins.

“Jerk,” she says, holding back her smile. “Anyway, I know it’s selfish, but I like having you around.”

“No Penelope,” Bucky says shaking his head, “you are never allowed to call yourself selfish. Not when it comes to me. In fact, screw Ross, you should be the one doling out my punishments.”

“Stop,” Penelope groans. She nudges her shoulder softly into his and he turns his head to look over at her. “Stop Buck, you stubborn, self-deprecating man.”

“Well if you aren’t going to do it, someone has to,” he says, his lips forming a half smile. He keeps his tone light, but he is anything but joking and Penelope knows it.

“Oh my god you are so annoying,” Penelope says through an exasperated laugh.

“Penelope, I would really like to watch this Dirty Dancing movie, I hear it’s a masterpiece,” Bucky smirks.

Penelope scoffs and scrunches her nose at him. She reaches over to grab her remote. When she comes back, she is somehow closer to Bucky than she was before. Her leg presses gently against his. He is unsure if she’s positioned herself closer on purpose or unintentionally, but she doesn’t move, so he doesn’t either.

“Before you start the movie,” Bucky says, so abruptly that he even catches himself off guard, “you make things easier Penelope. Your friendship, it makes things easier for me.”

He can feel her watching him, but he refuses to look. From the corner of his eye he is sure he sees her smile faintly. It doesn’t make sense, none of it makes any sense. Her forgiveness, their friendship, it makes absolutely zero sense to him. Then again, most things in his life make very little sense and Penelope feels more right to him than anything else. She drops her head onto his shoulder and presses play. He smiles to himself, then lets his own head rest lightly on hers. None of it make any sense, but maybe it didn’t have to.


	10. Pulling Names

Penelope is very good at ignoring people. People have always had questions for the young Stark, the sister of billionaire, playboy, idiot, Tony. After he came out as Iron Man it was even harder to hide her identity and dodge the questions, but she is terribly good at lying and even better at ignoring. So, as she waits by the toaster for her blueberry bagel to pop, she ignores, with ease, the probing eyes of Sam Wilson and Clint Barton.

They came in, one after the other, moments after she had. Out of the corner of her eye she’d seen them acknowledge one another and begin whispering furiously. When their eyes turns to her, she realized exactly what they’d been whispering about. She continues to ignore, even when Clint slides off his stool and comes over to hop up on the counter next to her. Her bagel pop beside him, and she grabs it, then reaches for the butter.

“That’s a lot of butter,” Clint says, watching her spread a thick layer over her bagel.

“Butter’s good for you,” Penelope replies.

“No it isn’t,” Clint scrunches his eyebrows together.

“One of us is a doctor,” Penelope smirks, “and the other imitates Legolas for a living.”

“Alright first of all, Legolas is badass and so am I,” Clint says, darting his eyes over to Sam. Sam gives him a reassuring nod. “And second of all,” Clint adds, “You also said popping my shoulder back into place wasn’t going to hurt and it really, really did, so I don’t know if I trust your doctor expertise.”

Penelope laughs at the memory of Clint sitting on a med bed, holding his limp arm, and complaining loudly. She had been surprised that he’d never has a dislocated shoulder, he’d been through much worse, so his whining had confused her. To be fair, she wasn’t the only one who had to hold back their laughter when he howled at her popping it back in. In fact, Natasha didn’t even try and hold hers back, she laughed at her partner freely.

“Come in Clint,” Penelope says with a grin, “you have to admit that you were kind of a baby about it.”

“You caught me off guard,” Clint grumbles.

“Anyway,” Sam says from where he sat at the bar, “Clint has a question for you.”

“Oh, he does, does he?” Penelope asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah,” Clint says with a nod, “why is Barnes always sneaking out of you room late at night?”

“Are you sure he’s sneaking?”

“I’ve seen him do it like three times and Sam’s seen it happen at least four or five.”

“Again,” Penelope says, setting down the butter knife and turning to face him, “are you sure he is sneaking and not just…leaving?”

Clint glances at Sam, Sam shrugs at him. Clearly, they hadn’t though through their little plan. Bucky and Penelope had decided early on that if they were going to continue their late nights together, that they weren't going to make a big deal out of it. The more one acted like they had something to hide, the more people assumed they did. Bucky and Penelope didn't have anything to hide and they certainly didn't want anyone thinking they did. 

“Oh,” Clint says, his eyebrows scrunch together again. “Well, yeah now that you mention it…he did say ‘hi’ as he walked past me.”

“Wilson?” Penelope says, turning to Sam.

“Alright, alright,” Sam nods, “still doesn’t change the fact that he’s leaving you room late at night.”

“Yeah? So?” Penelope shrugs at them.

“Well are you…you know?” Sam asks, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

“Oh, grow up Wilson,” Penelope scoffs. “The man can’t sleep. Seventy years of extensive brainwashing mingled with the memories of a horrific past makes that a little difficult, I guess. We watch movies, eat ice cream, talk shit about you two, until I fall asleep. But we definitely don’t do whatever those eyebrows are suggesting.”

Truthfully, most nights Bucky won’t even sit in her bed next to her while they did these things. He usually opted for the cushy armchair she'd purchased with one of Tony's credit cards to add a little flair to her room. He'd pull it up beside her and sprawl himself out in it, dangling his legs over the arm. He always kept a little distance kept between them. She isn't sure if it is an old-fashioned thing, a respect thing, or a comfortability thing...as in being uncomfortable with his proximity to her. She didn't want to know the answer enough to ask. 

“You know,” Clint grins, nudging her with his elbow, “I hear that _that_ can really tire a person out.”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Penelope says, holding up a finger at him. “Barnes and I will definitely not be having sex, for a multitude of reasons.”

“Um…what?”

All three of their heads snap over to the entrance of the kitchen, where Bucky stands, halted in his tracks. He is staring wide eyed at Penelope, his cheeks flushed red. Clint snorts into his fist. Sam laughs loudly, glancing between Penelope and Bucky. Penelope’s cheeks have also turns a bright shade of pink. Her heart races as she scrambles for something to say. 

“It’s not…I was just saying…” Penelope sputters. “These two idiots,” she says, pointing incredulously between Sam and Clint. She groans and drops her plate into the sink. “Okay who the fuck is putting coffee grounds into the garbage disposal?” she snaps.

Sam and Clint glance at each other, then burst out into laughter again. Bucky, who has composed himself enough to stop the blushing, moves over to the sink where Penelope stands. He nudges her gently out of the way and reaches his metal hand in the disposal to pull out the grounds.

“It’s Steve,” Bucky grunts. “I know this, because he’s always been an idiot about coffee grounds and garbage disposals.”

“I told you it is Steve!” Sam shouts, pointing a finger a Clint.

“Fine you win Wilson,” Clint agrees, nodding his head, “but for the record, I told you that these two weren’t boinking.”

Bucky glances at Penelope out of the corner of his eye, his hand still deep in the disposal. She can tell that he is trying not to laugh. Apparently, he is no longer as uncomfortable as she is. She crosses her arms over her chest and leans her back against the counter behind her, glaring forcefully at Sam and Clint. Bucky nudges her gently again. She glances up at him, his smile is playful as he winks down at her. Something is up, Bucky has a plan.

“Oh, stop pouting Penny,” Sam teases. “We were just messing with you.”

“Honestly,” Clint says, making a cross over his heart. “We had no idea Bucky would walk in at the most opportune moment.”

“It didn’t feel opportune,” Bucky says as he dries his hand with a dish towel.

“It is,” Sam grins, “it really is.”

“It’s funny,” Bucky says, striding over to the refrigerator. He takes out an apple, then turns back towards Sam and Clint. They all watch as he pulls out his pocket knife and slices off a piece of the apple. “Whenever I’m leaving Penelope’s room, it’s always either you,” he says pointing the knife at Sam, “or you walking by,” his knife rests on Clint.

“So?” Sam asks, eyeing Clint.

“Well…” Bucky says, slicing off another piece of apple and biting it off his blade, “Clint’s room is next to Penelope’s and Sam’s is next to mine. Now, it’s none of my business where you two are headed so late at night, but one could assume things…if they wanted to.”

Penelope’s jaw drops as Clint and Sam shift uncomfortably at Bucky’s words. Clint lets out a nervous little laugh and Penelope feels her jaw drop further. Bucky continues cut into his apple, a small, satisfied grin on his face. This time, he holds his knife out to Penelope, offering her the slice that sits atop it. She takes it, absentmindedly and pops it into her mouth. Sam and Clint...she never would have guessed it, but now, it is painfully obvious. 

“Alright, alright,” Sam says quickly, “no one is assuming anything here. Everyone is just…having movie nights and watching movies.”

“Right,” Clint nods, “we’re all just…watching movies.”

“Yeah,” Penelope smirks, “but Barnes and I are _actually_ watching movies.”

“Oh my god,” Sam groans.

There is a chorus of pinging from Clint, Sam, and Bucky’s cell phones. They each look down to read their text messages. Penelope doesn’t ask, she knows it is an Avengers thing. Bucky still gets alerts even though he hasn’t been cleared for missions. That is in part, her doing. She has to authorize him for fieldwork. He’s asked her to put it off for as long as she could, but she doesn’t mind doing it. She's never cared about the Avengers, in fact, for much of their existence she’s actively hated them. If she really wanted to dive deep into her psyche, she knows it has to do with the way Tony cared so deeply about his team, a group of people he'd just met and barely knows. Having Bucky join that, feels like another way she'd been left out and left behind. 

“Tony needs to see us in the briefing room,” Bucky says out loud.

“I think they got the message too Buck,” Penelope says, nodding her head towards Sam and Clint.

“Us Penny,” Clint smirks, “meaning…all of us.”

“Do you have your phone?” Bucky asks, raising an eyebrow.

“No…”

“Well, he included you in the message,” Sam tells her.

Bucky hands her his phone. Sure enough, her name is listed in the contacts. Penelope groans, she doesn’t want or need to be included in any top-secret Avengers meetings. Clint hops off the counter and Sam drops out of his barstool.

“We’ll continue this later,” Sam says, pointing at Bucky.

“Just…don’t go running your mouths,” Clint adds.

“Not my business,” Bucky says, raising his hands up.

Penelope mimes zipping her lips and throwing away an imaginary key, then winks at them both. Sam rolls his eyes, but the corners of his mouth twitch upward. Clint chuckles and shakes his head. Penelope is relieved to see they weren't angry. Bucky glances down at Penelope, smiling slightly, as Sam and Clint walked off.

“You’re kind of a dick for doing that you know,” Penelope says, smiling back at him.

“I wanted to prove a point,” Bucky shrugs. “Admittedly, I didn’t really realize how well it would pan out.”

“Unbelievable,” Penelope laughs. “Come on, lets’ get to the briefing room before we’re late and Tony flips his lid.”

Tony likes Christmas. No. Tony loves Christmas. It doesn’t matter that he is just about the worst gift giver in the world. Pepper still won’t let him live down the giant custom rabbit. Rhodey has stopped accepting his gifts altogether. Gifts or no gifts, Christmas is still Tony's favorite time of the year. Possibly because it is the most ostentatious holiday of the year and he relates. You could be as over the top as you wanted and no one can say anything about it because, hello, it is Christmastime.

So, when he thinks up his brilliant beyond brilliant idea, he really didn’t expect any pushback. What he has neglected to remember is that he is talking to the Avengers and his little sister…the largest group of pushbackers ever. Actually, the only one who seems even the tiniest bit excited, is Thor, and Tony know that is because he has no idea what a Secret Santa is anyway.

“Tony, come on, this is ridiculous,” Rhodey says glancing warily at his friend, “we’ve never done a gift exchange before, why would we start this year?”

“Rhodes, Rhodey, Dear Rhodes,” Tony says, mixing the tiny pieces of paper in his bowl. He’s prepped the entire thing days ago. “This is Christmas. This will be fun. It will probably make for some laughs. I don't want to pick out presents for all of you. That is why we're doing it.”

“I don’t know Tone,” Bruce says, nervously from the back of the room, “Christmas presents are stressful enough without having to possibly buy for someone you’re not that familiar with.”

“Get familiar Bruce! We’re the Avengers!” Tony says excitedly.

“Okay, but I’m not an Avenger so can I leave?” Penelope asks, raising her hand slightly.

“Do you live here?” Tony asks.

“Only because you make me,” she snarks.

Tony realizes she has a point, but he's already written her name down and dropped it in the bowl. Plus, he is secretly hoping he'll pull her. It would give him the chance to win some big brother points by getting her the most perfect gift. He is considering getting her the most perfect gift, regardless of who he pulls. 

“Look, if I have to participate in this, you do too Pen,” Natasha drawls beside Penelope.

"Fine," Penelope grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Tony, you know it’s still November right?” Clint asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

“For two more days Barton,” Tony replies.

“I am excited, how does this work?” Thor asks loudly, beaming from ear to ear. 

“I’m glad you ask Pointbreak,” Tony says, grinning at Thor. “We will each choose a name from this bowl, whoever you choose is the person you’re buying a Christmas gift for. It has to stay secret, so no going around telling people or trying to trade or any of that nonsense. Clues can be given up until Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, we'll open gifts and guess who our Secret Santa is.”

“What if I get you though?” Penelope asks him. “Can I trade then? You know…because I don’t want to get a gift for you?”

“I have a watch collection that I’m always looking to add to,” Tony winks at her.

“What if we were already planning on purchasing a Christmas present for someone in the room?” Vision asks, crossing his hands atop the table.

“You can still buy something for Wanda,” Tony smirks. "Any other questions?"

“Tony,” Steve starts

“Not you Rogers, save it, I don’t want to hear it from you,” Tony cuts him off abruptly

“All I was going to say, is that I think this is actually a really great idea,” Steve tells him, a smile breaking across his face.

“What?” asks Tony sharply.

“Yeah,” he nods, “I think it’s going to be a great team building exercise.”

Wanda and Sam both snort loudly at Steve’s response. Tony narrows his eyes at the beefy, blonde man. Always so focused on team building, bonding, and strengthening. Whatever, if it gets him on board, Tony is fine with it. Natasha smirks slyly at Tony, waiting for him to break.

“Right,” Tony nods, “team building.”

Barnes is the only person who hasn’t said a word, Tony has noticed. He sits silently next to Penelope, his leg bouncing rapidly beside hers. Tony knows that leg bounce, he’s experienced it himself countless times. Bucky is anxious, the room is full, people are talking loudly around him, and he is being forced into something that is probably extremely uncomfortable for him. Tony feels bad for him for exactly one split second. Penelope rests her hand on his nervous leg and it stops bouncing immediately, along with Tony’s empathy.

“Alright,” Tony says, swirling his hand around in the bowl, “I will obviously go first.” He pulls out a piece of paper and reads the name. “That is an example of how to pull a name,” he says loudly, “I will go again!”

“Nope,” Penelope says snatching the bowl from him, “you don’t get to draw again just because you drew Bucky.”

“You don’t know that I drew Barnes!” Tony protests.

“I think we all know you drew my name Stark,” Bucky smirks, “it’s fine. Let him draw again Penelope.”

“No,” she says, pulling out a name, “he has to play by his own rules. Oh fuck,” she says, reading her name. Bucky leans back to peek, but she folds it quickly, hiding it from his view.

“It’s me,” Tony wiggles his eyebrows, “she’s pulled my name I know it.”

“You don’t know shit Tony,” Penelope snaps.

“Alright, now I’m having fun,” Rhodey beams, taking the bowl from her. “Bring on this Secret Santa business!"

Tony glances down at Bucky's name again, as the bowl makes its way around the room. Everyone is having a good time now, everyone except him. So much for a brilliant beyond brilliant idea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who is reading and leaving kudos and comments. I appreciate the love and the feedback! This may or may not be my last updated before the New Year. I have a Christmas chapter planned and I am hoping to get it up before New Years, but you know how the holidays go. 
> 
> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Stay safe out there friends!


	11. One of Those Days

“Here’s what we know,” Penelope tells Bucky. “Tony has you, you have Thor, and I have Steve. I am almost positive that Bruce has Nat, he’s been following her around for days, although I guess that could have something to do with his crush on her.”

“Bruce has a crush on Nat?” Bucky mumbles from Penelope’s bed.

“Yes,” Penelope replies sharply, “keep up.”

Penelope is deep into solving the Avengers Secret Santa. In part because she wants to know who had pulled her name, but mostly because she wants to get rid of Steve. It is probably too late for a trade at this point, so close to Christmas, but there is always the chance that someone has waited as long as she has to do their shopping.

As she rants, she cleans. Picking up odds and ends, folding and putting away weeks old, clean laundry, organizing her desk. The cleaning helps her focus and the focusing would help her get rid of Steve. Bucky is laying on her bed, his back leaned up against her headboard, hands folded on top of his abdomen. He keeps quiet for the most part, rarely interjecting.

“Keeping up,” he adds shortly. “Pen, isn’t Christmas Eve tomorrow?”

“Yes…so?” she asks.

“No one is going to trade with you this late,” he replies.

“You never know Buck," she says. "Besides, I'm too invested at this point. I have to figure it out. Alright, so like I said, I’m pretty sure Bruce has Nat. I think Rhodey has Sam, he looked right at him after pulling a name, but I can’t be positive.”

“I thought the whole point is that it’s a secret,” Bucky says.

“You told me you had Thor the minute we are alone,” Penelope retorts.

“Well I was concerned about getting a gift for a literal god,” Bucky grumbles.

“What exactly am I supposed to get for America’s golden boy?” Penelope fires back.

Her words are met with silence and she climbs out from the back of her closet, where she has been hanging a pile of clothes. Bucky’s head is resting against the wall, his eyes are closed, but he is smiling softly to himself. He usually finds Penelope’s quips about Steve amusing. Penelope hadn’t noticed how pale he looks before; she also didn’t realize that he’d been trying to sleep.

“I told you, Steve is easy,” Bucky says finally.

“What you should have told me is that you are trying to get some sleep Buck,” Penelope says, dropping her hand to her hip.

“I’m not,” he says, shaking his head back and forth against the wall.

Penelope moves to sit beside him on the bed. He pries his eyes open as she pulls her legs up onto the mattress, pretzeling them in front of her. They are dark, clouded with confusion and anxiety. Penelope rests her hand on his leg, understanding instantly what is going on.

“One of those days?” she asks gently.

“Yeah,” he nods, pressing his pallid lips together.

Penelope has learned that Bucky isn’t always one-hundred percent Bucky. She’s learned that somedays he has to fight with his mind and his memories to remember who he is. He is quieter on these days, less focused, his eyes darken, and the color drains from his face. She knows he is in pain, in every way a person can be in pain, but she’s also learned that even when he isn’t one hundred present Bucky, he is still one hundred percent stubborn.

“Migraine too?” Penelope asks him.

“Wouldn’t expect anything less,” he mutters, closing his eyes again.

“You should have said something,” Penelope grunts, “I’ve been prattling on about Secret Santas and shit, meanwhile you’re having…a day.”

“Stop,” he says, brushing his hand gently over her face. “It helps kind of. Listening to your voice, hearing their names. It gives me something to hold onto.”

He groans, pressing his palm against his temple. Penelope stands quickly and dims her lights, then makes her way back to the bed. Bucky drops sideways, laying himself across the top of her mattress. She crawls onto her bed beside him. Lying next to him on her side, she reaches her hand out and brushes her fingers through his hair.

“Let me give you something for the pain,” she says gently.

“You know that won’t work.”

“If I give you enough…”

“I don’t want it,” he cuts her off sharply.

He opens his eyes and looks at her apologetically. He is prone to snapping when he is in this state, but Penelope is unbothered. His eyes cloud with uncertainty as they meet hers. She knows he is struggling to remember who she is and how he knows her.

“Bucky,” she says, running her thumb along his temple. “My name is Penelope, we’re friends,” she tells him gently. He nods his head slowly.

“Penelope,” he whispers.

He repeats her name quietly to himself, as if committing it to memory. It sometimes helped, repeating her name over and over. Other times it didn’t, and she would have to continuously remind him of who she is. Either way, he never fails to recognize how she made him feel. He always remembers that he trusts her.

Sometimes, if they were lucky and caught it early enough, they could bring him back before he is too far gone. Penelope knows they are past that this time. They would have to wait it out and if he is receptive, talk through it. It is always a mixed bag with Bucky, she never really knows what to expect. Some days he is more aggressive, not with her, never with her, but with himself or others, namely Steve. Bringing up Steve could set him off on the more aggressive days. He’d retreat further away from himself, and away from Penelope. Still, some days Steve is the only thing that brings him back.

It isn’t one of those days, she reasons. He doesn’t seem like he’s in an aggressive state. His face is scrunched up in pain and his breathing is slow, labored. He is having a much more physical reaction to his memories; the pain isn’t just coming from the migraine that plagues him every time he goes through this. He is reliving the very real pain that he’d endured.

She moves in closer to him, easing her fingers into his hair even further. His eyes snap open again, they study her. He presses his lips together in frustration. It breaks her heart a little, seeing him like this, but she doesn’t let on.

“Penelope,” she tells him again.

“Penelope,” he nods. His eyes flutter shut again

“Bucky,” Penelope says softly, “tell me about Steve.”

Bucky’s eyes search hers as he sifts through his memories. They soften, as they always do, at Steve’s name. The corners of his mouth up tick into a slight smile. Penelope slides her phone out of her pocket and shoots a message to Steve.

“He’s a little punk,” Bucky tells her.

“How did you meet him?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” he says, his eyebrows furrowing together, “I can’t remember.”

There is a soft knock at her door. Steve is always quick to respond when Bucky is involved. Bucky twitches at the noise, but the light pressure from Penelope’s hand kept his head pressed against her cool comforter. Steve enters her room quietly and takes a seat on her bed next to them, extending his legs out beside their heads.

Penelope lifts her head to glance up at him. Penelope and Steve are not friends, by any stretch of the word, until Bucky is involved. His steel blue eyes are shrouded in concern, he asks silently, without words how Bucky is doing.

“He needs you today,” Penelope whispers

Steve nods and cautiously places a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky’s flinches slightly; Penelope continues to run her fingers through his hair. Bucky's breath evens at her touch. The continuous motion always seems to calm him, but she knows the rest of him is off limits to her. Fingers in his hair, that is the only touch he will allow from her in this state.

“Hey Buck,” Steve says in a low, even voice.

“Steve,” Bucky says, the tension slowly lifting from his body. “You’re Steve.” His brow furrows, “You shouldn’t be here.”

Penelope glances up at Steve, he meets her eyes briefly. It is a small concern; Bucky had seemed receptive to Steve originally. They are both far too aware that the chaos in his mind is completely uncontrollable in this state and he could flip in an instant.

“Where’s here Buck?” Steve asks him. “Where are we?”

Bucky hesitates, then groans in agony. Penelope glares sharply up at Steve, but his eyes are set firmly on Bucky.

“I don’t know,” Bucky breathes, “but I know you shouldn’t be here.”

“Don’t push him Steve,” Penelope growls.

“I’m trying to pull him out of this,” Steve hisses sharply.

“And I am trying to convince myself that I’m not supposed to kill you,” Bucky mutters, “so maybe you listen to her and don’t push me.”

Penelope smirks up at Steve. He chuckles, shaking his head. They are relieved at Bucky’s brief moment of lucidity. He is aware that his memories are in contention with his present and possibly, he is starting to come back to them.

“Okay, I won’t push you,” Steve says with a laugh. “But you can’t kill your best friend Buck, that would just be a really bad look.”

“Fine, I will do my best,” Bucky says, smiling slightly. “I can’t remember how we met. My head,” he moans, pressing his face into Penelope’s comforter, “it’s like my brain is on fire.”

Penelope hates seeing him like this, she glances up at Steve desperately. He clenches his jaw and gives her a short, determined nod. Penelope scoots herself as close as she canto Bucky, resting her forehead against his head. Bucky shudder, he turns towards her

“I’m sorry,” he says softly.

“Penelope,” she tells him, twirling her fingers in her hair.

He nods, mouthing her name. Steve fingers tighten their grip on Bucky’s shoulder. He keeps out of Penelope’s way. She does the physical comforting; Steve does the talking.

“We are kids when we met Buck,” Steve tells him. “I was…uh…well you helped me out with some kids that are bigger than me.”

“Everyone is bigger than you,” Bucky chuckles.

“Yeah Buck,” Steve laughs, “everyone is bigger than me.”

“You are so angry with me,” Bucky grins. “You said that you didn’t need anyone to fight your battles, that you could handle yourself.”

“That’s right,” Steve nods, “but you continued to follow me around for the next ten years, fighting my battles for me.”

“Saving you from getting your ass kicked in alleyways is more like it,” Bucky says, his voice slow, words slurring.

Penelope laughs at the effortless banter between the two men. This isn’t the first time Steve has recounted the story to bring Bucky back to them. It is always slightly different, Bucky’s responses varied, but he always has something dry and witty to remark on.

Bucky’s eyes open at Penelope’s laugh. He winces at the dim light, bright enough to aggravate the pain in his head. His eyes find Penelope’s.

“Penelope,” he says, sighing with relief.

“There you are,” Penelope smiles, “hi Buck.”

“How long did it last this time?” Bucky asks.

“Not long,” Penelope tells him. “Steve got here fast. He pulled you out of it pretty quick.”

Bucky nods slightly. He rolls over on his back, glancing up at Steve. Penelope’s hand slides out of his hair as he moves. She pushes herself away from him and lets her hand rest in the space between them.

“Thanks Steve,” Bucky says, to his friend.

“Anytime Buck,” Steve smiles, “but I don’t think I pulled you out this time.”

“No,” Bucky agrees, “not entirely. But you certainly helped.”

Penelope glances between the two of them, completely confused. Steve shrugs at her, chuckling softly. His condescending laugh reminds of her of why she finds him so annoying. She rolls her eyes at him and scoffs loudly, so that he is sure that she can’t stand him. Bucky smiles beside her, then reaches out and takes her hand. He brings it to his chest and holds it there.

“He’s saying that you pulled me back this time,” Bucky says, rolling his head over to face her. “I was agreeing with him.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Penelope says, shaking her head.

“Well,” Bucky says, “I wouldn’t say that.”

“Whatever,” Penelope sighs. She could bring up the fact that he didn’t even know who she was for the past ten minutes but doesn’t want to argue with him. “How is your head?”

“Still in excruciating pain,” he says, “but at least I know who you are.”

“That’s it,” Penelope says, sitting upright, “I’m going to get something for your pain and you’re just going to have to deal with it.”

“Fine,” Bucky grunts.

She looks down at him, wide eyed. He always refused her offer for pain meds. Steve too, looks surprisingly down at his best friend. They are both so used to Bucky’s hard head. Penelope leans over him, caressing his forehead softly.

“It must be really bad,” she says.

“Not any worse than usual,” Bucky shakes his head back and forth, “but you need to go buy Steve a Christmas present and I plan on going with you.”

Steve snorts at Bucky’s slip up. Penelope glares up at him. It isn’t uncommon for confusion to linger and cloud Bucky’s consciousness for extended periods of time after his episodes. He groans at Steve’s laugh and presses his palm to his head.

“I forgot that you are here,” Bucky says to Steve.

“Haven’t left,” Steve tells him.

“Yeah,” Penelope nods, “and you’re not leaving either. I can handle finding a gift for this guy on my own. You need to sleep.”

She slides off her bed before Bucky has the chance to respond. It doesn’t take long for her to grab a syringe full of pain meds. It is a stronger, larger dose than one she would give to a regular, unenhanced human being. She’s tried it on both Steve and Thor and has seen minor success. Hopefully, it lasts longer for Bucky.

Steve is still on her bed with Bucky when she got back. Bucky looks pale and dewy from sweat. His hands are crossed over his chest and his breathing is scattered and uneven. For a brief moment she worries that he’s slipped back into fighting with his memories again, but he openes his eyes and smiles at her as she sits beside him.

“Where’d you go?” he asks.

Penelope looks up at Steve, it hadn’t been long enough for him to forget. Steve eyes her darkly, his lips press tightly together, turned down slightly.

“I told you where she went Buck,” Steve says, more for her benefit than his.

Penelope nods at Steve, understanding that Bucky has clearly asked more than once about her absence. His episodes are getting shorter, but the lingering confusion is getting worse.

“Pain meds Buck,” she says, showing him the syringe.

He hardly tries to fight her as she sticks the needle into his arm. She combs her fingers through his hair until he is asleep. Steve stands and lays one of her throw blankets over him, then follows her out of her room.

“Thank you, Penny,” Steve says, closing the door lightly behind him. “For taking care of Bucky like that I mean, you don’t have to do it.”

“He’s my friend too Rogers,” Penelope says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“No, I know,” he shook his head, “that isn’t what I meant. I just meant…”

“I know what you meant,” Penelope sighs. “It must seem weird to you, and it is weird. I know that. I can’t help it though, he’s not what I thought he is. Everything about him has completely blindsided me.”

Steve nods as he listens. When she’s finished speaking, he bites his lip and ran a nervous hand through his hair.

“I think you’re good for him Penny,” Steve tells her. “I think he needs you. The forgiveness you’ve shown him, the kindness, he needs to know those things are still possible for him.”

They stare at each other in silence for a few brief moments. For the first time ever, Penelope feels a slight warmness towards him. Never has she seen a friendship like Steve and Bucky’s. The way he cares for Bucky makes her appreciate him deeply.

“Thank you for saying all of that Steve,” she says sincerely. “It must be hard watching your best friend find an even better one,” she adds, ribbing him slightly.

“Funny Stark,” Steve chuckles, “you’re funny.”

“Authentic, intimate moments make the Stark’s uncomfy,” she grins.

“Oh, I know,” Steve nods. “I’ve been around enough of you.”

“Alright,” Penelope says, feeling the fondness towards him dissipate slightly, “well…I’m off to buy you a super-secret, Secret Santa gift. I want to get back before Bucky wakes up.”

“You don’t have to get me anything Penny,” Steve tells her, “I know we aren’t friends. Besides, everything you’ve done for Buck is enough.”

“Oh, I’m going to throw up,” Penelope teases. She adds a gagging noise for effect. “You can’t be the only one without a gift on Christmas morning, Tony will murder me.”

“He might not.”

“True, he might not.”

She considers Tony’s reaction to Steve not receiving a gift from his Secret Santa. He would probably find it mildly amusing at first, seeing as the two are still deep in the throes of patching their friendship. Then again, she knows he’d be furious to find out that Penelope didn’t get anything for Steve, especially after having to buy for Bucky.

“Nah,” Penelope says shaking her head, “he’ll murder me.”

“Alright,” Steve laughs.

“I’ll see you around Steve,” Penelope tells him. She pauses and bites her lip, hesitating on her thoughts. “Who knows,” she adds, “maybe eventually we can be friends.”

He smiles at her as she turns quickly and walks away. She doesn’t want to hear him respond; she half hates herself for saying the words in the first place. Then again, if their friendship helped Bucky, she is sure she could find it in her to put aside Steve’s pompous, self-righteous attitude, for his sake. But first, she needs to find the man a Christmas present. 


	12. Merry Chrisum

On Christmas morning, Tony sits, beaming smugly from one of the cushy armchairs in the extra wide living room. Beside him, in another chair, is Steve, decidedly less smug, but Tony isn’t surprised by that. No one in the room looks as smug as he does, besides, perhaps Penelope. She must have also found the perfect gift for her person. Tony isn't surprised by that either. Penelope is as good at gift giving as Tony is bad. This year though, he is sure he's going to leave that reputation behind.

When Tony had pulls Bucky’s name, he was genuinely at a complete loss. First of all, he hates the guy, and for very good reason. Second of all, he didn’t like the way Bucky looked at his sister. Then he started seeing how Bucky actually looked at her. When she laughed, he smiled. She talked, he listened, actually intently listened. If she faltered, he was there to catch her. Bucky looked at Penelope as though she lit up the world around him. Tony still hates Bucky, but he doesn't hate the way Bucky looks at his sister anymore. Suddenly, he feels the need to get the man the perfect gift. Pepper helped of course, but ultimately, it is Tony's idea. He knows Bucky would not only like his gift, but that he would appreciate it. More than that, Tony knows that his gift would win him points with his sister too. So, he waits excitedly for the rest of the team to file into the room.

Wanda and Vision arrive together, as they usually do and take seats on the sectional near Penelope. A space is reserved beside her that no one even tries to take. Thor comes into the room, holding his poorly wrapped gift in his massive hands. He grins, showing it off to the room, tucks it under the tree, then takes a seat in the other cushy chair, next to Steve. Bruce staggers into the room, holding a cup of tea. He lingers against the wall until Natasha arrives, then follows her to the other end of the sectional. Sam comes next, followed shortly by Clint, they both take seats on the floor beside one another.

When Bucky finally shows up, he surveys the room quickly. He inhales sharply; he hadn’t expected the others to have gotten there so quickly. The crowded room makes him anxious. Everyone begins to chit chat amongst themselves, averting their attention from him. Penelope rises and makes her way over to him. She smiles resting her hand lightly on his arm.

“Come on Buck,” she says, tilting her head towards the sofa, “we’re just waiting for Rhodey.”

He nods and trails behind her. They take their seats next to each other. Sam scoots closer to them and nudges his shoulder into Bucky.

“What’d you get me Barnes?” he grins.

“A new steering wheel,” Bucky replies instantly. He eyes Sam cautiously, hoping his joke has landed. Sam breaks out into laugher, Steve snorts too at Bucky’s comment.

“Oh, so you are funny?” Sam teases.

“I have the capacity to be funny...when I want to,” Bucky shrugs. A small smile replaces his tightly formed lips, the tension releases from his shoulders and they relax a bit.

Rhodey finally shuffles in a few minutes later, still in his pajamas. He has a bathrobe wrapped tightly around him and is carrying a mug of coffee. He glares at Tony as he enters the room. Rhodey hates mornings, even more, he hates being forced into big, 'family' gathering kind of mornings.

“Good of you to finally join us Colonel,” Tony says, grinning up at his friend.

“Merry Christmas jackass,” Rhodey grumbles.

Tony laughs as Rhodey take a seat on the other side of Penelope. He sips his coffee then drops his head back onto the firm backing of the sofa. Slowly, he lifts a hand and waves it, flippantly, suggesting they get started with the affair.

“Alrighty then,” Tony says clapping his hands together, “let’s see, who should go first. Steve? How should we do this?”

“What?” Steve asks, looking up at Tony incredulously. “This is your idea Tony, do you not have a plan in place?”

“I shall go first,” Thor booms, rising from his chair, “since I am the eldest.”

“At least someone here is older than me,” Bucky mumbles. Penelope elbows him softly in his ribs, causing him to laugh lightly. Steve rolls his eyes at his friend and shakes his head.

“Good,” Tony nods, “yes, perfect. Thor, who does you have?”

Thor reaches down to grab his shabby present. He turns back to the group and places the thin box onto Penelope’s lap. Penelope has not guessed Thor. Not by a long shot. She'd guessed Clint, so it is a complete shock to her, holding a gift from Thor Odison in her hands. He is so large, looming over her with excited, expectant eyes. Her face flushes and she hears Rhodey snicker on one side of her, while Bucky grunts slightly on the other.

“To the littlest Stark,” he says, giving her to toothy grin, “Merry Chrisum.”

“It’s Christmas,” Clint says, raising his hand.

“I don’t care,” Thor replies, smiling down at him.

Penelope looks down at the box. It is wrapped in what appears to be a brown paper grocery bag, that he’s torn up to create makeshift wrapping paper. There is one shiny red bow in the center of the package, he must have taken one from someone else in the house. It feels light, she isn’t sure if that makes her nervous or relieved. She tears off the paper to reveal a white rectangular box.

Slowly, she opens the lid of the box and lifts up the tissue paper. Her eyes widen in horror as the contents are revealed to her, she looks up at Thor’s expectant face.

“It’s nice, is it not?” Thor says, raising his eyebrows.

“What is it?” Tony asks, craning his neck over to see.

Rhodey peers over Penelope’s shoulder and snorts into his coffee mug. She snapped the box shut, glaring at him angrily. Thor’s face turns from excitement to confusion as he watches the exchange.

“Thor,” Rhodey says, regaining a bit of his composure, “where does you get this?”

“Barton and Wilson took me to the mall,” Thor says, shrugging his huge shoulders. “I went into the store and asked one of the women there to help me find a gift for my lady friend.”

“Oh my god,” Sam says, snatching the box from Penelope.

“Open that and you die,” Penelope growls, lunging herself onto Sam’s back.

“You told her you were shopping for a lady friend?” Natasha laughs.

“Yes!” Thor exclaims. “She said that it was the perfect gift, and that any lady would be lucky to have it…or me… maybe she says both, I can’t remember. She was flustered and I was distracted.”

Clint slides the box from underneath Sam and Penelope as they scuffle aggressively beside him. He opens the box and pulls out a black, lacy, negligée, holding it up for the room to see. Thor grins and points at it, impressed with his job well done. Tony groans and hits his hand against his forehead. The room erupts into various degrees of laughter. Vision looks just as lost as Thor.

“You bought my sister lingerie?” Tony asks Thor.

“I don’t know what that means,” Thor replies, his demeanor still jaunty and pleased.

Penelope reaches up and snatches the fabric from Clint’s hand and shoves it back in the box. She heaves silently for a moment, then she lets out a guttural cry and lunges onto Clint, leaving Sam laughing wildly on his back. Bucky stands and wraps his arms around Penelope’s waist, pulling her off of Clint. He sets her down on the sofa again, keeping his lips firmly shut together. He knows if he laughs, she will be furious with him. So, he keeps his mouth shut and jaw clenched. When she tries to move again, he hold out his arm in front of her, blocking her successfully.

“I’m going to murder them,” Penelope says, twitching her body against him.

Clint and Sam were both laying on the floor now, laughing uncontrollably. Rhodey too is wheezing beside her with laughter. Everyone else has calmed slightly, but there were still snickers throughout the room.

“Can you at least wait until Christmas is over?” Bucky asks, trying his best to hold back his own laughter. She responds with a ‘humph’ and throws herself back up against the sofa.

“These,” Wanda says to Thor, holding up the nightdress in her finger, “are what women wear in intimate settings.”

Understanding falls over Thor’s face and he breaks into thunderous laughter. It is contagious and soon everyone, even Vision, is laughing again. Everyone except Penelope.

“Well, Merry Christmas everyone, I hate all of you,” she says, rising from her seat. She steps atop Sam and Clint as she makes her way out of the room.

“Wait, Little Stark I apologize,” Thor says, containing his laugher. “I really had no idea. Please, you cannot leave this will be no fun without you.”

Penelope hesitates and turns slowly to face him. She can feel the flush in her face, absolutely horrified that she has had to open up lingerie from a god in front of her brother and an entire team of superheroes. Thor smiles apologetically at her.

“Fine,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest.

Thor booms another great laugh and strides over to her, wrapping her in his arms. She grunts as he lifts her off her feet into a backbreaking hug.

“Easy Thunder Boy,” she says, squeezing the words out.

Thor sets her down and she trudges back to the sofa. She plops herself back between Bucky and Rhodey, kicking Clint and Sam lightly as she brings her legs up to cross under her.

“Still think this is a good idea Tone?” Bruce asks from beside Natasha.

“Shut up Banner,” Tony grumbles.

Natasha goes next, giving her present to Rhodey. It is a coffee press, something he’s been talking about for months. Next is Clint, he gives Bruce a bag of super stretchy pants, so that he ‘doesn’t rip anymore hulking out’. Bruce doesn’t find it as funny as everyone else does, but he does appreciate how comfy the pants look. Rhodey gives Sam a gift card, because he couldn’t be bothered with actually going out and buying anything. Sam doesn’t care, in fact, he prefers a gift card.

Wanda gives Clint four t-shirts with funny sayings on them. One is an ‘I’m with stupid shirt’ that she tells him he has to wear whenever he is hanging out with Sam. Clint laughs, so does Penelope, Sam does not. Bruce gives Natasha a black sweater and a bottle of expensive vodka. She thanks him with a kiss on the cheek.

Thor opens his gift from Bucky and is overly enthused to have a bulk sized, variety box of Pop Tarts. He also loves his brand-new toaster for his living quarters, that way he can toast and eat in peace, without having to share any of his precious goods. Penelope gives Steve a vintage record from the 40s. It is exactly like one of the records he had growing up, she knows this of course because Bucky told her. Steve thanks her, she shrugs it off like it is nothing. It of course, is not nothing, but they pretend otherwise, still not ready to admit friendship.

When it is Tony’s turn to go, he jumps up and grabs a small box from beneath the tree. He hands it to Bucky, winking at Penelope as he goes back to his seat. Bucky unwrapps the box tentatively, he hates that everyone is watching him. He really hates that Tony specifically is watching him. He props open the box to find a watch with a dark leather band. 

“Wow,” Bucky says, taking it out of the box for a closer look, “this is…really nice.”

He hears Penelope let out a small gasp beside him. Her head snaps over to face her brother’s. Bucky looks up to watch them. Everyone is watching them.

“Tony…” Penelope starts.

“Admittedly,” Tony says, cutting her off, “it’s from my own collection. Penny recognizes it, I think. Maybe you can tell him about it later Pen?”

“Yeah,” Penelope nods, “of course.”

“I…uh…don’t know what to say,” Bucky grunts. “Thank you, Tony.”

“And that’s enough,” Tony says, smiling tightly. “Welcome to the team and stuff. Rhodey, I swear to god if you don’t shut your mouth, I am going to shut it for you…permanently.”

“You’re just…you suck at the gift thing…and _Barnes?”_ Rhodey sputters.

“I owe him," Tony says, "I think his presence has makes Penelope a little happier to be living here."

"Happy is not the word I would use," Penelope shakes her head slightly. "But I guess I don't hate it."

"Wow, she guesses she doesn't hate it," Sam grins playfully at her. 

"Oh shut up Wilson," Penelope laughs. 

Bucky brings his eyes from his watch to rest on her. That look again, Tony notices, like she could light up the darkest nights. Maybe Bucky is in love with Tony's sister, he doesn't want to think about that. Maybe Bucky just really appreciates her friendship, he likes thinking about that option better. Either way, Bucky isn't the only one with looks. Penelope has her own way of looking at Bucky. It is a soft look, like something about him endears her to him completely. He puts her at ease too. Tony has watched his sister struggle in her own skin for far too long. When she is with Bucky, everything seems to come easily to her. For that, Tony doesn't know if he can ever properly thank Bucky.

"Alright then, Steve, you’re up,” Tony says, pushing the event along.

“Right,” Steve says. He jumps up and grabs a neatly wrapped box from beneath the tree, then hands it to Tony. “Hard to get anything for the man who has everything,” he says, smiling tightly.

Tony acknowledges him with a slight chuckle. In all his guessing, he hadn’t come up with Steve as his Secret Santa. He feels oddly vulnerable, holding the brown paper package in his hands. The box is light, thin, and long. Somehow, Tony knows it is personal before he’s even begun to open it. Steve has tied it with a thin red ribbon, it is incredibly old fashioned. Tony can’t help but find it all very charming.

He tugs at the red ribbon, letting the strands fall loosely. The wrapping is neat and precise, just like Steve. It is almost unfair to rip it apart so effortlessly. Tony takes his time with it, chipping at the tape and peeling back the paper. He can see Steve watching him anxiously out of the corner of his eye. This only encourages him to take even longer.

When he has finally removed the ribbon and wrappings, Steve breathes a heavy sigh beside him. He watches as Tony lifts the lid of the box to reveal a dark red, knitted scarf. Tony looks at the box, then up at Steve, then back down to the box again.

“D-Does you…make this?” he asks, pulling out the scarf.

“Well,” Steve mumbles, his face bright red, “yes. You mentioned needing a new one weeks ago and it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Captain America, knitting a scarf,” Tony smirks up at him.

“Tony.” Penelope’s voice, sharp and reprimanding rings out beside him. He glances over at her and she shakes her head, glaringly at him.

“Uh…right…,” Tony nods, scratching the back of his neck, “Steve this is great. Really…I mean that.” He lifts the scarf out of the box and examined it. “It’s…wow… that is some really, uh, tight stitching.”

Steve laughs, rolling his eyes slightly. “Alright Tony, let’s just move on yeah?” he says, sitting back down in the cushy armchair.

“I am being serious!” Tony says in protest.

He is being serious, one hundred percent serious. But Starks don’t do well with authentic moments, Steve has learned that a long time ago and had it reinforced a few nights ago with Penelope. Tony doesn’t know how to appropriately express his gratitude, but he is grateful, immensely grateful. It has in fact, possibly been the most kind, most genuine, and most intimate gift he’s ever received.

“I know Tony,” Steve nods, “I know you’re being serious.”

There is a brief silence in the room. Tony’s lips turn upward at the corners, indicating a small smile at Steve. They acknowledge each other with a slight nod, then Tony turns towards the rest of the room. It is then that he realizes how intently everyone has been watching the exchange. Steve and Tony’s relationship has been tumultuous at best over the past year and a half. It would have been foolish to think that the rest of the team hadn’t been affected by it.

“Well,” Tony says, grinning at everyone, “I think that was a success.”

“Oh, Mr. Stark,” Vision says, rising from beside Wanda, “I think it is my turn.”

Tony does the math quickly in his head, trying to figure out how he’s missed Vision. Confusion falls across the faces of the other occupants in the room as they also run through the pairings in their heads. Wanda comes to the realization first, clapping a hand over her mouth as she releases a loud laugh.

“Vis,” she says, looking up at him, “did you pull your own name?”

“Well yes,” he says. “I thought, possibly, that I should tell someone, but Mr. Stark makes it very clear that we were supposed to keep our drawings a secret. Besides, I was able to purchase myself something that I truly wanted.”

He picks up a gift bag and takes out the tissue paper. They all watch as he pulls out a couple pairs of wool socks.

“Socks,” he says, holding them up earnestly.

The room erupts into laughter again. It makes Tony happy to see his teammates laughing so easily, after all they'd been through. He couldn’t have imagined a better ending to the event if he’d tried.


	13. It Doesn't Work

In the interim between Christmas and New Year, Penelope finds herself spending most of her days in her lab, with Bruce. They are working on developing some form of pain management for their more heightened friends. Bucky still would not set foot inside her lab and Thor always had to be coerced, so they resorted to using Steve as their guinea pig.

Evenings are spent in the common areas, eating dinners, watching movies, and occasionally, if she’s been coerced enough, playing games. There is always someone, or multiple someones, to persuade her into spending time away from her room or office. Bucky isn’t as keen on group hangouts, the more people, the more anxious he is. That didn’t matter much, since he’d started training with Steve the day after Christmas. Tony wants him out, in the field, as soon as possible.

It is the day before New Year’s Eve and Tony’s New Year’s Eve party loomed ominously in the back of Penelope’s mind. She busies herself with work, in order to distract herself from the fact that there really is no way to back out. Feigning illness is her only option at this point, but she knows Tony wouldn’t buy it.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket. She pulls her attention from her computer screen down to her cell phone screen. It is a text from Steve. He texts her every day now, after his training sessions with Bucky, to keep her updated on his progress. Bucky did fine today, but Steve wants her to check on him at some point soon. Penelope sighs down at her phone, knowing that Steve’s text means that Bucky held it together in training, but that something is off. She shoots off a response, assuring him she’ll check in on Bucky as soon as she finished up in her lab.

“Sister!”

She jumps as Tony slams open her door and barge into her office. He hops on one of the med beds. Penelope huffs, keeping her eyes on the computer in front of her. He has a habit of barging in while she is working. He still has to learn the art of knocking.

“I assume you aren’t sick or hurt?” Penelope grumbles.

“Obviously not.”

“Then why exactly did you burst in here and drop yourself on one of my med beds?”

Tony chuckles at her, sliding off. He leans his backside against her desk, making it increasingly more difficult to ignore him. She waits a few short moments for him to say something, but Tony wants her full attention. His silent stare makes that perfectly obvious.

“What,” she snaps, “what do you want? I’m very busy?”

“Yes,” Tony says eyeing her computer, “I see that.”

She quickly closes out a Buzzfeed article about who the sexiest Avenger is. To be fair, she has been working non-stop for the past four days. A break is not only warranted, but necessary.

“It’s Thor isn’t it?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. “Did I even make top five?”

“Thor is number one,” Penelope nods, “Nat is two, then Steve, Sam, Wanda, Bucky, Clint, Rhodey, Bruce, then you, and finally Vision. No one really knows what to make of Vision.”

“I came after Bruce?!” Tony exclaims incredulously. “And Barnes made the list?”

“Yeah, well, you put him on the team. They say he’s mysterious and brooding but neglected to mention his kill count. The words ‘who doesn’t love a bad boy?’ are used.” Penelope scoffs as she imagines a mess of girls pining over a completely different Bucky after reading Buzzfeed’s list. He isn’t any of those things, but she doesn’t think the truth of it, Bucky’s broken brain and hypervigilance, would make for a good Buzzfeed list.

“Yikes.” Tony swipes his hand over his face. “I really thought I’d be higher. Bruce isn’t even…it’s because I’m short, pull it up let me see it.”

“Tony, I really am busy,” Penelope sighs. “I have to go check on Bucky.”

“Fine,” Tony pouts. “Speaking of Bucky, have you told him about the watch yet?”

Penelope stiffens at her brother’s question. She has in fact, not told Bucky the significance behind the watch. It is not on her bucket list of things to do, telling Bucky that Tony has given him their dead father’s watch…their dead father that he has killed.

“Yeah…Tone…I’ve been thinking about that,” she says, “do you really think giving him that watch is a good idea? I mean after I tell him, it’s just going to be a trigger every time he looks down at it.”

Tony’s face changes, softenes almost. Penelope can see the age in his face, the exhaustion. He is so loud and over the top, always has been. She’s known it is his own personal defense mechanism, but she’s never actually seen him drop it. He looks so much like their father.

“Lollipop,” he sighs. Penelope smiles at his use of his childhood name for her. The only nickname she tolerated from him. “I gave him that watch for you. It’s a peace offering, something of Dad’s to show that I’m okay with him, that Dad would have approved of your…friendship.”

His hesitation on the word friendship makes Penelope shift uncomfortably in her chair. They are friends, they are just friends and she really wishes people, especially her brother, would stop assuming they are more. Still, she appreciates Tony’s intentions, she knows Bucky will too.

“We are just friends Tone.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean it. You I need you to know that.”

“Pen, I do know,” Tony smirks, “do you?”

“I’ll tell him,” she says, ignoring his snide comment.

“Thanks Lollipop,” Tony says, standing. He makes his way to the door, then stops in the doorway with a snap of his finger. “I almost forgot; I need you to also convince him to come to the party tomorrow.”

Penelope laughs loudly, nodding her head. “Yeah okay, sure. Funny Tony.” His joke hasn’t been that funny, but he did come in second to last on the sexiest Avenger list, so she’ll let him have it.

“No, I’m not kidding. Ross is going to be there, not to mention press. He needs to make an appearance, show that he’s acclimating to society and all that.” Tony waves his hand at her as he departs through the doorway.

“Fuck,” she exhales to herself.

Penelope knocks tentatively on Bucky’s door. She has texted him, telling him she is on her way over, but she isn’t sure what state he is in, he may have forgotten. Her heart races slightly at the thought of the conversation she is about to have with him. Hopefully he’ll be receptive to at least one of the bombs she is about to drop on him.

“Come in.” She hears his muffled voice and winces. He sounds like he is in no state to receive any kind of heavy information or a forced invite to a party.

She pushes the door opened softly. He is sitting in his bed, back against the wall, legs outstretched in front of him. He smiles softly at her as she entered the room. Penelope is always so struck by how barren his room is; a bed, bed nightstand, desk, and dresser were all provided for him. He doesn’t have anything else.

“Hey,” he says, watching her sit in his rolling desk chair.

His dark hair is wet and the black tank he wears clings to his damp chest. She’s given him time to shower and decompress after his training session with Steve. He looks tired, but not like he is struggling to remember who she is, that is a good sign.

She moves the chair closer to him, stopping at the side of his bed. Her eyes move over him and linger unintentionally on the place where his false arm meets the skin of his shoulder. It is heavily scarred and although she can’t see beneath his tank, she knows the scarring goes well beneath it. He allows her to look for a moment longer, then pulls a hoodie off his floor and shrugs it on. Her wide eyes meet his, apology lingering on her tongue.

“It’s okay Penelope,” he says as he zipped up the hoodie. “I know it’s jarring.”

“No,” Penelope says, shaking her head slightly, “that’s not what…I just…I’m sorry.”

She is completely flustered, mortified by her staring. He is always layered up, a habit she assumed came from never knowing when he’d be on the run again. Wearing as much as he could, meant he always has extra clothes. So, she’s never seen his arm, exposed so fully. It has taken her by surprise, but that is a far cry from the revulsion she knows he is assuming she felt.

Without a second thought, Penelope crawls onto his bed, sitting with her back towards him. Slowly, she begins lifting up her light blue sweater. She can feel him rustle behind her, he grabs her hand, stopping her from going any further.

“Pen, what are you doing?” he asks sharply.

“Can you just trust me?”

He releases her hand; she feels him lean back. She resumes lifting her sweater, revealing to him the long, deep scar that ran along her spine. A low hiss escapes his lips. Penelope shivers slightly as he brushes his fingertips gingerly along her spine.

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly, pulling his hand back.

“Don’t be.”

“I shouldn’t have touched-”

“It’s okay that you did.”

Penelope lowers her sweated, then crawls back into the computer chair. They avoid each other’s gaze for a moment or two. The moment has been oddly intimate, it takes them both a few seconds to regain themselves.

“Everyone has scars,” Penelope says after a moment. “I wasn’t jarred by yours; I was just…surprised. I’m sorry Buck.”

“You didn’t have to do that Pen,” Bucky replies softly. “I appreciate it, but you didn’t have to show me just to put me at ease.”

“I wanted to show you,” she shrugs. “I’m so tired of feeling ashamed of it. I haven’t worn a backless dress since I is seventeen. Or a swimsuit either, for that matter.”

Bucky chuckles slightly. Penelope lifts her eyes to look up at him. There is the slightest tinge of pink in his cheeks as he shakes his head in disbelief.

“What?”

“Nothing…I was just thinking that nothing, least of all your scar, could make you look bad in either of those things.”

Penelope blinks at him, taken aback by his words. He clears his throat and runs a nervous hand through his hair, his eyes darting away from hers. Bucky is not the first man Penelope has shown her scar to, he is the first to react like this though.

“Thank you for saying that Buck,” Penelope says.

He smiles at her and nods once. Penelope is over the strange tension that has come over them. So, she lifts her legs and places them on top of his to break it. He laughs first, an easy laugh that she so rarely saw him use. She follows, unable to help herself.

“Your shoes are on my bed,” he says after a moment.

“Take them off it you’re so concerned about it,” she challenges, smirking over at him.

Bucky chuckles and shakes his head at her but proceeds to untie the laces of her converse and slide them off. He chucks them onto the floor. Penelope can’t help but laugh, shocked that he’s actually gone through with it.

“No shoes on the bed,” he shrugs, “that’s just unhygienic.”

“Wow Barnes, who knows you are such a freak about hygiene?”

“My room, my rules,” he smirks.

“Whatever you say Buck,” she laughs lightly. She pauses, taking him in. He is smiling, but his eyes are dark, and his face is pallid. Their short, playful banter hasn’t been enough to distract him from his training session with Steve or the moment of vulnerability they’d just shared.

“What?” he asks, noticing her lingering gaze.

“Nothing,” she shakes her head. “I’m just, trying to assess how receptive you might be to some uncomfortable discussions.”

Bucky puffs out his cheeks as he releases a breath. “I don’t know Penelope,” he tells her, “training with Steve is…well it is rough.”

“Yeah,” she nods. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She always offers him the option to talk about things. Penelope knows she isn’t the only one who’d gently suggested therapy to Bucky. He doesn’t trust anyone, other than Steve, enough to rehash his past with though. So, Penelope doesn’t push it and she doesn’t push him. She asks, gently, if he wants to talk, just so he knows she is there if he needed. He never says yes though, not because he doesn’t trust her, but because he doesn’t want to burden her.

“Um…” Bucky bites his lip at her question.

Penelope perks up. It is the closest she’s ever gotten to anything other than a ‘no’ from him. She isn’t expecting him to say yes, though. An ‘um’ still felt like progression. Bucky drops his head back against the wall behind him and closes his eyes. He breathes in deeply, then releases it slow and even.

“I just…sometimes feel myself slipping when I fight with him. It’s exhausting.” His voice shakes slightly as he spoke.

Penelope is almost too shocked to respond. She shakes herself out of her state and clears her throat softly. Bucky’s eyes flicker open, resting on her.

“You don’t have to train with Buck,” Penelope tells him. “Is it just Steve? Or is it difficult with the others too?”

“Just Steve,” Bucky sighs. “I suppose it should be difficult with Sam and Nat, maybe even Tony, but it isn’t.”

“Well,” Penelope says, “that might have something to do with the events that triggered your memories in the first place. The fight you had with Steve on the helicarrier brought you back.”

“Yeah,” Bucky nods, “how did you know about that?”

“Shuri’s notes. I know a lot of things Buck,” Penelope admits. Shuri’s notes on Bucky are thorough and absolutely horrifying.

“I hate that,” Bucky mumbles.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you’re just doing your job.”

He smiles reassuringly at her. Penelope nods at him. She suddenly wishes, more than anything, that she has come to know Bucky under different circumstances. Everything about their relationship is complicated.

“Right,” Penelope sighs. “Anyway, I think it’s entirely possible that you’re having such a hard time with Steve, because he triggers memories for you. Good and bad.”

“Yeah,” Bucky nods. He closes his eyes again and Penelope knows the conversation is over. “What did you want to talk to me about Pen?” he asks after a moment.

“Oh.” Penelope has almost forgotten why she’s come to see Bucky in the first place, other than on Steve’s prompting. “Tony has some things he wanted me to talk to you about, but they can wait…well actually one of the things can wait, the other not so much.”

Bucky snorts softly at her response. “Why don’t you just tell me both and get it over with, eh?” he says, glancing over at her.

“Sure,” she smiles. “Might as well.”

Penelope glances at his right hand, resting on his stomach. The watch Tony has given him, their father’s watch, is fastened around his wrist. She scoots in closer to him and taps the watch gently with her forefinger. He glances up at her, an eyebrow raised in confusion.

“What’s up Pen?”

“This is my dad’s watch,” she says.

His entire body tenses at her words. She keeps her eyes on the watch, away from Bucky’s, tracing the face with her forefinger. When she finally does bring herself to look up at him, he is staring straight ahead, his jaw locked.

“Tony wanted you to have it Bucky,” Penelope says gently. “It’s his weird way of telling you that he’s okay with our friendship and that Dad would have been too.”

Bucky’s steel blue eyes shoot towards her. She is briefly taken aback by the harshness in them, but she is used to cold eyes. A rush of inexplicable anger flows through her. Anger at his cold stare, Bucky’s, Tony’s…. her father’s.

“Do you believe that?” Bucky asks, his voice sharp and edgy. “That your father would have approved of this?”

He gestures to her legs resting atop his, but she knows he means their relationship. The bond they’ve formed, the way she dotes on him, tries to protect him. He slides his legs out from under hers and stands. For a moment, he paces on the small strip of carpet between the other side of his bed and the wall. She doesn’t say a word, knowing how fragile the moment is. Finally, he stops, resting his back against the wall he turns to face her again.

“I’m twenty-six years old, I don’t need anyone’s approval to be friends with anyone,” Penelope says furiously.

“Of course you don’t,” Bucky says, “that isn’t the point though Penelope.”

“Well, I don’t speak for the dead Bucky,” Penelope says. He winces at her words. “I couldn’t if I wanted to, I was only seven when he died. I wish I had a better answer for you.”

Bucky unfastens the watch and tosses it to her. It lands with a soft thud on the bed in between them. Slowly, Penelope reaches out for it. She holds it in her hand, running her thumb across the worn leather. It had been one of his favorites, she remembers that much. It is easy blame Bucky for her father’s absence. In truth, she knows that he’d always been absent, and if he’d lived, the absence would only grow. That has nothing to do with the man across from her.

She stands, watch in her hand, and walks slowly around the bed, stopping in front of Bucky. His dark eyes watch her warily. Penelope takes his hand in hers and squeezed gently, she fastens the watch back around his wrist.

“I want you to have it,” she says, “Tony is right to give it to you.”

“Penelope,” Bucky starts.

“Stop,” she cuts him off, “I’m sorry Bucky. The truth is, I really don’t know what he would have thought about…this.” She gestures between the two of them. “I don’t know really anything about him, but that isn’t your fault. He is a difficult person to know. That is never going to change.”

Bucky nods his head slowly, his eyes lingering just above her head. Penelope reaches up and brushes her fingers against the rough stubble along his jaw. He catches her wrist, pulling her hand from his face.

“This is what I was talking about Pen,” he says, his voice low and hard. “You have so much anger towards me. Honest, valid anger, but you don’t even realize it. This isn’t about the watch, it’s about so much more than that. Everything I’ve taken from you, the pain that I have already caused you…it’s too big.”

“Bucky I’m telling you that I’m sorry for saying those things, I’m telling you that I’m not angry with you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have said those things, I just…lost it,” Penelope felt the desperation creep out of her and coat her voice.

“Of course you did Penelope, of course you lost it on me. I killed your parents. You have every right to lose it on me, every day for the rest of your life if that’s what you want. Instead, you’re stroking my hair when I panic, distracting me with your non-stop chattering. Penelope, you are taking care of me and you should be the very last person taking care of me.” Bucky has pulled himself from the wall of his bedroom, away from her. He paces the floor again as he speaks.

Penelope can feel her heart sink at his words. She knows what he is saying, despite his dancing around the point. He stops and turns to face her. When his eyes meet hers, they are resolved, his jaw set. The words hang in the back of his throat; she will make him say them.

“Say the words Barnes,” Penelope seethes.

“We can’t continue this,” he says, “this friendship. We can’t. It doesn’t work. You know it doesn’t, you feel it too.”

Penelope wants to tell him he is wrong. She wants to tell him that he doesn’t need to presume what she knows or how she feels. Tears well up in her eyes, her throat burns so fiercely that she is afraid to speak. Instead, she swoops down and grabs her shoes. He takes a step back as she breezes past him. She pauses at his door, remembering that her business is not finished.

“Tony wanted me to remind you about the New Year’s Eve party,” she says, keeping her back towards him. “He wanted me to remind you that this isn’t optional for you.”

“Penelope,” Bucky breathes behind her.

“Good luck, Barnes.”

She keeps her eyes forward as she moves through his doorway, slamming the door hard behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, time to make them work for it :) 
> 
> Thank you all for the lovely comments! I appreciate every single one!


	14. Happy New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I went back and rewrote this whole thing to be in present tense because it felt better. I hope this isn't too jarring for anyone, I quite like how it's turned out. Nothing has changed other than the tense and maybe a few clarification, spelling, and punctuation errors. Enjoy! :)

“You know Buck…you could ask her to dance instead of staring at her all night.” Steve moves to sit beside his friend at the bar. Bucky grunts and turns his body to glare fiercely at Steve.

Steve doesn’t get it; he can ask any woman in the room for a dance without any reservation. He isn’t a murderer. Or a clunky, awkward man who doesn’t even know if he still has it in him to dance. A point has been made though; Bucky really needs to stop staring at Penelope. If she catches him, and she will, he’ll be in deep shit.

It is no easy thing, tearing his eyes from her. She is so fucking vibrant in her shimmery black and gold dress. It certainly doesn’t help that she looks like she’s been plucked right out of the 40’s. Hair, makeup, everything about her getup is influenced by the fashion of that era. Even the dress itself is styled like something he’s seen in his old life. Bucky sips his gin and tonic as he speculates if she’s done it on purpose.

Bucky watches as she laughs easily with Maria Hill and Rhodey. He’d met Hill once or twice, she is hard, a little scary. That doesn’t seem to faze Penelope. Apparently, she knew when to put unapproachable, surly Penelope away and when to dust off radiant and charming Penelope. Then again, who is he kidding? He always finds her radiant and charming. He sips his drink once more.

“You’re staring again,” Steve mutters beside him.

“She did that on purpose didn’t she?”

“What? Dressing like a dame from our time?”

Bucky’s eyes flicker over to Steve, annoyed at his use of words like ‘dame’ and ‘our time’. He is annoyed at how easily Steve reads him too, but that is something Bucky knows he’ll have to get used to. Bucky gives him a curt nod.

“Well, Tony did say ‘vintage’ New Year’s Eve,” Steve muses, his eyes lingering on Penelope for just a little too long.

“Vintage can mean a lot of things,” Bucky sighs.

There are at least five girls in his vicinity dressed vaguely like flapper girls from the 1920’s. Natasha has gone with vintage jazz singer approach, while Wanda looks straight out of an elegant 70’s dinner party. Tony had explained that to Bucky. Bucky realized fashion had changed little over the years for men, though there were definitely pieces, hairstyles he recognizes as old.

“That’s true,” Steve nods. “Who knew we’d see the day where it meant us?” he smirks over at Bucky. Bucky did not return the sentiment.

“I hate it Steve,” he says, gulping the last of his drink.

“So, do I,” Steve nods. Bucky’s head shoots up to his friend. Steve is terribly good at pretending, Bucky almost believed that Steve had found his footing in this modern world. But he is just as lost, just as insecure as Bucky is. Steve stares ahead, avoiding Bucky’s eyes. That part of the conversation is over, Steve won’t admit it again.

“To be fair,” Steve says, scanning the crowd, “she isn’t the only one dressed like she’s from the forties.”

“No,” Bucky concedes. “She is the most accurate though. And something about it feels intentional.”

“Oh yeah, it is absolutely intentional,” Steve says as he reaches over the bar to grab a beer. “Although, it is entirely possibly that Natasha had a hand in it. They were getting ready together.”

“Great,” Bucky exhales.

Steve raises an eyebrow at Bucky. He doesn’t know that Bucky and Natasha had been involved. Bucky tries to convince himself that Steve doesn’t know that has a vexing crush on Penelope either, but he doesn’t hold out much hope for that one. Bucky has never been very good at hiding his feelings. It is even harder now that his feelings aggressively dictate so much of him, when his memories of he is failed.

He shakes his head at Steve, slight, but firm. He doesn’t want to talk about it, Steve won’t press…for now. Instead, Steve smiles and twists off the cap from his beer bottle with ease. Bucky almost calls him a show-off, but decides he had a bigger beef with his friend.

“You know, I really hate that I’ve had at least six of these and haven’t felt a thing,” Bucky says, raising his glass to Steve.

“Well, who knows, maybe your knock-off serum will let them kick in at some point.” Steve is teasing him, riffing like they used to. Bucky doesn’t want to laugh, he wants to sit in his misery, but Steve makes that impossible.

“How are you exactly the same?”

Steve chuckles and shakes his head indiscriminately. “I’m not,” he tells Bucky.

“Well, you are to me,” Bucky says.

“You’re the same to me too Buck,” Steve says, leaning his elbows on the bar behind him. Bucky scoffs, deciding he doesn’t need to verbalize all the ways in which he’s changed. Steve shakes his head vigorously as he sips. Bringing the bottle from his lips he says, “No, Buck, it’s true. Despite everything HYDRA put you through, you still somehow manage to be the same Bucky I met on the schoolyard.”

“I’ve changed Steve,” Bucky says gruffly. He doesn’t like calling Steve delusional, but he will if he had to. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time.

“And yet,” Steve says, glancing down at him, “you are still the same. You continue to be obnoxiously concerned with my well-being, even at the expense of yours-”

“-Some call that loyalty.”

Steve laughs, but presses on. “You are still selfless and entirely too hard on yourself. I guess there is one thing about you that’s changed about you though,” he says, tilting his head in consideration.

“What’s that?” Bucky asks. Regret washes over him the minute he asks it; Steve’s mouth forms a playful smile.

“You used to be able to pull any woman in a room simply by flashing that dazzling smile at her,” Steve grins.

“How do you know I still can’t?” Bucky challenges.

“Oh, there’s no doubt in my mind that you could,” Steve laughs, “but you won’t.”

“I might.”

“No,” Steve shakes his head, “you won’t. Because there is only one woman in the room that you want, and she is currently talking to another man.”

The smile on Bucky’s face drops instantly. He feels his chest tighten as he follows Steve’s eyes back towards Penelope. His eyes have only been off her for a few short minutes, yet somehow, she’s managed to move from Hill and Rhodey, to a young man with dark curls and a boyish face. She stands differently as she talks with him, shuffling awkwardly, and laughing just a little too much. Bucky’s stomach flips as he watches them attempt some sort of flirtation.

“Hill brought him over a few minutes ago,” Steve says, sipping his beer. “I know him, he worked for SHIELD when I took it down, probably still works for Fury in some capacity. He’s a good guy.”

“Good,” Bucky grunts, “great. I could snap him in half with one hand…and not my fake one…but good for her.”

Bucky slides off the barstool and makes for the exit. He’s played Stark’s game long enough, and without the hope of getting blackout drunk, there is no way he is making it until midnight. Steve is quick though, cutting him off.

“Come on Buck,” Steve says, planting himself firmly in front of him, “she’s just talking to him to get your attention. Everything she has done tonight has been to get your attention.”

Bucky laughs a cold, bitter laugh. Maybe she has in fact been trying to get his attention all evening. She doesn’t have to try to get his attention, she always has it. It doesn’t matter though. None of it matter because Bucky is still Bucky. He is still the Winter Soldier and ultimately, the man who murdered her parents.

How many times has he imagined kissing her? How many times has he let his thoughts stray to places he knew it shouldn’t? Every time, without fail, he shakes it off, miserable and skin crawling. He is the cause of her insurmountable hurt. There is no getting over that, if not for her, then for him.

“No, Steve, really, it’s good for her,” Bucky protests. “He looks…great.”

“You know, you and Tony spend a lot of time treating her as if she isn’t an adult,” Steve says, crossing his massive arms over his chest.

“She’s twenty-six.”

“You’re twenty-six.”

“I’m…not…twenty-six,” Bucky breathes a tight laugh.

“Bucky come on,” Steve pushes, “you’re really not even going to be friends with her? I have never seen you like this, with anyone. She makes you better.”

“She shouldn’t have to!” Bucky says sharply. Steve adjusts slightly, squaring himself up, reminding Bucky silently that they were in a very public place. Bucky breathes in, remembering that he can’t lose his cool here. “She doesn’t flinch or shudder when I walk into a room. That’s a short list and frankly she shouldn’t be on it, but she is. I don’t have to tell you what it would do to me if I did something to change that, to remove her from the list.”

“So, your big idea is to ignore her entirely?”

“Well, I don’t have any others.”

Their conversation has drawn the attention of people surrounding them. He can see Steve’s quick mind working out how to deescalate the situation. Bucky can’t afford any unfavorable attention; they both know it.

“You can’t leave yet,” Steve says stiffly.

Too tired to fight, Bucky nods shortly. “Fine,” he huffs. He brings himself back to the bar, careful not to cause any further incident.

Steve sits down beside him again, relaxing slightly as wandering eyes wander back to their previous conversations. He clasps a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, squeezing tightly. Their eyes meet. A brief, silent exchange ensues. An acknowledgment passes through them, Steve is on Bucky’s side, always, and Bucky is on his. He might not agree with the way Bucky has decided to handle things between Penelope and himself, but Steve would stand by him.

“Just, do me a favor and try to have a fun night?” Steve asks. “You still have a few hours till midnight, find someone to kiss. It’s good luck.”

Bucky laughs, trying not to let it sound too sad and dejected. Steve doesn’t miss it though, because of course he doesn’t. He squeezes Bucky’s shoulder once again and stands, leaving him to wallow in his thoughts.

The minutes tick by, as do the drinks Bucky consumes. For a moment he thinks he feels a slight buzzing in his head, but when his leg begins to bounce anxiously, he quickly realizes that it isn’t alcohol induced at all. He hardly notices when Sam came to sit beside him.

“PTSD,” Sam says after a moment.

Bucky raises an eyebrow at him. Sam smiles slightly, then very cautiously moves to the empty stool in between them. Bucky tenses ever so slightly. He knows Sam sees it happen, but Sam stays beside him, undeterred.

“PTSD,” he repeats. “Post-traumatic stress disorder. It’s common in Vets and I have done my share of working with Vets. I still struggle with it myself.”

“Uh…okay,” Bucky says, not quite understanding what Sam is getting at.

In truth, he has never expected Sam to initiate any sort of one-on-one conversation with him. They got along fine in public, enough to make some kids in a library laugh. But Bucky didn’t expect their relationship to go any further. He had after all, ripped out the man’s steering wheel and drop-kicked him off a building after tearing off his wings. So, Bucky doesn’t begrudge him any lack of interest in a friendship.

“You have it Barnes,” Sam says flatly. “The leg, the hypervigilance, the self-destructive behaviors. I could go on, but I won’t.”

Bucky clutches his knee with his metal hand, forcing it to stop its uncontrollable bouncing. Sam nods and lifts his drink to Bucky, then takes a swig.

“Fine,” Bucky says sharply, “but I am not self-destructive.”

Sam snorts against his glass. “You’re funny,” he grins. Bucky stares him, blank faced, and Sam drops the smile. “Oh okay, so that isn’t a joke.”

When Bucky doesn’t respond, Sam whistles loudly. It dawns on Bucky that perhaps he has his own reasons for not wanting to spend much time with Sam.

“Cutting your tie with Penelope is probably one of the most self-destructive things you could do at this point, other than cutting your tie with Steve,” Sam tells him. “You’re telling yourself that you don’t want to burden her, but really, you’re denying yourself the comfort she brings you because you don’t believe you deserve it.”

Bucky stares, blinking dumbly at Sam. Sure, deep down, he knows all of that, but he didn’t think anyone else did, least of all Sam Wilson. Sam watches him carefully. Bucky isn’t sure if he is waiting for understanding or for a shift in Bucky’s demeanor. Does he expect Bucky to snap? This night seems determined to make that happen.

“Not that it’s any of my business--”

“—It’s not,” Bucky cuts him off shortly.

“--but I think you should rethink your stance. Penelope is good one and I think she needs your friendship as much as you need hers.”

Bucky watches Sam for a short moment. It is rare that someone other than Steve matches him so evenly or stands up to him so thoroughly. Sam isn’t afraid of Bucky, the list of people who don’t flinch is getting longer. His leg bounces again at the thought, just one more person to potentially disappoint. He doesn’t like the fact that Sam is actually growing on him as a person either.

“You don’t have to do this Sam,” Bucky sighs. He averts his eyes, looking everywhere but at the man beside him. “I know it’s kind of your thing…Steve told me that you used to run support groups. You don’t have to help me though.”

A laugh is that last thing that Bucky expects to hear out of Sam, but nonetheless, Sam laughs into his drink. He claps a hand on Bucky’s shoulder and flashes him a toothy grin.

“I’m coming to you as a friend Barnes,” he says. “That might be difficult for you to believe, but I’ve come to kind of enjoy your broody sarcasm. You put a smile on my face. And you’ve kept my secret.”

Bucky is struck by his sincerity. He never, in a million years, thought that Sam Wilson would call him a friend. Just because he’s come to like Sam, didn’t mean it was reciprocated. Bucky did, after all, try and kill him a handful of times.

“A friend huh?” Bucky chuckles uncomfortably.

“Yeah man,” Sam smiles. “Oh, but you do still owe me a steering wheel…you know what make it a whole ass car.

“What good is a steering wheel without the rest?” Bucky mutters, grinning slightly.

“Exactly,” Sam laughs.

A young man slips into the space on the other side of Sam and waits patiently for the bartender to look his way. Bucky glances briefly at him at first, then narrows his eyes as recognition dawns over him. It is Penelope’s young man. Rather, the young man Penelope has been talking to.

Up close Bucky can see that despite his boyish features, he looks to be in his late twenties, maybe even in his early thirties. He is tall, so tall, and Bucky tries hard not to be jealous. Bucky had never considered himself short until Steve came barreling in to save him from HYDRA’s clutches, a massive six feet two inches. He suddenly became very self-conscience of his five feet nine inches. That had mostly gone away, until he is looking at Penelope’s young man, Penelope’s very tall, very thin young man.

Sam’s eyes followed Bucky’s, he turns back with an eyebrow raised in confusion. Bucky shakes his head so slightly that he isn’t even sure that Sam has caught on right away. Sam keeps his mouth shut though and nods back at Bucky. The bartender tends to him, handing him two beers, and he smiles politely and thanks the man. He takes the beers in his hands and glances slightly over at Sam. Recognition colors his chocolate eyes and he grins brightly.

“Sam Wilson?” he asks.

“Yeah…uh,” Sam smiles, scratching the back of his neck. He recognizes the young man, but not enough to remember a name.

“Cameron,” the young man says, “Cameron Klein.” Sam nods, shaking Cameron’s hand, still clearly at a loss for who Cameron is. “You don’t know me…I mean, what I mean to say is that we’ve never actually met.”

Bucky bites the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. Cameron is awkward, fumbling over his words, twitching nervously in front of Sam. He might be taller than Bucky, but he certainly isn’t more charming.

“I was at headquarters when you and Cap took down HYDRA,” Cameron says, gulping nervously. “I uh…didn’t press the button.”

“Oh!” Sam exclaims. “Button guy! Yeah, we heard all about you. Nice work,” Sam says, clapping his hand to Cameron’s shoulder.

“Well, all I did is…not press a button so…” Cameron tries to laugh, but it comes out short and turns into a cough in his throat.

“Hey man, don’t downplay it, you helped save the day,” Sam beams.

Bucky catches his knee in his metal hand again, to keep from bouncing right off the stool. He tries not to think about the fact that this young, mildly attractive, man who has been talking to Penelope, had also been a “hero” at an event where he’d been a villain. It is another, harsh reminder of how wrong he is for Penelope.

“Oh my god,” Cameron says, “you’re the Winter Soldier.”

Sam shifts uneasily beside Bucky. Bucky’s head shoots up, meeting Cameron’s eyes. It is obvious now that Sam has been shielding Bucky from Cameron’s view, he must have slipped up somewhere. Bucky braces himself for harsh words, fearful eyes, a hurried excuse to leave their company. None came, however. Instead, Cameron laughs in disbelief.

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly, running a hand through his hair. “It’s just…you saved my grandpa…I mean you and the rest of the Commandos in World War two.”

“Oh…um…” Bucky stumbles, trying to find something, anything to say. Sam slams his knee against Bucky’s causing him to jump slightly. “I…don’t really know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Cameron says throwing his hands up, “I’ve just…well it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

For a moment Bucky’s torn. Torn because he hates this kid for talking to Penelope and making her giggle like a schoolgirl. On the other hand, Cameron can safely be added to the list of people who do not flinch at the sight of him. The list is getting long, and Bucky considers that maybe he isn’t as terrifying as he originally thought he was.

“We haven’t met,” Bucky sighs, holding out his vibranium hand for Cameron to shake. “I’m Bucky Barnes, I don’t remember saving your grandfather, but I’m sure I ws happy to do it.”

Cameron shakes Bucky’s hand and laughs a little. Bucky registers that he doesn’t seem to be afraid of him, despite Bucky offering him his artificial hand and not the other.

“Well, I better get back,” Cameron says, returning to the two beers on the bar behind him.

“She doesn’t drink beer.” The words are out of Bucky’s mouth before he can stop himself. Sam turns to Bucky, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Wh-what?” Cameron asks.

“Penelope Stark,” Bucky says. “I saw you talking to her. If that’s for her,” he points at the beer Cameron holds, “she won’t drink it.”

“Oh,” Cameron exhales, “you know her?

“Well yeah,” Bucky shrugs, “we all live in the same place.”

“Right, of course,” Cameron shakes his head, his cheeks turning red again. “Thank you for the tip. I feel like I’m a little out of my depth with her.”

Bucky gives him a tight smile, nodding shortly. He doesn’t disagree with Cameron, but then again, Bucky thinks everyone is out of their depth with her.

“She’s easy once you crack her,” Sam tells Cameron with a wink.

Bucky orders a vodka with cranberry juice, thinking that nothing about Penelope is easy. Cracked or not. When it comes, he slides it over to Cameron. Cameron barely catches it against his hand.

“Try that,” Bucky tells him.

Cameron nods and smiles weakly at Bucky. When he is finally gone, Sam turns to Bucky, handing him the unused beer that Cameron had left behind.

“Holy shit that was awkward,” Sam sighs. “You uh…don’t have just friend feelings for Penelope, do you?”

“Whatever gave you that impression,” Bucky replies, dousing his response in sarcasm. He slides himself off the stool and turns to face Sam. Sam’s eyes are a mix of amusement and pity, Bucky hates it. “Thanks for the chat Sam, but I need a break from all of this,” Bucky gestures vaguely to the party. “I’ll be outside if anyone’s grandpa needs saving.”

He hears Sam laugh at his joke as he walks away.

* * *

“You smell like cigarettes.”

Bucky jumps slightly at the sound of her voice. He hesitates, considering ignoring her completely. That won’t do, he knows it. He plasters a fake smile across his face and turns to face her. Hours of laughing, drinking, and dancing, and she still looks perfect, if not a little pink in the cheeks. She’s glaring up at him, her arms crossed over her chest. He crushes the cigarette in his artificial palm, hoping she won’t notice.

“Someone was out here a moment ago, smoking,” he lies.

Penelope rolls her eyes at him and puts her hand out. He looks down at it, then up at her, his eyebrow raises in confusion. Her fingers curve inward, gesturing for him to hand her something. He places the crushed cigarette in her hand, turning himself in.

“No, I don’t want that,” she groans, dropping it to the floor, “I want a cigarette, dumbass.”

Bucky raises his eyebrows at her. This he had not expected, but she’s still glaring and so he pulls out his pack and pops it open. She slides one out and places it in her mouth. He knows he’s staring, probably wide eyed at her, but he’s shocked that she smokes. When she shakes her head fervently at him, he realizes she wants him to light it. He fumbles for his matches. Striking one sharply against his metal palm, he brings the flame to her lips.

“Thanks,” she says.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t. You’re not seeing this. I’m a doctor, it would be wildly irresponsible for me to smoke.”

She inhales on her cigarette and exhales puffs of smoke as she speaks. He tries not to be charmed by her, but fuck if she isn’t charming. Her eyes dart over to him, she gives him an indiscernible look.

“You clean up nicely,” she says coolly. “I didn’t know you smoked,” she adds, covering up her compliment.

“Old habit,” he says, “it wasn’t as frowned upon in the forties.”

“Well, we aren’t in the forties,” she says, snatching the pack from him. Her arm rears back and she throws the pack over the terrace before he can register what’s happening. “I don’t ever want to see you smoke, I don’t ever want to smell smoke on you again, got it?” she asks sharply.

“You’re unbelievable you know that?” Bucky laughs in disbelief.

“They’re bad for you,” she shrugs. She tosses her own cigarette onto the floor and stamps it out with her shiny black mary jane heel.

Bucky doesn’t need to remind her that they’re no longer friends and that she isn’t allowed to dictate what he does and does not do. Her tone is cold enough to ensure that she has remembered their conversation. She turns to leave, but Bucky can’t stand the thought of her going back to Cameron.

“How was midnight?” he asks.

“Fine,” she replies, turning back to face him. There is exasperation on her face.

“I heard the countdown.”

Penelope nods her head at him. Sadness flashes in her eyes for a brief moment, then she looks away from him.

“You know it’s bad luck,” she says. He furrows his brow at her. “Not kissing anyone at midnight is bad luck.”

“I think it’s the opposite,” he shakes his head, “kissing someone at midnight is good luck.”

“Whatever,” she says sharply, “you didn’t kiss anyone.”

“Did you?”

“No.”

It’s a lie. They both know it. He’d seen her lock lips with Cameron through the glass window, just minutes ago. He doesn’t ask her why she’s lying. She’s said it with such conviction that he wonders…hopes he’s made up the scene in his head.

She reaches out and grabs his wrist, looking down at his watch. He flinches, the watch that broke them. He’s worn it every day since she fastened it back on his wrist.

“It’s only two minutes past,” she says. Her eyes dart up to meet his. “I hear the luck runs out at five minutes past.”

Bucky nods. He thinks that she’s offering a kiss, but he isn’t sure. Maybe she’s telling him that he still has three minutes to grab a random woman and plant one on her lips.

Then, he stops thinking. He slides his hand behind her head, pulling her towards him. There’s a small gasp from her as their lips meet. Her mouth parts and before he can stop himself his mouth parts against hers. He’s on fire, everywhere. Then her hand reaches up, her fingers lace through his hair and it's too real. He pulls back, staggering away from her.

“I’m sorry Penelope,” he breathes. "Happy New Year." He hates himself for kissing her.

He breezes past her so quickly that he doesn’t see her fingers brush her own lips, where his had just been.


	15. A Trick, A Conversation, A Resolution

Something is up between Penelope and Barnes. Tony knows it. They avoided each other at his New Year’s Eve party, which had been a roaring success if he says so himself. They’d also been avoiding each other in the days that led up to the party, even more in the ones that followed. On top of that, they both looked like shit. Like neither had slept in weeks, although that is probably always true for Bucky. Still…he looks worse than usual.

Tony also knows that his dear, darling sister won’t divulge anything to him, and he sure as hell isn’t going to ask Barnes what’s up. But he has to know, because Penelope looks so disheveled, so tired, and miserable, and he feels like everything he’s worked for is slipping away. Essentially, he is terrified that she really was only staying for Barnes in the first place, and without him, she’ll leave.

So, he weighs his options. Steve won’t tell him either, he’s on Bucky’s side…always. Which means keeping his secrets. Nat is like Fort Knox…which okay, admittedly he had broken into once…the real Fort Knox, not Natasha. He thinks that Sam might know what’s up, but he also knows that Sam doesn’t like him very much since Tony had totally gotten him arrested. Sam was pretty good at grudges.

Then, he sees Clint and Penelope chatting over a movie one day, and he knows his way in. Clint’s easy, especially easy in the morning when there is no coffee to be had. So, he waits in the kitchen, early. He’s called a “meeting”, and he knows Clint will stumble into the kitchen in search of coffee before he heads to the briefing room.

Clint does stumble into the kitchen. He’s dressed, but Tony isn’t confident that the clothes he’s wearing are clean. His hair is a mess and there’s a white bandage at the bridge of his nose from when he ran into Cap’s shield in training the other day.

Tony watches him stagger to the mug tree and grab his favorite mug. It’s purple and black and says “BirdBoy #1” on it. Sam has one too, his is red and black and says “BirdBoy #2”. Penelope brought them home for the two, and it was then that Tony realized that she was clearly an agent of chaos. The argument that ensued over who was actually #1 had been one of epic proportions.

Clint grabs the empty coffee pot and pours air into his mug. It’s at this point that Tony realizes that Clint isn’t even aware that Tony’s in the kitchen with him. Clint puts the mug to his lips, then pulls it away in confusion. He peers into the mug, then down at the empty coffee pot.

“The fuck,” he mutters to himself.

“Oh, darn did I forget to put the coffee on?” Tony asks inserting himself in between Clint and the coffee maker.

“Huh?” Clint asks. He blinks at Tony for a moment. Tony taps his ear, indicating that there is something that Clint has forgotten to do. “Oh,” Clint says. He reaches up to turn his hearing aid on.

“I was saying that I forgot to put the coffee on,” Tony repeats.

Clint responds with a loud groan and lurches over to a stool. He drops his head dramatically on the counter and makes another grunting noise. Tony starts the coffee. He’s sure he can get at least a little out of Clint before he’s had his first bit of caffeine, but he’ll need to dose him up to get far in this conversation.

“Hey Barton, remember when you slammed your nose into Cap’s shield,” Tony laughs. It probably isn’t the best way to get things started, but the scene replays in his head and he can’t help it.

“Oh fuck off Tony.”

“Hey now, who is making you coffee?”

“You’re right. You’re a god. Please make it go faster.”

The coffee maker percolates loudly behind them. The first drops fall into the pot. Clint groans as the smell fills the room. He lifts his head to get a better whiff.

“Penny fixed you all up?” Tony asks, sliding over to the counter where Clint sits. He leans his front against the counter and rests his elbows on the marble countertop. Clint’s bleary eyes blink at him as he processes the question. He really is useless in the mornings.

“I…uh yeah,” Clint nods. “She sewed the cut and put this little thingy on it and said it’ll be fine.”

“It’s called a band-aid Barton.”

“Whatever, you knew what I was talking about.”

“Right,” Tony says. He isn’t here to argue with Clint. He’s here for answers. “How did she seem? When she fixed your nose up?”

“Repeat the question,” Clint says after a moment.

“Jesus Barton. I have concerns about your caffeine dependency.”

Clint’s eyes focus hazily on Tony’s mouth as he speaks. He’s trying to pick up on as many processing cues as he can. Clint can hear Tony just fine with his hearing aid on, but lip reading adds another level, and he needs all the help he can get without his coffee.

“Yeah, there’s a club for that,” Clint laughs, “Sam Wilson is president. Now do you want me to answer your question or not?”

Tony doesn’t miss the way Clint says Sam’s name. Each sound flows over his lips like he’s speaking some sacred words. This doesn’t surprise Tony; he sees the way Sam watches Clint in trainings, the way Clint lights up when Sam cracks a joke. It’s his job to see these things. It’s Steve’s job too and Tony is distracted for a moment wondering if Steve had also noticed.

“Hello? Are you malfunctioning? Do you need coffee too?” Clint asks, waving a hand in front of Tony’s blank face.

“Oh right,” Tony shakes his head. Again, he isn’t here to talk about Clint and Sam. He’s here to talk about his sister. “Penny. When she stitched you up, did she seem okay?”

“Yeah,” Clint nods, “about as good as she can seem considering…you know, the everything.”

“Right, right,” Tony says, pushing himself back, “the everything.”

Clint nods, then eyes the coffee pot behind Tony. It’s filling up now, but it’s still not ready to pour. He huffs and drops his head down onto the counter again. Tony messes up Clint’s hair to keep him awake. Clint lifts his head back up and blinks lazily at Tony.

“The everything,” Tony says again, a little more urgency in his voice.

“Yeah. She’s been a little messy since Barnes told her they couldn’t be friends,” Clint says through a yawn. “I think it’s getting better though. She has a date with that guy she met at the party.”

Tony holds back the surprised cough that threatens his throat. He didn’t know that Barnes had told her they couldn’t be friends and he really didn’t know that she’d met someone at the party. Tony grabs the coffee pot and pours some in Clint’s mug.

“Right, that guy,” Tony says, sliding the mug to Clint. “For the life of me I can’t remember his name.”

“Cameron something,” Clint says, taking his coffee. His eyes roll back in his head as he sniffs deeply. A moan escapes his lips as he downs his first sip of coffee. “Steve knows him, he works for Fury. Good guy I guess, helped with the take down of HYDRA. A total dork though, complete opposite of Bucky.”

The coffee is working, but Tony knows he has to be careful. If Clint catches on to the fact that Tony doesn’t actually know any of this, the information will stop. He pours himself his own cup of coffee and considers briefly on how to proceed.

“That’s right,” Tony nods. He’ll ask Steve about the guy later. “Pen and Bucky are…were just friends though…so he doesn’t really need to be the complete opposite of Bucky, does he?”

“Well sure,” Clint says. He’s relishing in his coffee, too distracted to pick up on Tony’s prying. “One New Year’s Eve kiss doesn’t mean you have feelings for a person. That’s what I told her.”

“Penelope and Bucky kissed?!”

The reveal is too big, and Tony forgets that he’s trying to be inconspicuous. Clint’s eyes snap open as he registers Tony’s response.

“Shit,” he breathes. “You weren’t supposed to know that. Or any of that…what the fuck Stark?” Clint’s eyes reveal he’s feelings of betrayal. “There isn’t even a meeting, is there?”

“No,” Tony says firmly.

“Fuuuuuck,” Clint groans. He drops his head backwards in a swift dramatic motion. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“There’s not enough time in one day to cover that,” Tony replies. “Clint, we have to fix this.”

“ _We_ don’t have to do anything. _I_ shouldn’t have said anything, and _you_ tricked me.”

“And I deeply apologize for that, truly I do,” Tony replies, his voice void of any sincere emotion. “Here’s the thing though, I need Penny to stay and if she doesn’t have Barnes, she might not.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you Stark,” Clint shrugs. “It’s a big old mess. If you ask me, and since you are asking me, there are probably some feelings there on both sides. But Penny just wants to be his friend again and Bucky is firmly against it.”

Tony hands Clint the now full coffee pot. Clint doesn’t even bother pouring it in his mug this time, instead he drinks straight from the container.

“I should get involved,” Tony says to no one but himself.

“I really don’t think you should get involved,” Clint tells him between gulps.

“Consider this though,” Tony smirks, “I am getting involved.”

* * *

Penelope hasn’t thought about the kiss since it happened. It’s been a little over two weeks and she certainly hasn’t been obsessing over it, because that would just be insane. If she had been thinking about, which she totally hasn’t been, she definitely would not be thinking about the fact that she actually enjoyed it. That would also be completely insane.

Except that she has been thinking about the kiss. And she’s definitely been thinking about how much she liked it. But she’s also been thinking about how it was never going to happen again. Because the thing is, Bucky wasn’t the only kiss she’d had that night, and honestly, she liked kissing Cameron just as much.

Cameron is different than Bucky, almost the complete opposite. There’s a charm to him that comes from his transparency and genuine nature. He makes her laugh, he’s bright, and sweet, and he doesn’t shut her out when he has a problem. Penelope likes Cameron, a lot, but that doesn’t stop her mind from wandering back to the kiss with Bucky.

She’s sitting in a café, with Steve of all people, waiting for him to bring her drink. They’ve started meeting up at his café a few times a week, because she needs to be briefed on Bucky and Bucky is still refusing to acknowledge her presence. Plus, she doesn’t need the entire team to know that she’s hanging out with Steve.

Finally, he comes back from the counter, setting an iced latte in front of her. His other hand is wrapped around a mug for himself. He doesn’t notice that people are staring. Penelope is used to people staring, not at her, but at the men she’s with. Her father, her brother, now inexplicably…Steve Rogers. She laughs a bitter laugh, hating her life in this moment. Steve raises an eyebrow, but she shakes her head, to tell him that she will not be talking about it.

“You know it’s snowing outside?” Steve asks, nodding his head towards her iced coffee. “The kid behind the counter looked at me like I was insane. I told him it was yours.”

“Great thanks. You jump out of planes without a parachute but I’m the insane one,” Penelope chuckles. “Hot coffee is for the weak, iced coffee or nothing.”

Steve laughs. A group of teenage girls in the corner of the café turn and stare, whispering furiously to one another. There’s a young man in line, who is trying to be inconspicuous about taking a picture of Captain America with his phone. He’s doing a piss poor job of it.

“They probably think we’re on a date,” Penelope mutters over her cup. “We really need to find a quieter place.”

“Last week a tabloid posted pictures of Nat and I together along with a some phoney story about a love triangle between us and Clint,” Steve shrugs, “these things have stopped bothering me.”

“I’m not worried about you,” Penelope says through pursed lips.

Steve puts his mug down and leans back in his chair. He crosses his arms over his wide chest, shaking his head in disbelief at her. Penelope adjusts the baseball cap atop her head to cover her face. She’s also worn her glasses, foregoing her contacts in an attempt to add another layer of disguise.

“Penelope Stark,” Steve says, rather loudly, “are you embarrassed to be seen with me?”

Penelope groans as people turn their heads. She slumps into her chair, dipping her hat over her eyes completely. Yes, one hundred percent she is embarrassed to be seen with him. He’s Steve Rogers, the last thing she needs is some rag mag coming up with some ridiculous story about Stark’s little sister dating America’s Golden Boy.

“I hate you,” she hisses.

Steve gives her a satisfied smile and she hates him even more. The teenage girls giggle fiercely behind him. Penelope sips her coffee, doing her very best to ignore them.

“So…” she says, “how’s your idiot? Tony’s been on my ass about clearing him for missions.”

Steve winces slightly. Honestly, neither of them thinks Bucky’s ready. Penelope doesn’t have to interact with him to see the bags under his eyes growing darker. They can’t keep putting it off though. Tony’s only on her ass because Ross is on his.

“He’s getting worse Lo,” Steve tells her. His nickname for her doesn’t even register as weird anymore. In fact, she kind of likes it, but she won’t admit that to him. “Is there really nothing you can do?”

Steve is desperate. They’ve been having this conversation since New Year’s. Talking in circles really because there genuinely isn’t anything she can do. Bucky made the choice to end their friendship. She can’t force him to be friends with her, her hands are tied there. 

“Steve,” Penelope sighs, “you know there isn’t anything. It’s on him, you know that. He won’t even look at me…I can’t make any kind of amends with that.”

He nods, looking down at his mug. There’s something he isn’t telling her, she can tell. Steve was too easy to read, his face constantly betrays him. Still, she knows he has secrets. Things that he’s spent seventy plus years hiding.

“What is it Steve?” Penelope asks. She’s not in the mood to dig for answers. His eyes dart up, meeting hers.

“I’ve talked to him…about you,” Steve admits. Penelope tries not to feel too betrayed, they are after all, best friends. “He seems to think he’s offended you in some way.”

“Beyond deciding that I’m not capable of choosing what I can and can’t handle, and subsequently making the choice to shut me out completely?” Penelope asks. Her tone is a little too harsh, Steve’s face falls.

“Give him a break Lo.”

“I did.”

There’s a moment of silence between them as Steve realizes what he’s just said to her. He sighs and nods and his blue eyes are tired and sad, and so full of apology. Penelope forgets to be angry. As much as she hates him, Steve has that affect on her. She nudges her foot against his leg under the table, a gesture of forgiveness. He smiles slightly at her. It’s in these brief moments that Penelope forgets that they aren’t actually friends.

“What I mean,” Steve says tentatively, “is that it was a sensitive situation to begin with. For both of you. He pushed you away before he had the chance to mess it up.”

“Only…he did mess it up,” Penelope says. She understands what Steve is saying. But Bucky has fulfilled his own prophecy.

Steve sighs, “I know he did.” She watches Steve hesitate again, chewing on his words. There’s more, she knows it. Did Bucky tell him about the kiss? “Did he…is there anything else Lo?”

“I don’t know,” Penelope lies. Steve raises a question eyebrow at her. She’s easy to read too, she knows it. “He kissed me…or we kissed. On New Year’s Eve.” 

“Ah,” Steve nods. Realization washes over his face.

“It was my fault though,” Penelope says quickly. “I suggested it. Kind of…it’s complicated.”

“I didn’t realize there were…feelings involved,” Steve says.

Penelope wants to laugh, because how can there not be feelings involved? She adores Bucky. And the kiss…that kiss…but she can’t have feelings for him. Maybe her feelings for him were growing and that’s why she lied to him on the terrace at the party. She needed him to kiss her. Maybe her question had been answered with that kiss, but now Bucky is a flight risk. He walked away from her friendship and he walked away from their kiss. She’s sure now.

“There aren’t feelings involved Steve,” she says. Her words come out firm and resolute. “At least not for me. I thought there might be, but, I’m dating Cameron. Or…we’ve been on two dates…so I don’t know, is that dating?”

Steve laughs and shakes his head. “I can’t answer that,” he says, “I’m not really an expert on dating. Cameron is a good one though.”

“Yeah,” Penelope smiles, “I really like him.” She’s not lying when she says it. She’s not even exaggerating.

Her phone lights up on the table. They both turn their attention towards it. Penelope reads the text, then slams the phone down.

“What is it?” Steve asks.

“It’s your idiot.”

* * *

Some of the anger leaves Penelope when she sees Bucky sitting on one of the med beds, holding a bloody tissue to his nose. Some, not all. His eyes follow her in, and he shifts uncomfortably. He is noticeably silent as she pulls her hair up into a knot on top of her head and moves towards him. She takes the bloody tissue from him and throws it in the wastebasket, then grabs a clean tissue and presses it hard against his nose.

“Ow,” Bucky grumbles. His head moves back instinctively.

“Stop moving,” she says, placing her other hand behind his head to keep him still. “I guess the theme for this month is busted noses. What happened?”

“Tony punched me,” Bucky says. Except the pressure she’s putting on his nose makes his ‘me’ sounds more like ‘be’.

“He what?!” She’s shocked to say the least. It takes her a moment to remind herself that Bucky’s nose needs more tending than the impending fight she wants to throw at her brother.

“It was an accident,” Bucky says. “We were training. I’m fine…really.”

She moves the bloody tissue away and catches a glimpse of the damage before a new wave of blood comes rushing out of his nostrils. The bruising is dark and already spreading to his eyes. His nose is definitely broken.

“I’m fine, he says, meanwhile blood pours out of his nose at a rapid rate,” she says in a rush of annoyance.

Bucky’s shoulders shake with laughter. Penelope glares at him, thinking that maybe she should punch him next. It wouldn’t be a far cry from what she’s wanted to do to him since he walked away from her on New Year’s Eve.

“You don’t get to laugh at my jokes Barnes,” she snaps. “Where’s Banner? Why couldn’t he help with this?”

“Sorry,” Bucky replies. “He isn’t here. I told Tony not to call you, that I was fine, but he thought it might be broken.”

“It is,” Penelope says. “I have to stop the bleeding first before I fix it though.” She pauses. This is the first time they’ve been alone together since the kiss. Really, it’s the first time that they’ve been in the same room for more than thirty seconds since the kiss. She eyes him. “Steve says you’re getting worse.”

Penelope brings it up now because Bucky is quite literally forced to stay, and she needs to talk to him. At the very least about clearing him for fieldwork. It’s not a very nice thing to do, but she desperately wants to know how he’s doing, and she wants to hear it from him.

“Since when do you talk to Steve?”

She’s slightly surprised that this is his question and not ‘why the hell are you talking to Steve about me’, but she doesn’t bring that up. His face is doused with confusion and she thinks, a tinge of annoyance. No, he does not get to be annoyed at her making new friends (not that she considers Steve a friend).

“Since my best friend decided that he didn’t want to be my best friend anymore and I had to find a new one.”

Bucky tenses at her words. His eyes move upward to study her face. She’s said it so flippantly that he isn’t sure how to respond. Penelope keeps her own eyes away from his. If she looks at him, she’ll either cry or break his nose further. Neither are an option.

“Yeah, I don’t buy that. There’s no way Star-Spangled Tights is your new best friend.”

Penelope does almost laugh at his attempt at a joke. She’s not ready though, to be joking around with Bucky yet. She does however find a moment to be impressed with how expertly Bucky is compartmentalizing everything during this interaction. She feels his eyes on her again and she busies herself with replacing the bloody tissue with another clean one.

“I didn’t know you wear glasses,” he says.

“I wear glasses.” Her response is curt, she doesn’t want to exchange pleasantries. It hasn’t escaped her that he’s successfully dodged her questioning about getting worse. “Tony is pressuring me to clear you for work.”

“Then clear me Penelope,” Bucky sighs. She finally meets his gaze. He’s tired, she can see it in his hazy eyes. The dark circles beneath were there before the bruising from the broken nose showed up.

“I can’t,” she shakes her head, “like I said, Steve says you’re getting worse.”

“What does Steve know?”

“About you? Everything.”

“Not everything.” His eyes trail to her lips, then quickly away. He’s talking about their kiss; he wants her to know that he has kept the kiss between them.

“He knows about the kiss,” Penelope says.

“You told him?!” Bucky exclaims. He rears his head back, out of her grip. He’s angry with her, she knows it.

The kiss isn’t his exclusively though. It belongs to both of them. He might have been the one to walk away from it, but he doesn’t hold any more of a claim to it than she does.

“Why’d you do it Bucky? If you were just going to bolt right after? Why?”

The question has been flitting through her thoughts since New Year’s Eve. She has of course, gone over each and every second of that interaction, painstakingly. It’s consumed so many of her thoughts over the past few weeks. The kiss had been her idea, yes, but Bucky didn’t have to follow through. She desperately needs an answer, a confirmation, something, anything.

“It was a mistake Penelope,” he says after a moment. “I thought, for a second, that it was what you wanted. You lied about kissing that Cameron kid and I just…I was confused. I am so, incredibly sorry.”

Penelope is taken aback by his honesty. It takes her a moment to recover from the revelation that he’d known about her lie all along. The word ‘mistake’ hits her hard too. The memory of his lips pressed firmly against hers does not feel like a mistake.

She moves towards him again. He jolts, countering her movement. The blood is still coming though, less now, but a trickle warms his lip. He nods. She’s free to come back. Penelope cleans the blood gently, gathering her thoughts. They’ve plowed right into very dangerous territory and she needs to choose her words wisely.

“I shouldn’t have lied to you,” she says, keeping her tone low and gentle. “And I did…want you to kiss me. I needed a question answered.”

Bucky moves restlessly beneath her. “Did you get your answer?” he asks. He tries to hide his nerves as he speaks but fails miserably.

Penelope knows now what she had suspected the night of the party. Feelings had grown in both of their places. It would have been impossible for them not to; she knows that now too. If he hadn’t left her on that terrace, perhaps her response to his question would be different. They very likely wouldn’t even be having this conversation now. But the fact remains that he did leave, and so she chose someone else.

“I did,” she nods. Their eyes meet now. His brow is furrowed over his intense blue eyes. “But then you left and that answered a different question.”

His entire body shifts upwards as he breathes in heavily, it falls with his long, even exhale. A weight has been lifted between them. It isn’t the conclusion that he wants, she knows that. She isn’t even convinced it’s the one she wants either. But it’s a conclusion regardless, and one that they both desperately needed.

Penelope rests her fingers on either side of his nose. In a swift movement and with a loud _crack!_ she pops it back into place. Bucky’s eyes widen, he is momentarily rendered speechless, reeling from the pain. His hand flies up to the bridge of his nose and he glares at Penelope.

“Ouch Penelope!” he says, finding his voice.

“I want you back Bucky,” she says, ignoring him. “I want my best friend back.”

“Yeah,” Bucky nods. “Yeah, I know. Steve isn’t a very good best friend, is he?”

Penelope laughs this time. He rubs his nose gingerly but lets out a short laugh too. They couldn’t go back, but they could move forward. It’s what she needs, she suspects that he might need it as well. The bags under his eyes tell her as much.

“He’s the best and you know it,” Penelope says, because its true. Steve did, after all risk everything for Bucky on multiple occasions.

“Alright fine, he’s alright,” Bucky shrugs. A smile breaks across his face, but it fades quickly as he looks up at her. “What if I hurt you?”

“You already did,” Penelope shrugs.

“Again? Worse?”

“I’ve already forgiven you for the worst,” Penelope shrugs. It’s all Penelope can offer; she hopes it’s enough.

Bucky is quiet for a long time. He sits on the med bed, unmoving, staring down at his hands. A lump forms in her throat as she considers the possibility that Bucky won’t say yes. That his feelings for her will prevent him from being her friend again. Penelope doesn’t bring this up and she doesn’t push him. She’s afraid if she speaks again, he’ll up and leave. The conversation will be over, and she won’t get Bucky back.

“Fine,” Bucky says finally.

“Really?” Penelope blinks. Her stomach is doing flips and she lets out a small, relieved laugh to placate the fluttering in her chest.

“Fortunately for you,” Bucky says, “I’m pretty sure your friendship is one of the contributing factors to keeping me from losing it.”

“So, you have been losing it these past few weeks then?” Penelope prods.

“Don’t push me Penelope,” Bucky says, with a tired laugh. He pauses for a moment, then gives her a sad smile. “It wouldn’t have worked anyway. I still struggle to remember my own name most days.”

Penelope doesn’t have to ask him what he means. She knows that he’s talking about a relationship between the two of them. He’s right though. Bucky is in no place to be romantic with anyone, she’s known that from the beginning. Her heart breaks for him.

“How’s your nose?” she asks gently. She moves in closer and places a hand on his cheek, running her thumb gently over the bridge of his nose.

“Better,” Bucky breathes. “I feel…it feels much better. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Hope you enjoyed this update :)


	16. Bringing Home the Boyfriend

Penelope is pacing across the breezeway between the kitchen and living room. The Avengers, who are scattered about, trying to look as nonchalant as possible, have been watching her pace for the past five minutes. Admittedly, she’s been freaking out for a lot longer than five minutes. Tony thinks she’s being a little overdramatic. Rhodey, who knows everyone in the room on a personal level, knows that she is not being over dramatic in the slightest. Steve is impressed at how well Bucky is handling the situation. Bucky is fine, really, he is. He’d be even better if Steve would stop watching him.

Penelope glances around the room, for what she can only assume is the 100th time this morning. They all took their sweet time gathering, but now they’re here and it feels worse. The meeting is going to be brief, and she’s only doing it because more than one Avenger has threatened to track Cameron if she didn’t bring him home to meet them soon.

It doesn’t faze her that everyone is watching her…except Steve who is watching Bucky. She knows they think she’s overreacting. She figures that there must be a gaping hole in all of their memories where Penelope’s first meeting with the Avengers went. Or perhaps they all thought that meeting had actually gone well. She knew some of them were delusional enough to believe it.

“Thor!” she barked at the giant god. “What are you doing?”

His head snapped up at her, his eyes wide and innocent. He’d just shrugged out of his jacket, revealing his massive, beefy arms. Thor didn’t usually wear sleeveless shirts in front of “mortals”. He knew his muscles often made them dizzy and incoherent. On the other hand, Thor loved showing off. Penelope knew what this was.

“I was just removing my jacket Little Stark,” Thor shrugs innocently.

“We talked about this,” Penelope groans “What is the one thing you’re not to do?”

“Show off my ginormous muscles or ask the boy to feel them,” Thor grumbles. He glared as he placed his arms back inside the jacket.

“Good,” Penelope nods “You know what, this is a great opportunity to go over all of the things we’re not going to do. Natasha?”

She rounds on the short redhead, who has been watching the scene with a bemused look. Her smiles dops instantly at Penelope’s questioning eyes. She rolls her own and crosses her arms over her chest.

“Seriously Penny?” Natasha asks. “You know I’ve met the guy before, right?”

“Let me hear it,” Penelope says, cupping her ear.

“I’m allowed a total of three, pre-approved questions,” Natasha sighs.

“And?”

“And no following him home when he leaves or doing any of my ‘spy shit’,” Natasha uses air quotes around ‘spy shit’. “I really don’t think you know what spy shit is Pen.”

“I don’t care, you’re not allowed to do it,” Penelope says firmly. “Rhodey?”

“Look Pip, you can tell me not to bring up embarrassing stories about you all you want, but at some point, the man’s gotta know,” Rhodey says. His large grin and playful eyes are enough to placate her for the time being. She’s annoyed, but she also knows this is Rhodey’s version of being a big brother. Admittedly it’s better than the copious amounts of research she knows Tony has done on Cameron.

“Bruce?”

“No pretending to Hulk out…no matter how opportune the moment is,” Bruce recites.

“You’re really the only one who thinks it’s funny,” Wanda grins at him. Penelope clears her throat and raises an eyebrow at Wanda. “Right,” she nods, “no witchy powers on him.”

“Good, very good,” Penelope nods. She turns her attention to Vision. He smiles at her in his human form and Penelope gives him a satisfied nod. “Well done Vis.”

It is then that Penelope realizes that Sam and Clint have been just a little too quiet this entire time. She turns to them, expecting shenanigans. Instead, they are sitting side by side on the sofa, their legs lightly touching, watching her bark orders at the rest of the team. Sam and Clint have both met Cameron already. They aren’t the only ones, but they are the only ones that she isn’t worried about.

“Parker you’re up,” Penelope says, turning away from them.

Peter Parker doesn’t respond though. In fact, she realizes as she scans the room that he’s not anywhere to be found. Steve smirks at her, his eyes trail upward to the balcony behind her. Her perfectly curled hair whips around as she turns to look up at Peter. He gives an awkward chuckle and a wave.

“Absolutely not,” Penelope says, shaking her head firmly. “Down. Now.”

“I’m sorry Penny!” Peter says, hopping down and landing on his feet with ease. “I got here late and didn’t want to interrupt.”

“He’s not supposed to know who you are Pete,” Penelope says, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You’re just Tony’s charismatic intern remember?”

“He knows Pen.” Tony moves to stand protectively by Peter’s side. Immediately he regrets his choice to get involved as her sharp eyes turn to him. “If you’re going to tell me that I’m not allowed to thoroughly background check this man, you’re too late. Generally, I like him. He did have a couple of detentions in high school that I would like to know about.”

“Oh my God Tony,” Penelope groans. “Do not ask him about high school detentions.”

“Tony,” Steve interjects, “come on.” He stands and places a hand on Tony’s arm to pull him back to the seat he’d had beside him. “You both need to relax,” he adds.

Tony mumbles something as Peter goes to stands by Clint and Sam. Penelope doesn’t have time to think on the oddness of the interaction between Steve and Tony. The hand on the arm, the Tony actually listening to Steve for once. That’s as far as she gets before remembering that Steve is Steve and also needs to watch himself.

“Steve,” Penelope starts.

“Tone down my Captain America…ness,” Steve says, cutting her off. He bites his cheek, trying not to laugh. “I gotta be honest, I don’t really know what that means.”

“I think she wants you to be less…you know…you,” Bucky says, clasping a hand on Steve’s shoulder. They laugh together for a moment, then catch sight of Penelope, glaring at them unamused.

“Most people find me to be personable and charming Lo,” Steve grins.

“Who are these people?” Bucky asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Tony laughs, “the people you’ve met after you got your muscles don’t count.”

That results in laughter from the rest of the team. Steve pouts, but he knows that almost no one in this room liked him upon their first meeting. Penelope would laugh if she had time to laugh. But she doesn’t because Cameron has just texted her that he’s three minutes away. There are some security protocols that he has to go through first.

She takes the bobby pin out of her hair and re-pins it. It doesn’t feel right, so she pulls it out again. Bucky slides off the barstool he’s been sitting on and moves towards her. He takes the pin from her hand. She looks up at him with wide eyes as he twists a piece of her hair and pins it back. When he’s finished, he takes a step back. He lifts his should slightly, then drops them, at the look of shock plastered across her face.

“I had sisters,” he tells her. His eyes linger on her hair, then trail down to hers. “It’s fixed.”

“Right,” Penelope breathes, “thanks.”

“It’s going to be fine,” he tells her. It’s a small sentiment, bur Bucky isn’t a man of many words. She knows it’s supposed to make her feel better. He tugs a lock of her hair gently, like he did back in that little pizza shop in Brooklyn.

Bucky is the only other person who she hasn’t given instructions to. They were fine, he didn’t need instructions. Once she’d popped his nose back into place, everything went back to normal. Mostly. Admittedly, he spends more time with Steve now and less time with her. And either he hasn’t had a bad day in a long time, or he just hasn’t been seeking out Penelope’s help. She isn’t sure and she doesn’t really want to think about it.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket and she knows it’s Cameron. She shoots a quick glance down at her phone. He’s here. Bucky gives her a small nod, then turns back to sit next to Steve. Penelope is too distracted to notice the look they share.

* * *

Cameron is waiting just outside for Penelope. He looks pretty calm for a man about to walk into a room of super enhanced humans. This eases her, for a moment, then she goes right back to being nervous.

“Hey,” he smiles at her, squinting slightly in the sunlight.

Penelope returns his smile and goes to him, allowing his arms to wrap around her. They’re still in the early, awkward phase of their relationship. Most of the time they linger uncomfortably in front of each other, wondering if a kiss or a hug is more appropriate. It’s different today, Penelope needs a hug immediately. Her instant affection gives him the confidence he needs, and he kisses her without hesitation.

“You seem nervous,” he says, pulling back. His hand stays on her lower back, keeping her close to him. Penelope likes the sudden onset of intimacy. She hopes this means that they’re past the awkward phase.

“You seem not nervous,” she replies.

With a laugh he runs a hand through his curls. He kisses her again. Firmer this time, with purpose and intention. Penelope likes this too.

“I work for Nick Fury Penny,” he shrugs, “there’s not much scarier than that.”

“You say that now,” Penelope teases.

She takes his hand in hers and pulls him through the doors. It’s almost comical how nonchalant everyone is trying to be. As though they had no idea there would be a visitor, as though they hadn’t practically bullied Penelope into bringing said visitor to the compound.

Penelope sucks in a large breath and exhales an, “Alright,” to the room. “Everyone, this is Cameron, Cameron…this is everyone.”

There is a flurry of movement. Penelope is pushed from Cameron’s side as the team swarms him. Thor is instantly displaying his massive forearm purely for Cameron’s benefit. Tony is offering him a drink, while Rhodey tries to convince him it isn’t a trick and that he should really except the drink. Penelope groans as Peter slides in between Thor and Cameron. Sam has to physically throw his hand around Peter’s mouth to stop him from telling Cameron that his in fact Spider-Man. Steve is being mostly normal, but Penelope does hear him say something about “the little guys” being just as important as the Superheroes in events like the one in D.C.

It’s mostly a mess, but Cameron handles it in stride. He glances over at Penelope a few times, mostly when Natasha is getting a little deep into her questioning. Still, he answers her questions and eventually she seems satisfied. Bruce does pretend to Hulk out, only once, and Cameron is the only one who laughs. In all of the excitement, Vision has phased out of his human form, but Cameron hardly seems to notice. He’s doing great and they’re doing great and Penelope is so overwhelmed by the entire thing.

“He’s doing a much better job than you did when you first met them,” Bucky says beside her.

Penelope jumps slightly at the sound of his voice. She hadn’t realized that Bucky has been standing beside her the entire time. A part of her is grateful for his presence, even if she hadn’t recognized it right away. She knows he’s stayed beside her as a show of support. Still, she wants him to meet Cameron. It’s important to her that he meets Cameron.

“Different circumstances,” Penelope smirks. She nudges herself into Bucky, remembering that day. It definitely hadn’t gone as smoothly as this.

“He’s great Pen,” Bucky says. She can hear him force out the words. They’re genuine, but he doesn’t like saying them.

“You haven’t met him yet,” Penelope says.

Her hand grips Bucky’s artificial one and she pulls him towards the group. He resists, causing her to stumble back.

“Pen, wait,” he starts.

“Bucky, this is important to me, please.” Her eyes are locked on his, pleading with him. It’s weird, she knows it, he knows it, but she needs them to meet.

With a small sigh, Bucky nods. This time he allows her to pull him into the small crowd gathered around Cameron.

“Cam,” Penelope says, shouldering her brother out of the way, “I want you to meet Bucky.”

Cameron smiles and nods. “Hey, man,” Cameron says, shaking Bucky’s hand. “We met at Tony’s party Penny,” Cameron tells her.

Her stomach drops a little. They’d met at the party, the night she’d kissed both of them. She whips around to look up at Bucky. The fake smile plastered across his face as he shakes Cameron’s hand, sends a wave of annoyance throughout Penelope.

“That is what I was trying to tell you Penelope,” Bucky says, glancing down at her.

“Well great,” Penelope says, “that’s great!” She knows her voice is a little too high, she can feel the knowing stares around her. Cameron raises an eyebrow.

“You’re just…going to let him call you Penelope?” Cameron asks playfully. “I thought you hated being called that.”

Penelope can feel Bucky shift uncomfortably behind her. The entire room seems to be silently panicking, unbeknownst to Cameron. Tony’s eyes are wide, but for the first time, he doesn’t have anything to say.

“Oh,” Penelope says through a forced laugh, “Bucky just calls me Penelope because….” She’s scrambling for words. Talking without a plan was stupid and definitely not going to work.

“I forget,” Bucky says. “You know…brainwash brain.” He taps his head and rolls his eyes, laughing slightly.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Cameron says quickly.

“Don’t be,” Bucky shrugs. “Sorry for the slip up Penny.”

Penelope’s eyes linger on Bucky’s. He’s never called her Penny before, she kind of hates it. She’s searching his face for some hint of anger. He reaches out and tugs lightly on her hair again and smiles. Penelope relaxes a bit.

“Hey, kid,” Tony says to loudly to Peter. He’s creating a distraction and Penelope is grateful to him, for once. “I need to see you in my office, we have…filing to discuss.”

“Right Mr. Stark…filing,” Peter nods.

“And…the rest of you…get back to work or whatever,” Tony says, waving his hand indiscriminately at everyone else.

Everyone mumbles about the various things they have to do, and they all shuffle out. Penelope notices that Bucky and Cameron are still watching each other warily. Cameron hasn’t bought Bucky’s bluff. His eyes flicker between Bucky and Penelope. It’s then that Penelope realizes that Bucky’s vibranium hand is still in hers. She pulls her hand sharply out of his.

“It was nice seeing you again Cameron,” Bucky says.

Cameron nods, giving Bucky a tight smile. Bucky’s gaze lingers lightly on Penelope, then he turns to leave. When he’s entirely out of the room, Penelope dares a look up at Cameron. He looks slightly overwhelmed and more than slightly annoyed.

“Okay honestly I think that went well,” Penelope says, trying to lighten the mood.

“Penny,” Cameron sighs, “I like you. A lot.” He pauses, chewing on his words. “I can handle the Avengers basically being your surrogate family.”

“They aren’t my family,” Penelope scoffs.

“Oh please,” Cameron laughs, “they’re your family. And I can handle that. They’re intense and some of them are a little scary, but generally I like them.”

“Well good, because I think they like you,” Penelope says. She knows where the conversation is going and she’s doing her best to avoid it.

“Okay great,” Cameron says. “That’s great. That being said, what’s going on between you and James Barnes?”

There’s a brief moment where she considers lying. Telling him that he’s nothing to her, just a guy that lives on the compound with her. It’ll never work though. Bucky is her best friend; she can’t hide that from Cameron. More importantly she doesn’t want to.

“Bucky is my best friend,” Penelope tells him. “Tony brought me here to monitor him, among other reasons, and we just sort of developed a friendship.”

Cameron considers her for a moment. She knows he’s deciding if she’s telling the truth and to what extent. Finally, he sighs and reaches out for her. She drops into him, pressing her face into his chest.

“Okay,” he says, “your best friend is the Winter Soldier. I can handle that.”

“Are you sure?” Penelope mumbles into him. “This is a lot. They’re all a lot.”

“Yeah, they are,” Cameron chuckles. “Standing next to Thor and Captain America really puts into perspective how much time I need to start spending at the gym.”

“Oh please,” Penelope laughs, leaning her head back to look up at him, “those two have nothing on you.”

“You’re a little crazy aren’t you Penny Stark?” Cameron says playfully.

Penelope smiles, she forces a laugh. It stings a little coming from him. He’s teasing her though; she knows he’s teasing her. And he’s so adorable, smiling down at her with puppy dog eyes. She lets the hurt roll off of her. He leans down, kissing her softly and she smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to get a Valentine's themed chapter out this weekend, but it might have to wait until next weekend. Anyway, enjoy! :)


	17. Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated Valentine's Day! It's close though! Enjoy!

Bucky is laying horizontally across his bed, staring up at his ceiling fan when Steve enters his room. He doesn’t have to look up to know it’s Steve. Steve has never been light on his feet, even when he weighed 90 lbs. He hears Steve walk around, to the other side of his bed. Steve crashes down beside him. They lay in silence for a few moments and it’s nice. Bucky doesn’t know how to be the overconfident, charming best friend that he used to be. He resorts now to just being in Steve’s presence, hoping that it’s enough.

“Did you know it was Valentine’s Day?” Steve asks Bucky after a moment.

Bucky is surprised by this question. For one thing, he didn’t know that Steve cared about some overtly romantic holiday like Valentine’s Day. Truth be told, Bucky’s only really seen Steve be romantic with one person in an incredibly brief interaction once. So, Steve’s mopey demeanor over this throws him for a minute.

“Steve, I can barely remember my own name sometimes. Do you really think I’m keeping track of inconsequential holidays?” Bucky asks.

“No,” Steve says with a laugh, “I suppose you aren’t.”

“I wasn’t,” Bucky grunts. “Thanks for bringing it up though. Very happy to imagine all of the fun things Cameron has planned for Penelope.”

With the realization that today is Valentine’s Day also comes the realization of what Valentine’s Day means. It means candlelit dinners, flowers, kissing, so much kissing. Too much kissing. Bucky groans swiping his hand over his face.

“I’m sorry Buck,” Steve says, “I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s fine,” Bucky says, shaking his head.

It isn’t fine, but it also isn’t Steve’s fault.

“I just…wish he was an asshole, you know?” Bucky sighs. Steve drops his head to the side to look at Bucky. “If he was an asshole, I could hate him without feeling guilty about it.”

“Ah,” Steve nods. He’s silent for a moment. Bucky can feel Steve’s eyes watching him. “These Starks are really out to kills us aren’t they.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything right away. Instead, he takes in Steve’s use of the plural “Starks” and mulls it over. Is Steve finally admitting to him the thing that Bucky has always known? Bucky tried to bring it up once, when they were teenagers, but Steve cut him off immediately. He liked girls; he was adamant about that. Bucky never doubted it either, he’d seen Steve with Peggy.

He turns his head towards Steve, raising an eyebrow. Steve’s brow is furrowed as he watches Bucky’s expression intently. Bucky tries not to laugh, but in this moment, Steve looks like the small kid from Brooklyn. Terrified that his best friend just caught him staring too long at another man. This time though, the man is Tony, and Bucky can’t help but find it funny. The corner of his mouth upticks against his will.

“Stop Buck,” Steve groans.

“Really? Tony? I mean Sam is right there,” Bucky says, grinning uncontrollably now. “I’m joking obviously. You can’t break up Sam and Clint.”

“Oh my god,” Steve says. He drops his hand over his bright red cheeks. “Just forget it Buck, forget I said anything.”

“Steve.” Bucky turns very serious. Messing with each other has always been encoded in their friendship, but Bucky understood that this was different. “I have always known this about you. It changes nothing.”

Steve slowly lowers his hand from his face. His cheeks are still tinted pink, but they aren’t nearly as red as they were before. It’s a strange moment for Bucky. Their roles had shifted so dramatically throughout the course of their friendship. In the early days, Bucky was always taking care of Steve. Even during the war, despite Steve’s new capabilities, Bucky still felt like Steve’s great protector. Brainwashed Bucky was different though. He could barely keep himself together long enough to actually take consider taking care of another human. With Steve around, he didn’t have to. In this moment though, Bucky feels that surge of protection again, the desire to keep Steve safe.

“Always?” Steve asks. Bucky gives Steve a nod and a shrug, of course he’s always known. “Wow, I guess I’m not as slick as I thought I was.”

Bucky laughs loudly at this. One thing Steve has never been, is slick. He’s grown exceptionally good at schooling his face, but Bucky can still read him like an open book.

“No Steve,” Bucky says, “you are not that slick. Tony is a bit of a surprise though, I’ll admit that.”

“Well, you’ve been…distracted,” Steve smirks.

“Oh okay, let’s keep talking about you,” Bucky says. He pushes his hair back with his fingers, the sudden reminder of Penelope and Cameron has made him anxious. “Isn’t he with Pepper?”

“Yes,” Steve sighed. “This is how I know it’s Valentine’s Day. He asked me how we celebrated in ‘the old days’. I think he’s trying to do something different for her this year.”

“Is it that different now?” Bucky asks.

“I don’t know,” Steve admits. “I think people expect more than flowers and a homemade card at this point.”

The corners of Bucky’s mouth turn downwards slightly. In many ways, things used to be so much easier in the 40s. Then again, they didn’t have pineapple pizza in the 40s. He didn’t care how much Penelope teased him for it, pineapple pizza was one of the few things Bucky liked about the future…or the present. Whatever.

“Anyway,” Steve sighed, “the entire team is pretty much off today. Everyone’s sort of…coupled up.”

“Bruce and Nat are not dating…are they?” Bucky asks.

Steve raises his eyebrows and does a little shrug. It means that he’s noticed something, but it’s not his business and he’s too afraid of Natasha to ask. Bucky is surprised, Bruce doesn’t really seem like Natasha’s type. Then again…he’s not entirely sure what Natasha’s type is.

“Alright fine, everyone is paired off. Except us,” Bucky says. “Two single old men. One of which used to be really great at finding a date, I might add.”

“Stop pouting. Rhodey is single too.”

“Great, let me give him a call.”

Steve chuckles at Bucky’s sarcastic response. For a moment, it feels like nothing has changed. Like they’re still just two giant nerds in Bucky’s Brooklyn bedroom. It takes Bucky a minute to bring himself back to the room in the compound, to the present. There’s a sharp twinge in his head, but he shakes that off. When Steve suggests a training session, he knows he should say no. He doesn’t want Steve to worry though and he needs a distraction. So, he says yes.

* * *

Penelope takes a long glance at herself in her floor length mirror. She’s tried her best to curl the ends of her dark hair but has failed pretty miserably. The lacy pink dress she’s chosen looked much better on the hanger, mostly because Penelope does not wear lacy pink dresses…ever. But it’s Valentine’s Day and Wanda had practically forced her to buy it. Her shiny black Mary Jane pumps don’t exactly go with the pale pink, but she doesn’t care. She likes them…and they’re the only heels she owns.

Cameron hasn’t told her where he’s taking her, which fine…it’s fine…she isn’t super fond of surprises, but she’s fond of Cameron. So really, it’s fine. It has occurred to her, that she should just tell him that she doesn’t like surprises. Actually, it less occurred to her and was more heavily suggested by Sam, who for some reason has been giving her relationship advice. His point was that, if she didn’t tell him upfront, then he would always think she enjoyed surprises. Cameron would be surprising Penelope for the rest of their relationship. It’s a good point, but it’s still early, despite the fact that it’s gone on longer than almost every single one of her relationships. She’s too afraid to make any waves in the relationship.

There’s a knock on her door and she turns abruptly from the mirror, just as Tony enters. He looks, for lack of a better word, exhausted. He’s pale, the most color on his face is coming from the dark shade of purple beneath his eyes. Something is troubling him. Whatever it is, he smiles through it upon seeing her in her pale pink getup. He tosses himself onto her bed, leaning his back against the headboard and crossing his hands behind his bed.

“What a fancy dress, Penny Lane,” he smirks. Penelope rolls her eyes at him and ignored his wiggling eyebrows. “I assume you have a hot date with the Agent?”

“You assume correctly,” Penelope says dismissively.

“Do you get the impression that he’s trying to persuade you to leave me and go work for Fury at his new and approved SHIELD equivalent?” Tony asks.

“If you’re insinuating that Cameron is only dating me on an assignment from Fury, then you’re an ass,” Penelope says. “Besides, Maria Hill has already asked on his behalf. I told her I’d think about it.”

“Wh-what?!”

“Why are you here?” Penelope asks.

“Let’s circle back to the part where you are considering working for Fury,” Tony sputters.

“Tony,” Penelope sighs, “I have considered it. You and I both know I’m not going anywhere.”

Tony nods at her shortly. Against her fierce opposition, Penelope has fallen for the messy team of Avengers. And it’s not just Bucky either. It’s all of them. Even Steve, as much as she hates to admit it. There would be no leaving for Penelope.

“Fine,” Tony nods.

Penelope goes to her desk and fumbles through her make-up bag until he finds what she’s looking for, a small tube of lipstick. Back at the mirror she puts a thin layer of pink on her lips, presses them together, then sticks her finger in her mouth and removes it quickly.

“Finger in the mouth?” Tony asks, raising an eyebrow.

“To make sure I don’t get lipstick on my teeth…you’ve never seen Pepper do it? Or any of the other hundreds of women you’ve slept with?”

“It hasn’t been _hundreds_ ,” Tony protests. “It’s been thousands,” he winks.

Penelope gags. He laughs loudly at her disgust. She throws her tube of lipstick at him and hits him right in the chest. Tony grunts at the impact, then goes straight back to Penelope.

“I’m just surprised that your dick hasn’t fallen off,” Penelope teases.

“He’s resilient, what can I say?” Tony grins.

“Okay I think I’ve heard enough about my brother’s sexual endeavors for one lifetime,” Penelope says, raising her hands in surrender. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be on some private island with Pepper or something?”

Tony’s eyes trail down to the lipstick in his hands. He becomes almost hyper focused on the tube, avoiding Penelope’s gaze. Slowly, he shakes his head.

“I’m not dating Pepper anymore Penny,” he says. “Our break turned into more of a breakup forever type situation.”

“Oh.” Penelope doesn’t know what to say. They don’t do this. This is a vulnerable place; they do not do vulnerable places. She sits on the foot of her bed and watches him apprehensively. “Do you…did you want to talk about it?”

“What?” Tony’s head snaps up. “No! God no!”

“Oh, thank god,” Penelope exhales, clutching her chest. “I mean, we can if you want to…”

“No, no,” Tony shakes his head, “I would much rather bottle it up, internalize it all, and release it in battle or something healthy like that.”

“Right,” Penelope chuckles lightly. She eyes her brother, inspecting him for a moment. He looks so much like their father. A sweeping fear rushes her that he’ll become like their father too. “Tony,” she says seriously, “please don’t bottle things up. Please don’t be…” The words catch in her throat, but Tony gives her a small, knowing nod.

“I won’t Pen,” Tony tells her. “Why do you think I keep Rhodey around?” he smirks.

Penelope snorts at his meager joke. On instinct, she reaches out and places her hand gently on his knee, giving it a soft squeeze. It’s the most sincere they’ve been with each other in a long time. They sit in it for a few moments, both too afraid to move for fear of losing it.

“We’re gonna be okay Pen,” Tony smiles at her.

The moment has made him hopeful; she can tell. She wishes it had given her the same kind of hope. It hasn’t been nothing though. She nods in an attempt to convince herself to believe him.

“Alright so why are you here?” Penelope asks. “If you’re looking for a Valentine, it might be a little late, but I’m sure Rhodey is available to drink the night away with you.”

“Ha, hilarious,” Tony deadpans. “No, I’m here to talk to you about Barnes.”

“Really?” Penelope groans. “On my day off?”

“There’s a mission-”

“Tony no.”

“Pen-”

“Tony, I said no. He’s not ready.”

He might be ready. He’s been doing better in trainings. Steve has mentioned more than once that his bad days are getting fewer and farther in between. Penelope hasn’t witnessed it. She still sees him stumble over his own name, she sees the confusion cloud his eyes when he forgets who or where he is. Yes, it happens less, but she’d prefer it to not happen at all. More than that, the thought of Bucky out on missions sends her into a complete panic. The thought of Bucky, who is so consistently in her life, suddenly not being there, makes her blood run cold and her breathing become shallow.

“Pen, if I don’t send him out on missions soon, we’ll lose him,” Tony tells her in a low, even voice. “The deal was that if he didn’t work for Ross, he works for us. He’s not working. Ross will take him and there will be nothing for me to do.”

Penelope blinks, trying to make the spots disappear. She grasps the lace around her knees, to dry some of the sweat pooling in her palms. Both options are bad options. Her hands are tied, if she approves him the chances of him coming back to her are better.

“Pen.” Tony sits up. It’s his turn to place his hand on her knee. “Hey, it’s okay, I’ll be there.”

“You’re going too?”

The panic is almost uncontrollable now. Her body is rigid and there’s a faint ringing in her ears, growing louder by the second. Tony hasn’t been on a mission in some time…since the last one ended with the destruction of his team.

“Whoa, okay Penny, listen, it’s going to be okay,” Tony says, sitting up. It’s his turn to put his hand on her knee. “We’ve been doing this for a long time. I’ve got a great team. Steve, Nat, Rhodey, and Wanda. Now, you know nothing is going to happen to Bucky with Steve on the team.”

“Yeah,” Penelope nods slightly, “you either.”

“Right, exactly, Rhodey’s got my back,” Tony tells her.

She glances up at him briefly. She had been talking about Steve. There was an energy between Tony and Steve. Something she assumed was just two people trying to mend a broken friendship. Now that she knows that Tony has been single, her thoughts have shifted. Maybe she was wrong. If Tony didn’t see it, she certainly wouldn’t say anything.

“Fine,” Penelope sighs. “Fine…just…bring his ass back. And yours too.”

“Penny I’m touched,” Tony says, playfully pressing his hand to his heart. “You _do_ care.”

“No, I don’t,” Penelope shakes her head. She grins broadly, “I just don’t want to deal with the fallout of being the last Stark standing.”

“Cruel,” Tony says standing. “Cruel little sister. Have fun on your date.”

Penelope nods and watches Tony leave her room. Her hands tremble slightly as she picks up her phone to check the time. She swallows the panic. Today is supposed to be a fun day, despite hating surprises, despite the thought of losing her brother and her best friend in one go…no…today is not for those things. Today is for flowers and chocolate and kisses and fun.

Her phone buzzes in her hand. It’s far too early for Cameron to be here, but maybe he needs to confirm somethings for their date. She glances down at the 911 from Steve and jumps from her bed.

* * *

Penelope is not allowed in the training room when any member of the team is inside training. To be fair, almost any of them could kill her in an instant without realizing. She gets it. FRIDAY didn’t hesitate to open the door for her though, which was her first indication that something really bad was happening inside.

Well, that was her second indication. Her first was the 911 text from Steve. He only sent those when Bucky’s “bad days” were really bad. She’d never had to interrupt a training session before, so she braced for the worst. She’s glad she did.

It’s bad. The third indication of this, is Bucky’s vibranium hand wrapped tightly around Steve’s neck, holding him firmly against the wall. Penelope freezes, she shouldn’t be here. They’ve never been in this situation before. Bucky has never completely snapped like this and Penelope is sure Steve called her here before he realized the severity of the situation.

Steve struggling against Bucky’s arm, trying to say something to him, when he realizes Penny has entered the room. His eyes flicker to her, then to the door. He wants her to leave. She _should_ leave. She knows that Steve is more than capable of handling this himself, that he’s probably trying to avoid more physical damage to Bucky than absolutely necessary. Penelope doesn’t leave though, she should…but she can’t. Whatever Steve does physically to Bucky, will be nothing compared to the mental toll this interaction is about to take on him. Penelope absolutely cannot leave.

“Bucky stop!” she cries out.

His shoulders tense, but he doesn’t turn to look at her. This a good sign and simultaneously a very bad one. He’s too focused on Steve to worry about her. Good. He’s too focused on Steve to worry about anything. Bad.

“I’m going to kill him,” Bucky growls. Penelope can hear the metal in his arm shift as he tightens his grip on Steve.

“Get…out,” Steve grunts at Penelope. His hands are grasping desperately at Bucky’s hand, failing to grip on.

“You can’t kill him Buck,” Penelope says gently. She moves forward slowly, despite Steve’s sharp eyes glaring down at her.

Penelope moves slowly towards the two, angling herself on his right side, away from the arm. Bucky’s body is tense, he can hear her coming up behind him, but he keeps his focus on Steve.

“Bucky,” she says, drawing up beside him, “you can’t kill him. He’s your best friend.”

Bucky’s head finally breaks away from Steve. His dark eyes flash down to hers, confusion crosses over his face.

“Get out of here.” There’s desperation behind his warning.

“Drop him.” Penelope does not let the fear in her escape with her voice.

Either consciously or absentmindedly, Bucky’s grip on Steve loosens. He lowers Steve, but keeps his fingers wrapped around Steve’s neck. There is a brief pause in the room and Penelope’s heart rate quickens. Bucky lunges towards Penelope, finally dropping Steve. She slams her heel on Steve’s upturned shield and kicks it towards him, falling backwards from the force. Bucky’s eyes clear in an instant, realization and horror flash over them as he recognizes what’s happening. His non-metal arm reaches out and snakes around her waist, breaking her fall. Bucky is too unstable to stop the fall completely though and the go down together. He braces himself with his vibranium hand, keeping his full weight from her. Penelope looks up at him with wide eyes, it takes her a moment to register that he’s not trying to kill her. His right arm lowers her the rest of the way to the ground.

“Penelope,” he breathes, his eyes searching hers. He starts to say something, but he shudders and winces in pain.

“Bucky, it’s okay,” Penelope says reaching up to hold his face in her hands.

He lets out a painful scream and rolls off of her. Penelope scrambles to her knees, moving swiftly towards Bucky. He’s doubled over, holding his head in hands. Steve is beside them in an instant, watching Penelope for instructions on what to do. Her heart sinks into her stomach, for the first time, she’s at a loss. They’ve seen Bucky bad before, but not like this, never like this. He let’s out another cry and doubles over further.

“We’re here Buck,” Penelope says, sweeping her hand through his hair. “We’re right here.”

“Make it stop,” Bucky pleads, “please just make it stop.”

Bucky cries out again. His body crashes onto the floor, twitching relentlessly. Steve looks up at her with wild, panicked eyes.

“He’s seizing, help me get him on his side,” Penelope tells him calmly. Steve helps her roll Bucky over. She moves to place his head gingerly in her lap. “We just have to let it pass.” Her voice is strained, but she can’t break, not yet.

Penelope combs her hair through Bucky’s hair until the shaking stops. All in all, it only lasts a few seconds. It feels like an eternity. From the look on Steve’s face, she knows he feels the same. Penelope trails her thumb over Bucky’s temple. He groans and rolls over onto his back, finally his eyes peel open.

“Penelope?” he mumbles up at her.

Steve lets out a relieved sigh beside them and drops back against the wall behind them. His relief, Bucky’s bright blue eyes, it’s enough to break her. A small sob escapes her lips, and she bends forward, resting her forehead on Bucky’s.

“What did I do?” he groans. He lifts his hand and tangles his fingers in her hair. “Penelope,” he says, his voice becoming very serious, “did I hurt you?”

“No,” Penelope shakes her head.

Bucky releases a long sigh in relief. Penelope lifts her head to glance over at Steve. She doesn’t have it in her to tell Bucky what happened. Besides, Steve should be the one to tell him. He gives her a small shake of his head. Sweat covers his brow, exhaustion is etched into the lines of his face. He’ll tell Bucky later.

Steve heaves himself off of the wall and makes his back over to them. He sits down across from Penelope, glancing up at her. She can see the dark bruising staring to form around his neck. It’ll heal quickly, the trauma from this event will take longer.

“Can you stand Buck?” Steve asks.

He nods his head in Penelope’s lap, “I think so.” He starts to sit up. His eyes roll back in his head and groans loudly. “I think I need a minute.”

It takes Bucky at least ten minutes to gain the strength to stand. Even then, he relies heavily on the support of Steve and Penelope on either side of him. They walk him steadily back to his room. Penelope holds her hand against his abdomen, she knows she’s hardly carrying any of his weight. She may even be making things more complicated for Steve, but she’s not ready to leave him. Not yet.

When they finally reach his room, Penelope slips out from under his arm and Steve lowers him onto his bed. Penelope climbs onto the other side, sitting beside him. He rolls over on his side, draping his arm over her legs and placing his head in her lap. Steve moves a chair close to the bed and collapses into it.

“Is he asleep?” Steve asks after a moment.

Penelope pauses the stroking of his hair and listens for a moment. His light snoring is enough, she nods at Steve. He exhales heavily, doubling over in his chair. Penelope waits quietly, he’s held it together for longer than she has, it’s his turn to break. When he resurfaces his eyes are red, watery, and his face is patchy from crying. He sniffs, swiping his hand over his face.

“That was…a lot,” he says.

“Steve,” Penelope says softly, “are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he nods. It’s a lie, none of them are okay. “This isn’t the first time that he’s tried to kill me.” He tries to make his words come out light, but they hitch in his throat.

Penelope slides out from beneath Bucky and walks around the bed to where Steve sits. She pulls him into her, he let his head against her stomach. They stay like this for a few moments, allowing each other time to process.

“Thank you for staying Lo,” Steve says. “You should have left, but I’m glad you didn’t. We needed you.”

“Yeah,” Penelope says, running her fingers along the back of his neck, “I know.”

He finally pulls back from her. She smirks down at him. It’s a moment of release, the tension breaks. They both burst into silent laughter, careful not to wake Bucky. Penelope runs her thumb across Steve’s cheek and returns to the bed. Bucky moves against her, resuming his previous position.

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be on a date,” Steve says, eyeing her lacey pink dress.

“Shit,” Penelope says, dropping her head back. “I can’t go on a date.”

“I can stay with him,” Steve says nodding to Bucky. “Go, have fun.”

“No it’s okay,” Penelope shakes her head, “I’m too wound up, there’s no way I can go out to some fancy restaurant.”

“Cameron’s easy going,” Steve shrugs, “he’ll probably be open to a night in.”

“Steve I can’t leave him.”

“I know.”

They stare each other down for a moment. Penelope knows why he’s pushing it. Cameron is a good guy, and he wants Penelope to be happy. She is happy, but tonight, she needs to be with Bucky. Finally, Steve nods and stands.

“Fine,” he sighs, “let me handle it. I’ll tell him you got food poisoning or something.”

“Thank you,” Penelope says. “Steve, one more thing. I need you to find Tony. I told him Bucky was clear to go on a mission with you guys.”

Steve pushes out a long breath, “Yeah that’s not going to work. I’ll let him know.”

“You’re the best,” Penelope smiles.

“Careful Lo,” Steve smirks, “I might start thinking we’re friends.”

“Oh never gonna happen Rogers,” Penelope laughs.

* * *

Bucky’s head is on fire. His brain buzzes; pulsates painfully. There are flashes of memory; Steve…he’s choking Steve. And Penelope, why is Penelope there? His eyes snap open and he bolts upright, breathing heavily. It takes him a moment to process the movement at the end of his bed and the sounds that woke him. He blinks, letting his eyes adjust to the dark.

Penelope is standing at the foot of his bed. She’s bracing herself with one hand on the mattress, watching him with wide eyes. He realizes that she’d been on her way out. His waking up had put a pause to that. Then he hears it again, the noise that woke him in the first place. She’s hyperventilating, trying to catch her breath.

“Pen?” he asks. “What’s going on?”

“I’m fine,” she says. Her voice is shaky, very clearly not fine. “You’re good…right? I can…I mean…if I leave…you’re okay?”

Bucky flies from his bed, moving to stand beside her. Up close he can see that she’s crying, her body is trembling.

“I said I’m fine,” she says. She plants her hand on his abdomen, keeping him from getting closer. “It’s just a panic attack.”

“Yeah,” Bucky laughs in disbelief. “I know. I’m familiar with them.”

“Just…I can handle it…just go back to bed.”

He isn’t entirely sure of what to do. There’s a chance that she really does need to handle the attack on her own. He’s been there. Then again, she’s wrapped her arm around her stomach now, gasping for breath.

“I can’t breathe,” she pants.

On instinct, Bucky moves behind her. He wraps his arms tightly around her middle and carefully applies light pressure. Her body shakes against his.

“Harder,” she breathes.

“Penelope I don’t want to hurt you,” he cautions.

“Bucky, please,” she cries.

He obeys, increasing the pressure slightly. Her breathing begins to steady, her body goes slack in his arms. Slowly, he brings them to the floor. She’s sobbing now, in Bucky’s lap. Bucky doesn’t say anything. He lets her cry into him, occasionally rubbing small circles into her back. For all of the times Penelope has helped Bucky through his shit, he is unsure of how to properly help her.

When the crying stops, Penelope slides off of him. She pushes herself as far from him as she can get, pressing her back against the wall behind her. It terrifies him. Did he do something wrong? Did he cause the panic attack in the first place? She clutches her knees to her chest and drops her head into them.

“I’m so sorry Bucky,” she groans.

“Wh-what?” Bucky stutters.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” she says. “I was trying to leave, to handle it on my own.”

“Penelope,” Bucky says softly, “you don’t have to do that on your own. Ever. In fact, I’m probably better equipped to handle it than most people in this building.”

“You have so much Buck,” Penelope says in protest. “I don’t want to add to your burdens.”

Bucky slowly moves towards her. She doesn’t indicate that she wants him to stop, so he continues to move closer. When he’s close enough to touch her, he reaches his hand out and tentatively places it on her knee.

“My burdens are my own,” Bucky says. “You could never add to them.” Penelope nods slightly. “Pen, if you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. I have to know though, am I the cause of this?”

Penelope breathes in slowly. He holds his own breath, afraid of her answer. Slowly she shakes her head and Bucky breaths again.

“There was an incident though Buck, something happened while you were training with Steve,” she told him. “I’ll let him tell you the specifics, I don’t even know them all.”

“I remember,” Bucky nods. The sharp pain in his head returns with the memories. “I tried to hurt you.”

“No,” Penelope says sharply, “you wanted me out of the way. That’s it. As soon as you realized who I was, you snapped out of it.”

Bucky sighs heavily. He remembers the moment. He wasn’t going to hurt her; it wasn’t his intention. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t have.

“Promise me if something like that ever happens again, you’ll run,” Bucky says to her. “Steve can handle me, he has before.”

“I know,” Penelope nods, “but I didn’t want to leave you.”

“Come for me later,” Bucky says firmly. “Penelope if I ever…” he can’t say the words out loud. “I will not recover from it. So please, just promise me.”

She’s watching him, her deep grey eyes glisten in the moonlight. His stubborn, headstrong Penelope. He needs her to understand that if he hurts her in anyway, there’s no coming back from it.

“Okay,” Penelope nods.

“Thank you.” He’s relieved, for now. “How are you feeling?” He knows the kind of toll a panic attack can take on a person.

“I’m tired,” she says.

He can tell she’s still in it. Her voice is monotone, her answers have been stinted. Bucky stands, then bends back down, picking her up in his arms. He briefly wonders why she’s in a lacy pink dress but doesn’t feel like it’s the right time to bring it.

“Let’s get you to bed Penelope,” Bucky says.

“Buck?” she mumbles, dropping her head against his chest. “Can I just sleep here?”

“Uh…in my bed?”

“I don’t want to be alone,” she says.

Bucky places Penelope on his bed, then pulls the covers out from beneath her. He places them gently on top of her before crawling into bed beside her. It’s been a long time…a very long time since Bucky has had a woman in his bed. But Penelope is just a friend. His very not single best friend. She moves in close to him, pressing her nose against his.

“Bucky,” she says softly, “the panic attack…it wasn’t about you. It was about Tony…and maybe a little about what happened in the training room. Also, Cameron.”

“Valentine’s Day,” Bucky mutters, “that’s why you’re dressed in pink.”

“He was going to surprise me.”

“You hate surprises.”

Penelope’s eyes flutter open at his words. They dart back and forth as she tries to focus on him. Her brow furrows at him, apparently, he’s said something wrong.

“Yes,” she says, “I do.”

“You should just tell him that,” Bucky shrugs.

“Okay fine,” she groans. “I’ll tell him that I hate surprises. Now go to sleep.”

"Happy Valentine's Day Penelope."

"Oh my god you're such an idiot," she laughs. 


	18. Trauma is Trauma

Penelope was seven years old when she’d had her first panic attack. It was about a month after her parents died. The memory is fuzzy around the edges, but she remembers watching Tony get into a car and speed off. The ground fell out from beneath her and at seven years old she thought she was dying. The last time she’d watched people she loved get into a car, they hadn’t come back, and Tony was all she’d had left.

As time went on the fear expanded beyond Tony. It reached nannies, who came and went almost as frequently as Tony did. Then, to friends who stopped coming around after realizing who she was. It leveled out a bit as she got older, thanks to medicine and extensive therapy. Still, all the therapy and meds in the world couldn’t stop the flutter in her stomach whenever she did catch Tony getting into a car. She pushed it down though and eventually stopped letting herself get too close to anyone. People left; Penelope grew used to it.

Except that she hadn’t really grown used to it. Tony had left, with Steve, Nat, and Wanda over three weeks ago. Penelope has not truly been herself since. She takes comfort in the fact that they’ve left Bucky behind, but even that can’t sustain her. They’re out of time, they’ve been out of time as far as Secretary Ross is concerned. Rhodey, who was left behind to keep things in order, has made the executive call to send Bucky out on small, easy, recon missions. He starts with Sam in a few days.

Penelope is trying to keep her panic attacks to a minimum. She’s done a pretty decent job. At this point, only Bucky and Clint even know that they exist. Which is great, because who wants a doctor that can hardly even take care of herself?

The three of them; Bucky, Penelope, and Cint are on her bed. She’s lying down, flanked by the two men, watching Titanic. The two men have agreed that if they’re caught by anyone, Sam, that they would say that she’d forced them into watching it. At this point though, Penelope is curled up, falling in and out of sleep, while Bucky and Clint are more than invested in the plot of the film.

“You’re so stupid Rose!” Jack tells the young redhead.

“She is stupid,” Clint nods, “I would have stayed on that lifeboat.”

“Does Sam know that?” Bucky asks. His metal arm is up behind his head, keeping it propped up. The other rests, open palmed, by Penelope.

“Look man, we haven’t discussed it explicitly,” Clint says, waving a nonchalant hand towards Bucky, “but I’d like to think he’s smart enough to stay on that lifeboat too.”

“Whatever,” Bucky grins. He shakes his head lightly, knowing full well that both lovebirds would risk it all for the other. “I just can’t believe they made a movie about it. I mean it’s this huge, tragic event, and they’ve reduced it to a weepy love story.”

“What was it like Buck? The real sinking of the Titanic?” Penelope mumbles. Her eyes are closed, but she smiles slightly as she asks.

“You’re so funny Penelope,” Bucky says, lacing his tone with hints of sarcasm. “It sank long before I was born,” he adds.

“Okay not that long.” Clint’s eyes are scanning his phone screen. “It sank in April 1912 and you were born in…” he punches some text into the phone screen.

“Give me that,” Bucky says, reaching over Penelope. He snatches Clint’s phone easily out of his hands.

“Hey!” Clint shouts in protest.

He tries to snatch it back without disturbing Penelope, but Bucky’s already tossed onto the floor on his side of the bed. With his phone too far out of his reach, Clint leans back and crosses his arms, pouting while he watches the movie. Penelope laughs and rolls over onto her back. She links her fingers over her stomach, keeping her eyes closed.

“He was born in 1917 Clint,” Penelope says. “March 10th to be exact.”

“Traitor,” Bucky growls.

“That’s in like two days!” Clint says, bolting upright. He eyes Bucky, incredulously.

“Exactly,” Penelope smirks. “Did you really think you were going to get away with keeping your birthday a secret Buck?”

“Actually, I did,” Bucky nods. “So, thank you for that Penelope.”

“Well, you’ll be on a mission anyway,” Clint says, “I’ll make sure Sam makes it special though.”

Clint winks at Bucky before realizing that Bucky is glaring at him. Clint’s face scrunches up, realizing the mistake he’s made. Penelope’s eyes are open now, she stares blankly up at the ceiling. They do their best to avoid this topic. They do their best to avoid the topic of Tony and Steve’s absence as well. Sometimes, like now, they fall short.

“Hey, Penny, it’s going to be okay,” Clint says quickly. He slides himself back down beside her, so that their heads are level with each other. “We can watch Dirty Dancing every night.”

“Which will likely only be one,” Bucky adds. “They’re hardly even real missions.”

“I think I’m coming down with something,” Penelope says. She drapes her arm dramatically over her eyes and ignores the comments from Bucky and Clint.

“You’re not coming down with something,” Bucky sighs.

“I am,” she nods fervently. “There’s a tickle in my throat…I’m cold.”

“Coming down with a panic attack is what it seems like,” Clint scoffs. He scratches Penelope’s scalp tenderly.

Jealousy tugs at Bucky’s insides. There are lines that Bucky and Penelope do not cross, since she spent the night in his bed. They stay close but keep their hands to themselves. When Bucky has attacks of his own, Penelope finds other ways to soothe him. By no means is Bucky ready to be with someone. Even if he was, Penelope is still happily dating Cameron. He just wishes he could comfort her in the way that Clint is now.

“I think I have an idea. Something to get your mind off of things for a bit,” Clint says after a moment. Bucky and Penelope both look up at him, waiting for him to reveal himself. “Penny, have you ever wanted to learn to shoot a bow and arrow?”

* * *

The answer to Clint’s question had been unequivocally, yes. Penelope thought Bucky would protest more. He didn’t protest at all, instead offering to teach her to throw a knife as well. By the time they’d made It to the training room, a competition had been put in place between the two men to see who was better at passing along their wisdom. Penelope was just excited to throw some knives and shoot some arrows.

“I go first,” Bucky says, laying out a row of knives on the table beside Penelope. He grabs her hand and pulls it away from the table as she reaches down to touch one. She makes an indignant sound of protest that Bucky ignores.

“It was my idea!” Clint says, setting up at target for her.

“Sure,” Bucky shrugs, “but I’ve already set everything up.” He gestures to the knives.

“Figure it out ladies!” Penelope snaps. “Let’s go!”

Bucky chuckles at her enthusiasm. Clint huffs, rolls his eyes, but ultimately, agrees to Bucky’s reasoning and trots back to stand beside them. He’ll grab his bow and arrows when Bucky’s lesson is finished.

“Alright,” Penelope beams. “I’m ready, let’s do this!”

She gathers her hair into her hands and whips it into a long, dark ponytail. It bounces back and forth as she hops from one foot to the other, hyping herself up. Bucky doesn’t realize that he’s staring at her, smiling like an idiot, until he feels a very sharp jab in his side, where Clint’s pointy elbow meets his ribcage.

“You’re an idiot,” Clint whispers.

“You’re an idiot,” Bucky fires back. Clint snickers at his lame excuse for a comeback. But Bucky’s brain is empty. Devoid of all thought as he watches Penelope do some light stretches.

When she’s finished, she hops up and gives Bucky an incredulous look. She shakes her head slightly, as if to ask him what the hold up is. Apparently he’s waisted too much time and Penelope is not here for it.

“Alright come here,” he says, summoning her with a tilt of his head. She bounces over, excitement highlighting her face. There’s a fluttering in his stomach that he pretends doesn’t exist. “Pick one,” he says, waving his hand over his selection.

“Ooh okay,” Penelope says excitedly. She moves towards the table, examining them carefully. Bucky stands slightly behind her.

“Not that one,” he says as she reaches out.

“Well why would you tell me to pick if you weren’t actually going to let me pick?”

“I didn’t think you’d go for the biggest one right of the bat!”

“Fine! Which one then Barnes?”

“Doesn’t matter, just not that one.”

Penelope raises her eyebrows at him. She trails her hand over the knives, then stops, hovering over a different knife. Bucky winces and shakes his head slightly.

“Not that one either.”

“Barnes,” Penelope growls. 

“Well you’re choosing the wrong ones!”

“I can get my bow and arrows, should I go get them? I’ll go get them,” Clint says, pushing himself from the wall he’s leaning against.

“No,” Bucky says sharply. He grabs a sleek, shiny knife from the table and thrusts it into Penelope’s hand. “Here, take this one.”

“Ooh, I like it,” Penelope says, examining it closely. She nods, feeling the weight of it in her hand.

“Yeah,” Bucky nods with a laugh, “I knew you would.”

“Then why didn’t you just hand it to me in the first place?” Penelope asks.

Bucky ignores her and places his hand on her waist. He moves her away from the table, positioning her in between himself and the target. “Stand here,” he commands.

“Yes sir,” Penelope says, mocking his tone. Behind them, Clint snorts. Penelope turns and gives him a playful wink.

“Focus Penelope,” Bucky says, tugging lightly on her ponytail.

Unintentionally, a small moan escapes Penelope’s lips. Her face immediately flushes bright red and she clears her throat, shaking her head. Clint doubles over with laughter. Bucky, grins, despite his best attempt to not acknowledge it at all.

“Shut up Clint,” Penelope says through gritted teeth.

“I’m sorry Penelope,” Bucky says, chuckling lightly. He doesn’t know why he’s apologizing, maybe it’s because he’s accidentally embarrassed her. It just feels like the right thing to do.

“Oh, you shut up too Barnes,” Penelope snaps at him. “You caught me off guard.”

“I apologize,” Bucky reiterates. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Little sexually frustrated there Penny?” Clint teases.

Penelope has never killed anyone, but in this moment, she feels like she might want to. She is…sexually frustrated because Cameron is very explicitly not having sex with her. Which is fine, she doesn’t want to push it, but fuck is she frustrated. Still, she doesn’t need the whole world…or Bucky, knowing about it.

“I am holding a knife Barton,” Penelope says, turning on him forcefully. Clint raises his hands in surrender but continues to laugh.

“I’m just playing with you Penny,” he tells her.

“And I’ll be playing with your intestines on the floor,” Penelope fires back. The force of Clint’s laughter carries him all the way to the floor. Bucky gingerly removes the knife from Penelope’s hand.

“Calm down killer,” Bucky says, as she spins on him. “Barton, quit being an idiot. I like you, but I like her more and at a certain point I will cave and let her stab you.”

“Alright, alright,” Clint says, gathering himself. “I’m sorry Pen.”

“Give me the knife,” Penelope says holding out her hand.

“You cannot murder Clint,” Bucky warns.

“Fine.”

Bucky slowly places the knife back in her hand. She scowls one last time at Clint, then turns back towards the target. Bucky glances over at Clint before returning to Penelope, they share a silent laugh.

“Okay,” Bucky says, standing behind her, “first of all, you have to relax.”

“I can’t,” she replies tersely.

“Drop your shoulders.” He presses his hands against her shoulders, bringing them down slightly. He’s careful with his touch this time, making sure that she’s aware of his every move. “Good. Now, bring this leg forward a bit.”

Penelope shivers as his fingers grasp the back of her thigh, pushing her right leg forward. If he notices, he ignores it. She takes a deep breath in, mentally arguing with her body to stop overacting to his every touch. She shakes out her body and convinces herself that this has everything to do with the lack of sex and nothing to do with Bucky’s firm grip on her thigh. Bucky is her best friend, that’s it. She’s sure that if it were anyone else’s hand on her leg, she would be having the same reaction.

“Perfect,” Bucky says, straightening up behind her. “Now pull back your arm, breath in, and release.”

She does as she’s told. The knife flies from her hand and through the air, hitting the outer rings of the bullseye. At least she hit it. They do a few more throws. Each time Bucky adjusts some part of her body, each time she gets further away from the target.

“Alright,” Clint says hopping up, “I think it’s time for a change of pace.” He trots off to grab a bow and some arrows for her, leaving Penelope and Bucky alone.

Penelope’s last throw was the worst of them all. Bucky had placed his hands on her hips, adjusting her stance. He had been so close to her; she could feel his chest rise and fall against her back. It was distracting, the whole thing was distracting.

“Are you alright Pen?” Bucky asks, gathering the knives.

“I’m fine,” she lies. “You’re just…distracting.”

Bucky’s brow furrows in confusion. “I’m sorry,” he says quickly, “I didn’t mean to cross any lines.” He’s anxious, concerned that he’s somehow messed something up.

Penelope sighs heavily, twirling the first knife he’d given her in her hands. The truth is that it isn’t his fault. At all. She enjoyed his hands all over her body and she hates herself for it.

“You didn’t do anything wrong Buck,” she tells him. It’s the truth. She reaches out, handing him back his knife.

“Keep that,” Bucky tells her. “It suits you. And personally, I think everyone should be at least a little armed at all times.”

“Right,” Penelope laughs, “I’ll be sure to scare away any predators by throwing this somewhere in the vicinity of their heads.”

“Ah,” Bucky smiles, nodding his head. “Another Stark trait.” Penelope raises an eyebrow at him. “If you’re not immediately amazing at something, you assume you’re just bad at it. This takes practice Pen.”

“Okay, well I’m nothing like a Stark so,” Penelope says, rolling her eyes.

Bucky chuckles at her comment. She’s more Stark than she realizes, stubborn, witty, ostentatious. She hides it well though, better than Tony at least. Bucky sees it though, he sees the parts of her that are the same parts of him, the same parts that were a part of their father. There is one major difference though. Where Tony often embraces the things his father passed down to him, whether intentionally or not, Penelope actively tries to avoid them. Bucky has noticed that too.

Clint comes barreling out of the weapons room, wielding a smaller bow than the one he normally carries and a quiver of practice arrows. He immediately hands the bow over to Penelope. It’s Bucky’s turn to lean against the wall and watch.

“Alright, so I got you this tiny baby bow, because…well…you are short,” Clint says. His enthusiasm makes him a little breathless.

“I’m not short,” Penelope protests, “Bucky is barely any taller than I am.”

Clint presses his lips together and nods. His eyes dart to Bucky, the corners of his lips pull upwards. Bucky glares at him, knowing full well what he’s about to say.

“Penny, Bucky is super short,” Clint grins.

“5’9 is not that short,” Bucky grumbles. It is though, compared to Clint’s looming 6’3. Whatever, at least he’s taller than Tony.

Clint winks at Bucky, then turns back to Penelope. He pulls out an arrow and attaches it to the string of the bow. Penelope tries not to notice the complete lack of…well any feeling…she has as Clint runs his own hands over her, adjusting her stance.

“Alright good,” he says, taking a step back to make sure she’s positioned correctly. “Now, pull back, keep your elbow up. Perfect. You’re going to look down the arrow.”

Penelope nods, listening to his instruction. It’s much easier to focus with Clint. That is, until the door of the training room bursts open.

“Tiny Stark!” Thor booms loudly behind her. “You have a visitor!”

The entire thing happens so quickly. Penelope jumps and turns at the sound of Thor’s giant voice. Clint reaches for the bow, but it’s too late, Penelope’s already fired it. The arrow flies through the air and delves into the thickest part of Thor’s upper arm.

“Shit,” Penelope whispers under her breath.

“Alright, well I guess the fun is over,” Clint says, snatching the bow from Penelope’s hand.

“Thor I am so sorry!” Penelope says rushing over to him. “Are you okay? Aren’t you supposed to be off planet? Oh my god I’m so sorry.”

Thor looks down at her, unamused, but not angry. He plucks the arrow from his arm. Blood trickles out of the small hole. His eyes are still on Penelope as he presses his thumb over it. As big as he is, Thor has never seemed intimidating to Penelope. Perhaps that has something to do with the Poptart she was eating when she met him. Or the time he passed out when she tried to draw a little blood. Now, in his looming silence, Penelope shrinks, fearing what might come out of him.

“I’m really sorry,” she says again.

Thor’s face breaks out into a smile and he laughs a great, thunderous laugh. It’s almost as terrifying as anything else she was expecting.

“Don’t be sorry Tiny Stark,” he says, covering her shoulder with his entire hand. “Barton’s arrows are pinpricks and nothing more.”

“Okay well I wasn’t the one firing it,” Clint scowls behind them. Bucky snorts at Thor’s comment. He shrugs innocently at Clint’s look of betrayal.

“Yes, I am sure that would make a difference,” Thor says, giving Clint a large, fake smile. Bucky has to physically turn away to hide his laughter this time.

“Oh, laugh it up Barnes, I’m sure your knives are no match for Thor’s giant muscles either,” Clint tells Bucky.

“They aren’t,” Thor winks at Penelope.

“Okay, anyway,” Bucky whips around, as Penelope snickers into her hand, “you said something about a visitor for Penelope?”

“Ah yes,” Thor nods, “your squirrely boyfriend. He’s downstairs with Wilson and Parker.”

Penelope hears Clint and Bucky chuckle at Thor’s description of Cameron. She’s too distracted to chastise them. Instead, she hits her palm against her forehead. Of course, she’d made plans with Cameron days ago.

“Shit, shit, shit,” she says. Her hand hits her forehead again with each ‘shit’.

“You forgot another date?” Clint asks, raising an eyebrow at her.

“ _Another_ date?” says Bucky.

Bucky is Penelope’s best friend, but their past is messy. It’s unclear to her how or even if his feelings for her have changed, so she doesn’t talk to Bucky about Cameron. Clint is more than willing to be an open ear for her. He would be perfect if he and Sam weren’t so damn perfect, but they are. And Penelope and Cameron are a far cry from it. Something that becomes abundantly clear whenever she is talking to Clint.

“Pen,” Bucky says gently, “forgetting things isn’t good.”

“Bucky it’s fine,” Penelope says, pulling her hair from her ponytail. She frantically fluffs it, trying to get it to do something other than fall flat. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind. Shit, I have to change.” She looks down at her cropped stretchy black pants and loose t-shirt.

Bucky glances at Clint. The blonde shakes his head slightly, he’s had this conversation too. Penelope must have shut him down just as quickly. The three men follow Penelope out of the training room down to her room. They linger in her doorway as she tosses clothes around in her closet, making small anxious noises. Thor looks apologetically to Bucky. He’s been gone, he doesn’t know the state that Tony’s left Penelope in.

“He can’t know I forgot again,” Penelope says, mostly to herself.

“We’ll distract him,” Clint chirps up.

“Yes, good plan,” Thor nods.

Penelope looks over at them. They eagerness to help threatens to break her even further. Her bobs her head up and down, agreeing to their plan. It’ll give her a little time at least. Thor and Clint turn on their heels and head downstairs to the entertainment room. Bucky stays however, lingering in her doorway. He won’t leave until he knows she’s okay.

“I’m okay Buck,” she says, pulling out a light blue sweater and tossing it on her bed. “It’s just…Cameron has started to notice that I’m not all there right now. He’s asking questions and I’m just not ready to talk.”

Bucky nods his head slowly. He bites his lip, there’s something he wants to say. Penelope thinks he almost does, then he turns to leave. Whatever he has to say, Penelope feels like she needs to hear it. She doesn’t talk to Bucky about Cameron, but maybe she should.

“Wait…” Penelope says, “what is it? What are you not saying?”

“Pen,” Bucky sighs, “you really should get ready.”

“Tell me Bucky.”

He shakes his head slightly as he turns back to look at her. He doesn’t want to overstep; he’s trying to respect her relationship with Cameron. It’s noble of him, but Penelope doesn’t need nobility right now. She needs help, she needs Bucky’s help.

“Aren’t you exhausted Penelope?” Bucky asks finally. “Because it seems exhausting, lying to the one person who is supposed to be there for you no matter what. You’re scared and anxious and you go out with Cameron and pretend you aren’t and then come home and completely break down. Pen, I’m exhausted for you.”

Wrong choice, Penelope should have let him leave when she had the chance. His words hit her like a ton of bricks. Mostly because he’s right, but she really doesn’t want to hear any of it right now. All she hears is that he’s tired of her, tired of taking care of her mess. It might not be true, but she can’t comprehend anything else.

“Okay,” Penelope says, “I get it, he deserves to know that I’m a huge fucking mess. Its only fair right? That he knows what he’s getting himself into?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“No, but its true. I mean you didn’t know and now look where we are.” A bitter laugh escapes her lips as she speaks. “Cameron didn’t sign up for this…neither did you. I get it.”

“Penelope, don’t do this.” His voice has a hint of warning to it.

“Do what?”

“You’re pushing me on your terms because you’re afraid you’re going to lose me,” Bucky tells her. “You can’t pull these tricks on Pen, I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you have.”

“You don’t have a monopoly on trauma Bucky,” Penelope snaps.

“Alright, I’m done,” Bucky throws up his hands. “Whatever you do with Cameron is up to you, but I can’t help you right now.”

“Fine,” Penelope bites, “walk away. You’re good at that.”

Hurt flickers in Bucky’s eyes, only for a moment. It’s quickly replaced with anger. He closes the gap in between them and glares down at her. Penelope doesn’t flinch. She glares right back up at him.

“That’s right,” Bucky says with a curt nod, “I walked away. One time. And I will probably pay for that for a very long time. At least until you realize that I came back and that I always will. But I’m not your boyfriend Pen, Cameron is. And he deserves to know you, all of you.”

Penelope opens her mouth to say something, but her words get lost somewhere between her belly and her throat. What is there to say? Bucky did leave. Tony left, her parents left, they all leave, everyone leaves. She’s known this her whole life. What she hasn’t considered is what happens when they come back.

“For what it’s worth Penelope, I think you made the right choice,” Bucky says after a moment. “With Cameron, I mean. He’s a good guy, don’t push him away.”

It’s not his intention, but the words sting her. They hurt all over. She turns away from him and grabs the outfit she’s chosen from off her bed, retreating to her bathroom. When she comes out, Bucky is gone. He isn’t downstairs either when she goes to meet Cameron.

* * *

Penelope tugs at the hem of her black sweater dress. Cameron is driving, telling her a story about something that she knows she should be paying attention to. But he’s planned another surprise and Penelope is so completely on the verge of losing it, that she can’t think about anything else. Bucky’s words are playing on repeat in her head.

Bile threatens her throat as her stomach churns over and over. She swallows it and tries to focus on what Cameron is saying. It works for a minute or so, until it really doesn’t work anymore.

“Cam pull over,” she demands.

He looks over at her pale face, wide-eyed, and immediately does as she says. The passenger door swings open just in time for her to release whatever has come up. This is a new manifestation of her panic. She realizes it as she hangs her head over the side of Cameron’s car. It hardly registers that Cameron has gotten out of the car and is standing beside her, pulling her hair from her face. She heaves one last time, then crashes back into the passenger seat, breathing heavy.

“Let me take you home,” Cameron says gently.

She could let him take her home. Easily. He would assume that she had some bug, not that she was in the midst of an anxiety attack. They wouldn’t have to get into the trauma that dead parents and an absent, self-destructive brother has left her with. Bucky’s words are loud in her head though and so Penelope reaches out and grabs Cameron’s arm.

“No wait,” Penelope says. “I’m not sick. I’m just…messy.”

“Wh-what?” Cameron asks, letting out a short laugh.

“Tony left, on a mission. Bucky is about to go on a mission. And I really, really, hate surprises,” she tells him meekly.

“Uh…okay,” Cameron replies. “I’m a little confused.”

“I have panic attacks. They started when I was a kid after…well…okay you know. For a while they were gone, but now my brother is on his first mission since Siberia, my best friend is going back into the field before he is ready, and my boyfriend doesn’t really know who I am. So the panic attacks have returned.”

Cameron is quiet. Penelope keeps her eyes closed, afraid of what his face might reveal to her. For a moment, she fears she might throw up again. Then, she feels his hands on her knees. Her eyes flutter open. Cameron is squatting in front of her, smiling softly. He tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I was held up at gunpoint,” Cameron tells her, “by someone who I considered to be a friend. I watched a lot of coworkers lose their lives that day. Then, like an idiot, I followed Fury to Sokovia and watched even more people die. There are many nights that I still wake up in a panic. Our experiences are not the same, but trauma is trauma.”

Penelope’s hand finds his face. He’s so cheerful and optimistic. It’s hard to picture Cameron in the midst of a panic attack. It breaks her heart for him. Cameron smiles at her touch. He places a gentle kiss on her palm.

“How do you deal with it?” Penelope asks.

“My therapist is on call,” Cameron chuckles. “Now, we have a couple of options here. I can take you to the park for a picnic, which is no longer a surprise, because now I know that you hate surprises. I can take you back home and stay or leave, it’s up to you. Or we can go back to my place and watch movies.”

Penelope considers for a moment. She’s tired and while a picnic is a sweet idea, she doesn’t really feel up to it. Then there’s the compound, which she isn’t exactly excited about either. Bucky is there, and she doesn’t want to see Bucky.

“What is the snack situation at your place?” Penelope smirks.

Cameron’s lips curl into a wide smile. “Well, I am a single man living on his own…so there are a lot of pizza rolls,” he shrugs.

“Perfect,” Penelope laughs.

So, Cameron takes her home. And it’s easy. For two days it’s easy. Watching movies, eating crappy food, unpacking their trauma. He listens and listens, sometimes he talks, but most he listens. Then there’s the sex. When it finally happens, and it does happen, Penelope realizes that he’s been holding out on her because she was holding out on him. It’s a perfect weekend, one where Bucky doesn’t even cross her mind.

When she finally gets home on Sunday evening, she feels lighter than she had in days. Clint and Peter are in the kitchen, trying to see who can catch the most m&ms from the farthest distance. Clint pauses the game when she walks through the compound doors. He wiggles his eyebrows at her knowingly.

“Good weekend?” he asks, grinning broadly.

“It certainly wasn’t bad,” Penelope replies. She leans against the counter, taking a handful of the colorful candies and popping them in her mouth.

“You know he plays as Luigi on Mario Kart right?” Peter asks her.

“No, I don’t. I don’t even know what that means Pete,” Penelope replies with a laugh.

“He’s just…confident that’s all,” Peter grins. “In a subtle way though…very cool. Also, he kicked Thor’s ass and it was hilarious.”

“Whoa, language!” Penelope says. “Just because Steve isn’t around doesn’t mean you can go around saying whatever the hell you want.” Penelope gives him a wink.

“You can say ass,” Clint tells Peter.

“Where’s Bucky?” Penelope asks the two. “I think I owe him an apology.

Peter and Clint share a quick glance. Penelope does not miss it. Clint gives her a sad smile and Peter pushes the bag of m&ms towards her.

“He left Penny,” Clint says. “Sam and Bucky left for their mission this morning.”

“Oh,” Penelope nods. She shoves her hand in the bag and pulls out a handful of the candies this time.

“He tried to stall,” Peter tells her. “I think he was waiting for you to get back…but Mr. Rhodes said they had to get on with it. So, they left.”

Penelope groans, dropping her head onto the counter. Clint is at her side, combing through her hair with his fingers. She hears Peter rummaging through the freezer for ice cream. Guilt overcomes her, Bucky was probably just as anxious about his first mission as she was. And she couldn’t even be there to support him, to see him off. On top of the fact that their last conversation hadn’t exactly been a pleasant one.

“Peter,” she tells him, “cover your ears.”

Peter rolls his eyes but puts the ice cream down and holds his hands over his ears. She knows that the seventeen-year-old has heard worse, probably on the playground in elementary school. Still, she’ll not be the one getting a lecture from Steve.

“Fuck.”


	19. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one weekend?? I know...it's a little overkill. But I had the week off from work and I'm working up to some pretty big time plot things. Thank you guys for reading! I'm very excited to share the next chunk of chapters with everyone!

At first, Bucky is angry with Penelope. More than angry, he’s livid. He nearly blows his cover on his first mission and only narrowly escapes with Sam’s quick thinking. So, Bucky is pissed at Penelope and Sam is pissed at Bucky. But it’s complicated, because Bucky killed Penelope’s parents, and does he really have any right to be angry with her at all? Probably not. On top of that, Bucky is tired of being angry. He’s spent so much energy being angry, so opts for being disappointed instead. Eventually they both opt for disregarding each other’s presence completely.

Mostly this works because Bucky and Sam are busy. Rhodey sends them out often. Unfortunately, Bucky has a knack for getting hurt. They are always minor injuries that heal quickly, but still land him in Penelope’s office. The two don’t talk as she works. There isn’t anything to say. Still, it is nice to be in her presence for a few minutes every once in a while.

Tony, Steve, and the others haven’t come back from their mission. They’ve been gone much longer than originally planned. It’s made everyone at least a little antsy. Vision floats around aimlessly unless he’s training. Bruce has hardly been seen at all, busying himself in his work. Bucky knows Penelope is suffering because he feels it too. The anxiety is eating away at all of them. So, Rhodey keeps the team busy. Bucky keeps Penelope busy.

He’s home for the weekend, for the first time in weeks. There’s a nasty cut on his cheek, that probably needs stiches, but he assumes that Penelope’s out for the weekend. Someone else can help, he’ll ask Clint. Although the kid would be preferable if he’s around. But first, he needs a shower. He takes his time. Time is a luxury he and Sam aren’t afforded out on missions.

The leather of his suit sticks to his skin, dried sweat and dirt adhering it further. He grunts slightly as he peels it off. There’s a sharp pain in his side that he decides to ignore. His vibranium arm feels heavier than usual, weighing him down as he climbs into his shower. Bucky turns the knob to the hottest setting, allowing the scalding water to soothe his sore muscles. Blood trickles down him, mixing with the water and pooling around the drain. He ignores that too. There’s no reason to believe it’s anything other than dried blood coming off of him.

By the time he steps out of the shower, he is admittedly feeling a little lightheaded, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. He dresses quickly, pulling on a black v-neck shirt and a pair of dark grey sweatpants, before climbing in bed. Sleep doesn’t come easily to him, but he thinks tonight it might. He’s drifting, in and out, when F.R.I.D.A.Y. alerts him.

“Sergeant Barnes,” the A.I. says, “Miss Stark is ready for you in the med bay.”

“Tell her I’m fine,” Bucky mumbles.

“Sir,” the A.I. says, waking him from the edge of sleep again, “you are not ‘fine’.

Bucky groans and rolls over, trying his best to ignore the disembodied robot voice. The pain in his side sharpens. His shirt feels wet and sticky against his skin. It’s then that he notices his sheets are covered in blood where he lay. Funny…he doesn’t remember taking a hit to his abdomen. There is a pounding on his door. Bucky pulls himself from his bed. The blood loss has made his head even lighter than before; the exhaustion suddenly makes sense.

“Man, what the hell are you doing?” Sam asks as Bucky opens the door.

“Did I get shot?” he asks Sam.

“It certainly looks that way doesn’t it?” Sam says, eyeing the dark spot on Bucky’s shirt. Bucky falters and Sam catches him, using his body to steady Bucky’s. “There were a lot of people shooting at us, your adrenaline was high, but I thought I saw some blood on your suit,” Sam tells him.

It makes sense. Bucky rarely realizes how bad his injuries are until he’s in Penelope’s office. This mission had been, especially taxing. And it didn’t help that both he and Sam were wildly distracted by Steve’s prolonged and inexplicable absence.

“Let’s get you to Penelope,” Sam says. Bucky does his best to stay upright and participate in as much of the walking as he can.

“How did you know something was wrong?” Bucky asks. He’s trying to keep his mind from the pain. With the adrenaline worn off, he can feel everything.

“Like I said,” Sam says, “I saw blood on your suit. I wasn’t sure if it was yours or someone else’s and you’re too damn stubborn to let anyone take a look at you, so I didn’t ask. When you took your sweet time making your way to the med bay, I knew something was wrong.”

“I’m not suborn,” Bucky slurs.

Sam snorts a laugh. He doesn’t seem to be too worried about Bucky, which is a comfort. The pain is severe, and the blood loss is making him woozy, but if Sam isn’t panicked, then he wouldn’t panic either. Sam is listing off the ways in which Bucky is in fact stubborn, but Bucky is having a hard time actually paying attention.

“What the fuck Bucky?”

It’s Penelope’s sharp voice that brings him back to present. Sam is placing him on one of the beds, while Penelope hovers over him with anxious eyes. She lifts his shirt up, over his chest. A loud hiss escapes from in between her teeth. Bucky’s abdomen tightens reflexively as she runs her fingers over it, grazing the skin near his wound.

“Ah, okay stop that,” Bucky says, catching her hand.

“Shit Sam,” Penelope sighs, “how long has it been since he was shot?”

“Not long,” Sam says shaking his head. “We got out of there pretty fast and we weren’t far out from here. We’d been back maybe ten minutes before I brought him to you. In all maybe twenty minutes.”

Ten minutes doesn’t seem right to him. His shower felt like it lasted at least an hour. He realizes that the blood, the lightheaded feeling, the exhaustion, had all hit him after he’d removed his suit. He must have lost time in the process.

“Okay,” Penelope nods. “Bucky, you’re going to be okay.”

Bucky is drifting in and out of consciousness. He knows that Sam is pressing a compress against this wound, he can feel it, but just barely. Penelope is working on getting blood into his system and getting the bullet out. He wants to tell her that he is fine, that he’ll be okay, but he can’t find his voice. Time passes slowly, he isn’t sure how much has gone by when he finally regains a semblance of awareness.

Penelope is at his side, stitching him up. There is no color in her cheeks, she looks tired, anxious. Her eyes are red and puffy. Bucky feels a twinge of guilt as he watches her. Has she been crying over him? She drives the needle into his skin, he hisses, realizing that he can feel it. Whatever she’s given him to numb the pain, has burned off.

“Oh shit!” Penelope jumps, looking over at him wide eyed. “Bucky, I’m sorry.” Frantically, she begins fiddling with the IV.

“It’s fine Pen,” he grunts, “just finish it.”

She scoffs at him and shoves a needle in his IV tube. She begins working on him again. Meticulously drawing the needle in and out of him. Bucky winces as he waits for the meds to kick in, but tries to keep it to a minimum. He doesn’t want to alarm her again.

“I didn’t think you were home,” Bucky says after a moment.

“I wasn’t.”

“Right.”

Penelope eyes him. He wonders if their last conversation haunts her the way it haunts him. If she’s been as distracted by their separation as he’s been. Or if she’s been too preoccupied by playing house with Cameron to think about him at all.

“Bucky,” Penelope sighs, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. When you left. I am so sorry.”

“Pen it’s fine,” Bucky replies.

“No, it isn’t,” she says.

“It is,” Bucky sighs. “Your birthday is next week; please tell me he isn’t planning you a surprise.” It’s a desperate attempt to change the subject, but he feels desperate at the moment.

“No,” Penelope chuckles. “No surprises. Not anymore. I took your advice and told him everything.”

“Penelope Stark actually took my advice? This is huge, alert the press,” Bucky says through a stifled laugh. His breath hitches as the movement in his abdomen inflicts pain. The laugh turns into a cough, more pain, more wincing.

“Stop making jokes you idiot,” Penelope commands. He can see water pooling in her eyes, the corners of her lips are slightly upturned. Okay so maybe he’s making her cry, but he made her laugh a little too.

“Why are you crying Penelope?” Bucky asks. He uses his limited strength to lift his hand to her cheek, fingering a fallen tear.

Penelope shakes her head. Her lips press firmly together. She focuses in on her work, avoiding Bucky’s gaze. Bucky watches her. More accurately he stares at her, unable to take his eyes off of her. The about Penelope in this moment, is that her hair is pulled up into a mess bun. Her dark framed glasses are covering her red, puffy eyes. He cannot fathom why or how she continues to care about him so much. The drugs start to kick in and he is overwhelmed by how pretty she is.

“Stop staring at me Barnes,” Penelope mutters. Her cheeks tinge with pink and for a brief moment, Bucky wonders if she can read his thoughts.

“I can’t,” he mumbles, “you’re too pretty.”

“Oh good,” Penelope smirks, “the drugs are working.”

“You’re always pretty,” Bucky scoffs. His tongue feels heavy as he speaks. “I think you know that though…you Starks…always the brightest people in the room.”

Penelope snorts and turns away from Bucky. He thinks that she’s finished with the stitching, but he can’t be sure. When she comes back to him, she has new tools. Things to clean and bandage his wound with. He lets out an involuntary groan, realizing that she’s almost finished with him.

“What’s wrong?” Penelope asks. Her voice is terse, panicked.

“I’m fine,” Bucky says, moving his head slowly from side to side. “I’m great even.”

“Are you sure?” Penelope asks.

“Yes,” he tells her, “I just realized that you’re almost finished.”

“That’s a good thing Barnes.”

He shivers slightly as she presses a cool cloth to his freshly stitched scar. It doesn’t hurt though, it couldn’t possibly with all of the drugs she’s pumping him with. He hates to think about how he’ll feel once the drugs have worn off.

“Besides,” she says, “I’m not finished. I still have this nasty cut on your cheek to fix. It’ll heal on its own without stiches, but it might scar.”

“Mmkay.” Bucky feels himself nod at her. Keeping his eyes open feels like an impossible task, but he doesn’t want to stop looking at her.

“Bucky,” Penelope says softly. She’s working on his face now. He can feel the dull pain through the drugs. “I need you to stop being reckless with yourself.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s the truth. He doesn’t. The missions haven’t been as smooth as Rhodey had promised. Besides, he isn’t the only one getting hurt. Sam’s been in here just as much as Bucky.

“Bucky,” Penelope sighs.

“Okay, okay,” he nods, “no more jumping out of planes without parachutes.”

“What?” Penelope’s sharp voice causes his eyes to snap open. He hadn’t even realized they’d been closed until now.

“Shit…I guess I forgot to tell you about that. It’s not a big deal. Steve did it first. Plus, Sam caught me, we had it under control.”

“I don’t care if Steve did it first. You aren’t Steve. The serum you have in you is not the same, not by a long shot.”

Her eyes are watery again and Bucky feels a twinge of guilt. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to him that she’s upset, but it does. After the way he’s been treating her. He wants to reach out and touch her, but his body feels heavy.

“Fuck Bucky,” she says, “I know you’re mad at me, but please for the love of God stop punishing me by almost getting yourself killed.”

Bucky blinks up at her. He’s confused by this because that is absolutely, one hundred percent, not what he is doing. It hurts him that she’s come to this conclusion.

“I wouldn’t do that to you Pen,” Bucky says. He tries to get his eyes to focus, but the exhaustion is getting worse.

Penelope meets his eyes. He’s too tired to discern what she’s trying to convey. Is it guilt? Sadness? He isn’t sure. She leans forward, dropping her forehead against his. Tears fall from her eyes, onto his cheeks. Somehow, he finds it in him to interlace his fingers in the hair at the base of her neck, scratching softly.

“I’m so sorry you thought that,” he says. “And I’m sorry for avoiding you.”

“I know I should have been there Bucky,” she says softly, “you have every right to be angry with me.”

“Nah,” Bucky’s head shakes back and forth. “I really don’t. Pen, I’m happy for you…and Cameron. I just want you to know that.”

It feels like the right thing to say. When Penelope sits up, her eyes search his, and Bucky thinks that maybe it was not the right thing to say. He tries to match her gaze, knowing that he’s failing to keep his eyes fully open.

“You are?” Penelope asks.

Her question feels like a test. He feels like he feels like he wants to say, no of course he isn’t happy for them. But that isn’t entirely the truth. Penelope is his favorite person in the world. He makes a note never to tell Steve, although he’s pretty sure Steve already knows. The love he feels for her doesn’t end in romantic love. He loves her far beyond that. And the only thing he wants for her now, is to be happy.

“Yeah,” he nods, “of course I am.” He lets out a small laugh. “I know you think I still have feelings for you, but the truth is that you’re my best friend Penelope, I like seeing you happy.”

It’s not the truth. Not entirely. Whatever lingering feelings he has for Penelope are not what’s important. Her happiness is the only thing that matters. Bucky knows he isn’t the one. There is only so much that he can give Penelope and he’s already giving her everything he’s got. It isn’t enough and it never would be.

“Ooh Steve’s going to be so jealous,” Penelope chuckles. Bucky tries to laugh with her, but he’s exhausted.

He feels the med bed depress slightly. Penelope has gingerly climbed up next to him.. Her pinky trails over his forehead and down the bridge of his nose. He thinks she says something to him, but he can’t be sure. He’s succumbing to his exhaustion and maybe the pain meds a little. But mostly to Penelope’s presence beside him.

* * *

It’s nearly 1 AM when Penelope leaves Bucky. He’s been asleep for hours and in reality, she was staying more for her benefit than his. She stalls, walking slowly down the hallway to her bedroom. Cameron is probably still awake, waiting up for her. Maybe if she takes long enough, he’ll fall asleep before she gets there.

He’s angry with her. She knows this. They had been out, at a very nice restaurant, on a very nice date, when Rhodey called. Rhodey always seemed to call when they were in the middle of a very nice date. This time, she was genuinely needed. Most times, the cuts, bumps, and bruises could be fixed by anyone. Clint has offered more than once. But Penelope is not capable of passing up the chance to see Bucky, to make sure that he’s okay. These brief moments of stitching, wrapping, and popping joints back into place, have been the only reprieve from Bucky’s silence.

It was different this time though, perhaps Cameron would understand that. She pushes her door open. The look on Cam’s face tells her that it’s going to take a lot of work to get him to understand. She needs a minute, just one moment to herself to regain some sort of composure. Grabbing her pajamas, she heads to the bathroom to change. There is no stopping the tears at this point. Bucky is going to be fine, but she can’t get his pale face from her mind.

She doesn’t realize how long she’s been in the bathroom until Cameron knocks softly on the door. He opens it slowly. Catching sight of her, sobbing on the bathroom floor, he swoops down without hesitation and carries her to her bed. Even in his anger, he holds her, rubbing her back and running her hands through her hair. It makes her cry harder.

Penelope doesn’t know how long it takes for her to regain her composure. What she does know is that Cameron doesn’t falter. Not once. His calm voice in her ear, telling her it was going to be okay, plays a large part in bringing her back.

“I’m sorry,” Penelope says after a few moments. “It was so bad Cam. It wasn’t just a dislocated shoulder this time.”

“I know,” he sighs. “Sam stopped by to tell me it might take a while. I’m not angry about that, you did what you had to do.”

“Okay,” Penelope breathes. Hearing him say that is a bit of a relief, but he is angry about something. She traces the lines on his palm, waiting for him to tell her what it is.

“We don’t have to talk about this tonight,” Cameron says. He tucks his finger under her chin, lifting her eyes to his. “You’re exhausted.”

Even angry, Cameron is calm and composed. It sort of drives Penelope a little crazy, as much as she appreciates. She doesn’t deserve it. Not after what she’s put him through.

“No,” Penelope shakes her head, “it’s okay. Just…I should start by apologizing to you. Tony has been gone for too long and it’s literally killing me that we haven’t heard from them. When Bucky and Sam leave it just…adds a whole other level of anxiety.”

Cameron clears his throat. He adjusts slightly away from her, taking his hand out of hers as he moves. Something she’s said has made him uncomfortable. She runs through her words in her head but can’t fathom what it could have been. He takes a moment, pulling his hand through his curls.

“Penny, I can’t do this with you if we can’t be honest with each other,” Cameron says slowly.

Penelope’s heart races. She doesn’t know what Cameron means. The threat of losing him makes her dizzy and nauseated.

“I am being honest,” she tells him.

“You have feelings for him Penny,” Cameron says bluntly. “You have feelings for Bucky. And that’s fine, I get it, you two are close. Feelings are bound to develop. Personally, I think this is something that we can work through. If you can’t admit it to yourself though, then I’m not so sure.”

The panic is almost immediately replaced by a defensive anger. She doesn’t have feelings for Bucky. Not anymore. Maybe she should have been honest with Cameron about those feelings in the beginning of their relationship. But as their relationship developed and grew, she didn’t think it was worth it to bring up the past.

“You’re way off here Cam,” Penelope says shaking her head. “I did…there were…feelings at one point I guess, but they are so gone.”

“Okay,” Cameron says, sliding off her bed, “you aren’t ready to talk about this.”

“No, I am!” Penelope jumps up, almost blocking him for the door. She’s desperate for him to stay. “Just please don’t leave.”

“Fine,” Cameron says crossing his arms. “Do you know how many dates you’ve left in this past month to take care of him? I’ve heard the others offering their assistance. But you always insist it should be you.”

“It’s my job Cam,” Penelope says softly. “I am getting paid to make sure these idiots don’t die.”

“He won’t die if Thor pops his shoulder back in,” says Cameron. “And it’s more than that…Penelope.”

She flinches slightly at his use of her full name. It sounds foreign on his tongue. She hates it, but she knows what he’s insinuating. Rolling her eyes, she scoffs slightly.

“Oh, come on Cam,” she says, “if you want to call me Penelope you can. It isn’t that big of a deal.”

“You kissed him Penny.” Cameron’s voice is low, uneasy. “I saw you kiss him, minutes after kissing me. I thought it was nothing…I mean it certainly didn’t look like nothing. But you came back in and acted like nothing had happened, so I thought…I believed it was nothing.”

“It was nothing,” she whispers. The revelation that Cameron has known about the kiss this entire time, takes the wind completely out of her. “Cameron, it was nothing. It was…a…he left. He walked away from me and so it was nothing.”

“And if he’d stayed?”

“It doesn’t matter, because he didn’t. I chose you. I choose you every day.”

“Except that you don’t.”

“It’s the only chance I get Cam,” Penelope says. “The brief moments where I patch him up, are the only moments that I get to see if he’s okay. Ask me why.”

Cameron hesitates for a moment. “Why?” he asks, caving.

“Bucky has spent the last month absolutely furious with me because the morning he left for his first mission; I was with you. He’s the reason that weekend happened in the first place. He told me that I needed to open up to you,” Penelope says. “Bucky was there for me when I needed it and instead of being there for him when he needed me, I was with you. Because I chose you. And I would choose you again, but you have to understand. I need you to understand.”

Cameron’s eyes soften. It’s guilt that’s been eating away at her. Possibly Cameron gets it now. Or maybe he’s just tired of the conversation too. He moves forward and wraps his arms tightly around her. It is exactly what she needs. Penelope lets her weight fall into him.

“Okay,” Cameron says, pressing his cheek against her hair. “I get it, Penny. I get it.”

“There’s no feelings Cam,” Penelope reiterates. Cameron nods down at her, but she can tell he isn’t fully convinced. “Cameron,” she says, holding her hand against his cheek, “I love you. I’m in love with you.”

The minute the words are out of her mouth she wishes she could take them back. She does love Cameron, but she isn’t sure she’s ready to say the words out loud. They’ve been said though and there’s nothing she can do. Especially not while Cameron is looking down at her, a smile pulling across his face.

“I love you too Penny,” he replies.

She forces a smile. When he kisses her, she kisses him back without reservation. Penelope has lost too many people in her life to allow another to slip through her fingers. Cameron is too good for her, she can’t lose him.


	20. Birthday Shenanigans

“Tony isn’t going to like this.”

Bucky is leaning against the cold concrete wall of the local animal shelter. It smells like shit and the incessant barking is driving him a little crazy. Bucky doesn’t like dogs. Yes, he knows they’re supposed to be “man’s best friend” or whatever. But the truth of it is, they make him anxious. They’ve been used on and against him enough times to have formed a mild distrust. So maybe it’s less that Tony isn’t going to like it and more that Bucky isn’t going to like it. He doesn’t vocalize this though. Cameron is standing right beside him, and he really isn’t in the mood to get into his trauma triggers with the guy.

“Oh, shut up Barnes,” Clint says. His eyes trail the row of over-excited dogs. “It’s Penny’s birthday.”

“My birthday is in two days Clint. And for the record,” Penelope says, walking casually behind Clint, “this was not my idea at all. Nor did I ask for a dog for my birthday.”

“I know,” Clint beams, “but look how cute!” He gestures to the kennels around them. Penelope shrugs in reluctant agreement. They _are_ cute, but Bucky cannot get the images of big snarling canines out of his brain.

Cameron gives Bucky a sympathetic look. Bucky raises an eyebrow in response. For the most part, he’s gotten used to Cameron’s presence. Penelope has been bringing him around more. In an attempt, Bucky thinks, to make the two more amiable. Cameron is trying his best and Bucky is…trying. So far it hasn’t exactly worked though.

“My grandpa hated dogs,” Cameron mutters to Bucky under his breath. “After the war, they made him anxious.”

Bucky gives him a short nod. He doesn’t want to be rude, but he’s sure the dogs Cameron’s grandpa met in the war would seem like cuddly puppies next the HYDRA dogs. Besides, Cameron is trying to be nice, and Bucky gets it. It’s not easy trying to make friends with the brainwashed, ex-international assassin, turned superhero, best friend who might also be in love with your girlfriend. In many ways Bucky has the upper hand. In the only way that matters, Cameron does.

“I wasn’t trying to assume-”

“You’re fine,” Bucky cuts him off. Cameron shuffles beside him. Bucky doesn’t know how to make the moment any less uncomfortable.

“That’s him!”

Clint’s exclamation has saved Cameron and Bucky from further awkwardness. He runs over to a kennel where a shaggy looking dog stands, wagging his tail eagerly. Bucky thinks the dog might be a golden color under all the dirt, but he can’t be sure. It barks happily as Clint approaches the gate.

“This little guy joined Sam and I on our lunch date the other day,” Clint says. He reaches his hand through the gate, which Bucky thinks is a bad idea…but whatever it’s his hand.

The dog sniffs his fingers, then barks excitedly at Clint. It causes a chorus of dog barking. Bucky’s hands clench into fists. He swallows hard, feeling his heart rate pick up. Penelope flits over to his side so casually that he isn’t sure she’s actually noticed a difference in him at all. She leans into him, pressing her arm against his. He’s too distracted by the dogs to gauge Cameron’s reaction to this, although Cameron doesn’t seem to have moved at all.

“Come on Clint,” Penelope says, “we’re not actually getting a dog.”

“You don’t understand Penny,” Clint tells her, “this dog eats pizza.”

“Well now, he has a point there,” Cameron smirks.

Penelope laughs, trying to keep the atmosphere light and the attention off of Bucky. It’s a simple gesture, but Bucky appreciates it. The dog is now furiously licking Clint’s face. It pauses the licking and Bucky swears that it looks him dead in the eye. Cocking its head to the side, it lifts an ear and gives a very small whimper.

“It’s fine,” Bucky grunts, “he should get the dog.”

“Buck…” Penny starts.

“What kennel number is he? I’ll go tell the front that we’re taking him,” Bucky cuts her off.

Bucky doesn’t like dogs, but this one is making Clint laugh. Even Penelope is looking at him like he’s the cutest damn thing she’s ever seen. Besides, Bucky thinks the dog may have seen into his soul…he can’t have it running around with some other family knowing all of his secrets.

“Lucky number 13,” Clint says, looking up at the number above the steel bars.

Penelope caves to her excitement and rushes over to the kennel with Clint. The dog wags its tail faster as she reaches in to pat its head. Bucky shakes his head as he turns to head up to the front of the animal shelter.

“I’ll come with you,” Cameron says, following him out.

Bucky shrugs, he doesn’t need an escort, but maybe Cameron is just as sick of the smell as he is. The woman behind the desk is young, in her early twenties maybe. Her blonde hair is cut short and curls at her shoulders. Freckles sprinkle across her face, making her green eyes pop. She’s cute. The kind of cute that Bucky would have noticed pre-WWII. Bucky doesn’t notice though. He wishes he did, because honestly it would be easier to notice cute girls than to pine over Penelope.

“Hi there,” the blonde says, cheerily, “how can I help you?”

“Uh, we’re gonna take the dog that’s in kennel 13,” Bucky replies. He takes a quick glance at her name tag, Elise.

“Great!” Elise says. She ducks behind the counter to open a file cabinet. It only takes her a few moments before popping back up with a manilla envelope. “Alright, I just need the name of the adopter and there will be a 60-dollar adoption fee.”

“I got it!” Clint says, barreling through the doors. He stops at the counter, eyes the girls’ name, then looks back up at her, grinning broadly. “Hi Elise,” he says, “the name of the adopter is Clint Barton.”

“I thought the dog was for Penelope,” Bucky says, raising an eyebrow.

“Shut up,” Clint says, sliding Elise three twenty-dollar bills.

“Okay, Clint Barton,” Elise taps the keys on her keyboard. Her fingers stop abruptly, and she looks at Clint with wide eyes. “Oh my god no way.”

“Here we go,” Bucky grumbles under his breath. While some of his other teammates seem to revel in being recognized, Bucky avoids public spaces for this exact reason. Granted, when people recognize him, there’s a bit of a different reaction. He turns and leans his back against the counter.

“That’s one lucky dog, getting adopted by an actual Avenger,” Elise says with a laugh. “I’m sorry, I don’t recognize you. Are you new to the team?”

“Oh, nope,” Cameron replies, “just a friend to the team. I bet you’ll recognize this guy though.”

Bucky startles as Cameron’s hand clasps his shoulder. He turns his head slowly, glaring harshly over at Cameron. Was it not obvious to him that Bucky very clearly did not want to be recognized? Cameron smiles at him, cocking his head slightly. It was obvious. Cameron is playing at something, something that Bucky very clearly doesn’t like.

“Oh, oh my god of course!” Elise exclaims from behind Bucky, “I thought I recognized you! You’re James Barnes!”

Bucky clenches his jaw at Cameron. Cameron shrugs his shoulders lightly. He’d never given Bucky any reason to dislike him. Then again, Bucky and Cameron had never really been in each other’s presence, without Penelope. Whatever Cameron is doing, feels like a challenge and Bucky does not like to be challenged.

“That’s right,” Bucky says, turning to face Elise. He forces himself to soften his face and smile widely at her. “You can call me Bucky though,” he adds, winking at her.

Elise’s face flushes bright red, she lets out a short giggle. Bucky smiles even wider, letting his eyes look her up and down. It feels foreign, but Bucky knows this dance well. He did it often back in his day and it rarely failed. When Elise tucks a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear, he knows he hasn’t lost it.

Clint stares at Bucky, with wide eyes. Cameron scoffs and shakes his head. Bucky ignores them both, keeping his eyes on Elise instead. There’s a soft chirping at Bucky’s feet and a slight nudge against his leg. He glances down to see a small white cat, rubbing it’s face against his angle.

“Um okay,” he says.

“Oh my gosh, Snowball how did you get out?” Elise runs around the counter and snatches up the cat. It growls in her arm. She drops the cat onto the counter, and it turns and hisses at her. “Snowball isn’t very friendly.”

The cat slinks back over to Bucky and rubs its face against his arm. It sits, looks up at him, and meows softly. Bucky raises an eyebrow at it. It cocks its head to the side and meows at him again. He reaches his hand out tentatively. The cat sniffs his fingertips before pressing its head into his hand.

“She seems to like you though,” Elise tells Bucky, wide-eyed.

“Aw, Buck, you made a friend,” Clint grins. “Well actually two friends.” He shoots Elise a playful wink.

“We haven’t been able to adopt her out,” Elise says, eyeing Bucky.

He knows what Elise is trying to do, but Bucky doesn’t want or need a cat. He is also pretty sure that Tony is going to hate coming home to a dog, add a cat into the mix, Clint and Bucky might both be homeless. She’s a sweet cat though. Bucky thinks that perhaps part of the reason that she hates everyone is because they keep calling her "Snowball". It's a ridiculous name and it certainly does not suit her. 

“Honestly, I don’t know how much longer she has,” Elise adds in a low voice.

“What does that mean?” Bucky asks, snapping his head up.

“We just don’t have room for all of the animals,” Elise replies. “Unfortunately, the nature of animal shelters sometimes requires…making space.”

“Fuck,” Bucky sighs.

Penelope pushes her way through the doors and comes to stand at the front of the counter, next to Bucky. The cat pulls it’s face away from Bucky’s hand to regard her. Penelope doesn’t acknowledge the cat. Bucky thinks she hasn’t noticed it until Penelope holds a hand up to its nose to let her sniff.

“What is taking so long?” she asks, looking up at Bucky. The cat doesn’t press its head into her hand, but it does let her scratch behind its ears.

“Bucky is trying to decide if he should adopt this cat,” Clint answers.

“I’m sorry what?” Penelope snorts. “Seriously?”

“They’re gonna put her down Pen,” Bucky tells her.

“Oh,” Penelope’s eyes dart down to the cat. “Oh, okay, yeah he’s adopting her. So the cat and then the dog in kennel 13.”

“Penny, what about your brother?” Cameron cautions behind her.

“Cam,” Penelope says, turning on him abruptly, “they’re going to put the cat down. Besides, it’s obsessed with Bucky and honestly...how fucking cute is that?” The cat has climbed up onto Bucky’s shoulder and is nuzzling his cheek. “Tony will be fine.”

“Tony Stark is your brother?” Elise asks Penelope. Bucky is certain that whatever Elise had expected her day to look like, was not this.

“Unfortunately,” Penelope gives her a sarcastic smile.

Elise laughs awkwardly. She glances up at Bucky, but he isn’t entirely sure what she wants him to do about it. Penelope doesn’t miss the look. She nudges Bucky out of the way and positions herself in between them.

“The cat and kennel 13,” Penelope says again, smiling sweetly at Elise.

“Great!” Elise says excitedly. “I can waive the adoption fee for Snowball,” she says, winking at Bucky.

“We can handle the fee,” Penelope says sharply.

Elise nods slightly. She types up a few things on her computer, then rounds the counter and stands in front of them. Clint and Bucky exchange a glance. Something has been said between the two women in a language that only they comprehend. 

“Shall we go get kennel 13 then?” she asks. Her voice is too high as she speaks.

“I think I’ll call him Lucky,” Clint smirks.

He follows Elise to the dog section. Penelope follows Clint. It takes Bucky a moment to realize that Cameron hasn’t gone with them either. He crosses his arms, the cat shifts slightly on his shoulder to adjust her center of gravity.

“What exactly was the point of that?” Bucky asks him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cameron says shortly. He knows exactly what Bucky is talking about.

“You threw me at an unsuspecting animal shelter worker,” Bucky says flatly.

“You seemed to hold your own.”

“I don’t do that…that was a one-time thing.”

“Come on Barnes, she’s cute,” Cameron lightly pushes against Bucky’s shoulder. It’s supposed to be friendly, but it feels aggressive.

“Yeah well, I’m not into blondes.” Bucky’s words are pointed. They’re out before he can stop them. He regrets them immediately.

“I just thought that if you had your own girlfriend, you could stop obsessing over mine.” Cameron’s words are harsh.

Bucky takes a step back. Camron is glaring at him. Bucky is certain that he could take him, but he knows that he probably pushed Cameron to this.

“Look,” Bucky says after a moment, “I’m not trying to get in between you and Penelope. She’s a grown woman and she made her choice. I respect it.”

“Penny,” Cameron corrects him.

Bucky had been keeping it together up until this point. Cameron may be taller than him, but Bucky is bigger, and significantly more intimidating. Bucky steps forward, squaring up his shoulders. The cat jumps off onto the counter.

“I like you Cameron. In fact, on more than one occasion I have advocated for you. You’re good to Penelope and that’s what matters to me,” Bucky says gruffly. He punches Penelope’s name. “I’m not trying to get in the way of anything. Penelope is my best friend and that’s it.” He pauses here and moves in, lowering his voice just a bit. “But a word of advice? Don’t make her choose between the two of us Cam. You might not like the one she makes.”

Cameron’s jaw clenches. There’s a loud bark from behind the doors. Cameron gives him a short nod, knowing their time is almost up. Bucky takes a step back towards the counter. The cat, his cat, hops back up onto his shoulder and purrs softly in his ear.

“Friends?” Bucky asks, offering Cameron his metal hand.

“Friends.” Cameron reluctantly accepts Bucky’s offer.

* * *

“Penny, I really should get you home,” Cameron groans.

Penelope is straddling Cameron’s lap, inside his dark car. She was under the impression that they were having a good time. Her shirt is off, his hands are in her hair, a small bruise is forming on her bottom lip from where he’s held it in his teeth for too long. It’s great, they’re great. So, she’s wondering why he keeps telling her that he needs to take her home.

It’s been two days since the pound. Cameron has been monopolizing her time, which she has actually been incredibly okay with. He took her to dinner that night for her birthday and she’s been with him since. Now he’s trying to get her home and she is very confused.

“Here I was thinking we were having a good time." Penelope leans back against the steering wheel and pouts at him.

“Stop doing that,” Cameron breathes, “I have to take you home and if you keep making that face…I really will not be able to.”

His words come out in a sort of growl as he comes up for another kiss. He’s been different since the animal shelter. His kisses have become more desperate and intense. Penelope definitely doesn’t hate it. His hands slide up and down her bare skin, resting on her hips. He moans as her tongue slips into his mouth.

“Penny,” he pants, “Peter is throwing you a surprise birthday part and we’re already super late.”

“Fuck.”

She leans back again. This time she grabs her shirt and throws it on over her head. Cameron’s hands are still on her hips, he runs his thumbs against her skin as he watches her. Penelope tries not to be annoyed that it’s taken him this long to tell her about the surprise.

“I was going to tell you,” Cameron says, “but he was just so excited. We don’t have to go, I can say you got food poisoning or something.”

“That won’t work,” Penelope shakes her head. “He’s probably put so much work into this…I can’t break his heart.”

She slides off of Cameron and lands into the passenger’s seat. Cameron places a reassuring hand on her knee and gives it a gentle squeeze. Penelope reminds herself that it’s likely just the remaining Avengers and Cameron. There’s nothing to be anxious about, she sees these people almost every day anyway.

“Alright, let’s just go,” Penelope sighs. She drops her head back against the headrest behind her and closes her eyes.

Cameron drives with one hand, keeping his other rested on her knee. It’s comforting at first, and then, for some reason, it starts to bother Penelope. The longer they drive, the more anxious she becomes. She needs space, as much as she can get in his tiny car. Penelope turns her body towards the window and away from Cameron.

When they finally arrive at the compound, Penelope climbs out of the car. Cameron takes her hand as they walk up to the entrance together. She doesn’t pull away, despite feeling like she might want to. Pausing at the door, she allows herself one large exhale, then slowly she pushes the door open.

“SURPRISE!”

The lights flash on and Penelope knows it’s coming, but she still flinches at the sound of their voices. Her eyes land on Bucky’s, the only one who hasn’t screamed ‘surprise’ at her. He gives her a half smile, shrugs his shoulders, and rolls his eyes slightly. Relief washes over her, and she feels herself relax. A laugh pools in her stomach and bubbles up escaping her lips.

“Happy Birthday Penny!” Peter says. He bounds over to her and almost knocks her over in an embrace.

“Thanks Peter,” she replies.

With her anxiety quelled, she can finally take in the decorations and her friends. It definitely looks like a seventeen-year-old and a couple of grown men decorated the place. If Nat and Wanda had been home, it might look a little different. As it is, there are streamers haphazardly hung about the room. There is a meager grouping of balloons dangling about the ceiling. She notices that they’ve pulled out two long tables. One for snacks and drinks and one with a smattering of poorly wrapped presents. The entire things makes Penelope feel warm and fuzzy.

Rhodey comes to hug her next. “Happy birthday Pip,” he says, pulling her into him. “I’m sorry Tony couldn’t be here.”

“It’s not like this is the first one he’s missed,” Penelope says, trying to keep the atmosphere light. It’s the truth, but it still hurts to say it.

“It’s different this time Pip,” Rhodey says, giving her a sad smile. He’s putting on a face for her party, but Penelope has known Rhodey long enough to know when he’s stressed.

“I know,” Penelope nods, “any word?”

“No,” Rhodey tells her. Rhodey is always honest with Penelope. “Vision’s gone to follow a lead. Wanda may have tried to contact him. But let’s not worry about it tonight, it’s your birthday.” He gives her a big smile and kisses her on top of her head.

Penelope returns his smile. She doesn’t think it’s possible not to worry about it, but Peter is watching her with excited eyes, so she can at the very least, pretend. Thor descends on her, with Bruce under his massive arm.

“Happy birthday Little Stark,” he booms. “Don’t worry, I did not purchase lingerie for your birthday gift,” he adds with a wink.

“Um what?” Cameron says from behind her.

“It’s a long story,” Penelope tells him. Her face is flushed slightly, she can feel it. “Thank you, Thor, I appreciate that.”

“Oh darnit, see I did get you lingerie, so this is weird,” Bruce smirks. It takes Penelope a solid minute to realize that he’s joking. He shoves his hands into his pockets, hunching his shoulders as Penelope and Thor laugh. “Yeah…okay…it wasn’t funny, you can stop faking it.”

“It was very funny Banner, very funny,” Thor says, clapping a hand on his back.

“Work on your delivery next time,” Penelope teases.

“Happy birthday Penny,” Bruce says with a laugh. She isn’t close with Bruce. For all of the time she spends with him in his lab or her office, she doesn’t know him very well. Still, she gives him a hug and thanks him for helping with the party.

“You’re going to explain the lingerie thing later, right?” Cameron leans in to ask.

“Yes,” Penelope laughs.

Clint hops off the counter, where he’s perched, and onto Sam’s back. Penelope likes seeing them together. Clint is miserable when Sam is away with Bucky and as nice as it is to have someone to be miserable with, she much prefers this Clint.

“Well, aren’t you two just the cutest?” Penelope says, grinning broadly at them.

“Keep it down, will you? we’re still trying to keep it a secret,” Clint says. Sam scoffs and rolls his eyes upward. Clint gives Sam’s ear a little nibble, then winks at Penelope.

“We _were_ trying to keep it a secret,” Sam laughs. His cheeks redden under his dark skin. “But someone got a little over excited in front of Rhodey when I came home from my last mission.”

“Yeah,” Clint chuckles, “ _you_ quite literally lifted me off my feet and kissed me so hard, I thought you’d bruised my lip.”

“It was a rough mission,” Sam shrugs.

Clint plants a kiss on Sam’s cheek, then hops off his back. He pulls Penelope into a giant hug, lifting her up as he does so. He sets her back on her feet and steps aside, to let Sam give her a hug as well.

“I know you probably really hate this, but we’re all excited to celebrate you,” Clint tells her.

“I do hate this,” Penelope smiles up at him. “But Peter looks so damn excited.”

“Oh, he is,” Sam laughs. “He asked his girlfriend to help him pick out the decorations but she’s a little…dark. I think Pete tried to make up with it by adding in a pop of color.” Penelope glances around at the decorations again, she was wondering why the colors were black and pink.

“Oh c’mon Sam,” Peter says, moving towards them, “MJ is not my girlfriend.”

“Whatever you say little man,” Sam smirks. “Come on, let’s grab some food.” Sam says, pulling Clint towards the snacks.

“You should have invited your girlfriend who is not your girlfriend Peter,” Penelope says, nudging him slightly. Peter may officially be ten years younger than Penelope, but he towers over her.

“Nah,” Peter says, scratching the back of his neck. “What if she leaves me for Thor?”

“Fair point,” Penelope tells him. “I mean Thor does have so…so many more muscles than you.”

“Yeah,” Peter nods, “exactly. I mean, it’s not even a competition.”

“But look at it this way,” Penelope says, “I brought Cameron and he didn’t leave me for Thor.”

“That’s true,” Cameron chimes in, “I wanted to. But I didn’t.”

“Hmm, you’re making some very good arguments there,” Peter agrees. “Well…alright, maybe I’ll consider bringing her around.”

“Good,” Penelope laughs. “I will be very excited to meet her. Her taste is impeccable,” she adds, nodding to the decorations.

“Yeah,” Peter says, his ears turning bright red. “She’s pretty cool.”

“Parker!” Thor calls from the sofa. “Come play this kart game and get wrecked by me!”

“I should never have taught him to say ‘get wrecked’,” Peter says, shaking his head.

Penelope laughs as Peter trots off to sit between Thor and Sam on the couch. Bucky moves towards her now, the last person to greet her. Penelope smiles up at him. She’s about to step forward to give him a hug, when Cameron’s hand snakes around her waist and rests on her hip bone. Bucky’s eyes flicker to Cameron’s hand, but he keeps his composure.

“Happy birthday Penelope,” Bucky says.

“Thanks Buck.”

“I uh…made the cake, so…sorry.”

Penelope spots the cake in question. She wiggles herself free of Cameron to walk over to the snack table. Bucky is ridiculous because it looks like the yummiest cake she’s ever seen. There’s white frosting and yellow flowers. She knows he decorated it too, because it read “Happy Birthday Penelope”, in yellow piping.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Cameron walk over to join the others at Mario Kart. He's probably at least a little annoyed with her, she's sure of it. His display of ownership has left a bad taste in her mouth though and she isn't ready to deal with it. Bucky comes to stand beside her. His presence calms her slightly. 

“Buck, I didn’t know you were a master cake decorator,” Penelope says, nudging herself into him.

“Uh.” Bucky lets out an awkward laugh. He scratches the back of his neck and shakes his head. “Peter made me watch about a million tutorials on the tube thing.”

“YouTube,” Penelope chuckles. “Come on Buck, you gotta learn the lingo.”

“No, I don’t want to,” Bucky grins.

“You’re such an idiot,” Penelope says, shaking her head. “How’s your cat?”

In an attempt to quell Cameron's jealousy, Penelope has been staying with him since the animal shelter. It's only been two days, but she misses her bed. She misses Bucky, she misses her home. Tony would be thrilled that she's started to consider the Avengers compound her home. 

“She’s uh…well she hates Clint,” Bucky says. “Actually, she hates pretty much everyone…except Bruce. I think she feels a kinship.”

“Weird,” Penelope nods. “Please tell me you changed her name.”

“What you didn’t like Snowball?” Bucky asks. Penelope snorts, shaking her head fervently. “Her name is Alpine.”

“Cute.”

Bucky nods his head. He shoves his hands back into the pockets of his jacket. He’s retreating into his head, she can tell. Penelope nudges her body into his again. She doesn’t know what caused his demeanor to shift, but she wants him to know that she’s still there if he needs her. He smiles down at her and nudges back. 

"It's weird, you not being around," Bucky says. He feels it too. 

"Believe me I know the feeling," Penelope replies.

“I’m sorry about this by the way,” Bucky tells her. “I told Peter at least ten times that you hate surprises. He was just so damn excited though.”

“It’s hard to say no to him,” Penelope says.

“Yeah, it really is,” Bucky laughs. “What is that about?” He turns his head to glance down at her. His eyes are clear tonight, not clouded with confusion or doubt. In fact, they look almost playful. 

“He’s a kid…you’re soft,” Penelope smirks.

“Okay no,” Bucky grunts. “I am very big and very scary. People fear me Penelope.”

Penelope claps her hand over her mouth to keep her laugh from ringing out. Bucky crosses his arms and glares down at her. It makes her laugh even harder. The corner of Bucky’s mouth pulls upwards slightly as he shakes his head at her.

“I hate you,” he tells her.

“You really don’t.”

“I really don’t.”

Sam makes his way over to them. He stops in front of the snacks and assesses his options. Finally, he reaches out and grabs a carrot stick, drenching it in the ranch. He pops it in his mouth, then smiles at them.

“Cake turned out nice,” Sam tells Bucky.

“Shut up Sam,” Bucky eyes him.

“He made like ten of them,” Sam says to Penelope. Bucky sighs, rolling his eyes at his friend.

“It was only four,” says Bucky.

“Whatever,” Sam shrugs. “I came over here to tell you that as much as I know you want to, you can’t hangout with Barnes at the food table all night.”

“Well…it is _my_ party,” Penelope smirks.

“Girl go play some Mario Kart with your boyfriend,” Sam says, pushing her gently away from the table. It is meant to be playful, and for the most part it is, Penelope hears a hint of seriousness in Sam’s tone.

She sighs, grabs a slice of pizza and wanders off to the couch, dropping herself into Cameron’s lap. Sam turns to Bucky. His eyes haven't left Penelope though. He hears Sam sigh lightly beside him, but he doesn't let on that he hears it. He doesn't really feel like talking. 

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Sam says after a moment.

“What are you talking about?” Bucky asks. He knows exactly what Sam is talking about. Playing dumb feels easier than acknowledging it though.

“I tried to give you as much time with her as I could,” Sam replies. “Cameron kept looking over here. He is relentless man.”

Bucky sighs. Of course Cameron is relentless, Bucky challenged him. Like an idiot. He’s overcompensating, probably pushing Penelope away, and it is one hundred percent Bucky’s fault. He’ll never forgive himself if he messes things up for Penelope.

“Yeah, that’s probably my fault.” 

“What did you Buck?”

“Ah, I told him not to force her to choose between the two of us and then maybe insinuated that she would choose me,” Bucky mumbles.

Sam lets out a low whistle. Bucky watches as he pops another carrot in his mouth. Sam chews, stalling the conversation. He knows how Bucky feels about Penelope. Bucky’s pretty convinced that everyone knows how he feels about Penelope, but Sam really knows. Sometimes their missions involve hours of sitting on cold dark rooftops, casing buildings. Things are said in those bleak hours.

“You definitely should not have said it,” Sam says finally, “but I don’t think you’re wrong.”

“Okay, you’re not supposed to encourage me Sam,” Bucky says, reaching for a carrot of his own. “We talked about this.”

“Hey man, I’m just being honest! Penny is in love with Cameron, but you two…I don’t know, it’s weird.”

“Encouraging,” Bucky says through chews.

“I am not encouraging you,” Sam huffs. “She’s not into you like that. So get that shit out of your head right now. Don’t go breaking them up because you think you have a chance. All I’m saying is that I think if it came down to it, Penny would choose to preserve your friendship over pretty much anything.”

“All I hear is encouragement,” Bucky shakes his head.

“Have you always been this annoying? Or is it a brain damage thing?” Sam asks.

“Can’t remember,” Bucky shrugs. He grins at Sam and taps his head, “Brain damage remember?”

“God you’re stupid,” Sam laughs.

“I’m not going to break them up Sam,” Bucky tells him. “An unfortunate side effect of being in love with her is also wanting what’s best for her. And that is definitely not me.”

“Eh, it could be,” Sam says.

“What are you doing? Why are you doing that?” Bucky asks.

“Right,” Sam laughs, “no encouragement.”

* * *

It’s late…or rather, early. Like two in the morning early. Penelope is in Cameron’s lap; her legs are draped over the arm of the armchair. She’s been drifting for the past half an hour, but the boys that are left are way too wrapped up in their game. Cameron included. Rhodey and Bruce are long gone, having left hours ago. Sam is asleep, his head in Clint’s lap. Although Bucky hasn’t left yet, he’s not playing the shooting game that Clint, Cameron, Thor, and Peter are wrapped up in. No one presses him to play.

“Cam,” Penelope mumbles, “it’s late…let’s go to bed.”

“Go ahead,” he says, “I’ll meet you up there. I have to finish this round.”

“Fine,” Penelope says. She stands and stretches her arms high above her head. There is a chorus of mumbled ‘happy birthdays’ and ‘goodnights’.

“We are mighty Cameron,” Thor says in a low voice, “we can take them out easy. If we just focus. BARTON NO!”

Penelope turns at the edge of the room, as Thor and Cameron groan at their lost game. Clint gives Peter a high-five. What she misses, is Thor throwing his controller against the wall. It bounces off the wall and straight for her forehead. All six of the men, including Sam who had jolted awake at Thor’s exclamation, look at Penelope with wide eyes. Penelope watches them all move in slow motion, but it’s too late. The controller hits her right in the forehead and the world goes dark.

Bucky gets to Penelope first, he was the closest. He catches her before she hits the ground, causing further damage to herself. A trickle of blood falls from her forehead. Peter is next, he’s the fastest and he’s already equipped with a kitchen towel that he presses against her wound.

“Is she okay?” Cameron asks Bucky.

Bucky looks up at Thor. He needs to know how much force Thor put behind his throw. If it was a real throw, the damage could be severe. Bucky is confident that Thor knows better than to use his full strength when around mortals, but he needs to hear Thor say it.

“It was a light toss,” Thor tells him.

A breath releases out of Bucky, one he didn’t realize he was holding. Sam mumbles something about ice and disappears into the kitchen.

“That’s good,” Bucky nods, “still…a light toss to you is hard enough to take any of us out.”

“What the fuck just happened?” Penelope grumbles.

“Ah, Little Stark, remember that one time you shot me with one of Clint’s arrows?” Thor asks, beaming down at her.

“If you’re going to tell me this is payback, I don’t think we’re even,” Penelope says. She groans, covering her eyes with her hand.

“Have you ever stitched yourself up Penny?” Peter asks. “Cuz that cut looks pretty bad.”

“Come on Pen,” Cameron says, kneeling down beside her. He takes the rag from Bucky and starts to help her into a standing position. Bucky is positive that she shouldn’t be standing just yet, but he doesn’t want to interfere with Cameron.

“Cam, no I can’t,” Penelope mumbles. Her eyes flutter and she loses consciousness again. Cameron lowers her back down slowly.

“I’ll go get Bruce,” Clint says.

“No,” Bucky stops him. “I got it. I can stich her up. Bruce isn’t a doctor like that.”

“You’re not a doctor at all,” Cameron says bluntly.

“You’re right,” Bucky replies. “But HYRDA wasn’t super concerned with my well-being, as long as they knew I was going to live. I’ve stitched myself up enough times to know what I’m doing.”

“Bucky?” Penelope mumbles. “My head hurts.”

Cameron stands abruptly. His eyes are on Penelope as he says, “Okay. I’m gonna head out. Tell her I said, ‘Happy Birthday’.”

He turns to leave before Bucky can say anything. The energy in the room shifts. Thor looks furious and Clint watches Cameron, his mouth slightly ajar. Peter’s eyebrows are furrowed as he pieces the situation together. Bucky takes Clint’s hand and places it on the dishtowel pressed against Penelope’s head.

“Watch her for a sec yeah?” Bucky says. “I’m going to try and catch him.”

“Really?” Peter asks raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, it’s kinda a dick move on his part Buck,” Clint mutters.

“Let him go,” Thor nods in agreement.

“Just…watch her,” Bucky says.

Bucky should let Cameron go. He should let Cameron get in his car and drive away and hope that Penelope never speaks to him again. He can’t though because Penelope is in love and Cameron is good to her. Not right now, but Bucky is positive that’s his fault anyway. He catches Cameron just as he’s about to get into his car.

“Cameron wait!’ Bucky calls out.

Cameron looks up at Bucky’s voice. He sighs heavily and crosses his arms over his chest. Bucky sees now that Cameron doesn’t look angry. He looks tired. Bucky swallows his guilt as he makes his way over to him.

“Cam, you can’t leave,” Bucky says as he reaches him.

“You’ve got it covered Barnes,” Cameron replies. “I can’t do anything and she’s asking for you. So, I think actually I can leave.”

“You’re her partner Cameron,” Bucky says, “I’m just going to stitch her up, but she’s probably going to have a long night and a rough morning. You can be there for her through that.”

“She doesn’t want me,” Cameron replies sharply. “I can’t compete with you Buck,” he says through a bitter laugh. “I have tried. We’re great, perfect even, and then you walk in the room and there’s a complete shift. I thought I could make it work, but I can't. And I am tired of trying.”

“I’ll back off. I will stay away from her, whatever works to keep you two together, I’ll do it.” Bucky hates the words as he says them. But he’s desperate for Cameron to stay.

“Buddy, why are you fighting this?” Cameron asks.

“She loves you Cam,” Bucky tells him. “And I don’t want her to lose you because of me.”

Bucky watches Cameron nod his head slightly. He thinks he’s gotten through to him. It’s not about Bucky, it’s about Penelope, he has to understand that. His heart sinks as Cameron opens his car door and sits down in the driver seat. Bucky contemplates ripping the door off, but it probably won’t help his case.

“It’s not because of you Barnes,” Cameron says, shoving his keys in the ignition, “it’s because of her. I’m doing you both a favor.”

Cameron closes his door and starts up his car. His headlights flicker on. Bucky does the only thing he can think to do as Cameron puts his car into drive. He moves in front of Cameron’s car and places his hands on the hood. Cameron drops his head against his steering wheel in frustration. He's been pushed near his breaking point, but Bucky really can’t let him leave.

“Move,” Cameron says, rolling down his window.

“Don’t do this Cameron,” Bucky says firmly. “You’re not doing anyone any favors. I told you not to make her choose. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have put that in your head. The truth is that she already chose you and she would do it again.”

Cameron stares Bucky down, considering his words. Bucky knows he should get back to Penelope, but the wound Cameron is about to leave her with is going to hurt far worse than the one on her forehead.

“I need to think. I just need time to think,” Cameron says finally. “Tell her I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Not good enough,” Bucky shakes his head.

“It’s going to have to be.” Cameron punches his car into reverse and backs away from Bucky, then speeds off into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was kind of a long chapter, but it really didn't feel like two separate ones. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!!!


	21. Ultimatum

There’s chatter in the restaurant. Forks and knives clanking against plates, music playing lightly in the background. Objectively Penelope knows all of this. Cameron, however, has just dropped a giant bombshell on her and suddenly the only thing she can hear is the ringing in her ears as the blood rushes to her head. Her heart pounds in her chest, she inhales sharply, traying to catch her breath.

“I’m sorry, say that again?” Penelope doesn’t know what to say. Maybe if she stalls her brain will catch up to her.

“I asked you to move in with me.”

Yes, he had asked that hadn’t he? Penelope can’t breathe again. Her brain definitely does not catch up to up to her. The thing is that Penelope has basically been living with him for the past couple of weeks anyway. Since her birthday, she’s spent more time at Cameron’s place than she has at the compound. She only returned to the compound to pick up new clothes, or to patch up the team whenever they came back from missions.

At first it was an attempt to mend the tears in their relationship. Then, it was a nice distraction from the constant worry of her missing family. Now, well now, it was becoming almost too much for her. Her anxiety was almost constant now. She checked her phone almost all day, and it was starting to drive Cameron crazy. Bucky and Sam were no longer the only ones out on missions. In fact, Penelope had been called home to help every single one of them at some point in the past few weeks. It was driving her insane not being there.

“Cam,” Penelope breathes, “I can’t…do that.”

“Penny why not?” he asks. He drops his napkin on his plate and leans back in his chair. She gets the impression that he knew this would be her answer. “You are basically living with me anyway.”

“Well…because,” Penelope spits out. He raises an eyebrow at her non-reason. “Cameron, I am literally paid to be there to take care of them when they’re hurt. It takes almost an hour to get from your apartment to the compound. We’re lucky that none of the injuries have been too serious, but that luck is going to run out.”

Cameron swallows and nods, taking in her comments. He eyes her cautiously. Penelope knows he’s considering saying something that she isn’t going to like.

“Maybe…it’s time for you to find a real job?” he suggests.

Definitely something she doesn’t like. Her nails dig into the palms of her hands. It’s all she can do to keep her wits about her. It’s also sort of stopping her from reaching across the table and decking him in the face. Hard.

“This is a real job Cameron,” Penelope says. The lengths she goes to in order to keep her voice even, are Herculean.

“Penny come on,” Cameron scoffs, “you should be in a real hospital, training under real doctors. And I’m not even going to get into the ethical implications of what you’re doing.”

“What are you talking about?” Penelope snaps.

“They are your family Penny, you are so attached to all of them,” says Cameron. “You shouldn’t be working on any of them. It’s fine now, because like you said, it’s all surface level injuries, but what about when something serious happens? You can’t take care of that.”

“That’s just…not even an issue. I am not the only doctor that Tony has on call,” Penelope says, with a shake of her head.

“Great! So, then you are free to move in with me.”

Shit. Penelope kicks herself mentally. He’s right, there isn’t really anything from stopping her from moving in with him. Other than the fact that she really, really doesn’t want to.

“If this is about Bucky,” Cameron starts.

“Oh, shut the fuck up about Bucky!” Penelope hears her voice raise. Cameron jumps a little at her reaction, surprised at her outburst. She realizes that she’s attracted a few glances from diners around them. “I do not communicate with Bucky, almost ever Cameron. You know, I went home the other day to grab a change of clothes and caught a glimpse of a patch job on his cheek? Thor had to help him stitch up his own face because he refuses to call me now.”

“I’m sorry,” Cameron sighs. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“Well, it did. For you,” Penelope says. “So, please, just stop bringing him up.”

Cameron is quiet for a moment. He’s letting her cool off. They haven’t spoken of Bucky since the day after her birthday. Bucky had been the one to break it to her that Cameron had left. Since then, he drowned himself in his missions with Sam, barely contacting her at all.

“Pen, I am really sorry,” Cameron says again. “I’ll talk to him, sort it out. I know how much he means to you.”

“Thanks,” Penelope replies. She knows it won’t help. Bucky is stubborn asshole and it’s going to take a lot more than Cameron to fix that. it’s a nice gesture anyway.

“About moving in,” Cameron says slowly. “I think it could be really good for us and for you. But if you aren’t ready…I understand.”

It takes Penelope a moment to regain her composure. His words bring her a bit of relief, but there’s still something between them. Something that feels broken.

“Okay,” she nods. “Thank you.”

Cameron reaches across the table and takes her hands in his. His eyes soften as he opens his mouth to speak. Penelope does love him, she does. But she also has that stupid complex about people walking out on her.

“Penny,” he starts.

There’s a buzzing on the table beside her. She flips her phone over to see Peter Parker’s contact photo, his face, grinning dumbly at her. It registers somewhere in the back of her mind, that the last time she spoke to Clint, he mentioned his upcoming mission with Bucky and Peter. Her eyes dart up to Cameron, he looks mildly annoyed, but she has to take it.

“Hey Pete what’s up?” Penelope asks into the receiver.

“Uh..oh…hi Penny,” Peter’s voice chirps through the phone.

“I swear to God I am not beneath punching a kid,” Bucky rumbles in the background.

There are tussling sounds, a groan, and someone…Clint maybe, says ‘sit the fuck down’. Penelope eyes Cameron, hoping he’s feeling generous tonight. She senses something is really off. She sensed it when Peter called, instead of Clint…or Bucky even.

“Peter?” Penelope says. “What is going on?”

“Hey. Hi, it’s Clint.” His voice is strained, but Penelope can tell that he’s trying to sound nonchalant. He’s failing miserably.

“Clint? Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, no we are great,” he replies. “Well…except, here’s the thing. Bucky might have concussion. Possibly some ribs…well that’s not the point. The point is that…we’re fine, but if he _did_ have a concussion, what would we be looking for?”

“Oh my God,” Penelope breathes. “What happened? Is Peter okay?”

“Wow, well I’m okay thanks for asking,” Clint scoffs. “Peter is…well he might have dislocated a shoulder, but he’s probably fine.”

“I’m coming, just…hold on,” Penelope says, pushing her chair out. Cameron’s eyebrows furrow I confusion. They haven’t even eaten yet. As if Penelope could eat now.

“No, no need,” Clint says. “Like I said, we’re fine. But while I have you, the concussion thing? And you know what…since we’re here, lets just walk through popping a shoulder back into place.”

“Clint, I’m coming,” Penelope says firmly.

“Penelope do not come,” she hears Bucky rasp.

Stubborn asshole. Penelope clenches her teeth, if it’s a mild concussion, there isn’t much she can do anyway. And Clint is more than capable of popping a shoulder back into place. Besides, Cameron is shooting daggers at her. They’re in the middle of something, she can’t just leave.

“What happened? I need a better idea of what you’re working with,” Penelope says.

“Well Bucky…fell,” Clint says. She hears the hesitation in his voice, but she doesn’t push him. “Off a building.” Lie. “Peter caught him with his little web, but you know, he’s a heavy guy.”

“Peter can lift a car,” Penelope deadpans.

“Physics are messy Penny,” Clint snaps. “Anyway, Peter caught him, and it mostly broke the fall, but he still hit his head, pretty hard.”

“And the ribs?” Penelope asks.

“Uh…lets just focus on one thing at a time.” Clint is nervous. She can hear it in his voice. He’s lying to her about some…or all of it.

“How long was he out?” Penelope asks.

“A minute or so,” Clint says. “He was able to get onto the jet, with our help. But he’s been in and out Pen.” He adds the last part in a low voice, his mouth close to his receiver.

“Shit,” Penelope says. “Get Bruce in there, we might need to scan his head. Let me talk to him.”

“Uh…okay,” Clint says.

There’s a brief pause that includes an incoherent argument between Clint and Bucky. It’s a lot of grumbling and white noise as the phone is pushed back and forth. Some inappropriate language. Finally, there’s labored breathing. Penelope knows Bucky has the phone.

“Hi Buck,” Penelope says.

“I’m fine,” he tells her.

“What year is it?”

“That isn’t fair, I hardly know what year it is on a regular day,” Bucky grumbles. This is true. She needs a different marker.

“When is my birthday?” she asks.

“March,” he says. There’s a pause. He’s trying to remember the day. He huffs slightly into the phone; it’s not coming to him.

“Okay, when is your birthday?” She tries an easier one.

“Also, March.”

“Give the phone back to Clint.”

It’s not much to go on, Bucky has trouble with remembering things anyway. But she knows he won’t be honest with her about his pain level. She needs to see him to know how bad it is.

“Hi,” Clint says again.

“I can’t tell how bad it is,” Penelope breathes. “He almost always has trouble remembering things, but I don’t know.”

“Well, he’s throwing up,” Clint tells her. “Again.”

“Again? Clint, you should have mentioned that in the beginning,” Penelope snaps. She’s out of her chair in an instant, throwing her bag over her shoulder. “I’m coming…just…keep him awake for me.”

Penelope throws her phone into her bag and reaches for her keys. She’s almost forgotten that she’s on a date with Cameron. Slowly, she turns back to face him. It isn’t anger that she sees on his face. He looks defeated.

“Cam I’m sorry…I have to…” Penelope starts.

“You’re always going to have to leave, aren’t you?” Cameron asks, staring down at his plate.

“Cameron you heard everything,” Penelope says. She can’t waste time, but she also needs to make sure he’s okay. “It’s serious this time.”

“No, I know,” he nods. “It is. I get it. I mean Banner is there and there isn’t really anything you can do for a concussion, but I get it.”

“It sounds like you don’t.”

“We’re just…we’re in the middle of something serious,” Cameron tells her.

He’s right. She doesn’t have to leave. Unless there’s a bleed somewhere in his brain, there really isn’t anything she can do other than monitor. Bruce can and will take care of it. Clint is scared though, she heard it in his voice. Then there’s Peter, she needs to make sure Peter is okay too. And there’s no hope of focusing on anything until she sees Bucky safe.

“I can’t,” Penelope says, her eyes welling up. “I need to see that he’s okay.”

“I’m tired of fighting for this Penny,” Cameron tells her. “If you leave, it has to be over.”

The wind is knocked out of her. It takes her a moment to catch her breath. He’s reduced their entire relationship to an ultimatum and there is only one answer. If she leaves, it’s over. If she stays, she’ll spend the evening worried about Bucky and furious with Cameron. Either way, it’s over.

“Goodbye Cameron,” Penelope says.

* * *

Clint jumps as Penelope slams the door to her office open. Peter, who probably sensed her entrance, does not. Neither does Bruce, he makes it a habit of not letting things surprise him. All three of them are scattered about the room, waiting for her. Bucky groans from the bed at the loud, unexpected noise. He looks like shit. If he hadn’t been in here a few weeks ago, bleeding out from a gunshot wound he didn’t even notice, she might be more worried.

“Hey, Penny,” Bruce says. He stands to meet her. “He’s going to be fine. The concussion is pretty significant, but I couldn’t find anything that suggests that its life threatening in anyway.”

“Thank you, Bruce,” Penelope says.

“He does have a few other injuries you might want to look at,” Bruce adds. “If you can imagine, he’s being a little more difficult than usual.”

“I can hear you Banner,” Bucky grunts.

Bruce chuckles and shakes his head slightly. “Sorry Buck,” he says, “just letting her know what she’s walking into.”

“Whatever, I’m a delight,” Bucky mumbles.

This awards him with laughs from everyone in the room, Clint laughs the loudest. Bruce gives Penelope a look that says, ‘good luck’, squeezes her shoulder, then leaves. Peter is sitting in a chair next to Bucky’s bed. He is leaned over, resting his head on the mattress. His eyes flutter open and shut, as he tries to stay awake. Clint has been standing the entire time, leaned up against the counter behind him. He looks exhausted and more than a little anxious.

“You two should get some sleep,” Penelope tells them. She goes to Peter and rests her hand gently on his shoulder. He rolls his head to look up at her. There are dark circles under his eyes. “Did Clint fix your shoulder?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he nods.

“Good,” Penelope says. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here Peter.” Her breath hitches in her stomach as she pushes the words up and out of her mouth. Tears are streaming down her face before she even has the chance to realize what’s happening.

Clint pushes himself away from the counter and has his arms around her in an instant. She feels Peter’s head press against her arm. They should be furious with her. Maybe they are, but they aren’t showing it at all. Instead, they are comforting her when she should be comforting them. The whole thing makes her cry even harder.

“It’s okay Pen,” Clint says softly.

“We are really okay,” Peter mumbles into her arm.

“Speak for yourself kid,” Bucky grumbles behind them.

“You’re gonna be fine you idiot,” Clint says. It’s supposed to come off as a joke, but it sounds harsher than he’s meant it to.

Bucky opens his eyes and catches Clint’s. Penelope can feel the tension in the room shift, as they communicate wordlessly. Peter sighs heavily and gets to his feet. He gives Penelope a crooked smile, then wraps her in a hug.

“I’m not angry with you Penny,” he tells her, “but I am beat.”

“You told your aunt you’re staying over?” Penelope asks.

“Yeah,” Peter says through a yawn.

Once he’s out of the room, Penelope turns to Bucky. He’s still engaged in a stare down with Clint, though, he looks like he’s faltering. Finally, he lets out a loud groan and releases his head back down on to the pillow. Frankly, Penelope is impressed that he managed to keep his head up for that long. With a serious concussion, his head is probably throbbing.

She moves towards him and takes in the damage. His bottom lip is busted open and his left eye is turning a deep purplish, blue color. There’s a cut on his left eyebrow, not deep enough to needs stiches. His hair is matted with blood from where he hit his head. Bruce has taken care of the wound. It looks fine, but she wishes she’d been the one to do it.

Next, she gingerly lifts his shirt. When he tries to stop her, she slaps his hand away. Clint snickers behind them. Sure enough, he’s got dark bruising around his ribcage. She presses tenderly, trying to find the broken ribs. There’s a sharp intake of breath on his part and he grabs her hand holding it tightly above his chest.

“I thought we were friends,” Bucky grunts.

“What did you do Buck?” Penelope sighs.

She saw the look he shared with Clint. The way Peter hovered over him nervously. There’s no way he simply ‘fell’ off of any building. He did something stupid and she needs to know what.

“I wasn’t supposed to be on the roof of the building,” Bucky sighs.

“Wrong,” Clint shakes his head. “He was supposed to be on the roof of a building, just not the one he fell off of.”

“There were guys!” Bucky protests a little to hard. He winces as his pain hits him hard.

“I was handling it,” Clint tells him. “Peter was on his way. We were handling it.”

“You didn’t see what I saw,” Bucky shakes his head.

Clint is angry now. Penelope can see his jaw clench and unclench as he glares down at Bucky. There’s a protective nature over Clint that Penelope has noticed from the others. He isn’t ‘super’ in any way and he doesn’t have a shiny suit. Same goes for Natasha, but no one seems to be concerned with her well-being in the ways they are for Clint. Penelope can tell it drives him a little nuts. It can’t be easy going out on missions with people who feel like they need to constantly watch out for you.

“Bucky jumped, from his building to mine, to fight off the guy who was coming up behind me,” Clint tells Penelope.

“Okay so you did see what I saw,” Bucky grumbles.

“I did,” Clint says forcefully. “Then that guy proceeded to kick Bucky’s ass off of my roof, and instead of helping me, Peter had to help Bucky, and the ‘guys’ got away.”

“Are you kidding me?” Penelope snaps. “We _just_ talked about you being less reckless with yourself. I can’t keep doing this with you Bucky. I can’t.”

Her heart is racing as her worry and fear turns swiftly towards anger. It finally hits her that her relationship with Cameron is really over. She left to come take care of Bucky, who doesn’t seem to have it in him to find any sense of self-preservation. She’s furious, with Cameron, with Bucky, with herself.

“Pen,” Bucky says softly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Of course, he doesn’t. It was weeks ago, and he was on some pretty heavy drugs. She turns away from him and sits on the edge of the bed next to him. It isn’t Bucky’s fault; she can’t blame him for Cameron’s ultimatum. Or for the choice that she made. After all, she didn’t make it for him.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky says to the room. He means it for Clint and for Penelope. “Clint, I should have let you handle it. I just…kept thinking about coming back to Sam with a seriously injured you…or worse, without you at all.”

“Thanks Buck,” Clint sighs. He softens and his anger dissipates. His eyes linger on Penelope now. “Sam gets it though. The risk I mean. We both do. It’s just…part of the job.”

Bucky and Clint are both silent for a few solid moments behind her. Penelope doesn’t turn to see why, she’s on the verge of leaving anyway. The thing is, Bucky shouldn’t be left alone, and Clint will likely be leaving soon. So, she forces herself to stay.

Penelope shivers as the coolness from the back of Bucky’s vibranium hand makes contact with her bare back. She’s suddenly incredibly aware of the backless dress that she’s wearing. He drags the back of his hand gently down her back, in an attempt to get her attention.

“Pen?” His voice is strained.

“Bucky, you should sleep,” Penelope says, standing abruptly. “Your symptoms aren’t getting worse, which means you’re in the clear. Sleeping can really only benefit you at this point.”

“Penelope, I’m sorry,” he tells her. “I didn’t mean to worry you and I really didn’t mean to make you miss your date.”

Penelope swallows the breath in her chest. Her eyes dart to Clint, but he doesn’t know how the date ended anymore than Bucky does. His eyebrow furrows at her. She gives him the slightest shake of her head. Bucky doesn’t need to know yet. What he needs is sleep.

“It’s fine Buck,” Penelope says. She forces herself to smile. “I’m fine.”

Bucky eyes flood with confusion and concern. His other arm reaches over to brush his fingertips across her cheeks. Penelope clenches her teeth to keep herself from crying. She can’t let him ask her what’s wrong, she can’t hear him ask if she’s okay. The minute he does, she knows she’ll break. Her hand finds his and she moves it over her face, hiding her sadness from him.

“You’re a bad liar Penelope Stark,” Bucky says, running his thumb along her jaw. He moves his hand from her face and tugs a piece of her hair lightly.

He winces as he brings his arm back to his side. Penelope can’t speak. If she opens her mouth, a flood of tears will come with it, and that is the last thing Bucky needs. Instead, she sits back on the bed beside him and runs her finger along the bridge of his nose.

Clint is perched up on the counter, watching their interaction. When Bucky is asleep, Penelope slides off the bed and pulls up a chair. The exhaustion finally hits her, and she falls into the chair, kicking her feet up on the bed. Clint pulls his legs up onto the counter and pretzels them. He cocks his head at Penelope, so expressive without ever saying a word.

“I’m fine.” The answer to his unspoken question.

“You are not fine,” Clint says bluntly. “You’re crying.”

Penelope swipes her hand across her cheek. Sure enough, it’s wet with tears. How did she miss it? And how long had she been leaking like this without even knowing?

“Don’t worry,” Clint says, “you kept it together until he was out.”

“Cameron broke up with me,” Penelope tells him. “Or I broke up with him…I’m not sure. It’s unclear. The point is that it’s over.”

Clint doesn’t say anything. He makes a fist and circles it over his chest. ‘I’m sorry’, in sign. Sometimes, when Clint doesn’t have the words, he resorts to sign language. Penelope finds this more meaningful than anything he could have said in the moment.

“Thank you,” she says through a smile. He tilts his head again; his expression is softer this time. It’s an invitation to tell him what’s happened. One that she by no means has to accept. “He asked me to move in with him,” she says.

His face scrunches as he says, “Big step.”

“Well, I didn’t say yes. And then you called, and we were in the middle this life altering discussion and he gave me an ultimatum and it wasn’t even a difficult choice. But now, I feel like I messed up. Like I should have stayed and tried to make it work.” Penelope lets the words flow out of her without reservation. It leaves her breathless and she hunches over, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

There’s a shuffling noise around her, but she’s too caught up in trying to steady her breathing. Clint has pulled a chair over to sit beside her. When Penelope’s breath steadies, she sits up and leans back, then turns to look at him. He’s sitting sideways in the chair; his legs are flung over the arm and he’s watching her.

“Hi,” Penelope sniffles.

“Hey,” he smirks.

“I’m a mess.”

“Welcome to the club Darlin. It’s a messy place, the Avengers Compound.”

Penelope laughs tearfully. It’s true, she doesn’t think any one of them isn’t at least a little messy. Maybe Peter is off the hook. Then again, he’s a seventeen-year-old superhuman with a secret identity, that’s at least a little messy.

“See now that I’ve said it, you’re realizing just how messy everyone is?” Clint chuckles. “Try being the bow and arrow guy without any superhuman abilities or snazzy suits. Oh, and I’m deaf. It’s a blast.”

“Hey now,” Penelope says, “you score very high on the Buzzfeed rankings of ‘Hottest Avenger’. Actually, I think you were number two or three on the ‘Most Dateable’ list. That’s nothing to scoff at.”

“Who was number one?” Clint asks.

“Sam,” Penelope shrugs. “People seem really drawn to his charm.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Clint winks. He nudges her chair playfully with his foot. Penelope giggles and shakes her head at him. “For what it’s worth Penny,” his tone shifts to a more serious one, “I think you made the right choice. As difficult as it was.”

Penelope’s shoulders go slack with relief. Her throat burns and her eyes water as her body threatens to start crying again. It’s a relief, hearing someone else say it. She’s been justified and supported in her decision. Clint might not ever know what he’s done for her in this moment.

“Really?” she breaths.

“Yeah,” he nods his head fervently. “I like Cameron, I thought he was a cool guy. At first, I thought he was just jealous of Bucky, but it was more than that. He was threatened by all of us. I get it, we’re a lot to take in and your relationship with Bucky is…weird at best, but the guy just couldn’t handle it.”

Clint is so much more perceptive than anyone gives him credit for. Penelope knows it’s because he rarely takes anything seriously. Tonight, with Bucky, was the first time she’d really ever seen him angry about anything. It was different. And now, talking about Cameron, she realizes he has a point. Asking her to move in was just another way to put distance between Penelope and the Avengers.

“You make some very good points there Barton,” Penelope says. “My relationship with Bucky is not weird though. I have no idea where you’re getting that from.”

“Fine,” Clint concedes. “I just think you should figure out what Bucky really means to you before you date anyone else.”

Penelope glances as Bucky. Under the cuts and bruises, he actually looks peaceful. It won’t last. She knows in minutes, maybe hours if Bucky’s lucky he’ll wake from a nightmare. Clint’s right. By some fucked up trick of fate, James Buchanan Barnes is the most important person in her life. Fear bubbles in her gut. It’s the same ache that she felt when her parents didn’t come home, the ache she feels now, in Tony’s absence. Bucky walked away from her once and the fear of losing him again persists.

“I don’t have to date,” Penelope shrugs.

“Solid plan,” Clint chuckles. “And what if Lefty here wants to date?”

“Oh, he should. Definitely he should,” Penelope replies. There’s another ache in her stomach as she says the words.

“Penny,” Clint groans.

“Clint, what do you want me to say? I can’t love Bucky…not in that way, not after everything that’s happened. Besides, you’re bringing all of this up, hours after getting dumped by my boyfriend. I don’t have any answers. I have…nothing. What I have is nothing.” She’s breathless by the end of her rant. Her words poured out of her, completely unstoppable.

“Breath Penny,” Clint tells her, gently resting a hand on her back. “You don’t have nothing, you have us. Unfortunately,” he adds with a smirk.

Penelope laughs through her tears. Damnit, she’s crying. Again. She wipes her face with the back of her hand, groaning loudly. Her head is starting to hurt from the near constant tears.

“How am I crying again?” she asks, miserably.

“Well you did just get dumped,” Clint grins.

“Ugh this sucks,” Penelope exhales.

“Yeah,” Clint says. “It’s going to suck…for a while anyway. It won’t always though. He’s going to blame himself you know.” Clint nods his head towards Bucky.

“I know,” she replies. “It really wasn’t his fault though.”

Bucky’s face twists in pain as Penelope watches him. She’s not sure if it’s here and now, or if he’s dreaming about something that happened a long time ago. His accelerated healing will help him in the long run, but she needs to him to stay asleep. She moves swiftly, bringing her fingers to his hair. His face relaxes immediately.

“March 22nd,” Bucky mumbles. “Your birthday is March 22nd. I remembered.”

“Okay Buck,” Penelope says gently, near his ear. “That’s good, but I need you to go back to sleep now.”

“Fine,” he says. “You two are just so loud,” he smirks.

A small laugh escapes Penelope’s lips. She glances up at Clint, who gives her a knowing smile and a small shake of his head. Penelope doesn’t see what he sees. She can’t objectively step outside of herself to see all of the ways she chooses Bucky over everyone else. To her, there simply isn’t a choice. It’s just Bucky, it’s always just Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, next chapter, I PROMISE you're going to find out where Steve and Tony are. The breakup just needed it's own chapter. Thank you all for reading! I am so excited to share the next couple of chapters with you!


	22. Zero Impulse Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of suicide.

Penelope is wallowing in self-pity. She has been for exactly one week. On Sunday, Penelope made sure Bucky was okay, then retreated to her room and did not reappear until Friday night. Bucky tried first, on Monday night to get her out of her room. Clint warned him against it. The breakup wasn’t Bucky’s fault, but Clint knew there would come a time where Penelope would irrationally blame him. It came quick and Bucky got a lamp thrown at his head.

Thor tried next. On Tuesday morning he gathered up his toaster and Pop Tarts and made his way up to her room. Nothing was thrown at him. She refused his Pop Tarts, opting to glare at him, while he ate his in silence. Overall, it was a strange experience for Thor that he wasn’t too keen on trying again. That night Clint brought Lucky and they sat in her bed while she cried for hours. He didn’t ask her to get out of her room and he didn’t try and feed her. Lucky licked her face, curled up beside her, and rested his head on her hip. Their company was appreciated.

On Wednesday, Sam braved Penelope’s room. He brought her a sandwich and left it on the table beside her bed. As he left, he told her she should probably shower. The sandwich splattered against the door on his way out. Rhodey tried tough love, which was stupid. Tough love never worked on Tony, why would it work on Penelope?

Bucky tries again on Thursday. An apology is made on her part. Then there’s an apology from him, though Penelope assures him there is nothing for him to be sorry for. He sits on the floor in front of her bed, while she watches Dirty Dancing, for what he imagines is the one-hundredth time that week. At one point, he leaves to make her something to eat. When he comes back, she’s showered and sitting on the edge of her bed, braiding her wet hair.

“Oh good,” Bucky says. He grins as she rolls her eyes at him, then he hands her the plate he’s carrying in one of his hands. It’s a grilled cheese. Bucky is exceptional at grilled cheese. In the other hand is a bowl of popcorn, but she doesn’t get that, until she’s eaten real food.

“I’m not hungry,” she says, pushing it away.

“When was the last time you ate?”

Penelope doesn’t answer. She takes the plate instead and takes a large bite to satisfy him. The sandwich is gone in minutes. Bucky sits on the floor again, leaning his back against her bed. Penelope scrolls through the movies on her television. She lands on something called Mama Mia and he knows; he just knows he’s going to hate it.

“Alright, you just got dumped so I’m not going to judge you on your movie choice,” Bucky says, “but can I please pick the next one?”

“You’re such an ass,” Penelope laughs. She reaches over him to grab some popcorn. “When you’ve seen enough movies to be able to actually give an informed opinion, then you can pick.” She scoots back against her headboard. “Get up here with that popcorn.”

Bucky chuckles and climbs up onto her bed to sit beside her. He’s right, he hates the movie, but he does not hate Penelope’s reaction to it. Her laughter at the cheesiest parts and off tune humming are more than enough for him. He also doesn’t hate how easy it feels to be sitting beside her, laughing at stupid movies again. There were walls they’d both built while she was dating Cameron, some that he hadn’t even realized were there.

“You ready to leave your room?” Bucky asks, when the movie is over.

“No,” Penelope says, “not really.”

“Okay,” Bucky nods. He swings his legs over her mattress and pushes himself off her bed. Bucky should meet Sam; he was supposed to meet his partner twenty minutes ago.

“Bucky,” Penelope calls. He turns back to her. “I thought you were going to pick the next movie,” she smirks. It’s a small gesture, but he realizes she’s trying to hide how sad and lonely she really is.

“Right,” Bucky nods. Sam can wait, he’s probably happy to have more time with Clint anyway. He climbs back onto her bed and begins scrolling through the endless list of films. “I can pick whatever I want right?”

“Within reason,” Penelope tilts her head. She crawls under her blankets and situates herself against her mountain of pillows. “No…not that one, that’s literally violent World War two movie. You’re going to trigger yourself into a panic attack,” Penelope says, looking at the movie he’s paused on.

“Fine,” Bucky sighs. He scrolls further, pausing on another title. Penelope inhales sharply beside him. He glances down out her, but she keeps her eyes planted on the screen. Her lips are pressed firmly together. “What is this?” he asks.

“This?” she replies. Her voice is high, an indication that she’s about to lie to him. “This is…great. No, really, you’ll love it. It’s got like…vampires and werewolves. Very mysterious.”

“I don’t believe you,” Bucky says, eyeing her cautiously.

“Oh, come on Buck, would I lie to you?” She looks up at him. Her grey eyes are playful, her mouth twists into a grin.

That is how, on an average Thursday evening in April, Penelope Stark tricks Bucky Barnes into watching Twilight. And since he’s not a quitter, in the course of that evening and throughout the next day, he watches all five of them with her. Sam waits, in fact, Sam is more than okay with waiting.

On Friday night, after the final Twilight movie, Bucky turns off the television and throws the remote to the edge of Penelope’s bed. He turns and looks down at her. She’s already looking up at him, giving him to toothy grin. Her eyes are still puffy from crying off and on, though, Bucky thinks the crying has lessened at least a little.

“That was absolutely ridiculous,” Bucky tells her. “You owe me Penelope Stark. And for the love of god do not tell Sam.”

“Stop,” Penelope laughs. “They’re fun!”

“Torture, they're torture,” Bucky shakes his head. “That werewolf fell in love with a baby.”

“Jacob,” Penelope says, “don’t act like you don’t remember his name.”

Bucky stands and stretches his arms over his head. He twists back and forth, cracking his back. Penelope has sunk down, further into her bed. She’s on her side, watching him. A shadow has fallen over her face, Bucky is afraid she might cry again. He kneels down and leans in on her mattress, close enough that their noses almost touch.

“You’re leaving me,” Penelope says, matter of fact.

“I have to,” Bucky sighs. “It’s only for a few hours. I’m on probation after my last stunt, so it’s just training for me over the next few weeks. Rhodey wanted Sam and I to run some training scenarios yesterday and we put that off for vampire drama and werewolves falling in love with babies.”

“Good, you deserve to be on probation,” Penelope says. “Actually, you should probably be fired for the shit you’ve pulled since Steve left.”

Bucky winces at her words. She’s right though, he has been extra reckless lately. It’s not Steve’s absence though that’s making him that way. Or hers. Bucky isn’t used to working on a team or with partners. It doesn’t help that he’s also grown attached to these people. Then there’s his brain, constantly sifting through past and present, distracting him at almost every turn. It’s a lot to work with.

“I should be so lucky,” Bucky says with a wink. “Get out of your room, go hangout with Barton and his annoying dog or something. It’s Friday, I wouldn’t be surprised if Peter stopped by.”

“Lucky is an angel and I’ll hear nothing else,” Penelope tells him.

“He eats trash and then licks my face,” Bucky deadpans. “Annoying.”

“Whatever,” Penelope laughs.

“I’m serious Pen,” Bucky says. He bumps his forehead lightly against hers. “Get out of your room.”

* * *

Penelope does leave her room once Bucky is gone. It takes her an hour, but she eventually pulls herself from her bed, throws on a sweatshirt and ambles downstairs. Clint, Peter, and Thor are playing video games, which immediately sends her back to the night that started her and Cameron’s downfall. There’s a flutter in her chest as her body threatens her into tears again.

Lucky lifts his head and barks. He trots over to Penelope, wagging his tail happily the entire time. His wet nose presses into her palm, saving her from her imminent breakdown. She smiles and kneels down in front of him, scratching vigorously behind his ears.

“How are you such a good boy all of the time?” she asks him. He licks her face in response. Screw the trash eating, Penelope loves this dog. He can lick her face any time he wants.

“She lives!” Thor booms, grinning broadly at Penelope.

“Move over,” Penelope says to Clint. He scoots away from Peter, so that there’s room for her between them. She crashes down onto the sofa. Lucky sits in front of her and plops his head in her lap. “Give me a controller. I’m going to school you idiots in Mario Kart.”

“Impossible,” Thor shakes his head. “I am god.”

“And I’m Spider-Man so…” Peter smirks.

“I’m just a regular guy, but there’s no way I lose to any of you nerds,” Clint says, handing Penelope a controller. He winks at her, but what he doesn’t know, what none of them know, is that she’s been playing Mario Kart since she was a toddler.

They learn quickly that there is no winning against Penelope. There is a moment when Thor comes incredibly close, but she pulls through last second. He almost, _almost_ , throws his controller again. Instead, he calmly and rationally gets up and turns off the system, then pulls it out of the wall and walks outside with it. Clint, Penelope, and Peter all stare at him, mouths agape when he re-enters, empty handed.

“It’s an evil box,” Thor tells them. “We do not need that much darkness in the place where we sleep.”

There is a moment of silence, then Clint, Penelope, and Peter all burst into a fit of laughter. Sometime during their laughing, Sam and Bucky enter the room. They’re still in their uniforms, fresh from a training session. Clint hops up to greet Sam, planting a kiss firmly on his cheek.

“Thor just threw our Switch into oblivion,” he tells Sam.

“You did what?!” Sam exclaims. His eyes widen at Thor. The god simply shrugs at him, completely unbothered by Sam’s clear anger. “Why would you do that?!”

“Evil,” Thor shakes his head.

“He didn’t like that Penelope kicked his ass at Mario Kart like six times in a row,” Peter says with a laugh.

“I’ve already ordered a new one,” Penelope says, looking up from her phone. “Thor…I am sorry, but you are banned from using it.”

“Fair enough,” he nods. “May I still play that game with the island of chirpy little animals and flowers? I like that one. It calms me.”

Peter snorts loudly into his hand. Penelope is about to respond, but she becomes completely and utterly distracted by Bucky. He’s standing next to Sam, smirking at the entire situation. What Penelope realizes in this moment, is that she’s never actually seen him in his Avengers getup. By the time she gets to him after his missions, he’s either partially out of it, or he’s changed completely. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows what it looks like, but in person it’s an entirely different thing. He looks…good. Too good. Penelope doesn’t even realize she’s staring at him, until the room goes silent around her and his eyebrow raises at her.

“Um…what?” she says, realizing that he’s said something to her.

“I just asked if you were okay,” he says, repeating the question.

“Leather.” It is not what she’s trying to say. It’s certainly not what she wanted or intended to say, but it is the only word that she can think of in the moment.

Bucky’s lips twist into a grin, that he immediately suppresses, pushing his lips together. Distantly, Penelope can hear the others snorting and snickering, but she’s realized too late what she has said. Her ears ring as blood rushes to her face.

“What?” Bucky says. He’s prodding her gently, trying to get her to say more.

“You’re little Avengers get up,” Penelope says, getting to her feet. She’s had enough social interaction for the evening. As she passes Bucky, she adds, “It has way too much leather. You look ridiculous. Who designed it, you or Tony?”

She thinks she’s recovered quite nicely. Then Bucky catches her wrist and turns her to face him. He’s looking down at her with mischief in his eyes. He heard her tone, hell they all did. Four sets of eyes move from Penelope to Bucky. It’s Bucky though, and she knows he won’t make a scene in front of the others.

“Oh, so it’s too much leather?” Bucky smirks, nodding his head slightly. “So, I should change then before we go out?” He looks at Sam and Clint as he asks the question.

“Y-you’re going out with Sam and Clint?” Penelope asks. It’s shocking on a few levels. The most notably, that Bucky does not go out…ever.

“ _We’re_ going out with Sam and Clint,” he says correcting her.

“Oh, that’s not happening,” Penelope laughs.

“You need to get out Penny,” says Sam. “Your ass has been up in that room for a week. It’s time to get out, live your life.”

Penelope doesn’t actually disagree. Bucky still has a tight grip on her wrist. He’s pulled her close enough to him that she can smell his familiar scent, mixed with the sweat from training. And the thing is, she doesn’t hate it. In fact, everything about him is making her heart palpitate. She’s getting lightheaded just being near him. If Penelope needs anything right now, it’s maybe a cold shower. But being drunk might be a close second. Very, very drunk.

“And you’re really going?” Penelope asks Bucky. She’s a little breathless and it shows. The words come out a bit harsher than she intends. He drops her wrist and pulls slightly away from her.

“I certainly don’t have to,” he retorts.

Bucky doesn’t like going out, he doesn’t like loud spaces and crowds of people. He really is just going for her benefit. The thing is, it might be more beneficial for her if he isn’t around. The last thing she needs is to get too drunk and try something on Bucky. She needs him, more than anyone, she can’t afford to mess it up.

“You don’t have to come on my account Buck,” she tells him. This time she forces her words to come out soft and understanding.

“Are you sure?” he asks. His eyes meet hers, staring intently into them. He’s searching for any sign of faltering. If she needs him, he’ll go, but she gets the distinct impression that he’s hoping she doesn’t need him.

“Yeah Buck,” she nods. “You boys have got this right?” she asks Sam and Clint.

“Oh, for sure,” Sam grins.

“Come Metal Man,” Thor says, patting the sofa beside him. “Parker is forcing me to watch some space movies. Join us.”

* * *

Bucky stays to watch one movie with Peter and Thor, but it’s a little hard to follow and it overwhelms him. As much as he hates to admit it, he thinks that the poorly written, fluffy movies that Penelope makes him watch, might be more his speed. He excuses himself before they put on the second movie. Peter and Thor don’t ask questions, which is nice. He hates it when his teammates ask too many questions.

He retreats up to his room. The cool, dark, quiet calms him almost immediately. Alpine is curled up at the edge of his bed. She lifts her head and chirps at him as he enters, blinking her crystal eyes slowly at him. He read somewhere that “slow blinking” is a sign of safety and security for cats, so he returns the gesture. Immediately he feels like an idiot, blinking at a cat. She gives him a soft meow and puts her head back down. Unbelievable the lengths he would go to, to keep this small ball of fur content.

Careful not to bother Alpine anymore than he already has, he crashes onto his bed and pulls out his phone. It’s not terribly late. Penelope, Sam, and Clint haven’t even been gone that long, but he feels worried. There’s a part of him that wishes he’d gone with them, if only to keep an eye on Penelope in her tight black dress. But she’s a grown woman, and he knows Sam and Clint will take care of her if she needs it. And he really can’t pretend like he wasn’t relieved when she’d given him an out.

The thing is Bucky hates going out in public. He hates crowds, he hates loud spaces. He can’t help but feel completely out of place wherever he goes. It’s easier, with Sam or Steve or Penelope, but it still isn’t easy. There was more to it tonight though. He isn’t ready to see Penelope with another man just yet, and he knows that the intent is to get her out there, to take her mind of Cameron. 

In a different world, Bucky might actually make a move on Penelope. Technically there’s nothing stopping him. Except of course, for the abundance of reasons that are very much stopping him. There are the circumstances surrounding their shared history. A nice way of putting it. As if that wasn’t enough, Bucky sees the fear in her eyes when he comes home broken and bruised. He sees what she goes through in Tony’s absence. Bucky doesn’t want her to worry about him anymore than she already does. If they were to take their relationship further than friends, he would be putting her in exactly that situation.

Then, of course, there was the incredible mess of man that was James Buchanan Barnes. That didn’t go away just because he had a few decent months at the compound. And really, were they all that decent? His panic attacks haven’t decreased in numbers, his memories are still jumbled, and even on his best days he’s still fighting with his mind. It’s getting easier, sure, but he isn’t ready to involve her in his mess any more than she already is.

Besides, and most importantly, Penelope has made her feelings for Bucky abundantly clear. He’s her best friend. If that’s what she needs from him, and right now it really is what she needs from him, then that’s what he’ll be. He’d rather have her in his life as that and just that, than nothing at all.

Bucky isn’t aware that he’s falling asleep. It’s better anyway, for him to slip into it. The alternative is fighting with himself and his brain, to get some sort of rest. Either way, sleep comes, but it never lasts long. Somewhere between a dream about a much smaller Steve and a nightmare from his days as the Winter Soldier, Bucky’s phone goes off loudly, pulling him from his sleep. Alpine is perched on his hip, sleeping, because cats don’t have nightmares. He blinks a few times, breathes in and out once or twice, to ground himself. Then he grabs his phone.

“What?” he says into the receiver. He’s exhausted and he’s still trying to get his bearing. Where is he exactly? He can’t remember, so he lets it pass.

“Hey Bucky.” Bucky…that’s him. The voice is Sam’s. Sam Wilson. It’s tentative, nervous. He’s with Penelope, Bucky is remembering now. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Uh.” Yes, he did, but Bucky is more grateful for it than anything. “Don’t worry about it. Are you okay? Is Penelope okay?”

“Well…she’s maybe a little more drunk than we intended to get her,” Sam tells him. “And also…she’s refusing to leave. So…we just…”

“Yeah, I got it,” Bucky grunts. “I’m on my way.” Alpine gives him an aggressive meow as he rolls her off of him. 

* * *

The first thing Bucky sees when he gets to the bar is the very last thing he wanted to see. Penelope, in the corner, wrapped up in the arms of some random man, shoving her tongue down his throat. Sam and Clint are upon him instantly. Clint situates himself in front of Penelope, so that Bucky doesn’t have to see.

“Okay so maybe this wasn’t the best idea,” Sam says to Bucky. He scratches the back of his neck as Bucky throws him an annoyed look. Bucky won’t bring up the conversation they had where he mentioned it was a bad idea, because he knows Sam remembers it.

“How long has she been like that?” Bucky asks. He watches as she pulls away and laughs loudly at something he says. Bucky’s stomach lurches as he watches her finger his hair. She plants her lips on his again. Bucky pulls his attention away from her.

“With _that_ guy or making out with random men in general….” Clint replies. Bucky hates the implication. Sam elbows Clint sharply in the ribs. “Ah, what? He was going to find out sooner or later.” He words fall off his heavy tongue in a slowed, slurred manner. Clint’s maybe as drunk as Penelope is.

“Just…go pay the tab,” Bucky sighs, “I’ll grab her.”

“Buck,” Sam cautions.

“Gently,” Bucky clarifies.

Sam nods and grabs Clint, pulling him off towards the bar. Bucky strides over to Penelope and the bleach blonde man she’s kissing vigorously. He crosses his arms, then loudly clears his throat. Penelope pulls away and looks up a Bucky, with wide, glossy eyes. A sloppy smile spreads across her lips.

“Oh my god you’re here!” she squeals. She jumps out of her chair and throws herself into his arms. Bucky has to brace himself so that he catches her. “This is…um…oh my god I forgot your name,” she giggles, pointing to the blonde.

“Aiden,” he says, nodding at Bucky.

“Sure,” Bucky says to him. “Pen, it’s time to go.”

“But you just got here,” she says, pressing her body against his. It’s unintentional, she’s too drunk to stand. “We should at least have one drink. Oh, or a shot! What about a shot?”

“You’ve done enough shots for the both of us,” Bucky says, forcing himself to smile at her.

“You aren’t being very nice Bucky,” Penelope says. Her speech is slurred, like Clint’s, and her words run together lazily.

“Not here to be nice,” Bucky says, shaking his head. “Let’s go.”

He doesn’t wait for Penelope to respond. His fingers wrap around her wrist and he pulls her out of the bar. When they reach the car, she yanks her wrist from his grip. She glares at him furiously, swaying slightly where she stands. Bucky braces himself for the drunken wrath of Penelope Stark.

“What the fuck Barnes?” she snaps.

“Get in the car Pen, we can talk about this later.” Bucky is already incredibly on edge. The last thing he needs or wants is for her to create a scene outside of some dive bar in upstate New York.

“No, I don’t want to get in the stupid fucking car!” Penelope stamps her foot like a petulant child. It’s the first time that Bucky finds her less endearing and more annoying. Her arms cross over her chest and she begins to shiver slightly.

“Take my jacket,” Bucky says. He shrugs off his leather jacket and hands it to her. He’s not surprised when she refuses it.

“Why did you come Barnes?” she asks him angrily. “Was it to ruin my night? You have a real knack for that don’t you?”

Bucky steps forwards, backing her into the car. He knows she’s drunk and sad and angry. But he’s exhausted, overwhelmed. His brain is on overload and he doesn’t have the mental capacity to fight with her.

“Please just get in the car,” he says, gritting his teeth. “I really don’t have it in me to be your personal punching bag tonight. Maybe tomorrow we can revisit this fun little conversation, but Penelope…not tonight.”

Penelope’s grey eyes soften slightly. He doesn’t know what exactly he’s said to warrant the response, but he’ll take it. Her dark hair falls messily around her shoulders and her makeup is smudged below her eyes. She shivers again, Bucky reoffers the jacket. Her body does a strange twitching motion, and she lurches forward throwing up the contents of her evening directly onto it.

“Great,” Bucky grumbles under his breath.

Sam joins them at the car, with Clint stumbling against him. They pause, taking in the scene. Penelope finishes and looks miserably up at the three men. Bucky hesitates between saying something to comfort her and completely losing his shit. He takes the middle ground and walks away to throw his jacket in the dumpster next to the bar.

“I threw up on Bucky’s jacket,” she tearfully tells Sam. He’s gently placing Clint into the passenger’s seat as she talks to him.

“Yeah,” he nods, “I see that Pen.”

“I’m a mess,” she cries.

Bucky is back in time to hear this exchange. Sam is watching him, waiting for his direction. He’s okay to drive, and he will if Bucky wants to climb in the back with Penelope. He hasn’t decided yet though. He is beyond annoyed with Penelope. At the same time, she’s crying and damnit he hates when she cries. He pulls the long sleeve of his shirt over his hand and wipes the tears from her face.

“Get in the car Penelope,” he says. She nods and finally crawls in the backseat. Bucky looks over at Sam. “I’ll drive,” Bucky tells him.

The car ride home is mostly quiet. Bucky drives in silence. Clint falls asleep in the passenger’s seat. Sam strokes Penelope’s hair as she cries softly in the back. When they finally make it home, Sam climbs out of the backseat and wakes Clint with a soft kiss. He throws Clint’s arm over his shoulder. Before helping Clint up to bed, he turns to Bucky and gives him a sympathetic look.

“Good luck Buck,” he says.

Bucky nods, then watches the two stumble off into the compound. He sighs heavily, he’s going to need that luck. Penelope is lying on her back, still crying softly to herself. Bucky opens the door closest to her head. She looks up at him as he leans in.

“I’m sorry about your jacket,” she sniffs.

“Penelope Stark,” Bucky sighs. He doesn’t actually have anything to say to her beyond that. She’s too focused on wiping her face to notice he hasn’t finished his sentence.

He leans in and throws her arm around his shoulder, then pulls her out of the car. Penelope drops her head into the crook of his neck as he carries her into the compound. Her entire body shakes with sobs. Bucky doesn’t know how to stop her crying.

“You better not throw up on me Pen,” he says, trying his hand at a joke. She laughs softly into his neck. It’s a start at least.

When he reaches her room, he sets her gently on her bed. Her legs dangle helplessly over the mattress, her shoulders bob up and down as the crying continues. Bucky kneels down in front of her. He removes her shoes, then unpins the hair that hasn’t fallen out. The sobs grow weaker as she catches her breath. Again, he takes his sleeve and wipes up the wet from her face.

“I’m sorry this happened to you Penelope,” Bucky says, resting his hand on her knees.

“I didn’t mean to throw up on your jacket,” she says. A small hiccup escapes her lips. Bucky is hardly annoyed with her anymore…hardly.

“It’s okay,” Bucky shrugs. “I can get another one.”

Penelope nods. She looks up at him. Her eyes are red and puffy, but admittedly, she looks better than she did when he first showed up at the bar. Still, she isn’t anywhere near sober. Bucky takes her face in his hands; he runs his thumb along her cheekbone.

“Come on doll, let’s get you to sleep,” he tells her.

Penelope’s brow furrows slightly. Her eyes flicker back and forth as she tried to focus on him. Bucky doesn’t know what’s happening until it happens. Penelope hitches forward and presses her mouth against his. He’s frozen, completely shocked by the kiss. She slides her hand behind his neck, pulling him closer. It’s enough to snap him back into the moment. His hands rest firmly on her shoulder and he pushes her off of him.

“Penelope stop,” he says firmly. “This isn’t…what you want. You are drunk and sad and I’m sure you’ll regret this in the morning. It's not what I want either, not like this.”

“Get out Barnes,” Penelope breaths.

Bucky doesn’t linger, he doesn’t hesitate. He stands and storms out, trying not to slam her door too hard behind him.

* * *

When Penelope wakes the next morning, it takes her all of five minutes to remember the very stupid thing she’d done the night before. Her head throbs all morning, her pride is hurt for much longer. Clint stumbles in at some point to bring her water and pain meds. He’s pretty hungover himself. Still, she doesn’t think he’s done anything as colossally stupid. She doesn’t tell him what happened, she can’t speak of it yet.

She stays in bed all day, hoping to avoid Bucky. Eventually though, her stomach gets the better of her. Sometime around midnight, she crawls out of her bed and makes her way to the kitchen. Thankfully it’s empty. Penelope forces down some toast, nothing else sounds appealing.

In retrospect, perhaps going out and getting wasted only a week after her breakup wasn’t the best idea. Cameron was still fresh in her mind. So yeah, maybe she was using random men at the bar to forget him. But that’s not why she kissed Bucky. She doesn’t have an answer for that one.

Penelope puts her dish in the sink. It slides off the pile of dirty dishes and crashes onto the counter, cracking in two. A perfect metaphor for her mental state. It shouldn’t set her off, but it does. It really does. Because Cameron dumped her, she drunkenly kissed Bucky, and Tony is still gone, along with Steve, Nat, and Wanda. She’s been on the verge of break for months and this pile of dishes and broken plate is what finally does it. It doesn’t matter that it’s almost one in the morning, the dishes aren’t going to do themselves.

She does hear Bucky enter, but she ignores him. He says something to her, maybe he asks a question, she doesn’t know. It doesn’t matter. The water is too hot, but that doesn’t matter either. What matters is the crusty bowl that she is scrubbing vigorously. Bucky’s behind her, she can feel his chest on her back. Penelope can hardly see through the tears in her eyes, but the water stops, and she knows he’s turned it off. His hands cover hers and he pulls her slowly away from the sink.

“I need to finish this,” Penelope says, gasping for breath.

“No you don’t Pen,” he says, gently in her ear.

“I do, I do have to finish these.” She feels frantic, breathing is too much work.

Bucky holds her arms against her middle and squeezes her against him. He’s saying something to her, but she can’t hear him. Her knees buckle beneath her, but Bucky doesn’t let her fall. Instead, he brings her to the ground with him. On her knees, she doubles over.

“Breathe Penelope,” Bucky says softly. When he’s not telling her breath, he’s breathing deeply against her. It helps her to have a frame of reference.

She curls up on the cold kitchen tile, pressing her face against it. Bucky strokes her hair and continues to say reassuring things in an even voice. Breathing becomes easier. Her head starts to clear. The adrenaline in her body begins to dissipate.

“Why is everything so difficult?” Penelope hears herself ask.

Bucky snorts somewhere above her. His hand is still alternating between stroking her hair and rubbing her back. It was a stupid question to ask someone like Bucky. He’s had more difficulties in his life than anyone she’s ever known. He isn’t trying to make her feel bad for asking it though, nor is he trying to one-up her in anyway.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Like I’m drowning.”

“Normal,” Bucky says. “That was a big one.” He adds about her panic attack. Bucky is silent for a few moments, breathing slowly and loudly enough for her to match him. “I want to show you something, think you can manage?”

“Possibly,” she mumbles against the tile.

Bucky laughs lightly. He helps her up, then takes her hand in his and leads her out of the compound. He leads her to a warehouse on the property. It’s set back, in a heavily wooded area. She doesn’t know what it’s for, but it doesn’t seem to matter. That isn’t what Bucky wants to show her. She realizes, once they’re on the roof of the building, that this is what Bucky wants to show her.

The wind whips through the air, pulling her hair back with it. The cold helps to calm her even further, but she can’t help but shiver slightly. Bucky takes off his jacket and puts it over her.

“Don’t throw up on this one,” he warns. "On an unrelated note, I'm buying you your own jacket since you don't seem to have one."

“I’m so sorry about that Buck,” Penelope says softly.

He shakes his head. They’re not talking about last night. Not yet anyway. Penelope is okay to put that off for as long as possible. She glances out at the compound. There are scattered lights on in the building. She tries to figure out who those lights belong to. Crickets chirp around them.

“It’s so quiet up here,” she says.

Bucky eyes her, a slight smile playing across his lips. Her heart skips as he steps up on the ledge of the building. He opens his mouth and yells, at the top of his lungs into the night. Penelope is so unsure of what’s happening, all she can do is laugh. When he’s finished, he steps down.

“Your turn,” he nods his head to her.

“Wh-what?”

“It’s your turn. Get up there, let it out.”

Penelope tries to protest, but he offers her his hand. Tentatively, she takes it and steps up onto the ledge. She hadn’t realized how high up they were. Her heart threatens to pound right out of her chest. Bucky gives her hand a squeeze and she remembers why she’s up there. She opens her mouth and screams from her gut. Her scream turns into a laugh as she releases everything.

“How’d that feel?” Bucky asks as she hops down.

“Really good,” she nods.

“Good.” He smiles at her, then takes a seat. Penelope sits with him. “This is where Tony keeps the suits he doesn’t use, various parts, a car or two. He never uses it. No one does. I used to come here all the time before you showed up,” he tells her.

“To do that?” she asks.

“Uh,” Bucky hesitates. His eyes meet hers and Penelope realizes it’s the first time they’ve actually looked at each other all night. “Sometimes,” he says. “I had other ideas at first. Even after Shuri removed the programming, things just felt so hard. Too hard.”

Her hand inadvertently flies to her mouth as she lets out a gasp. She understands what he’s trying to tell her. A new fear forms deep inside of her, it becomes difficult to breathe again. Bucky sees the panic in her eyes and puts his hand on her knee to calm her.

“It’s okay Pen,” he says softly. “That hasn’t crossed my mind in a long time. Actually, Peter caught me up here once. Maybe when I was at my closest. I don’t know. He made some very good points though. The first was that I wouldn’t actually die, I’d just end up severely injured. And the second was that Steve would be very sad. So, I stopped considering it. The whole, severely injured thing just didn’t sound appealing.”

“Bucky,” Penelope says, dropping her head in her hands. He’s trying to make a joke. It’s the farthest thing from funny though. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything,” he tells her. “I am telling you because you’re my best friend and I trust you.”

She glances up at the man sitting across from her. He’s watching her with his deep blue eyes, she could drown in those eyes. He should be furious with her after last night. If he’s angry with her, he isn’t showing it. Instead, his eyes are full of concern. Something she does not deserve from him. Her heart starts to race again. She swallows hard, fearing a second panic attack coming.

“You shouldn’t trust me,” she breaths, doubling over on herself. “You should be angry with me and yelling at me or…I don’t know, not talking to me at all. Not…taking care of me…certainly not trusting me. Why are you trusting me?”

She hears Bucky shift closer to her. Her body tenses as his hand moves from her knee to her back. He hesitates for a moment, feeling her out, waiting to see if she needs something different from him. When she doesn’t recoil or move away, he continues, rubbing her back gently.

“I am angry with you,” he tells her. “I’m furious with you. Honestly, I don’t know what to do with how angry I am with you.”

The words are harsh, but somehow, they make her feel better. Her breathing evens out and returns to normal. It’s exactly what she needed to her. Slowly, she brings herself back up. Bucky stays where he is, his knees pressed lightly against hers, instead of retreating back to his spot away from her.

“I am so sorry Bucky,” Penelope says.

“You were drunk,” he shrugs.

“Don’t make excuses for me,” she shakes her head. “Say what you need to say. Lay it on me.”

“Fine,” Bucky says flatly. “You have zero impulse control, you’ve made lying to yourself second nature, and you’re too damn stubborn to let any of us actually help you. I’m sorry that Cameron ended things with you. He asked way too much of you and it would never have worked. But for much of your relationship, you treated him like shit, and you dragged me into it. Oh, and you threw up on my favorite jacket. So yes, I am incredibly angry with you.”

“Harsh,” Penelope breathes.

“You told me to lay it on you,” Bucky says, trailing his eyes down to meet hers. His face softens slightly as he takes her in.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.” She watches his reaction closely, but he’s good at guarding himself. There’s no way of knowing if this is what he wants to hear or if it isn’t.

“Probably not,” he sighs. “No,” he adds, shaking his head.

“And I’m sorry for dragging you into my mess with Cameron,” she tells him. “I didn’t realize I was doing it.”

“I know,” he nods.

“You’re stubborn too, you know,” Penelope says offhand.

“This isn’t about me,” Bucky smirks. “I didn’t get drunk, throw up on your jacket, and throw myself at you.” He's more than just a little hurt by the last bit, she can tell. Of course he is, how could he not be? They both know what her intentions were. How could she be so stupid? 

“I’ll get you a new one,” Penelope laughs. He laughs too and it makes Penelope’s heart soar. Penelope is quiet for a moment, lingering inside the sound of his laughter. Then, she asks, “Are we going to be okay Bucky?”

When he doesn’t respond right away, Penelope’s heart sinks. They’ve been through so much; this can’t be the thing that breaks them. But she knew…she’s always known how Bucky feels about her, and she took advantage of that. She was drunk, sad, lonely, and all she wanted was a hookup. In her inebriated state of mind, Bucky was an easy target. It kills her that she did that to him. 

“Yeah Pen,” he sighs. “Eventually yes.” He reaches out and tugs gently on a few strands of hair, like he always does. It’s a small comfort to her. “I just have one request Pen,” he says.

“Anything, yeah what is it?” Penelope eagerly replies.

“The next time you kiss me, please just mean it.”

It takes Penelope a moment to recover from this request. Bucky doesn’t elaborate, he doesn’t even wait for her to say anything. He gets up and walks towards the door they entered from. Penelope doesn’t move. In fact, she plans to stay up there all night. A loud rumbling noise causes Bucky to pause and Penelope to look up in search of its source. The Quinjet lands on the roof of the compound. Bucky’s eyes meet Penelope’s. He’s at her side in an instant, taking her hand in his and pulling her up.

Steve is already inside by the time they reach the entryway. He hasn’t changed out of his costume fully, only his top has been removed. His undershirt is torn across his abdomen and he’s lightly bleeding from a large gash. There’s dried sweat, blood, and dirt caked across his face. Bucky reaches him first, pulling him into a big hug.

“Steve, what the hell happened?” Bucky asks breathlessly. Penelope sees now just how much Bucky has actually been suffering in the absence of his best friend. He’s been hiding it, from Penelope, from everyone.

“Tony is missing,” Steve says, lifting his eyes to Penelope’s. “Lo, I’m so sorry.”

Penelope doesn’t have time to be shocked or scared. As soon as the words leave Steve’s mouth, he collapses directly into Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know...it was a long one, but these two had a lot to say :) This is a slow burn, so it will take some time, but I promise we'll get there. Thank you all for reading and leaving me the most amazing comments! I appreciate you all so much!


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